


A Place Called Home

by thesassywallflower



Series: A Place Called Home [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Accidental Voyeurism, Bakery AU, Canon Divergence, F/M, High School AU, Marriage of Convenience, Mental Health Issues, Original Character(s), POV Alternating, Sexual Content, Slow Burn, So many tropes, bed sharing, but only in the beginning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-12
Updated: 2018-05-12
Packaged: 2018-09-17 03:25:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 34
Words: 120,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9302087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesassywallflower/pseuds/thesassywallflower
Summary: Castiel learns in order for the Earth to be saved once and for all, Dean the righteous man, needs to find the righteous woman. This discovery leads Dean back to Albany, Colorado, a place where he and Sam spent part of their childhood, and to the doorstep of the woman who was once his best friend.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there! *waves* This is only my second fic, so please be gentle with me. I know it has some unpopular tropes/pairings, but the plot bunny for this hit me so hard, and would not let go. And we all know once that bunny has it's teeth in you there's nothing to do, but write it. Enjoy!

_Albany, Colorado 1989_

John Winchester pulled up to the slate colored Craftsman style cottage, shifted the Impala into Park, and shut off the engine. He glanced in the rearview mirror at the two boys in the backseat. Sam was sprawled across his seat, neck cranked at an awkward angle, sound asleep. Dean was on full alert, eyes darting back and forth trying to absorb his new surroundings as quickly as possible. "Where are we, Dad? Is this another job? This doesn't look like a hotel." 

John turned around in his seat to look at his son, "No bud, this isn't a hotel, but this is where we're gonna stay for a while. I think we need to take a break from the road." 

"Are you serious, Dad? We get to stay here? At this house? Do I- do I get my own room?" Dean's voice quivered with barely controlled eagerness.

"Yeah buddy, you and Sammy both get your own room. Now, wake up your brother, and go check out the back yard while I open up the house." 

"Yes, sir! Sammy! Sammy, wake up! Look where we get to stay! It's a house! An actual house! And we each get our room! I don't have to put up with your annoying Thomas the Tank Engine crap getting mixed up with my army guys anymore!! Wooohooo!! And look we get a real backyard!" Dean crowed, dragging his half asleep little brother out of the car and around to the backyard of the house.

John shook his head. He was going to have to teach that boy how to live around other people now that they were going civilian for awhile. A couple months ago, right after the night that Shtriga had attacked Sam, he realized that it might be time to take a break from things. Give the boys a chance to be normal for a bit. He knew it wouldn't be forever because the Road would call him out again, but he had take a break for the boys. They needed it.

He had gotten a hold of Bobby, and asked him if he could find a somewhere for them to stay. Bobby being Bobby had, of course, come through. He located them a place in Northern Colorado, right smack in the middle of Rockies. The place was owned by a hunter named Bruce who, as unlikely as it was for a hunter to plan for the future, had gotten the place as an investment property. Bruce had bought it thinking he would fix it up, and sell it for a profit, but the Life being the Life never allowed him a chance to do that. So in exchange for John doing some maintenance and upkeep, he agreed to let them stay for awhile. 

John looked over at the stately old Victorian next door. The house was immaculate with its bay windows and period perfect sage green paint job with cinnamon red trim, and white filigree. The yard looked like a yuppie's wet dream with its lush emerald carpet. Lavender, hydrangeas, and rose bushes gently nodded their heads along the picket fence, while rhododendron bushes embraced the rambling porch. Elm and maple trees dotted the yard and provided shade. The back yard looked like it had a couple fruit trees, and was that...a friggin' vegetable garden?!

_Shit._

He ran his hand over his three day old beard. These were going to be the kind of neighbors who would want to make small talk over their shared fence, while they silently judged him for not mowing his lawn in a precise cross hatch pattern. Good god... He had a lawn. He wasn't sure he even remembered how to turn on a lawn mower much less how to mow a lawn. Was there even a lawn mower on the property?

John walked up the front steps, unlocked the door, and stepped inside the house, taking a second to let his eyes adjust to dim light. A half smile crept across his face. Bags of rock salt were piled in the entry way, and peeking out from the edge of the threadbare entry rug a faded outline of a circle could be seen. He nudged the rug aside with the toe of his boot. Was that- Ha! It was! A devil's trap right in their entry way. Definitely an old hunter's house.

He went back out to the Impala to start unloading their stuff, when he saw a car pull into their neighbor's drive, and up to the garage. _Oh, you have got to be kidding me, a Volvo._ He had to live next to someone who drove a damn _Volvo_? This was going to be even worse than he thought.

_SHIT._


	2. Chapter 2

_When I was a child, I heard voices_  
Some would sing and some would scream  
You soon find you have few choices  
I learned the voices died with me... 

_"Arsonist's Lullaby" by Hozier_

_Albany, Colorado 1997_

Dean strode towards the Impala, textbooks in one hand and the other pulling car keys out of his coat pocket along with a... pen? _How did that get there- oh yeah, Kat..._ It had dropped out of her backpack after Biology as she was furiously stuffing her books into it so she could race out the door to make it to the locker room to change for gym before anyone else. 

Kat hated changing in front of the other girls especially Elicia Moore and her gang of A&E model wannabe's. The Mod Squad weren't exactly kind to anyone who didn't meet their Barbie doll standards, and catching someone with their pants literally down usually led to verbal insults at the least and outright physical bullying at the worst.

And Kat with her round pixie face, plump figure, quirky taste in fashion, and gentle nature made for an easy target. Because of the fact that everyone in the damn school knew that no one messed with Dean Winchester's friends, especially the girl who was his next door neighbor and best friend, Elicia seemed to keep her insults to the verbal kind, but Dean had a sneaking suspicion that she had done more than just make fun of Kat. 

No matter how many times he asked her though, she would never tell him how bad the bullying was. He had pressed her again the other day, but like usual, she tried to brush it off.

_"Kat, just tell me. If she's hurt you, I'll take care of it."_

_"Dean, please, no. I can handle it! It's just stupid crap. Nothing I can't ignore. Elicia, the Mod Squad, Josh, they're-”_

_"Josh?!" Josh Reynolds was the star jock at Albany High, and all around jerk. He was also Elicia's boyfriend. Together the two of them seemed to be on a never ending mission to make the unpopular kids lives a living hell. The only reason they got away with all their shit was because Josh had happened to lead their basketball team to two state championships, and Elicia was the cheer captain. They were so frickin' stereotypical it made him sick. "Did that dick bag do anything to you? I swear to God if that asshole laid one finger on you-"_

_"Dean. Stop. We only have like two weeks left. I can't let them get under my skin. If I do, they win, and I couldn't bear it if they did. Anyways, in the real world their stupid standards don't mean a thing."_

He had picked up the pen thinking he would give back to Kat after school. They always met at his car to at the end of the school day before going their separate ways. She would walk to her job at the coffee shop, and he would wait around for Sammy get out of Speech and Debate practice, and then head out to do a quick patrol of the town. 

Not that Kat knew about the patrolling part. She still thought Sammy went to some vague after school activity and he went to work for a few hours sweeping the floors at their local lumber mill.

She had no idea about his other life. His real job. Their family's business. It would scare the hell out her if she found out that he spent his afternoons and weekends hunting down demons, ghosts, and ancient spirits with his Dad and little brother. Even worse it might make her afraid of him, and he couldn't handle the thought of his best friend being frightened of him...even if there was a chance that she should be. After all if evil was scared of you, wasn't there a chance that you were an even worse kind of evil?

The urge to protect Kat had been with him for what felt like forever. Ever since that moment seven years ago when she had walked across her yard, strolled up to Impala as Dad, Sammy and he were unpacking it, and asked if they wanted to come over to her house for a piece of pie, he knew that he would do whatever it took to protect this girl.

She didn't know that the real reason that he always insisted on meeting up after school. She just thought he was being the protective "big brother" he always was, and that was that. Yeah, he wanted to make sure she was okay, but really it was so much more selfish than that. The real reason was he needed to see her.

Needed the reassurance before he looked into the face of pure evil day after day, that there really was goodness still in the world. 

Needed the scent of her Juniper Berry lotion that always lingered on his coat after their quick goodbye hugs to drive out the stench of sulfur.

Needed to feel something soft and warm against his chest, when most days he felt so hard and cold inside.

Needed to be reminded why he kept fighting the never ending battle against evil...

Thoughts swirling, he forgot the pen in his hand until he started squeezing it so hard the cap began to dig into his hand. The pinprick of pain and a sharp burst of laughter tore Dean back to reality, and he glanced down at Kat's pen. 

"Where was she? She should be here by now," he mused. 

He wasn't worried about Sam since he and his debate team were all going to a school sponsored dinner tonight. Besides they had a prearranged agreement that if Dean wasn't waiting for him in the parking by the time he was done with practice at 3:45, he was to walk straight home, bolt the door and keep a lookout at the living room window with his shotgun. Dad's orders.

A quick look at his watch confirmed it. _3:50? What the hell?_

Another cackle of laughter jerked his head up. Elicia and the Mod's were standing in a circle on the sidewalk next to parking lot. They kept glancing at him, then looking away. One of them whispered something, and they all started giggling again. This went on for a minute before Elicia finally called out. "Hey Dean, did your dumpy little girlfriend finally stand you up? Wonder where she is? Maybe she's found a new boy toy?"

He spit back, "Hey Elicia, if I didn't know better I'd think you were jealous. Josh still not satisfying you? After all, rumor is he has to make up for what he lacks downstairs on the basketball court."

Elicia's tanned nostrils flared with rage and her butterfly hairclips almost flew off her head with the force of her hair flip. "Whatever, Dean! You just better watch out. After all people who think too highly of themselves have a way being brought down. After all, payback's a bitch!" with that she stormed off, her gaggle of airheads and a cloud of CK1 trailing behind.

He squinted at her retreating back. _Huh. That was...interesting._

After Elicia and Josh had broken up for the first time during their junior year, she had thrown herself at him at a kegger in an attempt to get back at Josh. Under normal circumstances, he might of taken a girl up on that kind of offer, but Elicia wasn't normal. She may have been smokin' hot with her olive skin, spiral curled strawberry blonde hair, and long legs, but inside she was more like an ugly ass banshee. So he had instantly brushed her off with a "Honey, I do fast and easy. I don't do desperate and clingy. Now, get the hell off me."

She, in turn, started screeching at him. "Dean Winchester, where do you get off turning me down. Me! Is this about your little friend? You're calling me ugly, and you hang around that fat wannabe Doris Day? Screw you! I swear you'll regret this!!!"

At the time he had thought Elicia's way of revenge was her constant verbal abuse she threw at Kat since she knew if she tried that crap with him it wouldn't get her anywhere. He would just dish it right back, which was why he was constantly begging Kat to let him put Elicia in her place.

Now...now he wasn't so sure... 

She wouldn't actually try to hurt Kat to finally get back at him, would she? After all this time? They were almost done with high school, for God's sake! They would never have to see each other again! She- she wouldn't, right?

A chill crawled down his spine. Who was he kidding? Elicia Carr was the type of girl who never let go of a grudge. She would wait for however long it took to find the perfect moment to exact her revenge, and she knew exactly where to hit him, his family, and since she didn't know Dad and refused to acknowledge Sam since he was a lowly freshman, she would go for... _no._

He bolted for the gym, one word torn from his throat, "KAT!!!"


	3. Chapter 3

_"Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you  
When you think everything's okay and everything's going right."_

_Ironic by Alanis Morissette_

Kat threw her books into her plaid backpack, not noticing the pen that clattered to the ground.

 _Hurry, hurry! It'll take the Mod's at least ten minutes to get to the gym from the art annex. I can make it to locker room and change before they get there._

She practically flew out of the class room, seeing nothing but trying to weave a path through the throngs of her peers ambling down the main hall like a herd of cattle. 

_Hurry, hurry!_

It felt like she had been repeating this mantra to herself before every gym class for forever, but in reality it had only been the past year and a half. That was right around the time that Elicia Carr switched from making the occasional sneer about her "pathetic excuse for fashion" and "cankles" to a full on rage whenever she happened to cross her path. For some reason it seemed like the simple fact that Elicia had to share the same oxygen as Kat was enough of an excuse to attack everything about her. 

Kat had a sneaking suspicion that it might have something to do with Dean. Everyone in the whole school knew that Elicia had this freaky love/hate thing for him. It was like she wanted to scratch his eyes out and jump his bones all at the same time. So _weird_.

Pretty much the entire female student body (herself included as much as she tried and failed not to), plus more than likely a few of the guys looked at Dean Winchester with longing in their eyes. Good lord, it was impossible not too with those green eyes, quick grin, and lone wolf attitude...But combine those longing looks with murder? That was uniquely Elicia. It was like if Elicia couldn't have him no one could. Not even someone who he thought of only as a friend. 

_Okay stop it, you don't have time to moon over Dean. Yes, you've been in love with him since the fifth grade, but right now you have to get to the gym! They'll be there soon! Hurry, hurry!_

Kat made it to the locker room before the majority of her class, and was able to change into their god awful gym uniforms with at least a shred of dignity. Seriously. Who in their right mind thought that putting sweaty adolescents in polyester was a smart idea? Couldn't they have at least gone with a cotton blend? Add to the fact that polyester would never look flattering on even the most amazing body, much less her generous hips and thighs, and you had a recipe for disaster. 

Most of the time Coach Kapps was pretty of lax on the senior girls and didn't require them to do most of the PE activities. Which was a godsend because then Kat didn't have the added humiliation of showering with thirty other girls. Today though, the first thing she heard walking through the gym doors was Coach insisting that they do the full Presidential Fitness Test. _What the ever loving heck._ It didn't matter to Coach that even though they had already done it in the fall and weren't required to ever do it again. Coach claimed it had something to do with needing to fulfill their "final Physical Education experience". 

_Right. Seriously, didn't she understand that not a single college cared about how fast you could run a lap around the gym, or how many sit ups you could do in a minute?!_

She had tried to politely explain that to Coach, but all it had gotten her was a "Suck it up, Fisher! I've had a hundred other girls try to use that lame excuse, and it hasn't worked once. Now get moving!!" barked in her face. And now, because she couldn't do any physical activity without sweating out at least a _gallon_ of sweat, Kat would have to face the torture chamber known as the communal showers. _Great...just great._ After being the last one (as always) to complete the test, Kat tried to stall getting into the showers by helping Coach put away the mats and equipment they used during class, but ultimately she couldn't delay the inevitable. Plus, she didn't want to keep Dean waiting too long. 

Most afternoons after school she worked at the coffee shop, and because he had christened himself her honorary "big brother", Dean always wanted to see her before she walked to work, and he drove to the lumber mill. Usually he would just tell her to be careful and then give a her a high five, or a gentle slug on the arm, but sometimes, oh sometimes, he would give her a hug. "Hug goodbyes" were her favorite because for five lovely seconds she got the experience what she could only dream about most of the time, being held by Dean Winchester.

The worn softness of his leather jacket... 

The scent of pine, green apples, and fresh air combined with the faintest whiff of smoke clung that clung to his skin...

The intoxicating sensation of being pulled into his arms... 

The press of his chest against hers...

The way one hand would settle between her shoulder blades and the other would rest on the small of her back...

Bliss absolute bliss...

Every once and awhile, he would rest his cheek on top of her head for the briefest of seconds, squeeze her a little harder, and his arms would linger around her a moment longer than usual. She never knew what prompted these slightly different hugs, but whenever he let her go from one of these, there would be a look of intense pain and sadness in his eyes. The longing to wrap him back in her arms and give him a soft kiss would sweep over her, but she could never act on it. It would just end up embarrassing them both.

Kat shook her head. _Geez, get it together already! Shower and GET GOING!_

She walked into the locker room, peered into the showers, and mercifully, they were empty. There were a few girls lingering by the sinks, touching up their makeup before they left, but that was it. She grabbed her clothes, toiletries, and towel, and set them on the bench that ran along the bank of shower stalls. As quickly as she could, she scrubbed her body, and washed her hair. For a second while she was lathering the shampoo into her hair, she thought she heard someone in the stall next her, but when she stopped to listen she didn't hear anything more. 

_Good lord, I'm getting paranoid._

Finally turning off the water after spending what felt like an eternity rinsing the shampoo out of her hair (whoever said thick hair was a blessing obviously had never needed to quickly wash their hair). As she was wiping the water out of her eyes, she blindly felt around the curtain for her towel on the bench, only to find nothing?

_Crap, did it fall on the ground?_ She wrapped the curtain around her body, and peered out. A bolt of fear jolted her insides. There was nothing on the bench. No towel. No clothes. _Where were they? Would someone really have taken them?_

She took a shuddering breath. She kept an extra set of clothes in her locker for "That Time of Month" emergencies, but that meant she would have to leave the showers stark naked. It was looked like one of her worst nightmares was about to come true. She was going to have to walk around naked in public

_Hurry, hurry!_

The girls that were primping at sinks before she had gotten into the shower should be done by now so there may, just may, be a chance that she could get out of this mess without anyone seeing her. _Please, lord, please._ She took a couple deep breaths, and just as she was about to step out of the stall, she heard _it_. Elicia's unmistakable giggle. A chill slithered down her spine as it echoed through the locker room.

_NO. No, no, no, no, NO!! God please, no. Anyone but her. I'll be crucified if she sees me._ Tears began to sting her eyes, and she started dragging in ragged gulps of air. 

"Kitty Kat, what happened? Oh dear, no clothes, no towel, and would you look at _that_ , Coach is already gone for the day so no one is around to save you! Hmmm...what a shame! I wonder what you'll do? After all, we can't have you running around the school naked. You would totally give any boy still around who hasn't seen a _real_ woman naked nightmares with all that fat flapping in the breeze! Well...good luck! Tell Dean hi for me... if you don't scare him off too! Oh, and by the way, I found your little stash of clothes in your locker so don't even try looking there. Bye bye!!" she trilled. 

Kat slowly sank down to tile floor and curled up in a ball as tightly as possible, her body shivering from the cold, wet floor and the sobs wracking her body. One thought echoed through her head.

_Hurry, hurry._

_Hurry, hurry._


	4. Chapter 4

  
_"Yes, I said it's fine before_  
_I don't think so no more._  
_I said it's fine before_  
_I've changed my mind_  
_I take it back."_

_Erase/Rewind_ by The Cardigans 

Dean burst through the gym doors, coat flying behind him and Kat's name still lingering on his lips. The gym was deserted, not a single student or teacher around. _Where could she be??_ His eyes frantically darted up and down the bleachers and the pep band loft. No sign of her. Just as he opened his mouth to call for her again, he heard what sounded like a whimper. Instantly his hunter's senses kicked in. He'd never seen any evidence of supernatural activity on the high school grounds before, but that didn't mean crap. Lord knows ghosts didn't keep to any particular schedule. _There!_ He heard it again. It sounded like it came from the girls locker room.

He crept through the doors of the locker room. Half of him wanted to scream for Kat again, but the other half knew if there was an evil son of a bitch in there, he didn't want to stir up the bees nest before he got to her. He stopped. Let all his senses take in the silence, his body tense and ears straining to hear the faintest sound. He scanned the locker room, and his eyes landed on the garbage can at the end of the row of lockers. Something hung over the edge that looked like a...bra?

Silently he stepped over to garbage, and picked up the bra. It was plain white, not a stitch of lace or a flirty polka dot on it. It was the kind of sensible bra that screamed "middle aged woman" not teenage girl. _What the hell was a bra doing in the garbage?_ He leaned over the can, and saw a pair of grey cotton panties. Curious he reached in the can to grab them, when he heard the whimper again. This time, though, it sounded more like a muffled sob, and it was coming from directly behind him. Forgetting the underwear, he spun around and faced the doorway to the showers. There it was again. Dean edged to the doorway when he the whimper again and this time it was followed by a sniffle. That sounded way too human to be any spirit. 

"Kat? You in here?"

Silence.

"Kat? It's okay. It's just me. Are you in here?" His whole body strained to hear just a hint of her voice. _Please be here, Kat. Please be okay..._

"Dean?" a tiny whisper came from one of the stalls.

"KAT!" feet slipping across the wet tiles, he ran towards stall. 

He wrenched open the shower curtain, just as Kat shrieked, "NO! DON'T!"

He took in the scene before him, and went completely still. Kat was sitting on the wet floor, knees pulled tight to her chest. Her arms were wrapped around her knees, and her head was buried in her arms, long wet strands of dirty blonde hair trailing across her arms and brushing the floor under her. 

"Please, just go away, Dean. Don't - don't look at me-" she pleaded before trailing off in another muffle sob, the defeated note in her voice so different from her usual sunny tone.

Then it finally hit him, she was naked. _Why was she still in the shower? She was crying and still in the shower?_ A single thought ricocheted through his head, and he began to shake. _Oh god. No. NO. Had someone had hurt her?_ The idea that someone could have hurt this sweet, innocent girl made him want to puke his guts out. 

"Kat? Look at me. Why are you still in here? Kat...did--did someone hurt you? Please just tell me. What ever it is, I'll take care of it...I'll take care of you. Sweetheart...please..." his voice trailed off as a slow steady stream of rage began to thrum through his veins. If someone had even touched her, he knew one thing for certain. He would kill whoever had done it. 

At the sound of the word "sweetheart" coming from Dean's lips, Kat started and raised her head a bit from her knees, but still refused to look at him, "What? No, um, someone just--just took my clothes, a-a-and I don't know where they are, and I-I-I...", with a stuttering gasp she buried her head back in her arms.

The underwear in garbage... Elicia's taunts outside the gym... _That. BITCH._

The slow thrum of rage building within Dean burst into an inferno, "Stay here, I'll be right back." 

Kat gave a soft sob of humorless laughter, "Where am I going to go? I'm naked."

"Sorry, right. Umm...just- just- I'll be right back." He turned around and strode out of the showers. Before reaching the garbage, he took a hard left and scoured the rest of the locker room. Crumpled under a bench was a pair of jeans, the sunflower patches on the back pockets identifying them as Kat's. He searched the rest of the room, but couldn't find any sign of her sweater or shoes. He walked to the garbage can, reached in, and gingerly pulled out the simple set of lingerie. He felt almost dirty touching something that was so intimately Kat's, but at same time he couldn't resist the pull to give them a couple tentative strokes with his thumb. They were so soft and pure...just like his Kat. 

_Kat._ He shook his head, clearing his thoughts, and focused back on the task at hand. Take care of Kat. Get her dressed, get her home safe, and then take care of that selfish, evil bitch. He didn't dare let his mind dwell on impossible things. Things he could never allow happen. Things he could never offer her. He walked back to the showers, and knelt by Kat's side. She flinched slightly and tried pulling her legs even tighter to her chest, her knuckles turning white from the death grip she had on them.

"Hey, hey it's just me. I found your jeans, and your uh- underwear. I couldn't find your sweater or shoes...you can wear my flannel though." He extended the pile of clothes to her. 

She tilted her head up, and hesitantly peeked at him through strands of wet hair. She started to extend her hand out to him only to jerk it back when she realized that the tops of her breasts would be exposed. "Just leave the clothes on the floor. I'll be okay. You can leave. Really, it's okay."

"Sweetheart, there's no way in hell, I'm going anywhere." 

She gave a frustrated huff that sounded bit more like her usual self, "Fine. Um...well, could you at least turn around, please?"

"Sure thing," Dean got up, stripped off his flannel and set it on the pile of clothes he placed on the floor next to her. He turned around and stared at the wall in front of him. Out of the corner of his eye, a glimmer caught his attention. Turning his head slightly, he saw a full length mirror, and reflected back at him was Kat. She slowly unclasped the strangle hold on her knees, and began to unfold herself. Dean tore his gaze away and stared at the floor before he saw anything more. 

Before long, though, the pull to look back at the mirror began to eat at him. _What the hell is wrong with me? Am I really so freaking sick and perverted that I can't stop myself from staring at my naked best friend? She's just been through hell for the love of god!_

The seconds ticked by with agonizing slowness, until he heard the whisper of material being pulled along naked skin. Before he could stop himself, he glanced back into the mirror. The sight that greeted him stole his breath away, and seared itself into his memory. He knew without a shadow of a doubt that he would never forget the scene in front of him. It was a scene that he wouldn't realize until a decade and half later that would be instrumental in keeping his sanity through the darkest of hells.

There in front of Dean was the most stunning sight he had ever seen. Kat had already pulled on her panties and was in the middle of putting on her bra. His eyes traced her fingers at she pulled the straps up on her shoulders. Then followed the breathtaking motion as she gently arched her back and pushed her breasts forward as she fastened the hooks in the back. She paused for a few seconds, and stood there, head tipped forward, tendrils of dark blonde hair tracing across her breasts and brushing her belly button.

Dean's mouth dried up and his entire body responded as he took in the curves of her breasts encased in that simple white bra, her gently rounded belly, and lush, full hips. His hands clenched into fists, and he began to physically ache with the need to just touch her for just one moment. Just one brief moment...her skin would be so silky under the tips of his calloused fingers as he trailed them up her arm... 

_Sick, sick, SICK! You're so damn sick! Your best friend was assaulted, and you're standing here staring at her like some kind of perverted jack off, getting a boner at the sight of a pair of bra and panties! Cut this shit out NOW._

He forced himself to look back at the tiled wall in front of him. Finally, he heard the rasp of her jean's zipper, and almost gasped with relief. _Okay, just the shirt, and then she dressed. You can do this._

Seconds crept along until once again he couldn't resist the mirror's pull. She had his flannel on, but her fingers were shaking so bad she couldn't do up the last couple buttons. Before he could stop himself, he had turned around and took the two steps to stand in front of her.

"Hey- hey, here let me." Dean gently brushed Kat's fingers aside, finished up the final two buttons, and tried not to feel disappointed that he had managed to do it without touching any skin.

"Thanks," Kat still couldn't meet his eyes.

He tipped her chin up, "Are you sure you're okay?"

Her eyes finally met his, and what he saw there made his heart clench. Tears and shame mingled in their blue grey depths. "No, but I will be," she whispered, "I-I just need to go home."

Dean dragged his fingers through his hair, hating the feeling of helplessness washing over him. Monsters and ghosts he could handle, but this...this he had no idea how to fix. Every instinct in his being urged him to find Elicia and make her pay, but he also wanted to stay with her and make sure she was safe, "All right then, I'll take you home."

"I can walk home. I'll be fine."

"Kat, you don't have any shoes. There's no way in hell I'm letting you walk almost a mile in your bare feet. Your folks would kill me for one, and two, I could never live with myself if I let you walk home with bare feet when you've just been put through hell.

Kat looked down at her bare feet, "Oh yeah, ummm...okay, but only if you're sure.

_Why was she being so weird about letting me drive her home?_

"Of course, I'm sure. Why wouldn't I be?"

"I just...it's just...well..." Kat's voice trailed off as she straighten her spine and squared her shoulders. "Um, okay let's do this." 

With that she walked out of the showers, and headed for the gym.


	5. Chapter 5

  
_Let's walk down the road that has no end_  
_Steal away where only angels tread_  
_Heaven or hell or somewhere in between_  
_Cross your heart to take me when you leave_  
_Don't go_  
_Please don't go_  
_Don't go without me_

_C'est La Mort_ by The Civil Wars

 

Kat had never ridden in the Impala. 

She'd stared down at it from her bedroom window almost every day since fifth grade. She'd helped wash it. She'd chatted with Dean under the open hood as he replaced spark plugs and checked the oil. She'd cleaned snow and frost off of it. She'd even vacuumed it's upholstery, but never once had she ridden in it. 

She'd longed to ever since Dean got his license, and Mr. Winchester gave him the Impala for his sixteenth birthday. She knew if she could've just gathered the courage to ask him, Dean would've given her a ride in a second, but she could never ask the stupid question. She had tried so many times, but failed every time. It was such a simple thing to ask, "Can you give me a ride?" Six freaking words, but she was too cowardly to say them. Why? She always told herself it was because she was too scared to ask, but if she was actually honest with herself, it was because she didn't feel worthy enough...pretty enough. Because the only other people who ever got to ride in it, besides Sam, were girls, and not just any girls, hot girls. And Kat would always be more of a "I Bet You Bake A Mean Pan of Brownies" or "Can I Borrow Your Government Homework" kind of girl then a hot girl.

Time after time she would start walking towards the coffee shop after saying goodbye to Dean, only to glance behind her to see some girl, giggling, tossing her hair, and tanned midriff flashing, jump into the passenger seat of Baby. Dean would give the girl his patented "panty melting" grin and then peal out of the parking lot, AC/DC blaring. As they passed her on the sidewalk, Dean would wave and smile, but the girl would only spare a pitying glance for the frumpy, fat girl left standing on the sidewalk. It wasn't like Dean hadn't offered her a ride multiple times, but every time she couldn't help but compare herself with those other girls and what people would say to Dean about her riding in the Impala. Then chickening out, she would brush off the offer with an excuse about needing the exercise or some other lame response.

At last, today was finally her day to be that girl, but it was so far from the dream scenario she had played over in her head multiple times before falling asleep that it was almost laughable. In her fantasy, she was wearing _the_ perfect vintage 1950's prom dress (just like the one Iona wore in Pretty In Pink), with her hair in a sleek French twist, and Dean was dressed like a 1940's gangster. He would open the passenger door for her, hold her hand as she stepped into the car, and kiss it after she settled in her seat. Then they would drive off together to a jazz club in Boulder to dance the night away. But instead of that candy colored dream, the reality was she looked like she'd just climbed out of a dumpster. Even better, her hair looked like she had tried combing it with a fork, and (bonus!) barefoot to boot. 

To top it all off, Dean, the _one_ guy who's opinion actually mattered to her, had just seen her _naked_. He was never supposed to see her naked, and if he ever did by some miracle, it was supposed to be after she'd lost 80 pounds. How would she ever get over this humiliation? Would--would he even want to look at her again, or would he be so disgusted by what he'd just saw that he would avoid her at all costs? She wouldn't blame him if he did. She knew what she looked like. After all, she faced her reflection every day in the mirror. Cellulite, stomach rolls, and mediocre boobs, just what every high school guy fantasized about... _sigh_...Yasmine Bleeth, she wasn't.

Kat was so absorbed in her own miserable thoughts as she marched through the gym and out onto the sidewalk, that she didn't even notice Dean almost jogging to keep up with her until he grabbed her arm to force to her stop and look at him. 

"Hey, slow down! No shoes, remember? You could step on some broken glass or something! Why don't you hop on my back, and I'll carry you piggy back to my car," he offered.

She stopped dead in her tracks, and stared at him aghast, _"What?! NO!"_

Not only was she almost naked in front of her entire class, (and was legitimately naked in front of the hottest guy in school), but now Dean wanted to _carry_ her?! _Could this day get any freaking worse?! Talk about almost having two of your worse nightmares come true in one day!_ The thought alone of him finding out how heavy she really was made her break out in a cold sweat. He could never, _ever_ find that out. Seriously, she would probably break his back. 

"Whoa, whoa, okay. We won't do that, but at least slow it down. Let's take it nice and slow."

Kat took a deep breath, realizing that she probably looked and sounded like lunatic right about now, "Right. Sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you. In fact..." she took a deep breath, "Thank you. Thank you for rescuing me. I-I-I don't know what I would've done with you."

Dean gave her a half smile, "Course, what are friends for? Now, can we please take it nice and easy to the car?"

She returned his half smile, and ducked her head, "Course."

***

They spent the short drive to their neighborhood in silence, each struggling with what to say to the other, and the reality of what happened sinking in and thickening the stillness. Kat felt so nervous the entire ride that she couldn't even savor the fact that she was finally riding in the car alone with Dean. Before she knew it, Dean was already turning the corner to their street and easing the car into her driveway. He turned off the engine. They both sat silent, staring straight ahead until finally Kat couldn't stand the silence any longer.

"Sorry, you had to see me like...that. I-I-I know it wasn't a pretty sight."

The quiet in the car stretched, and she began to fidget with the cuffs of Dean's shirt, "I bet you never expected to see me when you burst into the showers. Instead of a bunch of naked cheerleaders, you got an ugly beached beluga whale," She laughed nervously at her own joke, anything to cut the stifling silence in the car, "Dean, really, I'm-"

A strangled groan cut her off, "Argh! Kat, stop. Just _stop_. It wasn't...you aren't..." 

She jumped in her seat at his growl, and opened her mouth to make another excuse, but he cut her off again.

"Stop talking about yourself like that. You're not ugly, and you sure as hell ain't a whale. You're--you're beautiful," he shoved his fingers through his hair, before turning in his seat to look at her.

Kat sat there, eyes wide and mouth gaping like one of the koi fish in the tank in her dad's den, "I-I-umm-I...thank you?" she sputtered before dropping her eyes to her hands. 

That was not what she had expected him to say at all, and before she could stop it, a tiny ember of hope began to glow in her heart. _Did he just say I'm beautiful? Me?_ But just quickly as that glimmer of hope sparked, her old friend self doubt crept back in. _Did he really mean that? Really? He didn't, right? Maybe he's just being nice? Just being my hero once again?_

She glanced up at him and his gaze caught hers. He kept running one hand through his hair, while the other sat next to him in a clenched fist, the veins and tendons standing in relief under his skin. His jaw was flexing as if trying to keep anything else from coming out of his mouth, all the while his eyes searching hers as if he longed to say more. She quickly dropped her gaze again. _What do I say?? Should I say something else? What do you even do when a guy calls you beautiful?_

Finally he sighed and opened the car door. Kat sat there frozen with shock. She didn't even notice that he had come to her door until it opened. Dean crouched next to her and gently reached for her hand, the warmth from his firm palm seeping into her ice cold one. 

"C'mom, let's get you inside," he said, his deep voice hoarse with some unnamed emotion. He helped her out of the car, and walked her to the foot of her porch steps, still holding her hand. She could barely breathe...Dean Winchester was holding her hand. Her hand...he was holding _her_ hand... 

He turned to face her. He lifted one hand, hesitated, then brushed a few tangled curls from her cheek, letting his fingers graze it as he did, effectively turning her into a molten bile of goo, "Can you get inside okay? I need to leave for a bit. I have some...stuff to take care of, but we'll talk later."

"What stuff?" she asked, suddenly suspicious.

"Just stuff."

She grasped the lapel of his coat with her free hand, "Dean, please don't go after Elicia! It will only make it worse! Please. Don't." 

"Kat, I can't just let her get away with this shit! She's gone too far this time! I've let you have your way for a year and a half, but enough is enough, dammit! This is way more than some schoolgirl bullying!! This is assault! I can't let her keep doing this to you! You! Of all people! You-" his voice broke off, and he stared above her head, his jaw clenched with barely restrained frustration.

Please," she repeated, "Remember what I said the other day? I can't let her get to me. I can't let her break me!"

Dean dropped her hand and stalked over to the nearest tree, muttering under his breath as he went. He reached up, snapped off a branch, and began beating the tree with it. Normally, she would have laughed and teased him about acting like a caveman, but not today, not after all that had happened. 

With a final _"ARGH!!"_ , he threw the branch over the fence with all his might, the branch narrowly missing the rear window of the Impala as tumbled in the air to the ground. He walked back to stand in front of her, and with an exasperated sigh, he hauled her into his arms. 

_What...Oh. Oh. Oooohh..._

Dean nestled her into his chest and pressed his cheek on the top of her head. He held her so close that Kat could feel his heartbeat in her chest. They stayed entwined in each other's arms until he brushed his lips on the top of her head and pulled away slightly. Locking his eyes with hers, his hands drifted from her back to tenderly cradle her jaw, his thumbs brushing her cheekbones. Her body quivered in response. His eyes darkened, almost as if in pain, then he leaned down to press his lips to her forehead. Her eyes fluttered close. His lips were so soft...almost like dandelion down. Then he stepped away from her, the sudden loss of his warmth making her shiver.

He reached out, tugged at the end of one of her curls, and gave her a half hearted smile, "Okay. You win. Like always. I'm gonna take a drive, but I'll be back soon."

"Dean." she said with a warning note.

"Just a drive, I promise. I need to do something to cool off. We'll talk later. Promise."

"Okay..." Kat absently began playing with the flannel's cuffs again... _flannel_... "Wait, your shirt!" 

"Keep it, sweetheart. I'll get it from you tomorrow," he called over his shoulder as he walked out of her yard and hopped in the Impala. He looked back at her one last time, gave a her a wave, and then roared out of the drive. 

Kat stayed in the yard and pulled the neckline of the flannel over her nose. She watched the Impala's tail lights disappear around the corner, almost afraid to go inside. Because then she would have to leave the hushed sanctuary of her yard, and face the bright lights of her house and the reality of all that had happened today. In the yard, she could almost pretend that everything that had taken place before Dean told her that she was beautiful hadn't happened. Inside the house, she would have to face her parents and the inevitable questions that would follow. Minutes ticked by as Kat stood there, her face buried in Dean's shirt, inhaling the essence of him to give her courage. At last she finally climbed the porch steps and walked into the warmth of her house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I almost posted this chapter and next as one chapter but then it got away from me and became hellaciously long. So instead of one chapter you get two this weekend! Yay! Also a huge thank you to anyone out there reading this little fic of mine, and an even bigger thank you to the couple of people who even left kudos! You all rock!


	6. Chapter 6

  
_"I don't wanna be anyone, anymore. I don't want to fake._  
_I don't want to break. I don't wanna say anything, anymore._  
_Everytime you walk away, I wish you'd stay_  
_Instead of pushing further away."_  
_-Broken Wing_ by Thousand Foot Krutch

 

He drove mindlessly, trying... _willing_ his temper to cool down, his thoughts a raw mess of fury at Elicia and her Lemmings and a fragile tangle of new emotions for Kat. How he longed to jerk the car around, find that evil bitch, and humiliate her like she had Kat, but he'd promised Kat he wouldn't.

" _Damn it, Kat!_ Why did you make me promise?! Why, do you _always, always_ have to be the bigger person?!" Dean punched the car's headliner in frustration and slammed down the accelerator, forcing the car into a break neck speed down the winding mountain road. Untilthe anger flooding his veins and the image of Kat's naked, shivering body playing on an endless loop through his mind, forced him to pull over in a small scenic turnout. He sat there, chest heaving until a guttural scream of rage clawed it's way out of his throat. Then he leapt out of the car, unable to bear being cooped in it another second and began pacing circles around the pullout. What he wouldn't give for some kind of monster to fight right now. Anything he could take this anger out on.

_How could anyone do this to Kat?! My Kat! She's the kindest, sweetest person in the world. She bakes pies and cookies for the old folks at the nursing home! She makes handmade cards for you when it's your birthday! She's like mother freaking Pollyanna!! And this is what she gets in return?!_

The picture of what he had seen in the showers haunted him. Kat naked and shivering, but also so insanely gorgeous. He had had no clue what had been hiding under those baggy cardigans, band tees and corduroy pants. Until that moment in the shower, all he'd ever allowed himself to feel for her was brotherly affection, but now...now he couldn't help but long for more, but more is what he couldn't give her. In eighteen years he had already seen enough to know that a hunter's life was a solitary one out of necessity. No one should drag a family into this life, not like his dad had. Guilt washed over him at that thought. His dad had tried his hardest with them. It wasn't like he'd chosen this life. It had chosen him. How could he let his thoughts betray his dad like that? Then as if on cue the beeper in his pocket started vibrating. He grabbed it out and read the display: "DAD. HOME. NOW."

_Shit._

Dad wasn't supposed to be home until Monday, and he had left Sammy at home alone with no explanation of where he'd gone. Oh, it was going to hit the fan when he got home.

_Shit. Shit. SHIT._ Dean jumped back into the car, tore out of the pullout, tires spewing gravel behind him.

It still took him almost an hour to get home even though he pushed Baby the whole way. He pulled into their driveway alongside his Dad's truck. He glanced over at the Fisher's house and saw that Kat's bedroom light was on. All he wanted to do was rush over there and make sure she was okay, but since he was already up to his eyeballs in hell to pay so he didn't dare do it. The best he could hope for was Dad wouldn't bawl him out too long, and he would still be able to sneak over there and check on her tonight. He took a deep breath, and walked in to face the music.

John was on the phone when he walked into kitchen, but he covered the receiver, and leveled Dean with a glare when he started to make an apology, "I don't want to hear it. Get up upstairs and help Sammy pack."

"Pack?! What-"

"Upstairs. Now. Only the essentials," with those terse words he turned and resumed his conversation.

Dean stared at the back of his dad's head, and a feeling of unease unfolded in his stomach. He ran up the stairs, taking them two at a time and went into Sammy's room. 

"Sammy, what the hell is Dad talking about packing?"

Sam looked up from the duffel he was shoving books into, his face red and blotchy. Had he...had he been _crying_? The unease in his stomach turned into a chuck of lead, "Sammy? What's going on?"

"Dad's got a lead on something big or so he says," his face began to crumple, "He says we can't finish school. Dean...he said we're leaving Albany for good. We have to leave our friends, the house...everything. Everything! Damn it, I hate our life!" Sammy's eyes began to glint with tears. 

"What?! Hell no! I'll talk to Dad. There's gotta be some mistake."

"I tried, Dean. I _tried_ for two freaking hours, but he wouldn't listen! Wouldn't even tell me where we're going! He just kept saying we had to leave! Where were you? Why weren't you home? You could've helped me!

"Uh, I had stuff...to do," he mumbled, "Listen, I'll try to talking to-" the sound of their father's footsteps on the stairs stopped their conversation in it's tracks.

"You better get packing. Dad'll rip you new one if he catches you in here," Sammy walked over to his dresser, and began yanking out shirts to pile on top of the books, tears beginning to flow in earnest.

Dean bolted for his room, barely pulling out his rifle case and duffel in time before John walked into the room, "Dad, Sammy says we're leaving for good, but we aren't right? Schools almost over. We can't leave now!"

"Dean, I've got a lead on something big. Something I've been waiting on for a very long time, and I need you boys with me,” John said

"But graduation! And Sammy's just finishing up his first year of high school and-"

John cut him off, "Since when do you care about school? You're always going on about how much you hate school. Just get your GED, for the love of god. That's as good as any fancy ass diploma."

"But what about the house? The title just cleared, and now we're leaving for good?" Bruce, their house's previous owner, had finally gone the way of most hunters and gotten ganked on the job, but instead of simply letting the property go to the state, he had left it to the Winchesters in his will.

"We're done with Albany. I asked Bobby and Ellen come by and close up the house. We won't sell it, but we're not coming back any time soon...if ever."

"But-but can't we just stay with the Fishers for a couple of weeks? Sammy and I can just meet up with you after school gets out," he knew he was grasping at straws at this point, but he had to try.

"Son, the Fisher's are good people, but they're not our family, and I need my family, my boys with me now."

He felt like he'd been sucker punched at his father's words. _But they were -they are family_ , he wanted to scream back. _They've been our family for years. Almost more of a family than you, Dad..._ Trish Fisher had mended countless pairs of their jeans, given them hugs, and fed them countless meals. Alan had helped them fix broken porch rails, taught them how fish and watched over them whenever Dad left on long hunting trips. Alan and Trish had been to more soccer games and wrestling matches than John had ever been to, and cheered just as loudly as any "real" parents. They had been such a constant presence for so long that the thought of leaving that behind made him anxious. 

And Kat... His feelings for her were all mixed up right now, but he still knew two things. He had to keep her safe, and he had to keep the darkness in the world hidden from her. But now he had to leave her? Leave her unprotected from people like Elicia? She was the sister he and Sammy had never had. She always made them whatever dessert they wanted on their birthdays. She could make him smile no matter what. She had been his rock...his solace from all the ugliness he faced every day. She was the touchstone that had kept him feeling halfway normal, and the biggest reason he fought all those evil son's of bitches. What would happen to him without her beacon of light in his life? 

"Dad, c'mon...please..." he tried one more time out of desperation. 

" _Enough!_ I'm done arguing with you!" John thundered. "Son, what does a soldier do when his commanding officer gives him an order?" 

Dean looked off to the side, "He obeys."

"That's right. I'm your father and that makes me your commanding officer. So you obey me and my orders, and my order is we're leaving. Tonight. You have exactly twenty minutes to pack you anything you need, and then we're out of here. Got it?"

Dean slouched against the wall and mumbled under his breath.

"What was that?!" John barked at him.

He squared his shoulders and looked his dad dead in the eye, not quite able to get rid of the defiance in his voice, "Yes. Sir."

"Son, I don't like that tone, but I ain't got time to deal with it. Get backing."

"Well, can I at least go over and say goodbye to Kat?" 

"It'd be better if you didn't. Clean break, son. Clean break," John strode out of the bedroom, and Dean began punching his bed in frustration. _There's nothing clean about leaving like this. It's just wrong!_

Finally, knowing it was useless to postpone the inevitable, he started to cramming stuff into the duffel. Maybe Dad was wrong, and the job wouldn't take as long as he thought... _yeah right_...he couldn't even begin to buy that hollow hope. He knew that feverish look in his father's eyes too well. It'd been a long time since he'd seen it, but he still knew it. The last time he'd seen it was a month or two before they moved to Albany. He had thought that maybe going civilian would be the end of it, but obviously, it hadn't. He should've known better. Now they were leaving everything behind once again for the call of The Road. He couldn't fight it, and there was no way he could leave his brother behind. 

He reached into his top dresser drawer to grab a handful of socks and underwear when his fingers brushed a piece of paper. He pulled it out. It was one of Kat's homemade cards. A faint smile creased his face as he opened it. It was the one she had given him for his birthday in January. In it she had written a silly poem about turning eighteen, officially becoming an adult, and the shock that people would get seeing Dean Winchester actually walking across the stage at graduation. 

_Graduation..._ What if he snuck back into town for Kat's graduation party? He wouldn't stay in town long, no more than an hour or two. Just long enough to explain a few things to Kat. He could get Sammy to cover for him, make up some excuse like getting wind of haunting or something. Dad would probably see right through it, but at least it would buy him enough time to get back here. He just needed to be able to say goodbye even if Dad thought it wasn't necessary, and then...then no more looking back. He slowly caressed the edges of the paper before sliding it between the pages of a book on exorcisms and tucking them both in the duffel. He would be hanged if he left without at least a tiny piece of Kat coming with him. 

He finished filling his bag, grabbed his bedroll and took one last look around his room. He still remembered how excited he'd been when he first walked in here seven years ago. It'd been the first time he'd had his own room since he was four. He had been ecstatic at the thought of having his own space. Not having to share a bed with Sammy anymore, and being able to spread his army men across the entire floor. Tears began sting the corners of his eyes. Now, he and Sammy would be back to sharing run down hotel rooms on the edges of two bit towns. Taking a deep breath and willing the tears away, he turned his back on his room, shut the door behind him, and trudged down the steps. Sam and Dad were already outside waiting for him when he walked out on the porch. John leaned around him and locked the door.

"All right boys, load up. We're going to have to drive all night. Sammy, you ride with Dean for the first leg." John didn't even spare a glance for the devastated pair left standing on the porch and jumped in his truck. 

His heart feeling like it was being ripped from his chest, Dean walked past his dad's truck and over to his car. He didn't dare look up at her window as he passed because he knew that if he caught even a glimpse of Kat's silhouette in it nothing would be able to stop him from going over there. Dean tossed his bag and bedroll in the trunk, then threw himself in the driver's seat. Every instinct was screaming at him it was wrong to leave. For one split second, he considered simply running off and leaving Dad and Sammy in his dust, but quickly stuffed the disloyal thought deep inside of him. His family, especially Sammy needed him.

After seeing Sam get into the passenger seat, John pulled out into the empty streets of Albany, the boys following closely behind. A few minutes passed, Dean glanced over at his brother and said, "Sammy, in two weeks I'll need your help with something. I'm gonna need to take a little trip, and I need you to cover for me with Dad."

"You're going to come back for graduation, aren't you?"

"How the hell did you-"

"Oh c'mon, Dean. It's all over your face," Sammy rolled his eyes at his brother. "You're pissed Dad didn't let you say goodbye to Kat, and I know how much she means to you. There's no way you wouldn't try to come back. Dad will be _pissed_ , though." 

Damn, he hated how perceptive Sammy was sometimes, "I don't care. I have to see her again. I need to explain why we left. After I get back, I'll be Dad's perfect soldier. I'll do everything he wants from here on out, but I have to do this one last thing before I do."

Sam stared at his big brother a long moment before simply saying, "Okay. I'll do it."

"Yeah?" Dean asked.

"Yeah. And you're wrong, you know. You don't always have to be Dad's perfect soldier. You can do something different. I know I sure as hell am. There's no way I'm getting stuck in this shitty life forever," Sam gritted out as he slunk down in his seat. 

"But this is _our_ life, Sammy. It's our family business. We can't abandon Dad. Why-" he stopped, his throat suddenly thick with emotion, "Why do think I didn't fight harder to stay? Hell, he gave me twenty minutes to pack. In that time I could've jumped out my window and been in the wind. Dad taught us how to make a fast getaway after all, but I didn't because family sticks together..." _Even if it feels like we're leaving part of it behind._

"I know it's the family business, but I can't do it, Dean. I can't do this life! You might be able to, but I can't."

Dean shook his head, "You're just tired and stressed out. Get some sleep. You'll change your mind in the morning."

"I won't. I've been thinking about this for a long time. I'm getting out," Sam insisted.

Dean kept silent, too emotionally exhausted to argue with Sammy any further. Today had been a total shit storm, and there was no sense in getting in a brawl with his brother on top of it. All he could let himself think about was he how was going to get back to Kat for one last goodbye.

The minutes turned into hours, and the purr of the Impala's engine soon lulled Sam to sleep. Dean drove tirelessly, the tail lights of his dad's truck guiding him and thoughts of a curly haired girl spurring him on.

"I'll be back soon, Kat," he whispered, "I promise."


	7. Chapter 7

  
_"No one wants to bleed_  
_No one wants to hide_  
_No one wants to hurt alone inside."_  
_\- Honest by Kendall Payne_

 

After stepping into the house, the last thing she wanted to hear was her mom call out, "Hi honey, I'm in the kitchen! Can you help me finish dinner?" But of course that's what she heard. If it had been any other day but Friday, the house would've been all hers until 6:00. On Fridays though, her mom only worked the mornings at the physical therapy clinic she owned. Friday afternoons were her time to run errands, go grocery shopping for the week ahead, and it was the one day she always made sure she was home before Kat got back from work. Kat heaved a sigh. _Well...here we go..._

"Sure Mom, just let me run into the bathroom real quick." 

Casting a longing glance towards the stairs and her room, she detoured to the downstairs bathroom to try to wrangle her curls into some semblance of order. She stared in the mirror, taking in her flushed cheeks and tangled hair. You can do this. Just get through dinner, then you can go upstairs and try to figure out what in the heck happened today. She splashed some cold water on her cheeks, and pulled her hair up into a messy ponytail. _Okay, you got this._ Steeling herself, she stepped into the kitchen.

"Hey, Mom."

"Hey, yourself! Would you mind making some biscuits to go with the soup? So how was your day? Aren't you home from work a little early?" Trish Fisher stepped out of the pantry where she had been putting away the last of the groceries to give Kat a quick peck on the cheek.

"Hmm? Oh yeah, it was quiet at the shop so they let me go early," she inwardly winced at the lie, but there was no way she could let her mom know why she was really home early.

Kat grabbed a bowl and pulled the baking powder and salt down from cupboard, then let her mom's chatter and the repetitive motions of mixing and rolling out biscuits quiet her ruffled emotions for a few minutes. Together she and Mom worked on dinner and were just about to set the table when her dad walked through the backdoor. 

"The King returns to his kingdom victorious after vanquishing all the Tax Error Goblins and Demons of Payroll Typos in the Land of Accounting!" Alan Fisher boomed as he leaned over to kiss his wife. Trish rolled her eyes and smacked him on the arm, "Hey Your Majesty, how about you help out your queen and princess by setting the table?"

"My Queen, I live only to serve you," he walked over to the oven where Kat was pulling out the pan of biscuits and kissed the top of her head, "How's my favorite daughter doing today?" She, of course, was his only daughter, but he still loved to tell everyone that she was his favorite daughter and child. 

"Just fine, Dad. How was-"

The roar of an engine next door cut her off. Her heart almost leapt out of her chest. _Was Dean back already?_ Alan craned his neck and glanced out the screen door, "Looks like John's back." They finished getting dinner on the table and then they sat down to eat, and Kat let her parent's conversations about what had happened during their day and plans for weekend roll over her until finally her mom said, "Kat honey, are you okay? You've been awfully quiet."

"Oh sorry. I'm really tired. Coach Kapps made us do the Presidential Fitness Challenge today, and besides that we're in the middle of prepping for finals week. In fact...I should probably get some studying in tonight so I can actually have a weekend." 

"Don't you want some dessert before you study? We still have some of that lemon tart you made last night," Trish asked.

"We do?!" Alan crowed. "You told me I couldn't take any with me in my lunch because it was all gone!" 

"Alan, really. If I let you take Kat's desserts with you everyday, there would never be any left for us! Plus, you know it's not good for you to eat so many sweets." 

"Well, that's not what you say when I kiss you, and you're pretty sweet..." the sound of her parent's light hearted bickering trailed off as she slipped out of the kitchen and climbed up the stairs.

She flopped onto her bed and buried her head into the pillows, finally allowing herself to start processing the day. The day had started out so normal then had quickly gone from normal to absolute hell to utter embarrassment to a tiny piece of paradise when Dean had held her... 

Dean Winchester had held her, and not only that he'd _held her_ held her. Not just a normal hug. This was a full on "Mr. Rochester Holding Jane Eyre Outside of the Burned Remains of Thornton Hall" type embrace. She grinned and squealed into her pillows. She was so used to having to savor every skin brush, every accidental finger graze, and casual hug that sometimes she felt like a starving bird storing up any tiny crumb of affection. Now, she felt a little drunk from all the deliberate touches that had happened today.

She rolled over and stared at the Jane Austen movie posters and concert photos on her walls. She'd been hoping and praying for this moment since she was ten years old, and now that it just might be here, she didn't know what to do. Did the way Dean act today mean that he wanted more too? Or was it simply his concern for her that made him overly affectionate? _Ugh, am I reading too much into this?? Maybe...maybe it meant nothing to Dean?_ He was always so sweet and gentle with her, but this time it felt different. Then there was that look... She couldn't get over the look in his eyes before he had kissed her forehead. His eyes had pierced hers with a combination of intense longing, sadness, and aching hunger. She pressed her fist to her chest, throat tightening at the memory of it. 

Before she could stop them, her thoughts turned. What if everything was awkward between them now? As much as she longed for more in their relationship, she wouldn't be able to bear it if it came at the price of their friendship. Even worse, what if Dean acted like nothing had changed? What if this afternoon hadn't affected him like her? After all, he'd done way more than just hold hands with all those other girls. Once again, self doubt began to wrap it's nasty little fingers around her thoughts, and she began to dread the thought of talking to him later.

She was so lost in her thoughts that she almost missed the rumble of the Impala as it pulled up the Winchester's house. She ran to window, nearly tripping over a pair of Doc Marten's in her rush. _Great. Just what I need. To have Dean watch me go ass over tea kettle through my bedroom window!_ She knelt on her window seat and tugged apart her curtains just in time to see Dean step out of his car, pause for a second, and then walk into his house without even glancing up at her window. Her heart dropped.

_Okay, so he didn't look at you. It's not like you're Rapunzel waiting in your tower for your prince or something. He'll run in and talk to his dad for bit, and then be over. It's fine. Don't freak out. It's just fine. Don't. Worry. He'd promised that we would talk later, and Dean never breaks his promises._ Even after she lectured herself, the worry still lingered.

Kat waited in her window seat for him to come back out, still wearing Dean's shirt and hugging her pillow to her chest. After a few minutes, she saw Mr. Winchester walk out carrying a large duffel bag, two shotguns slung across his back. Not a minute later, Sam came out with a similar bag and a stack of books clasped under one arm. They made two more trips and both times their arms were full of bags and...was that a handful of crucifixes Sam was carrying? She'd seen some weird stuff come out of that house, but those crucifixes just might take the cake. 

Sam and Mr. Winchester loaded everything into the truck and car, then went to stand on the front porch of their house. Mr. Winchester said something to Sam and patted him on the shoulder, but Sam shook his head and kept his eyes locked on the ground. Finally Dean came out, and Mr. Winchester locked the door behind him. He jogged down the steps, called something over his shoulder, and left the boys standing on the porch. The look on their faces... The hair on the back of her neck stood up. Something was wrong. Something was horribly wrong. She didn't know how she knew, but she did. Dean hadn't mentioned that they were going another of their "camping trips", but it wasn't like she hadn't seen them leave on the spur of moment before. She'd heard her Dad and Dean's talking in hushed tones in the middle of the night countless times. Most of the time it was just Mr. Winchester asking her dad if he could keep an eye on Sam and Dean or watch the house if the boys were going with him. But this time was different. Something was off...

They got into their vehicles, Dean still not looking up at her window, and then she watched the truck and the Impala pull out of their driveway. _Where were they be going?_ The sensation that something was wrong intensified, and a sudden feeling of loss crashed over her. Something was changing, but not in a good way. This was a change that she knew without a doubt would rock her world.

***

Two weeks.

It had been two weeks since she'd last seen Dean. Two weeks since she'd been wrapped in his arms. Two weeks since he'd held her hand. Two weeks of nearly going crazy wondering where he was. Two weeks of wearing Dean's flannel to bed as she cried herself to sleep. Two weeks of trying to act like nothing was wrong in front of her parents. Two weeks of her heart stuttering to a standstill and running to the window every time a car slowed down as it passed her house. Two weeks since he had pulled out of his driveway without even a glance back at her.

School was now officially over. She'd survived finals, dodged Elicia Carr for the most part, and made it Graduation Day. She'd played the part of happy graduate, worn the itchy gown and goofy hat, and shook the hand of her principal as he handed her the diploma. But no matter how much she prayed, there was no Dean cheering for her in the crowd as she walked across the stage. 

Now she was sitting at her graduation party trying to put on a happy face and play the part of freshly minted adult, when all she wanted to do scream bloody murder at the next person who asked her, "Whatcha planning on doing now that you're all graduated?" Who the hell even cared? Why did it matter when the guy she loved was nowhere to be found?! 

She was walking away from yet another of those stupid conversations when her dad came strolling up to her with a Cheshire cat grin plastered across his face, "Kat honey, there's someone to see you. They're out on the front porch."

"Who is it, Dad?"

He give her a little side hug, "I'm not telling! You'll have to go see for yourself, but they should get you out of this funk you've been in for the last two weeks." 

Kat's eyes widened. _DEAN._ He was back!! She flew through house and threw open the screen door. Dean turned around and smiled down at her with those beloved green eyes. She launched herself into his arms, for once not caring if she crushed him or not. He caught her midstep and whirled her around, burying his face in her hair. 

"You're here! You're finally home!" she squealed. "Where were you? Why did you leave? Are Sam and your dad okay?" The questions came spilling out of her mouth before she could stop them.

Dean slowly loosened his arms around her, "Hey, why don't we sit down?"

They settled on the steps, the skirt from Kat's dress flowing over Dean's knee as they sat next to each other. Dean plucked the material up and began absently rubbing it between his fingers. He probably didn't even realize what he was doing, but internally Kat was shrieking. _Okay. All right. No big deal. Dean Winchester is playing with your skirt, but it's fine. Just act normal. For the love of Weezer, don't be weird._

"How's it going out there?"

"If I have to listen to another person ask me 'What's next now that you've graduated?' I will literally scream, but you know, otherwise fine."

Dean chuckled, "Sounds like fun."

"Oh it's riot, let me tell you. When I tell them I plan on taking some business classes, going to culinary school and then hopefully open my own bakery, they stare at me like I'm some kind of idiot. Then they somehow feel like they're duty bound to lecture me on dangers of business ownership and how it going to be really, really hard work and are you sure this is what you want to do? Why don't you just become a teacher or an accountant like your old man?"

"Aw, ignore them. They're just a bunch of yuppie asshats who ain't got a creative bone in their bodies. Anyone who's ever tasted one your pies knows that you could start your own bakery and be awesome at it."

"Thanks, I needed to hear that," she sighed. "I was starting to feel a bit insane for actually wanting to make my dream happen," she looked him over, taking in the dark circles under his eyes, wrinkled t-shirt, and unshaven jaw before quietly asking, "So, um, where were you these last few weeks?"

He scratched the back of his neck before saying, "We, uh, had to go on a road trip, or I should say, we're on a...permanent road trip. In fact... I'm not even supposed to be here. My dad's going to kill me when he finds out I've left."

"Wait. Your dad doesn't know you're here?"

"Uh no."

"Dean!"

"I know. I know, but I had to see you again. I had to come and tell you that," he reached over and grabbed her hand. "Kat, I'm so sorry I left the way I did. You have no idea how much it killed me knowing that I left you sitting up in your room waiting for me, but I had no choice. I had to go. My dad and brother needed me. I shouldn't even be here, but I had to know if there's any way you'll forgive me for treating you so shitty." 

"Of course I forgive you! How could I- how could I not forgive you?" Her breath hitched in her throat, dying to confess how she really felt for him, but how do you pack eight years of feelings into a few minutes? "You've been my best friend forever, and besides my parents you're-you're the person who means the most in the world to me."

He hung his head at her words, his voice breaking as he said, "I don't deserve that. I don't deserve your forgiveness, and I sure as hell don't deserve you."

"Dean-" she began, but he cut her off with a finger across her lips, then hopped up and began pacing in front of her.

"Listen, I need to talk to you about something, and I don't have much time to do it. Here's the real reason why I left. The stuff my family does, our business, it's not normal...but it's our life. We've been doing it my whole life in fact. We take care of the bad stuff out there. I can't explain it any more than that, but know if it was any other business...there's no way I would leave Albany or...you, but my family needs me. I can't leave them, Kat."

He gazed at her, eyes begging her to understand what he had to leave unsaid, before muttering "To hell with it," then leaned down and gently pressed his lips to hers. Time stopped. This moment, his lips against hers was all that mattered. He pulled back ever so slightly to softly trail his lips along hers before delicately pulling her top lip between his lips, and tracing the tip of his tongue along the underside of her lip. Then he hauled her to her feet and into his arms, their bodies so close she could feel every line of his body. His hips pressed into hers as his soft lips slanted across her tingling ones. Kat's entire being quivered, and what little breathe she had still in her lungs left completely as she melted into him. _Please God, don't let this ever end._

Then just like that it was over, and where just a second of ago they had been pressed so close together neither knew where one began and the other ended, three feet of empty space separated them. She wrapped her arms around herself, already feeling him slipping away from her even though he was still standing right in front of her.

"Promise me one thing before I go. You have to promise me that you'll start your bakery. You make your dreams come true. You kill all those doubting assholes with kindness and pie, okay? Promise you'll do that for me. Please," Dean begged her.

Tears gathered in her eyes at his urgent tone, "Yes, of course."

"Good. Good. Thank you. Okay. Good," a muscle in his jaw ticked, his voice ragged with emotion as he said, "I-I have to go. Now. I'm so sorry. I don't want to go, but I have to..."

"Not yet, _please_!"

"I have to go. I'm so sorry," he repeated

"But-but when will you be back?"

"I don't know if I'll ever be able to come back, but if there's ever a chance I can, you can be damn sure I will. I promise. Goodbye, my Kat," then he pulled her close one last time, buried his face in her hair once again, drawing in the scent of her Juniper Berry kissed skin as he did. Then he set her away from him, a single tear trailing down his cheek. He turned and bolted down the porch steps, striding towards the Impala parked across the street without a backwards glance. 

And Kat? Kat was left standing alone on the porch. She watched him leave her yet again, tears already streaming down her face.

"Honey, why don't you and Dean come out back. Everyone is asking where you ran off to. Where's Dean? Wasn't he just here?" The screen door quietly banged closed behind Trish as she stepped on the porch behind Kat. That's when she noticed her daughter's shoulders shaking. 

"Kat? Kat, what's wrong? Where's Dean?"

"He-he left... I think he left for good. Oh Mom...What I'm I going to do? Dean's _gone_ ," with those words Kat's face crumpled, and she began to weep in earnest. "Honey, oh my poor love, come here." Kat collapsed into her mom's arms, deep heart wrenching sobs wracking her frame. 

Both women sank down to the porch, and Trish rocked her brokenhearted daughter back and forth, "Shh, shh, I'm here. I'm here."

A few minutes later Alan came out to see where his wife and daughter had disappeared. He peered out the screen door, "What are you girls doing sitting on the porch? The party's out back!"

Alan's eyes met Trish's over their daughter's head, their eyes silently communicating in the way only parents could, "What's wrong?" he asked immediately. Trish shook her head and mouthed _"Later"_ at him. He left off any other questions. He simply stepped onto the porch, knelt down and pulled both of his girls tight to his chest. The three of them stayed huddled together on the porch, the minutes ticking by as the party continued on without them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And this is it for high school Kat and Dean. From here on out we'll only see them in their adult years...maybe...


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies in advance for playing a bit fast and loose with the whole Righteous Man theme. Also this chapter and the next will be told mostly through flashbacks. As always thank you to everyone for taking the time to read my little story!

_"But you know me too well_  
_I bring it all on myself_  
_Between Heaven and Hell_  
_I've got no home."_  
_\- Heaven and Hell by The Classic Crime_

_2005_  
"I can't believe you're still doing this. After what Dad did you, to us?" Sam slumped in the passenger seat, knees bumping against the dash.

"What the hell are you going on about now?"

"You! You're still hunting! And now you wanna drag me back into it! I have a life at Stanford. I have a girlfriend, man! And friends who are _actually normal_. We go out for beers and hang out at concerts on a Friday night instead of field dressing our firearms in some shitty motel room. You could've gotten out too, Dean! You could've had a regular life. Maybe even gone back to Albany and found Kat-"

Dean slammed on the breaks, the car's rear end fishtailing, and swerved to a stop onto the shoulder of the highway. He grabbed Sam by the collar, jerked his brother's face into his, and ground out, "Let's get a few things straight here. _One:_ Never ever mention _her_ name again. That part of our past is _over_. Done. There ain't no going back. _Two:_ Quit your whiny bitching about me dragging away from your fabulous all American frat boy life. You _agreed_ to come with me so just shut the hell up. _Three:_ Dad needs us. Yeah, our life wasn't postcard perfect, but Dad did what had to be done to get by. We're family and no one gets left behind. And I'll be damned if we leave Dad out there. Got it?" he shoved Sam back into his seat, then shot back onto the road. 

"Okay. Yeah, fine. Got it," Sam muttered, accidentally kicking a box on the floorboard as he stretched his legs. "What's this box doing on the floor... Really, Dean? C'mon, man! You gotta update your cassette collection!"

"What are you talkin' about..." 

 

_2010  
Dean ran through the side gate and into the weed choked back yard, pulling Sammy behind him. Next to the weather beaten fence encircling the yard stood a huge elm tree, "Holy crap! Sammy, you and me could finally have our very own tree fort!" Dean circled the tree eyeing it for the best branches to place the floor of his fort, already imagining the adventures he could have in it._

_"Dean! Sam! I need your help unloading the car. C'mon, let's get a hustle on!" Dad called from the front yard. Dean ran around the tree one last time before running back to the Impala._

_"Okay Sammy, you take this bag and follow me inside. Dean, you wait here and watch the car. I don't want any neighborhood rug rats rifling through our stuff and accidentally shooting themselves in the foot," Dad and Sammy walked up the porch steps and disappeared in to the house. Dean leaned against the car and resumed his daydream about building his tree fort. He was so lost in his little world that he didn't hear the sound of small footsteps approaching from the neighbors yard._

_"Hi."_

_The sound of a girlish voice startled Dean out of his daydream, and he spun around, almost falling over in the process, to find a girl about his age looking at him with startled eyes. Holy CRAP. Someone had almost gotten the jump on him! Dad would be pissed if he found out._

_"Oh!" gasped the girl. "I didn't mean to scare you."_

_"You didn't scare me! I was just...uh...just testing my balance."_

_"Oh, okay. Still, I'm sorry. Um, I'm Kat. Are- are you the new neighbors?"_

_Dean looked over the girl standing in front of him. She was what most people would probably call chubby, but he found her kind of cute. She had curious grey eyes, masses of wavy dirty blonde hair, and she was clasping what looked like a comic book to her chest. A sudden surge of protectiveness washed over him as he met those mist colored eyes. What. The. Heck. Was. That?! Feeling instantly defensive from such an intense flood of emotion for a stranger, he barked, "Maybe! What of it?"_

_The girl jumped slightly and her face dropped, "I-I just I- I mean my mom asked me to see if you guys wanted to come over for dinner since you probably haven't had a chance to unpack or get any groceries yet. I-I made a pie too, but you don't have to come over if you don't want to...I can just tell my mom you're busy. I'm-I'm sorry I bothered you guys," she stammered._

_She turned and darted back to her yard. Dean felt a rush of shame wash over him. "Hey! Hey, wait up!" He started to scramble after her._

_Kat reluctantly stopped at the bottom of her back porch steps. Just as he was opening their gate, Sammy rounded the corner of the house, "Dean! You have to come check out our rooms! They're huge!"_

_"Not now, Sammy, I gotta go next door. I'll be right back! Watch the car for me, okay?"_

_"What?! Dean, don't leave me behind! I'm coming with you!"_

_"No! Just stay here, okay?"_

_Sammy's little face took on that stubborn look Dean only knew too well. Uh oh._

_"Nuh uh. No way, I'm coming with, and if you don't let me, I'm telling Dad you were looking at his Playboys."_

_Crap. Sammy totally would too. Crap, crap, CRAP. "Fine. Just don't say anything about what Dad does, okay? Regular people can't know about Dad's job, remember? If they ask what Dad does for work, just tell him he's a traveling salesman or something."_

_"What does he sell?"_

_"What? What do you mean what does he sell? C'mon just hurry up!"_

_"Well, if the neighbors ask what kind of stuff Dad sells what am I going to tell them?"_

_"I don't know! Just make something up, okay? Tell them...tell them he's sells pest control stuff or something like that," It was kind of true after all._

_"Right. Pest control sales. Got it."_

_"Are you good? Can we go now?" Dean took off after Kat with Sammy trailing after him. "Kat! Hey, uumm...hey, sorry I was a jerk. I just- well, I'm sorry. Can we still come over for dinner and for... pie?" He tried not to sound too hopeful, but he honestly couldn't remember the last time they had a meal that didn't come from a drive thru or a can warmed up on a hot plate._

_Kat's chubby, crestfallen face transformed into a happy, slightly cheeky grin, and that peculiar feeling of protectiveness came over him again. He also felt the craziest urge to be the only person in the world who could put that particular smile on her face._

_"So you'll come over then?"_

_"Yeah, yeah, we...oomph! What the hee-ck!" A sharp elbow in his side nearly doubled him over. He looked down at the grinning imp next to him, "What, Sam?"_

_Sam rolled his eyes and huffed at his older brother like he was an idiot. He stuck his hand out to Kat. "Hi, I'm Sam. My big brother can't stop running at the mouth long enough to introduce us. The thought of pie kind of does that to him. Dean and pie are in a pretty serious relationship by the way."_

_"Shut up-"_

_"Dean? Oh, so that's your name!" Kat laughed._

_"Really, Dean? You didn't even tell her your name?" Sam grimaced at his brother, "Jeez, you're lame!"_

_"Hey! I was going to, but-"_

Dean jerked awake, the dream echoing in his head. Where the hell had that come from? He hadn't thought about Kat in years. In fact, he'd forced himself not to think about her, and now here he was dreaming about the first time he met her? Where had that memory even come from? He rolled over and glanced at Lisa sleeping peacefully next to him. He'd never told another person about that part of his life. Sammy knew because he had lived it with him, but now that he was gone... 

He'd always told himself that it was for the best. If no one knew about Kat and his old life back in Albany, then they could never find her and hurt her. When he'd walked away and left her standing by herself on the front porch, it had felt like his heart was ripped in half, but he had told himself it was better this way. Better to hurt her and keep her safe than stay and gamble her life away. He told himself to forget her, and had repeated it over and over for years like some kind of damned mantra until finally, he did. He had forgotten the best and brightest part of his childhood. He'd never had so much light in his life until now. Now he had Lisa and Ben, but sometimes-sometimes in the middle of night, he couldn't help but wonder when they would be torn away from him too, just like when he had been torn away from his best friend...

 

_2012_  
He sliced through creature after creature until finally the band of vampires was annihilated. He stumbled over to a rotted tree trunk, chest heaving as he tried to catch his breath. _Just give me two damn minutes to rest, you bastards._ No doubt letting his guard down for even a second would screw him over, but he was so exhausted he took the risk. He closed his eyes, leaned against the tree trunk, and took a few deep breaths, before the stench of decaying bodies made him gag. You would think after being stuck in this hellhole for so long he would be used to reek of it, but it was something he still couldn't get over. The stench and the dim light. It was never fully day or night here, just a continuous half twilight. You never knew what time of day it was. Two hours or two days could pass, and you would never know the difference. 

He drew in another deep breath, but this time instead of the stink of decomposing Leviathan, the fragile scent of Juniper Berry lotion tickled his nose. _Kat._ His mind flooded with memories of holding his sweet friend. That soft, warm body pressed against his, as the scent of her favorite lotion filled his senses. _If only I could have stayed with her... NO. You don't have time for this. Distractions get you killed, remember?_ There was never any time to think of anything else but staying alive. Still, as he got up to search for another monster to interrogate about Cas' whereabouts, he couldn't stop that warm memory from burning in his heart for a few more brief seconds.

 

_2013_  
He watched Sammy throw yet another bloody tissue into the garbage. His little brother was dying right in front of him, and he couldn't do a damn thing. Kevin hadn't called in weeks with any news on the Third Trial. Cas hadn't shown his feathered ass around here in ages. All he could do was wait here and watch Sam helplessly. He hated it. Any hope that they would get answers was fading fast. What he wouldn't give to have someone help shoulder this burden. Even if it was just someone he could talk to. _"Dean."_ Out of nowhere a voice he hadn't in almost sixteen years whispered in his head, followed by a rush of hope. Just a quickly the sensation of hope died out, but in it's place he felt a renewed resolution he had to see this through. He had to because there was no other choice. Giving up wasn't an option

He got up and called over his shoulder to Sam, "You know what you need? You need a batch of Dad's cure all soup!" They would get through this. They had to.

 

_Present Day_  
Amara and Chuck were gone. They were probably up in heaven right now, pulling out millennia old baby albums and laughing at each others bad grade school haircuts. Dean made his way back to his car and slid into the driver's seat. He laid his head back against the head rest and let out a bark of mirthless laughter. _You and Sam saved the world once again, and what do you get? Not even a shitty fruit basket in return. Just another all night drive back to the bunker._ Still...what was it Amara said as she and Chuck were fading away? _"Be on the lookout for my messenger. I'm sending them with news on the one thing you desire the most..."_ Why the hell did all these heavenly beings have to be so damn vague? Would it kill them to give a straight answer for once? Grumbling under his breath, he turned the key in the ignition, and began the drive back to bunker. 

It was 5:00am before he finally rolled up to the bunker, bone tired and dying for a hot shower. He walked into the war room and saw Sammy sleeping in one of the chairs, legs sprawled out in front of him. He thought about waking him, but decided to let him sleep for a little longer. God knew the kid needed it.

He dragged himself into the shower, turned the water on as hot as he could stand, and stood under the spray, letting all the grime from the past couple days wash away. After nearly a hour of standing in the shower, almost falling asleep at least once, he stepped out and reached for a towel- "Dean. I have news." 

" _SHIT!_ Cas! How many times have we been over this?? You gotta knock, man! You can't just show up unannounced in the middle of someone's bathroom!"

"Right. Yes. I'll come back later, " Cas turned, but Dean called out before he could disappear. "Wait! Just meet me in the kitchen in five minutes, okay? I have a feeling this is going to be one of those "I'm gonna need a entire pot of coffee" pieces of news, right?"

"Well-"

"That's what I thought. Kitchen. Five minutes."

Dean quickly dried off and put on a fresh t-shirt and pair of jeans. He looked at his reflection in the bathroom mirror, taking in the dark circles and new lines etched around his eyes. _How much longer can I keep this up? I'm running on fumes as it is. One day, I'll slip up and Billie will swoop in and take me away for good..._

Sighing, he tossed his dirty clothes in the hamper, and made his way to the kitchen, "All right, Cas. What is it now? What's the latest and greatest apocalypse that's about to threaten the earth? And can it wait until I get at least get four hours of sleep?" 

Cas looked at him with a peculiar light shimmering in his eyes, "Dean, I come with news from Amara. She's has something for you, for all of us for that matter. There's a way for us to restore Earth. Heaven and Hell can finally return to how they're supposed to be. Remember how you're considered The Righteous Man in heaven?"

"Oh c'mon! Enough with that Righteous Man bullshit! If there really is such a thing out there, it sure as hell ain't me."

"It's true, Dean. Whether you believe it or not, it's who you were created to be," Cas insisted.

Dean shook his head, "Okay. All right. Whatever. So what's it gonna take to pull off this reset? We gotta find Noah's Ark and bring on the flood again to "cleanse the earth" or something?"

"No, no. Nothing like that. You're the Righteous Man, but you're not the only one of your type out there. There are several hundred, in fact. Everyone of your chosen race has their alternate. Rather like the flip side of a coin or two seeds that grow right next to each other until they entwine to become one tree. You probably didn't even know it, but you two have been connected for years. If you find your alternate and the two of you become bonded in a particular binding ritual where specific incantions are performed, the power of this binding can perform astonishing things. Astonishing things like restoring balance back to earth. Part of this ritual also involves what you humans call a marriage ceremony."

"Marriage? That's it?? I have to get hitched to some stranger and that's going cure the Earth? You're shitting me!" he threw back his head, laughing harder then he had in months. " _This_ is what Amara thinks I want most in the world?"

"Actually, what she told me was that deep down, you've always longed for a normal life, even more so than Sam. You've just never allowed yourself to admit it. Dean, if you do this you can have a chance at it. Sam can have the chance. I-I can have that chance. Amara said that I can stay down here rather than return to heaven. She-she said that Meg's still out there. Somehow, someway, she survived. _Please_ do this for all of us."

Dean gritted his teeth in frustration. _Marriage? Really? Damn it all._ "Fine. I'm not saying I'll do it, but did Amara at least give us a clue where I'm supposed to find this paragon of righteousness and normalcy?"

"She's in a place I believe you already know. She's lives in Colorado in a little town near Boulder. Albany, I believe the town is called."

Dean felt like he might start hyperventilating. _NO. Don't say it, Cas. For the love of God don't say it. Please, I can't ruin her life too. Not again._

"The woman's name is... Katherine Fisher."


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I probably should've said this before the last chapter I posted, but for this story, Mary doesn't come back. No hate against the current season's storyline, but she just doesn't fit in for this story's needs. Oh and a huge thank to anyone who's read, commented, left comments, or bookmarked. It seriously amazes me that anyone is taking the time to read my little fic.

  
_"You're here but it's clear_  
_You're just salt and shadow_  
_Here but half a world away_  
_You're here but you're merely a hologram_  
_So near but still so far away."_  
_-Salt and Shadow by Thrice_  


_2005_  
Kat shoved shirt after shirt aside, hangers rasping across the metal closet rod from each frustrated slide. She needed to find the perfect top to wear for her interview at the bakery tomorrow. After working the line at the kitschy 50's themed diner outside out Boulder for the past three years, she _finally_ had a shot working in working in her chosen field. Slinging hash was fine. It paid the bills, but it wasn't baking. Baking was were she belonged. Baking was her center. That was why the perfect outfit was a must for her interview. It had to be something that screamed "I'm a creative yet serious baker so you should totally hire me", but there was nothing in this stupid closet!

"ARGH!!" She flopped onto her back on the floor of her closet with an aggravated huff. Former college girl outfits she had plenty of but potential professional bakers ensembles? Nada. She stared at the door frame of the closet, noticing that the molding was starting to come loose. _Great. Another thing to add to the list of things to be done around here._

Six months ago, her parents decided out of the blue that they were tired of the long Rocky Mountains winters and were moving to the Oregon Coast. Then they had dropped the bombshell on Kat that they wanted to give her the house here in Albany rather than sell it. They had finished paying off the mortgage a couple years ago so all she would have to cover were the property taxes and any upkeep. 

Of course, she had jumped at the offer. She would've been an idiot to turn it down! After all, how many people her age could say that they owned their own house? But now, as the list of things that needed to be fixed or painted or replaced kept growing (and growing and growing), she was starting to miss the crappy little studio that she'd lived in prior to moving back into her old home. There, if something went wrong, she could just call her landlord, and he would come fix it. Sure it might take a month of nagging to get him to fix the leaky faucet, but the point was _she_ didn't have to fix it. Now everything from a leaky faucet to a flooded basement was all on her. _Yay._

Groaning at the thought of all the chores that were piling up, she turned her head and noticed, buried under a stack of blankets, the little metal chest that she used to keep all her keepsakes in as a kid. She sat up and looked up at the garments hanging above her. It's not like the perfect ensemble was magically going to appear among her old Presidents and Thrice tees. She reached under the blankets and pulled out the chest. She opened it up and there folded right on top was Dean's old brown and blue plaid flannel. A wave of memories washed over her as she stroked it. Memories of all the years she'd spent clasping that shirt to her chest as she slept. Memories of wearing it to more classes than she cared to admit while at Boulder Community College. Memories of it traveling with her to culinary school in Seattle and back before she finally forced herself to put it away. Some people had a security blanket, she had a security flannel. Gently she lifted the shirt out and set it on the floor next to her. A breathless chuckle escaped her at what she found underneath the shirt.

There stacked up on top of school attendance awards and baking blue ribbons from the county fair was a row of cassette tapes. She grinned as she read the title on each tape. _"Zeppelin Rules!" "I Guess The Smith's Are Okay...If You're a Girl" "AC/DC Meets Motorhead Meets Awesomeness" "It's Only Because You're My Friend That I'm Making You This Sucky Indie Rock Tape"_ and her favorite _"Really Kat? Really? Swing? You're Making Me Do A Swing Tape? THIS IS THE LAST STRAW!"_ Dean could never resist making a mixed tape for her, even if her more alternative tastes didn't exactly line up with his belief that any music made after 1984 was crap. She laughed again even as the feeling of loss nudged her heart at the thought of what she had lost eight years ago. Tears pricked the corner of her eyes, but before she let herself fall into the temptation to wallow in memories of her lost love yet again, she hopped up and brushed off her jeans. 

_Alright. Time to get moving. You can't mope around all day. You have a job winning outfit to pick out._ She reached for the shirt, but before she put the flannel back in the chest and shut the lid, Kat pulled out a couple tapes. Maybe a little nostalgia wouldn't hurt.

 

_2010_  
"Hi! Can I help you... Oh! Mr. Singer, I didn't recognize you in that suit. You, sir, clean up very nicely!" Kat called out to the man standing in the driveway. She hadn't been expecting to see him for his annual visit to check up on the Winchester's house until next month.

"Bobby, hon. Like I've told you a hundred times before, Mr. Singer was my grandpa. So first questions first, anyone unusual come sniffing around here, Miss Kat?" Bobby Singer smiled fondly at the short, wavy haired woman walking up to him.

"Well, a couple of months ago some man in a ridiculously expensive suit stopped by. He claimed he was with the state and was doing a property tax assessment. He also wanted to do a walk through of the house." 

"English accent by any chance?" Bobby growled.

"Yeah, as a matter of fact, he did have an English accent. He didn't stay too long after I told him that I knew most of the people at the state office personally and would just need make one little phone call to verify that he was legit. Thank heavens he didn't try calling my bluff because I actually don't know anyone in the state office! Honestly, I probably would've just called you, and hoped for the best."

Bobby gave a bark of laughter, "Good girl!"

"So um...time for my question..." she dug the toe of her shoe into the gravel drive, trying to hide the pleading tone in her voice. "How is he- I mean-are they?"

"Honey, we've been over this a million times. You know I can't tell you anything," he looked down into those pleading grey eyes, not wanting to hurt her but knowing that she was better off not knowing what her old friends were up to.

"I know, I know, but...at least just tell me if they're-" her throat tightened on her next words. "If they're still alive. _Please. You know that's all I need to know. _Please_ , Bobby."_

Three years ago, Wanted Posters for Sam and Dean had been plastered across every TV in America. Then a few weeks later the news was reporting that The Winchester Boys had been killed in a shootout with law enforcement. With a single news clip, her world had ended. When Dean had left her behind, it had felt like her heart had been ripped from her chest, but this...this was something completely different. This had almost felt like any chance of joy or happiness was lost forever. Almost but not quite...because something within her wouldn't let her believe that Dean was truly dead. _He couldn't be._ Her heart kept telling her head that somehow she would feel it if he were really gone. Logically, she knew she was being completely delusional, but that small flame of hope kept flickering in her heart. 

Finally Bobby showed up for his yearly visit, and she had happened to be visiting her parents when he pulled up. As soon as she'd seen him step out of that beat up old Pinto, she'd raced next door and practically fell to her knees begging him to tell her if Dean and Sam were really dead. He started with his usual speech of not being able to tell her anything, but somehow the look on her face must have been enough to change his mind. He'd finally relented and told her that the boys were actually alive, but she had to swear not to tell anyone the truth. Now every year he showed up, he never answered any other question, but he would at least tell her if they were still alive. 

"Yeah, the two idjits are still with us. Satisfied?" 

"Yes, thank you," she sighed with relief, and she couldn't stop the grin from spreading across her face. "Now, I'm trying out a new recipe for a Rhubarb Cherry Crisp, and I need someone to give it a test run. What do you say to a piece of it and a cup of coffee before you head out?" 

Bobby winked at her, "You know that smile and your baked goods are the real reason I come into town, right? I couldn't care less about that worthless shack. Checking up on it just gives me an excuse to come and see you. Sooo... how are those bakery plans comin'?" 

As they walked back toward her house, her heart whispered "Please, if You're listening, keep him safe." 

_2012_  
She woke up with a ragged gasp, her t-shirt drenched in sweat, and the vicious tangles of the nightmare still wrapped about her mind. She'd been dreaming about Dean again, but this dream had been completely different previous dreams. This had felt so real that if she hadn't woke up in her own bed, she would've sworn that she had actually been with him in that hellish place. She could still feel everything about it, the thick, dank air, the cloying, gagging stench of dying things, and the light...the light had been all wrong. It was like someone had pulled a filter over the sun, and only half the light could force it's way through. 

In her dream, she had been perched in a tree, watching helplessly as these...she didn't even know what to call them, vampires maybe...attacked Dean. He in turn fought back, twisting and turning as he sliced off their heads with an ominous looking blade . His movements had been so practiced and smooth, almost graceful in their ruthless efficiency. One particularly ferocious looking creature had crept up behind him, fangs bared as it drew back it's jaw to sink it's teeth into Dean's neck. She'd tried screaming out a warning to him, but her scream lodged in her throat. But right at the last second, as if alerted by some sixth sense, Dean spun around and severed the creature's spinal column. All she could think while watching the bloodbath taking place in front of her was, _"Was this really my Dean? This mad, berserker warrior?_

Brutal minutes passed before the attack finally stopped, and she watched as Dean limped over to an old tree trunk, the wicked machete hybrid still loosely clenched in one hand. He leaned back his head against the tree and closed his eyes, lines of exhaustion etched deep into his face. Suddenly she was out of the tree and was standing right in front of him, but just as she reached out to gently brush his sweaty cheek with tips of her fingers, his eyes flew open. Then she was awake and alone in her bed once again. 

She rolled over in her bed and curled into a ball, body and heart aching, tears beginning to trickle down her cheeks. _Where are you?_ She spent the rest the night repeating the same prayer she'd been praying for over a decade. "Please. God. Wherever he is, keep him safe." 

_2013 ___  
Kat stepped off the curb and squealed as she ogled the plate glass window in front of her. The name _Stairway To Pie_ painted in bold loopy script on the window winked back at her. After scrimping and saving every extra cent, after being stuck with the graveyard shift as a short order cook for three years, and then after baking loaf after loaf of ciabatta and brioche at the local wholesale bakery for another eight years, her dream was _only_ one short day away from becoming reality. She finally had her bakery, and tomorrow was the grand opening!

_Dean..._

__

"Dean, look! I did it...finally. I just wish-I wish you were here to see it. What do you think of the name? Zeppelin rules, man!" Her heart pricked painfully as it always did at the thought of him. You would think after not seeing him for almost sixteen years that she would've forgotten all about him, but she hadn't. Some days she wished that she could forget him, but it was impossible even though she tried. Lord knew she had _tried_ , but it never worked. She still missed him...still loved him...still couldn't move on from him. She hadn't heard from him once in all these years. Not a single postcard, phone call, or email the entire time. Normal people would've said, _"Fine. Good riddance. I'm done!"_ But not her, oh no! Normal was something she could never be. She obviously enjoyed torturing herself because she couldn't give him up. And still after all this time, she would see some guy that looked vaguely like him...or was his height...or had green eyes, then her breath would fly out of her lungs and her mind would scream _"It's him! He's back!"_ only to blink and realize once again that it wasn't Dean. 

__

Maybe one day she would get it through her head and heart that he was never coming back, but until then she did the only thing she could do, "Please, wherever he is keep him safe."

__

 

__

_Present Day_  
"Hey Kat! Some guy just walked in asking for you," Kat looked up from the pour over carafes she was prepping for The Tuesdays With Morrie Book Club that would be showing up in about ten minutes as Irena, her counter clerk and back up baker, strolled into the kitchen and propped a hip against the massive butcher block. Kat was struck again by how stunning her friend was. With her caramel skin, whiskey colored eyes, and obsidian hair, she seriously looked like she belonged in a Bollywood musical, rather then working at some small town bakery. Irena wiggled her eyebrows seductively at Kat and started to fan herself, "And honey, he is _hot_. Hooo boy, we're talking total 'bad boy, damaged goods, but still knows how to treat a girl right' hot. I mean, his ass alone could qualify for exhibit in the Met Musuem!"

Kat laughed at her crazy, but dearest girl friend, "Okay, all right, I get it! The man is hot. So did this work of art give you a name or anything?" 

Irena drawled,"Naw, sugar plum, but he does have these _gorgeous_ green eyes, and he pulled up in a pretty sweet ride. I don't know how, but it almost feels like I've seen that car before..." she stopped and seemed to get lost in her thoughts before finally shaking her head as she continued. "Looks like maybe a '67 Impala-" 

The glass carafe Kat was holding slipped through her lifeless fingers and shattered across the tile floor as her world came crashing down around her.

__


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uff da! This is a long one, guys. I thought about breaking it up into two chapters, but I thought why drag things out even further? So here ya go!

Dean and Cas probably would've argued for hours if it hadn't been for Sam interrupting them...

_NO. No! There's no way in hell I'm dragging her into one of these idiotic schemes. She's an innocent! We leave her out of this. Final answer."_

_"Dean! We have to. If we don't, we just keep spiraling down deeper and deeper until earth implodes. The carnage will never stop. It'll just keep going and going. This is it. This is our chance. If we don't then-" Cas left his words hanging._

_He ran his hand over his face, grasping at anything to make Cas understand why he couldn't do this, not to this woman, "Cas, what I've seen...what I've done...all the lives I taken... I'm sucked dry, man. I ain't got nothing for no one. How could I ever ask anyone to tie themselves to me? I've got no right to ask anyone, much less her, to do this-"_

_Sam's sleep roughened voice interrupted him, "You have to do it, Dean. This is your chance... finally. You've saved the world how many times now? And now you finally have a chance at a real life? Just think. We could finally be free to live our lives. Do it, man. It's time. For all of us. Kat will understand. After all, she's family."_

_Sammy, I don't-" his voice broke. "I don't think I can be normal. I'm a wreck, man. I'm like a never ending freak show. What if- what if I end up hurting her? Like Crowley said before, people around me don't have much in the way of a life span. I can't ask her to do this. I can't- I can't drag her down with me. Besides she probably hates me after all this time. I'm the last person she'd ever want to see. How can I ask her to marry me. ME. Sammy, c'mon, man-"_

_Sam walked over and grabbed his brother's shoulders, "Then who better to help fix you than family? And who better than someone who knows you almost as well as I do? Kat's stronger than you think. After all she put up with three Winchesters as neighbors for how many years? She can do this. You can do this."_

After all, she's family...

If hadn't been for the ragged, burned out look on his brother's weary face, there's no way he would've been back in Baby headed down the interstate less then 12 hours after the last catastrophic event they'd stopped. The only reason he was doing this was for Sam...well, Sam _and_ Cas. He sure as hell didn't deserve to live a normal life, but they did. 

He still couldn't believe it. Marrying someone to save the world? _Shit._ Leave it to one of those celestial asshats to come up with such an asinine cure all. He was sacrificing an innocent to save this shithole world. Just another strike against him. Just another sin to add to the list. 

He drove for a few hours before stopping to fuel up in a podunk town just before the Kansas/Colorado border. He didn't even need to gas up yet, but he was open to anything to postpone getting to Albany. What the hell was he going to say to Kat? How do you even explain all of... _this_ to someone? Besides this whole idiotic plan and the marriage business, but where he'd been for the last nineteen years, _"Hey! Remember me? The loser who kissed you and then left you crying on your front porch never to be heard of again? Well, I'm back, baby! Wanna get hitched??"_ Dean got back into the car, wanting to beat his head against the steering wheel in frustration, but instead started the engine and nosed out onto the highway. 

_For better or worse, here I come Albany. I hope to God that Sammy's right, and you can handle this, Kat._

***

He pulled into Albany about 3:00, headed down Center Street, and pulled into an curbside parking spot miraculously open right in front of the brick storefront. _Wow, Cas. Way to be subtle, man._ Stepping out of Baby, he took in the bakery in front of him. Tan bricks framed the turquoise Dutch door and soft coral trimmed the plate glass windows. Then smiling for the first time since Cas had bulldozed him with this plan, he read the name painted in white on the windows, _Stairway To Pie_.

_Well, I'll be damned..._

Feeling the tiniest pinprick of hope that maybe, just maybe this would actually work, he opened the door, and walked inside. 

The first thing that hit him as he walked through that door was a sense of warmth and calm. Soft white walls were blanketed in artwork. Worn, rough hewn wood floors ran the length of the shop. Old farmhouse kitchen chairs upholstered in vintage oilcloth were clustered around hickory tables stained a dark brown. Cozy armchairs were grouped by the large sunny windows. A long coffee bar with a beaten copper top dominated half the end of the dining room. The other half was taken up by the glass covered pastry case and old fashioned cash register.

Then there was the smell...holy hell. The earthy, caramel aroma of freshly ground coffee mixed with cinnamon, brown sugar, and orange zest. It was enough to make his mouth water. 

"Hey there, can I help you?" a woman's low voice called from behind the counter. His head snapped up. That voice...it was so familiar, but it couldn't be. He gave the tall woman at the counter a once over, taking in the tawny skin, jet black hair, and amber eyes. _Naw, not possible. Cas can't be right about that..._

As he was sizing her up, she was doing the same to him, her gaze a bit more heated though. How many times had he gotten that look from someone, and at a different time he might've been tempted to pursue it, but not now, "Yeah, can I get a piece of whatever pie you have on special and a coffee, black?"

"Coming right up. That'll be $4.75."

Dean fished around in his coat pocket for the cash, stomach knotting at the thought of asking his next question. _C'mon, sac up. Just ask if she's here._ "Hey so does...uh... Kat Fisher own this place?"

The woman cocked her head, raised an ebony eyebrow, and slowly said, "She does...She's the owner and head baker of Stairway. You know her?"

"Yeah, we...I do. Any chance she's around? I'd like to say hi."

"Why don't you have a seat, and I'll go in the back to see if she's free."

"Awesome." 

He found a table near the coffee bar with a view towards the doorway the counter clerk passed through. Since the shop was fairly quiet, he could hear low murmurings coming from the kitchen, but couldn't see through the doorway since the clerk was standing in it blocking any view of Kat he might've had. He heard a crash of glass. Suddenly the clerk moved from the doorway and appeared to be grabbing something. He was halfway on his feet before he knew it. _Kat!_ Dean sat back down when the clerk stepped back into the doorway, turned and looked back at him before moving completely into the kitchen. More murmuring. Then...

Then a figure he would've recognized anytime anywhere cautiously stepped into the doorway. He quickly ducked his head not wanting her to catch him staring and possibly spook her even more than she probably already was. He sat in his seat blindly thumbing through the settings on his phone. He could feel her eyes on him so he waited. Waited for her to make a move. Waited with his heart hammering. Waited to see if she would come to him or turn and run.

***

Kat stood frozen in the doorway of the kitchen, trying to gather her nerve to step out into the dining room. There he was. He was _actually_ here. For once it wasn't a dream.

Dean sat there, head down, looking at his phone, one finger absently tapping his mouth as he scrolled. _I don't think I can do this..._ Everything within her wanted to turn around and run away, but she couldn't because even as she turned to simply look back at the kitchen, Irena was standing there, shaking her head at her, and her arms crossed as she stood in front of only other exit.

_"I can't. I can't...It's Dean, Rena! I-I can't let him see me looking like this," she began frantically brushing at her apron. "I'm covered in flour! I smell like the inside of a coffee pot! And-and my hair! I haven't washed it in three days!" She tore off her apron, made a move towards the back door to escape, but Irena grabbed her flailing hands and grasped them tight before she could take more than two steps, "Okay. Breathe, Kat. Breathe."_

_Kat drew in a shuddering breath. "Alright. That's Dean? The Dean? The Dean you've been mooning over for God knows how long? He's finally here, and you're just going to walk out? Nope! Not on my watch! What kind of bestie would I be if I let you? Get your bodacious ass out there. Now!"_

_"Rena-"_

_"Nope. No excuses. You go see your Dean. Say hi. Make with the small talk. I'll be out to provide a distraction with pie and coffee in ten minutes. Ten minutes, that all. You can do this."_

_"But the pour overs for the book club..."_

_"Lady, what do you pay me for?! I'm not here just to be eye candy. I can handle making a few carafes of coffee and some persnickety old ladies. Move it! Now. Ten minutes," she repeated._

She stepped out of the doorway, lecturing herself, _"Treat him like any other customer. Be friendly. Be welcoming and that's it."_ So with her heart feeling like it was going to leap out of her chest, and her whole body vibrating from the nerves somersaulting inside her, she walked towards him.

He glanced up, finger still pressed against that still sinful bottom lip, and a slow grin creased his face, as the corners of his eyes crinkled, "Hey, Kat." Green eyes met grey, and her pep talk flew out of her brain. In less than a second she was eighteen again, swooning at fact that Dean Winchester had smiled at her. 

She shook her head, trying to ground herself in reality. "Hey, Dean," she managed to squeak out.

He slid out of his chair, "Damn, it's good to see you again," Then without warning he was hugging her. Her body screaming _"Finally!"_ the moment their bodies contacted. She melted into him. _"Just one second. I just need this one second, and then I'll let go,"_ she told herself. His body was rock solid. The last time she'd hugged him traces of teenage boy softness had still been present. That little reminder of how much time had passed turned their embrace from sublime to bittersweet for her. She pulled away, tried to step back, but he grasped her hands and pulled her down into the chair across from him. 

Kat took a good look at the man in front of her. The boy had been beautiful, but the man--the man was breathtaking. And his voice...the swaggering, honey smooth drawl was still there, but it was deeper, rougher. His face had been honed by the years. Exhaustion was etched around his eyes, but that mouth, oh that gorgeous mouth was still the same. Still distracting. Still tempting. _But not for you, not again._

"So -uh-wow, um long time no see," she said, instantly hating how moronic she sounded. _Okay, well you absolutely suck at small talk._

"Yeah, it's been a long time. Too long," an almost skittish look flashed in his eyes before he smiled again. "But look at you! You look great, and holy hell, you did it, Kat. You got your bakery! I'm so damn proud of you."

"Thank you," she tucked an escaped curl back into her bun, and wrung her hands under the table. _Please stop shaking, hands,_ "It took awhile. But lots of crappy hours working the line at diners and a million Denver omelets later, here I am. You're right, though. It's been a long time. How are you?"

"I'm fine. Just...living life, you know?"

Kat peered at him, something much deeper was under those flippant words, "So are you and Sam-"

"Okay, you two, here's some pie and coffee," Irena was at their table holding a tray with two slices of pie and two mugs of coffee. _Ten minutes, already?_ She slid a plate and fork in front of each of them. "Kat, I made yours just how you like it." Desperate to hide how badly her hands were shaking, she grabbed a hold of the mug like a lifeline. She raised it to her lips, took a sip, and almost spit it back out. _Holy shit, Rena! Irish coffee? Seriously??_ She shot her friend a glare, but all she got in return was a slow wink, "So who's your friend, Kat?"

"This is Dean Winchester. Dean, Irena Batra. Irena's my right hand here at the shop and my dearest friend. And Dean and I... we-we grew up together."

"Oh nice! So you two are _old friends_ then? Must have been really, _reaaally_ tight back in the day?" Rena simpered.

Normally, she wasn't a very violent person, but right then she could've cheerfully strangled her friend. "Yes, we were. We were next door neighbors, in fact," she gritted out between clenched teeth.

Not knowing what was going on, but sensing the tension, Dean interrupted, "This pie looks incredible, Kat. What is it?" 

Before she could reply Dean was already digging into his slice. As soon as the bite hit his tongue, his eyes fluttered closed, and a growl of pleasure rumbled from his chest, "Oh shit. That's good." He slowly dragged the tip of his tongue across each tine of the fork, hunting for every single speck of pie left on it. He was completely oblivious to what his actions were doing to the two women in front of him. Irena stood frozen, mouth gaping open, while Kat sat there, trying to resist the urge to squirm in her seat from the bolt of heat to the pit of her stomach.

"Kat, what was that? I mean, I've had some great pies in my time, but that! That was a damn near religious experience!"

"Uh," she croaked out. "Uh, it's just a salted caramel apple pie."

"Just! That wasn't a 'just' anything. Any chance, I could buy the whole pie from you?"

"Well um-uh-er-" she still couldn't form a complete thought after the nearly pornographic scene she just watched. _Watching Dean Winchester eating pie should be illegal._

"Hey, is that your ride out there? The Impala?" Thank God, Rena had recovered brain function sooner than her. Otherwise things would've gotten really awkward.

Dean peered at Irena, " Yeah, she's mine. You know cars?"

"Mmm...a little. My dad restores classic cars as a hobby. By the way, have you been in town before? For some reason, I feel like I've seen that car before."

A curious look crossed his face before he said, "It's been almost 20 years since I've been around these parts. So unless you were around in the late 90's, you probably haven't seen Baby before." 

"Huh, weird...well, I'll let you two crazy kids catch up. Kat, you guys take your time. I've got everything covered," she winked again at Kat and sauntered off. Kat half turned in her seat as she longingly watched Rena walk away. _"Take me with you,"_ she wanted to yell after her friend.

She turned back around, took a bracing swig of her coffee, and blundered out, "So where have you been all this time? You--you never contacted me. I thought maybe you would."

"You know how it is. Life gets busy and before you know it too many years pass. You convince yourself that it's too late to do anything about it."

At his words a flare of anger shot through her, and before she could stop herself, she was blurting out, "You know what? You don't know _shit_. You left. You left without a word where you were going. Dean, would it have killed you to send a postcard or make a call every once in a while. I thought we were friends. Best friends, in fact. I don't care how many years passed. I would've been over the moon with happiness to hear one word from you. One word! But instead I got nothing. 

"You don't understand, Kat. I couldn't get in contact with you because I couldn't put you in jeopardy. You don't know what our job is like."

"Yeah, I do. You're a hunter," she ground out.

Dean choked on the sip of coffee he just took, "What? How? When? Wait. What?"

"And to what extent?" she could feel herself getting more angry. And Angry Kat meant one of two things. Tears or snark. Thank heavens, it looked like snark was winning because she'd already spent way too many tears on him. "Dean. Really? Do you really think I wouldn't go over to your place to check up things? You think I would leave that up to Bobby or Ellen or Garth, for heavens sake? Did you think I wouldn't go there to make sure the pipes weren't frozen or that some kid hadn't broken the windows? Do you realize how much weird crap you guys left laying around when you disappeared that night? For months I researched what they could all possibly mean, and then finally on some cryptoid conspiracy website there was a mention about hunters, monsters hunters, and then it all clicked. The long 'camping trips', your dad leaving you and Sam with us, and heck, the Devil's Trap alone in the-"

" _Devil's trap?!_ How-"

She cut him off. She couldn't stop the flow of words from spilling out. They'd been bottled up for too damn long, "C'mon. There's no way I could've left that all alone. Global meteor showers? People disappearing? A nationwide fog? You guys weren't exactly subtle. Even in our quiet neck of the woods there was whispers of weird things happening up in the mountains. But before that there were the man hunts! And then the news reported a shootout-" A choked sob slipped out before she could stop it. 

"I thought you both had died. _Died, Dean!_ For six months I had to live with the knowledge my best friend and his little brother were dead, and I didn't even know where to go for the funeral or where they buried you! Do you know what that does to a person? I felt like I was going crazy. The news said you were dead, but somehow my stupid heart wouldn't let me believe it. Then Bobby showed up. I begged and pleaded with him until finally-finally he told me you weren't dead. But that was it. He wouldn't tell me anything else. That went on every year, until-" She caught Dean wincing at what she would say next so instead she said, "Until Garth showed up the next time, then I had to start over with him."

"I couldn't come back because I didn't want to drag that evil back with me. Evil follows me everywhere I go! I couldn't do that to you, Kat. If something happened to you because of me coming back here, there's no damn way I could live with myself," he said pleadingly. 

She opened her mouth to argue with him further, but at moment six senior ladies walked through the door. Each one carrying a tote bag slung over a shoulder and a book clutched to their chest. The book club ladies were here. _Oh crap, just what I need. Six nosy old ladies coming over to our table... Shit! Here they come._

Like a pack of bloodhounds on a scent trail, six grey haired heads were making their way over to the table. The book club girls could never resist a mystery, though despite what their club name might imply, they read way more bodice tearing romances than feel good biographies or mysteries. They'd even invited her to join them at one point, but an overheard heated discussion of Lord Lampington's pulsating member and Lady Chadwick's heaving alabaster breasts had sent her running. She didn't blame them reading romances because who didn't enjoy a good smutty romance from time to time, but discussing it with women who were the same age as her grandmother? Hard pass.

"Hi honey! Who's your handsome young man?" one of them twittered.

"Hi ladies, this is my friend Dea-"

"Dean Winchester!" Doris Gunderson stepped out from behind the other ladies. "I would recognize you anywhere! I haven't seen you since you baled out of my home ec class two weeks before graduation! Where have you been, young man? Get up and give your old teacher a hug, right now!""

A look of sheer terror skittered across Dean's face as he eased out of his chair and gave his old teacher a hug, somehow looking like a guilty little boy even though he towered over the tiny woman currently shaking her finger at him, "Hey Mrs. Gunderson, how are you?"

"I'm fine, but look at you! My, you did grow up nicely! You take after that handsome daddy of yours. Kat, just look at those broad shoulders! And look at those strong hands! I can just imagine the things you can do with them," she said while stroking those very hands.

Kat would've been perfectly content if the earth could've opened at that moment and swallowed her whole, but if it had, then she would've missed a spectacle she was pretty sure not too many had ever witnessed. Dean Winchester blushing. His entire face and neck turned a blotchy shade of red, and he shot Kat a desperate "save me now" face, so she quickly intervened, "Ladies is there anything I can get you? A scone? Some waters? Irena should be out with your coffee soon."

"Oh no hon, we'll be fine. I'm sure Irena can get us whatever we need. You and Dean just keep on with your catching up," Mrs. Gunderson winked at her before strolling away. What with everyone winking at her? Suddenly she jumped. What the-? One of those old biddies had just slapped her rear! Was she seriously wearing her emotions on her face that obviously? _Greaaat, just what I need, that crazy bunch trying to match make the impossible._

Dean watched the group settle back in their favorite corner of the shop, and looked back at her incredulously, "Whoa. They're...something. And Mrs. Gunderson! I'd forgotten what a dirty old lady she was. I remember her hitting on my dad during parent teacher conferences."

"Yeah, she something alright... So be honest, why are you really here?" she asked quietly, suddenly exhausted and anger spent. "As nice as it to see you, don't tell me you're here simply to see an old school friend."

"No, you're right. I'm not here to just here to catch up with an old friend, but you really are the reason I'm here." She stared at him in disbelief. "No, it's true, you are the reason I'm here. We-I need your help. I need it for something huge. And according to my sources, as crazy as it sounds, you're the only person on the entire planet that can help me with it."

She leaned back in her seat, and clenched her hands even harder, her senses telling her that whatever he said next, Dean Winchester was about to shake her world to it's very core once again, "So...what do you need my help with?"

Dean slumped forward, burying his face in his hands, "Shit. There's honestly no tactful way to say this so here it goes... How do you feel about the two of us getting married?"

This time it wasn't Kat dropping the glass carafe, but Irena as she walked up to see if Dean needed a warm up. All Kat could think before she fell out of her seat was, _"I'm going to need a lot more Irish in my coffee."_


	11. Chapter 11

_“Please help me chop this tree down_  
_Or hold me from underneath_  
_Words never once cut me down_  
_Oh, don’t you cry for me.”_  
_-Don’t Cry For Me by Cobi_

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Dean leapt out of his chair and caught Kat before she hit the floor. His knees slammed to the ground as he cradled her head against his chest, the two of them tangled up in an awkward pile on the floor. Somehow, they ended up missing the glass shards from the pot Irena dropped. Irena hovered nearby, so flustered that she kept pacing circles around them, and of course, the book club ladies were clucking above them too.

"Hey Irena, could you grab a broom to clean up this glass? And ladies, why don't you go sit down. We don't want anyone to cut themselves. Kat'll come around soon. I think someone's been putting in too many hours and not eating enough," he winked at them and they all tsked tsked in agreement. _GO. Just go back to your table, grannies._ He needed them to leave for a minute so he could make sure the woman currently spread across his chest really was okay.

"Shit. Of course! Stupid me! I'll be right back!" Irena hurried away, and the ladies ambled to their table, throwing concerned looks over their shoulders as they went. He returned his attention to Kat. Shit. He _knew_ he would mess this up.

"Kat? Kat, honey? You with me?" He tenderly stroked a few stray curls off her cheek, trying not to notice how those soft strands caught on his calloused fingers. "Yeah. Yeah, I'm here," she weakly replied. "I can't believe I fell out of my chair. I'm so freaking clumsy sometimes."

"Sweetheart, you did more than just fall out of your chair. You blacked out for a minute."

"What? No, I couldn't have-" she jerked upright suddenly realizing she wasn't laying on the floor but across Dean. "Oh lord! I'm probably making your legs go numb, all this weight on you!" she scrambled off his lap, her elbow narrowly missing an extremely sensitive area of his anatomy. She lunged to her feet only to sway again. Dean wrapped an arm around her waist and helped her sit back down, "Take it easy, now. I'm gonna get you some water."

Well, this certainly was off to a fan-freaking-tastic start. In less than an hour, he had made Kat both yell at him and faint. Score one for Team Winchester. Why couldn't Sam have come? He was the guy with all the words. You need someone to make heads roll? Call him. But if you needed someone to gently explain a delicate situation? Call Sam.

He invited himself into the kitchen where Irena was getting ready to head back to the dining room with a broom and dustpan. "Is she doing okay?" Irena anxiously asked.

"Yeah, she's coming around. I'm going to grab her a glass of water if that's okay? And hey listen, can you give us a little more time and keep the book club ladies occupied? I need to talk to Kat about something pretty serious, and I think she'll need her space after I'm done."

Irena eyed him intently before answering, "Okay, but just know if you do anything to cause her more grief, you'll answer to me. Kat's a tender soul, but me? Not so much. Got it?"

See, this Dean could deal with, a simple and direct threat. This talking things out business was a whole different story. "Got it," he agreed.

"Good. Glasses are on that shelf. I'll go distract the Tuesdays With Morrie ladies."

He filled the glass and walked back to the dining room, setting the glass in front of Kat. He gently squeezed her shoulder before he sat down. "Still with me?"

"Yeah, I'm still here." Kat fiddled with her water glass, "Hey so...umm...did-did you _really_ just ask me to marry you? To save the world? Or did I imagine it? You didn't right? Or did you mean it as a joke?"

"Yeah-yeah, I did. I really did. Listen-"

"But-but- Why me? I'm _no one_. I'm just a baker from nowhere Colorado. I mean if you need someone to bake you an industrial sized batch of brownies, then yeah, sure. I'm your girl. But save the world? Don't you need someone who's a bit...more? Someone who's more Buffy and less Mary Barry? And marriage? You want to marry me? Me? I-I don't understand why you would even want to."

"Okay, let me try to explain. Hopefully, I don't screw this up too much. God, I wish Sam or Cas were here. They could explain it way better."

"Who's Cas?" she quietly interrupted.

"Oh, right. Cas is our best friend. He's actually the one who told me about this mission and to come find you. That you're the key to solving our problems. He also happens to be an angel..."

"Wait. Does this Cas happen to wear a trench coat, and have an extremely literal way of talking?"

_"You know him?!"_

"Yeah, he was here a few days ago right when I was opening up for the day. There was no one else here, but him and I. We chatted a bit. He wanted to know if I was the owner, and what my name was. He also seemed to be a little obsessed with my pies. Kept going on about it being a 'very good thing' that I liked making them."

"Son of a bitch," he muttered. _Cas, you bastard...Well, might as well get this over with._ He ruffled his hair in frustration, completely missing the longing glance from Kat as her eyes followed his hands. "So you know, and I can't believe that you actually do know this, that there are monsters like werewolves and vampires right?"

"Yeah..." she said hesitantly.

"Well there are also demons-"

"And angels, yes, I know, but why-"

"I'll-I'll get there, I promise. So there's supposed to be a natural order to things, demons have hell, angels have heaven, and creatures like vampires have a place called Purgatory. Earth is kind of the safe zone for these three parties, and there's supposed to be limited interaction with humans. But things have gotten really screwed up. Instead of everyone staying in their respective corners, it's a damn free for all out there, and everything is out of whack. People are getting killed left, right and center. We've been trying to put things to rights for years, but nothing works for long. We fix one problem only to have a hundred others pop up," he had kept his eyes locked on his coffee cup up until now, but when he glanced her way, he found Kat intently staring at him. _She's hasn't fainted again. This is good._

"So besides angels there really is a God, and he goes by Chuck. Don't ask, I'll explain some other time. Chuck/God has a sister named Amara, again, I'll explain her later. So Amara's come across this...sort of heavenly fix all. A way to put everything back to how it's supposed to be, and actually close the gates between realms so Earth can have a little peace for once. This is where you come in. The fix is the marriage of two matched righteous souls. This union is supposed to have some kind of cosmic power to restore things to rights."

"Righteous...souls?" she tentatively asked.

"Yeah, uh, certain people are picked by heaven at birth to fulfill a need when it arises. These people are the Righteous Souls. I'm one, and um...so are you. And each Soul has its match. Its alternate. Kind of like two sides of a coin is how Cas explained it," he paused for a breath. _Just tell her. Get it out, man._ "According to Amara, you-you and I are matched righteous souls. Cas thinks we need someone like you who isn't tainted by all the shit in the world. Someone who's...the opposite of me. And that's it. That's why I asked you to marry me and save the world."

He kept his eyes on Kat during the rest of his speech to make sure she didn't check out on him as he dropped bombshell after bombshell on her. She seemed to be following along, but her eyes widened with disbelief more and more with each passing second.

"Look. I know I have no right to ask you this. God knows it's a massive sacrifice on your part. You'll be giving up your life as you know it. Hell, you'll have to live with a Winchester. I-I know I'm no prize. I'll be completely honest with you. I'm legitimately messed up, Kat. My life has been a shit show for years. The shit I've seen? The stuff I've done? There ain't no coming back from that. You'll be tying yourself to a train wreck, and if you decide to do this, I'm not getting the short end of this bargain. You are."

The look of disbelief in her eyes softened, and instead of saying no like he knew she would have every right to, she said, "Let me think about it. Come over to my house around 6:00. I'm still living at the old place. I'll have an answer for you by then."

***

Dean stepped outside. _Well, that could've gone worse. Could have gone better too, but you take what you get._ He leaned against his car, and pulled out his phone. Sam answered after the second ring, "Hey! Did you make it okay?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I made it."

"So...how's Kat?"

"She's uh...good."

Sam sighed, "Okaaay, well did you talk to her about it?"

"Yeah, I did."

"And?"

"She-she said that she needed some time to think about it. I don't know, man..."

"Can you blame her? Dean, this is a good thing. You just turned her world upside down with all of this. She could've turned you down flat, but instead she just asked for a little time. It shows that she's serious about this. It shows-"

"Sam, she knows we're hunters," he cut in.

" _What?_ Are you serious?"

"Yeah. This entire damn time she knew. She knew about the police standoff years ago. She knows about Devil's Traps and vampires. Dude! She knows about angels and demons! Hell, she probably knows how to kill a Wendigo. She barely flinched when I mentioned Chuck and Amara. And she's not exactly happy that we stayed away for so long. The earful I just got...shit. Who knew sweet little Kat had _that_ in her?"

Sam chuckled, "I told you she could handle us."

"Are we still sure about this? Can-can we really ask her to do this? This is way more than just putting up with us for a week or two, or asking someone to share an apartment. It's marriage, man." He hesitated before saying, "Why did I agree to this? What if someone or something tracks me down, and she gets caught in the crosshairs? I'm _poison_ , man. Everything I touch gets ruined. I can't ruin Kat too. She's one of the few good things left in this messed up world."

"Dean, you've been claiming that you're poison for years! It wasn't true then, and it's not true now. The real issue is you're scared, man." Dean guffawed in denial. "No, you are. And you need to ask yourself what you're more scared of. Yourself? Or an actual shot at happiness?"

"Okay Freud, that's enough. Thanks for the session. I'll call you back when I get Kat's answer," he ended the call and threw himself into the car. _Damn Sam, and his stupid shrink talk._

Now he had to kill a few hours before meeting back up with Kat. Maybe he would go check out the old place. They really should decide what to do with it. No sense in keeping it. If Kat agreed to his proposal, he could do whatever immediate repairs needed to be done and put it on the market. That is if she even agreed to letting him live at her place.

He leaned back in the seat, thinking about everything that had just happened. She still looked like the Kat he remembered. The years had refined her soft features, and added a few subtle laugh lines. But those misty grey eyes and full pink lips were still the same. She still had those honey blond curls, impish dimples and stubborn chin. Still had those lush curves that haunted his dreams from time to time...

Damn, she had felt good in his arms. He'd forgotten how it felt to hold all that warmth. Holding her felt like a taste of home. It felt like those first days when they settled into the bunker. Like there was somewhere to look forward to coming back to, rather than needing to keep pushing on and on. Never having a place to truly rest.

Dangerous thoughts, he knew, and he had to get rid of them because there was every possibility that she would say no to this idiotic idea. And then where would he be? Back to the same old hell. Only this time it would be worse. Because after all these years he'd had a sip of heaven only to have it torn away from him again. And even if she did say yes, she didn't need him panting at her heels. If she said yes, he would have to keep it buttoned up. She deserved someone way better than him. Someone more like her. Someone kind and-and _clean_.

Despite what Sam said, he couldn't shake the fear that he was poison, and his poison would somehow end up infecting Kat. He could never allow that to happen. If this all went through, and his shit started hitting the fan, he was out of here. To hell with the earth and everyone on it. The only thing that mattered was keeping her safe. He would make a deal with either heaven or hell, he didn't care which, just to make sure she was immune to it all.


	12. Chapter 12

The rest of the afternoon passed in a daze for Kat. She barely heard Shayla come in for her shift and mumbled answers to Rena's questions about tomorrow's pastry specials. Afternoon prep became a lesson in survival. Thank heavens her hands could virtually do it from memory by now. Never in a million years was this how she pictured today going... 

_Dean was back._

Just when she had about given up hope he would ever return, there he was waltzing through her door. And as if that wasn’t earth shattering enough, he had-had asked her to marry him? To save the world? _What the actual hell? Will these Winchesters ever stop throwing my world into a tailspin? First, he took off without a trace, and then there was everything else that followed..._

When she’d stumbled on the Devil's Trap and discovered the bags of rock salt and vials of holy water in the Winchesters’ basement, Kat’s first thought was, _“Holy crap. I think my neighbors are Satanists.”_ But then she forced herself to calm down and actually think for a minute. That little moment then started her down a long and winding road that ended in a mind blowing answer. 

_Hunters._

Every question. Every red flag she’d encountered over the years _finally_ made sense. All the times John left in the middle of the night. The frequent "camping trips". How both boys seemed so much older than their actual age? Sam's bizarre Latin fluency at _age twelve_? Dean's loner attitude? _It all fit._

Monsters and demons were no longer the stuff of her favorite fantasy books. They were reality now. Her reality. 

Then the news about the manhunt and standoff hit, and all the light in the world was extinguished. _“Thank heavens, Bobby had showed up when he did,”_ she thought, a prickle of cold sweat breaking out on the back of her neck. _“Otherwise-otherwise…it might have been over for me.”_ She had been teetering on the edge of a bottomless abyss, about to fall head first into it, but a few words from that curmudgeonly old hunter had saved her life. 

Life slowly settled back into a normal rhythm after that, and she relearned that it could be worth living. Of course life could never stay calm for long because just a few years later on the hunter websites she obsessively followed, red alerts started popping up nationwide. Creature activity kept ticking up and up, and news outlets around the country went into overdrive with reports of violent animal attacks and absurd storms. Once again, things went topsy turvy. Every new discovery about the lives that those two men lived became more and more unbelievable. 

_But this?_ This little nugget that Dean just dropped into her lap? It made everything else seem about as intimidating as a chuck of stale white bread.

She told him that she needed to think about it, but if she was honest, her mind was already made up. There was no denying her heart’s choice. The look of pleading exhaustion on Dean's face was all the convincing she needed. _That look..._ As selfish and wrong as it was, this way she could have Dean in her life again. Even though it was sure to end up in heartbreak for her. Even though after all this was over, she knew in her heart she would never be with another man. 

Dean was it for her. He always had been and always would be.

Two pans of burnt sugar and a sliced thumb later, Irena finally shooed her home with an affectionate, but exasperated, "Would you just get the hell home? I love you, but you're kind of a safety hazard right now. Shayla and I can finish up without you. Go sort things out with that Impala driving certain someone. Nuh uh, don't even try arguing. Now get!"

Kat "got" and pulled into her driveway only to see Dean’s Impala sitting next door. The sight of his car in its old spot almost wrecked her. All she wanted to do was sit and weep from the flood of emotions she had been trying and failing to deal with for the last two and half hours. How many years had she waited for that car to return to that spot? And now that it was actually there? She didn't even know how to began to deal with it all.

 _What you do is put your big girl panties on, get inside and make some damn dinner!_

Heeding her own advice, she got out of her Outback and crept toward the house, furtively glancing next door to see if Dean was watching. Once inside, she practically sprinted to the bathroom where she quickly showered and washed her hair. After a mental brawl with herself over whether or not a little makeup and perfume would make it seem like she was trying too hard, she finally decided to apply a bit of mascara and a liberal spritz of Amber Blush. Right now she would take whatever courage she could get, and if it could be found in the arms of Maybelline and Bath and Body Works then so be it. 

After weaving her wet curls into a loose braid and slipping into her favorite pair of jeans and a teal peasant top, she ran downstairs to throw together some dinner. Thank the baking gods, she’d been craving quiche last night and there was still most of the pan left. All she would have to do was heat it up and toss together a salad.

She was just opening the oven to check on whether the quiche was hot when a knock sounded on the back screen door. _Oh lord, he’s here already. Okay, be cool. Don’t. Be. Awkward._

"Sorry, old habits. I probably should’ve come to the front door," Dean grinned down at her through the screen. For a split second they were teenagers once again, and the boys were coming over for dinner like they did almost every other night. She blinked, and the years fell back into place, "No worries, c’mon in. The only people who use the front door are home security salesmen." She opened the door, narrowly missing her face as she did and stepped aside. _Smooth. Real smooth, Fisher._

"Smells awesome in here. Can I help with anything?" Dean asked, looking around as he strolled into the kitchen. He leaned a hip against the island, taking in creamy yellow walls, crisp white cabinets and mint green retro styled appliances. “Wow, looks great in here, Kat. You must’ve done a remodel?”

“Uh...sure. Can you wash that bag of greens and then slice up those tomatoes?” She motioned to the vegetable by the sink. “And thanks! I did do a little remodel in here last year. I thought it was high time to put to rest Mom’s country geese and dusty rose 80’s wallpaper. I’m hoping to tackle the other rooms soon, but time kinda keeps running away from me.”

Dean quietly said, “Well, maybe I could help you with that…” Then before she could react, he turned his attention to the greens in front of him. He started gingerly poking them. A giggle bubbled up from Kat before she could stop it, “Good lord, don’t tell me you _still_ don’t like green food, Dean! It’s just lettuce, for the love of Pete. It won’t bite you.”

“Try telling the lettuce that,” he muttered, turning the faucet on and savagely throwing the greens in a strainer. 

“How was the rest of your afternoon?” Kat asked, refusing to let their conversation from turning to the elephant in the room. 

“After I left the shop, I drove next door and walked through the old place. It was smaller than I remembered…” he shook his head ruefully. “Strange how time warps your memories. The backyard used to seem so huge. Now it’s just a tiny patch of grass. But it looks like it's in great condition. Thanks for taking care of it for us. You didn't have to.”

“I know I didn’t have to, but what are neighbors for?”

They chatted for awhile, thankfully keeping the conversation casual while they got dinner together and sat down at the table. It all felt so familiar yet foreign at the same time. While they were growing up, they had spent so many hours in this room, but now too many years had passed, too much time had slipped by to keep them from feeling a bit like strangers. She couldn’t quite reconcile the tall, world weary man sitting in front of her with the boy she once knew.

“So what are we having?” Dean asked, shaking her out of her reverie. 

“Quiche, and don’t you dare curl your lip at it, Dean Winchester! What is it with guys and quiche? All there is to it are eggs, bacon, leeks, gouda and crimini mushrooms. Basically a meat pie. Don’t guys love pie?”

“Damn straight, we like pie! It’s just...why do they have to call it something so... _frenchy?_ ”

“Fine. We’ll call it meat pie from here on out in this house,” she quipped. His eyebrows shot up at that remark, and she stammered, trying and failing to cover her slip up. “I-I-I mean...um I’ll call it-uh-that when-whenever I’m-uh-around you.”

"Right. So-uh-where are your folks, Kat? Do they still live here?"

“No-um-they don’t,” Kat nearly fell to her knees in gratitude that Dean didn’t linger on her screw up. “My parents gave me this place when they moved away about 10 years ago.

"Moved? You mean Alan and Tricia, the diehard _‘Colorado is the best state in the world!!’_ fans actually moved away?"

"Yeah, they moved to Oregon actually. Mom said she couldn't handle another Rocky Mountain winter. Since my dad would follow mom to the ends of the earth and they both love the ocean, away they went to Lincoln City, Oregon. They've set up a combo physical therapy and accounting office. Can you even imagine the two of them working side by side? But so far, they've made it work. They seem to love it out there."

Dean chuckled, “That’s awesome. Those two deserve happiness. They were always so good to Sammy and me. All three of you were.” He hesitated before asking, “And what about you? Why are you still single? Guys should be falling all over you! Someone like you should be married with three mini Kats helping out in the bakery."

She gawked at him. Guys falling over themselves for... _her?_ Didn’t he see what was sitting in front of him? She was still awkward chubby Kat. Still just the sister. Still just the friend. Never the girlfriend. Never the lover. And the fact Dean, the man she had pined after for years, was asking her this made her die a little on the inside. The urge to cry started again, but instead she forced a fake laugh, and her patented answer to questions about her relationship status, "Oh lord, no time! I've done a little dating-" _Liar! You've gone on exactly four dates, and every single one was a first date. And they all ended with a peck on the cheek and not a single call or text afterwards._ "But running your own business doesn't exactly leave you a lot of time for dating.”

“I hear ya. Hunting isn’t exactly conducive for having long term relationships either...”

The mood in the kitchen changed from breezy chatter to the somber realization that they couldn’t avoid the inevitable much longer. They both grew silent and absently picked at the food left on their plates. Finally, Kat stood up and reached for Dean’s plate, “How about some coffee, and-and a bit of that pie you liked?”

“Hell yeah,” he replied. “That pie was frickin’ amazing. And dinner tonight really was good. Even if it does have a fancy ass name.”

“Thank you,” Kat laughed softly and then busied herself with prepping the French press, trying to organize her thoughts into some semblance of order. She glanced back at Dean, and watched those broad shoulders droop in exhaustion when he thought she wasn’t looking. In that moment it seemed like the weight of the world rested on those weary shoulders, and in his case, it really did. _Oh Dean…_ No one should have to bear that heavy of a burden. An absurd urge to protect him crept over her, and any lingering doubts about her answer fled. How could she not help this worn out warrior? 

She had so many questions to ask before she told him her decision. In the long run, they honestly didn’t matter, but still…she had to ask them. She tidied up the kitchen as the coffee brewed, mentally rehearsing what she needed to say.

“All right,” she set the press and plates of pie on the table along with some cream and homemade vanilla syrup and sat back down, her shaking hands curling around the edges of the table runner. “So I-uh-I have a few questions. If I-we do this what does...this-we-" her words tumbled out in a high pitched tangle as her nerves skittered around the pit of her stomach. So much for the rehearsal. "What does it mean for both us? Do you leave afterwards and I-I stay here? Do you keep hunting? Do-do I go with you? Do we live together? Do-do you stay here with-with me?" _God, I sound so pathetic and needy... I want him to stay here, but there’s no way I can expect him to. There’s way too many people who need him…I have absolutely zero right to keep him to myself._ "What do we look like? And how-how soon do we need to do the ceremony-er-ritual?"

Dean reached out, grabbed her clenched hands and began running his thumbs over her knuckles in an attempt to calm her, not realizing that his hands on hers did the complete opposite. "If we do this, and the ritual works then I won't _have_ to hunt anymore. Sure, there’s bound to be a few strays to clean up. Probably always will be. These things never seem to be foolproof, but I won’t be taking any part of the cleanup unless it comes knocking on my door. I don't want to chance dragging you into that part of my life. As far as us...” He paused to gather his thoughts, “Our marriage will be in name only. Strictly platonic. No funny business, I promise. I would never in a million years expect you to sleep with me. But maybe-maybe now we can have a chance to be friends again. I would really like that. I’ve missed you, Kat."

She dropped her eyes to their entwined hands, her heart shattering at his words. Kat knew they were meant to soothe her, but she couldn't help but feel crushed by them. _Friends._ Of course that’s all he wanted. Why would she think think anything different after all this time?

"As far as our living arrangement, I was thinking of fixing up the old place and selling it. If you don’t mind, could I stay here with you? I’m totally fine with bunking on the couch. And maybe I could get a job at a mechanic shop or something. Fixing cars is about the only other thing I'm good at besides...well you know...killing stuff. And as far as your last question, we'll have to perform the ceremony as soon as possible. Tomorrow or the day after at the latest. I wish I could give you more time, but we don’t have that luxury."

"Okay. I see…” she paused for a second, knowing that what she said next would end the current chapter of her life forever. “I still don't understand why or how we're a match. I'm mean you're Dean freakin’ Winchester, and I-I'm-well...me. But...I'll do it. I'll marry you." The instantaneous relief and gratitude in his eyes at her words made all the pain and heartache she knew was waiting for her worth it.

Dean gave a relieved chuckle and turned both of her hands over so they were palm up, and breathed a kiss into the center of each one, the stroke of his soft lips making her brain stutter, before saying, "Thanks, Kit Kat. I'm gonna do _everything_ in my power to make sure you don't regret this decision. I'll be right back. I’ve gotta let Cas and Sam know. They’ll need to get things lined up for the ceremony." He slipped out back door and left Kat alone at the table.

She sat there gnawing on her knuckles as doubt sidled its way into her brain. What had she just agreed to? She, the always cautious one, had just accepted the most certifiably insane proposal ever. She was getting married. _Her!_ How the hell was she going to break the news to people… _Her parents!_ Oh hell, how was she going to tell them about _this_. There’s no way she could explain it to them now. After all, she'd never shared her discoveries about the Winchesters with them. Crap, when they found out, they were going to _kill_ her. Not to mention how hurt they were going to be. Their only child didn’t even invite them to her wedding. She was officially the poster child for the worst daughter ever. 

Fortunately her circle of friends was super small. Two or three old high school friends, and at work there was just Shayla and Rena. Shayla, at the tender age of seventeen, would probably think it was all "just soooo terribly romantic". Rena would be pissed beyond belief when Kat told her, but as her best friend she would stick with her through it all. 

Still… She was getting married. The eternally single Kat was actually going to be a married woman. Maybe miracles really do happen? But how in the name of Julia Child, were they going to make all of this work? 

_"The only way you can make it work is to be friends, just friends. He even said it himself. All he wants to be is friends. You can do this. It'll be like old times...except we'll be sharing a house now. Roommates! That's what we'll be. Roommates. Nothing more… Not that ever will be anything more. You're not even his type, remember?! You're-you're not anyone's type. Don’t expect anything else. Just be the friend he needs. Maybe by being that, you can help chase away a tiny bit of that darkness and pain lurking in his eyes...”_


	13. Chapter 13

_Two days later..._

Rays of golden sunlight glowed through the leafy canopy and glinted off the little mountain stream, its water shimmering and babbling as it passed over the amber and rust colored gravel bed. Chokecherry trees dangled their creamy, cascading blossoms over the brook’s bank. Chickadees and sparrows chirped merrily as they flew from tree to tree, and a mother grouse and her brood shyly peeked out from under a sprawling fern. 

It seemed that nature was trying her hardest to set the man currently pacing circles by the edge of the stream at ease, but the peaceful, bucolic scene was completely lost on him. Every couple minutes someone would approach and try to talk to him. They would be quickly shaken off, and the pacing would resume...

***

Dean’s feet couldn’t stay still and the doubts in his head wouldn’t shut up. Everything within him was still questioning if what was going to happen here in a short while was really the right thing to do. It didn’t help that his well meaning friends kept coming up to him to try to calm him down, but their attempts only made him lash out at them. They weren’t the one that was about to completely screw up an innocent woman’s life.

_If you all could just leave me alone for two damn minutes that would be fantastic._

He nervously tugged at the cuffs of his white dress shirt and ran his sweating palms down the sides of his charcoal grey slacks. If anyone had told him that one day he would be wearing his FBI monkey suit to his honest to god wedding, he would’ve laughed in their face.

_You could still back out you know. Tell them all to go screw themselves and get the hell out of here. You know Kat would be better off without you in her life again. God. If it weren't for Sammy..._

The stark reality of what they were vowing to each other had finally hit home the other night when he called Sam to give him Kat’s answer. He couldn’t stop thinking about what he was about to put her through...

***

_Dean jogged down the porch steps and stepped into the dark back yard, dialing Sam’s number as he went. Sammy answered with the first ring. Was he literally standing over his phone waiting for him to call?_

_“Hey! So did she give you an answer?” Sam’s voice was threaded with barely concealed eagerness._

_“Alright, slow down there, eager beaver. Cas with you?”_

_“Yeah, he’s here.”_

_“Put me on speaker. I don’t wanna repeat this twice.”_

_After a couple seconds of listening to urgent mumbles in the background, Sam came back on, “Okay, you’re on speaker. So what did Kat say?”_

_Dean knew Sam and Cas were practically foaming at the mouth for an answer. Part of him wanted to mess with them just to be a dick, but he quickly decided that now was not the time, “She’s on board. It’s a go.”_

_Sam let out a whoop so loud he had to yank the phone away from his ear. The next thing he heard was Cas saying “This is good, Dean. This is very good. I’ll just have to summon Crowley-”_

_“Crowley?! Whoa, whoa, whoa! What the hell does he have to do with all this?”_

_“Ah. I guess I forgot to explain the whole ritual to you.”_

_“I guess you did. So what does that bag of dicks have to do with the ritual?”_

_“I told you that we would be using a form of a Celtic handfasting for the ceremony, right?”_

_“Right. I thought you would perform the ceremony, Sam would tie a knot around our hands with some ropes, you mumble a few words in Enochian, and then bibbity bobbity boo, ritual complete. But now you’re telling me King Douche Bag has to be involved? What the hell, Cas?”_

_“Well, one of the components of the ritual is that all four parties involved in the fight for Earth have to be part of the ceremony: humans, angels, monsters, and demons. Each representative will lay across your hands one of the four cords that will make up the knot that binds you. Sam and I are already on board. That leaves the demon and monster component. Crowley is our best option because at least we know him, and know to expect that he’ll try something. Enemy you know and all that. As far as the monster, Sam’s already reached out to Garth, and is just waiting for a call back.”_

_“Garth’ll do it no questions asked. Just be prepared to be hugged like you’ve never been hugged before. But Crowley? Man, how do we know he won’t try to pull something? I won’t have Kat caught in the middle of one of his ‘deals’.” Dean said defensively._

_“About that…” Shit. He know that tone in Cas’ voice. A deal had already been made. “We’ve already offered a deal.”_

_“Of course, you have,” he snarled. “So what is it?”_

_“Crowley agreed to participate if he’s allowed to come and go freely after hell’s gates are sealed, and he gets to keep up his crossroad deals.”_

_“That’s it? That’s all he wants?” Dean said disbelievingly. “That can’t be it. It’s Crowley, for shit’s sake!”_

_“That’s it, Dean. Sam and I questioned him most thoroughly, and he kept insisting that that was it. He simply wants to keep up his crossroads operations. He says it’s the human’s choice if they decide to summon him. It’s made by their own free will.”_

_“Fine. Whatever.” Exhaustion suddenly hit him like a freight train. He would have to figure out Crowley’s real intent later. Now he just wanted to sleep. It had been a hell of a day so far, and it wasn’t over quite yet, “Just so we’re clear that none of this affects Kat. She’s a Crowley free zone. What other surprises do you have in store for us?”_

_“Um yes, there’s the oathing stone you and Katherine will hold between your hands-”_

_“That doesn’t sound too bad-”_

_“After I cut both of your hands with a blade dipped in holy water.”_

_“WHAT??!! SHIT! WHAT THE HELL, CAS!!! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO EXPLAIN A FUCKING BLOOD ELEMENT TO HER??”_

_“Um Dean? Are you-uh-okay out there?” Kat’s concerned voice called out from the house._

_Quickly, he covered the phone and answered, “Yeah! Sorry! I’m fine. Sam’s just being annoying like always.”_

_Uncovering the phone, he quietly ground out, “Cas, I can’t believe you didn’t mention all of this sooner. She’ll probably back out now.”_

_“Hey, Dean.” This time Sam’s voice came over phone. Cas probably threw him the phone and bolted for who knows where after his outburst. “Listen, I know it’s a lot to explain to her, but you said she already knew about us and what we do. She’s gotta at least have some idea of how spells work, right? Just lay it out to her as if you were explaining a new spell to me. I’m thinking the Band Aid approach will probably work best here.” Sam paused before saying, “Dean, if I could do this for you I would. I would do it in a heartbeat, man. It seems like you’re always the one doing the saving, whether it’s killing a lower level demon or saving the freaking world. I-I wish I could do more.”_

_“I know you would, Sammy, but damn it all…” he sighed, as his anger cooled. “So what else do I need to know about this thing?”_

_“After the bloodletting and the cords are draped over your hands, it’s pretty straight forward. You two says vows with each element, and then two witnesses come forward and tie the knots. I’ve already asked Eileen to be a witness, if it’s okay with you, and maybe Kat has a friend she would want involved?”_

_“Eileen, huh? You guys are starting to get a little hot and heavy, aren’t you?” He plowed forward without letting Sam answer. “Yeah, Eileen’s a good one, but as far as Kat’s friends... Dude, do we really want to get another civilian in on this?”_

_“I don’t know who else to get. Jody and Donna are both tied up, and won’t be able to make it down there for at least a week. We don’t exactly have a huge circle of friends, Dean.”_

_“Damn it...you’re right. I’ll ask her. I actually did meet one of her friends today. She might be just ballsy enough to handle it. So is that it?” He said, almost afraid to ask._

_“After the witnesses tie an infinity knot, you two pull your hands free, exchange rings, Cas says a closing phrase in Enochian, you kiss, and that’s that. Ritual complete, and then on to married life for you.”_

_Rings? Son of a bitch…_

_At that thought, a memory flashed in his head. Year ago, he and Sam had stopped by Missouri Moseley’s place in Lawrence looking for news on Dad. As they were leaving, Missouri had pulled him aside and pressed two silver rings into his hand. Then she had peered at him with those incredible, all knowing eyes of hers, and said, “Take these. You’re going to need them one day, honey. Oh yes, you will. Don’t argue with me, boy. Just take them.”_

_At the time, he thought maybe she meant he would need them for a spell or something. Maybe melt them down to make some silver bullets. So he had carefully tucked them into one of the inside pockets of his rifle case, and hadn’t given them much more thought after that. For some reason though, he’d kept them in the case all these years, and now...now was the time. Missouri had been right all along._

***

_“Psychics, man…”_ he mused to himself.

“Dean. It’s time,” Cas said quietly. He glanced up, startled to see Garth, Sam, Crowley and Eileen forming a half circle around him and Cas. Each of the men were holding a different colored silk rope. While he was lost in his thoughts, the time to back out had come and gone.

The soft sound of women’s voices in the distance drew his attention away from the group surrounding him and to the pair standing arm in arm a few hundred yards away. He barely even noticed Irena because, like a moth to a flame, his attention immediately flew to Kat.

_Well. Shit._

She looked like she had just walked out of some 1950’s musical. Her honey curls were swept up into a vintage hairstyle, a few curls left to frame her face. Her lips were a distracting shade of ruby red. He could barely tear his eyes away from them, but when he did, oh when he did… His jaw nearly dropped at the sight. A lacy jade green dress gently hugged her voluptuous hips, and then flared out to hit her just below her knees. A pair of dark red heels finished off the outfit. She looked like everything sweet and good in this godforsaken world. She looked like everything he wasn’t and never would be.

He knew he should turn tail and run, but the shy, tentative smile she gave as she walked toward him kept him glued in place. That and the fact that he was a selfish bastard and wanted to bask in all that goodness for as long as she would let him. That goodness that had spurred him on all these years, and now, like some kind of addict, he couldn’t give it up. Not yet...maybe not ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaand we finally have a wedding in the next chapter!!


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters less than two weeks apart, and we finally have a wedding?! I do believe we have us a miracle here, folks.

Rena grasped her arm in a death grip. “ _Kat._ Who’s that guy?”

Kat peered at the small knot of people standing by the stream. “Which guy?”

Rena pointed, her finger shaking and her normally smoky voice strained and high pitched. “ _That guy._ The one who looks like he’s trying to be a young Columbo for Halloween.”

“Oh, that’s Cast-uh-Cas. He’s Dean’s friend who’s officiating the ceremony. Why? Rena...you’re shaking! What’s wrong? Do you know him?” she asked urgently. Kat had never seen her usually unflappable friend like this. 

“I-I don’t know how, but I do. It’s like my brain can’t remember, but my soul does...how weird is that?” Rena said with a quivering laugh.

“Okay...well, that is a _little_ strange...I’ll make sure to introduce you after the ceremony. Maybe that’ll jog your memory?”

“Maybe…” she trailed off. Then shaking off her mood, at least for the present moment, Rena looped her arm through Kat’s and gave her a blinding grin, “Alright lady, you ready to do this thing?” 

Kat took a deep breath, “I think so. But before we walk down there...I need to tell you something. The ceremony is going to be a bit...weird.”

“Weirder than you getting married only _two days_ after being reaquainted with this ‘old friend’?”

“Much, _much_ weirder. You’ll probably have questions about...well, all of it, and I promise to explain as much as I can afterwards. But during the ceremony just try to roll with it, okay?” The only information Kat had given Rena about the ceremony was that they were using a handfasting ritual, and then she’d asked her if she would be willing to participate. Rena had quickly agreed to help out and even insisted on walking her down to the ceremony site since her dad wouldn’t be there to do the honors.

There was absolutely no way she was going to tell Rena _all_ that the ceremony would entail. She was still trying to get over the shock from everything that Dean had informed her would take place. An angel, demon and werewolf were going to be part of her wedding? It honestly sounded like the start of a really bad joke. Plus, the whole hand cutting business? She was still trying to work through that bit, but if Rena found out about it? She would probably haul Kat out by her hair and head for the hills. This was why it was for the best that she stay in the dark for now. 

“Hmmm...you better. I don’t know how much more weird I can take.” Rena gave her a lingering look, “Damn woman, you look gorgeous!” 

“Thanks, sweetie.” 

After spending an embarrassingly long time sitting on her closet floor yesterday morning crying over the fact that she wouldn’t be wearing the wedding dress of her dreams, she’d finally settled on what she’d worn to her cousin’s wedding last year. With its delicate, jade lace overlay and full skirt, she couldn’t help but feel a bit like June Allyson in _Good News_ , and she was going to need to channel every bit of June’s perky ‘can do’ attitude to get through this day. To complete the retro look, she applied her favorite red lipstick, and tried and mostly succeeded to tame her curls into a toned down victory roll hairstyle. She didn’t look much like a bride, but she at least looked presentable. And as much as she’d tried suppressing it, a sneaky little voice popped up wondering if Dean would like how she looked. She shouldn’t care. He probably didn’t, but that stupid voice wouldn’t go away.

_Good grief, now’s not the time to get all needy for a man’s validation. Stop. Stop. STOP._

She sighed at herself internally before turning and pulling Rena in for a quick, tight hug, “Thank you for being here. There’s absolutely _no way_ I could do this without you by my side. You’re the best friend a girl could ask for.” Without warning tears began to burn behind her eyelids.

“No, no, no, don’t do that! You start, then I start, and then we’re a sobbing mess with mascara running down our faces,” Rena lectured. “You’re an amazing, strong woman who deserves only happiness, and if Dean ever hurts you, I’m going to kick that perfect ass of his from one end of the Rockies to the other.”

“Only if you beat me to it,” she said with a watery laugh. “Okay, let’s do this thing.” She and Rena looped arms again, and starting walking toward the group waiting for them at the edge of the stream. 

After realizing with a start that the giant towering over the group must be little Sammy, the only face she could focus on was Dean’s. He actually looked almost as nervous as she felt. That little crack in his normally confident facade gave her all the incentive she needed to keep walking towards him. So with what she hoped was an encouraging smile, she stepped across from him and into her new life.

***

Cas graced the couple in front of him with one of his rare smiles and pulled from his coat pocket a slim leather bound book etched with Enochian symbols on the cover, a grey river rock, and a small, wicked looking silver blade. “Today we’re here to bind together two righteous souls through the ritual of marriage. The purpose of this binding is restore the earth back to rights, to close the gates of heaven, hell, and purgatory, and to at long last give the earth and its inhabitants some peace. This can only be accomplished if both souls agree to be bound of their own free will. Katherine and Dean, do you agree to this binding freely and without coercion?”

“Yes,” Kat said, trying but failing to keep her voice from trembling.

“Yes,” Dean said, amazed that he could even get the word out.

Cas held up the blade, “Blood is the strongest element in any spell because it is life itself. The act of combining your blood will be the force that holds this ritual together. Will both of you face each other and hold out your right hands palm up?” Kat winced as the blade bit into her skin, but Dean didn’t so much as flinch. 

“Now Dean, place this stone in Katherine’s hand and then place your hand over hers.” Dean gingerly placed the mottled grey stone onto Kat’s bloody palm, then gently grasped her trembling hand in his, trying his best not to squeeze it too hard and cause her any more pain. 

“The stone represents the earth itself. Your blood and the vows you say will be etched into it for all eternity. As long as you never lose this stone, nothing but you yourselves can tear these vows apart.” Cas paused to let his words sink in.

“Katherine, will you do everything in your power to watch over Dean and keep his best interests at heart?”

“I will.”

“Dean, will you do everything in your power to watch over Katherine and keep her best interests at heart?”

“I will.”

“And so the binding is made. We will now start with the cords that form the knot. Each cord has been dipped in this stream as symbol of cleansing and rebirth. Garth, please drape your cord across Katherine and Dean’s joined hands. The green cord stands for healing, growth and hope.” Garth loped over to them and blessed them with his signature goofy grin. 

“Katherine, will you honor Dean and place his needs above your own?”

“I will,” said Kat

“Dean, will you honor Katherine and place her needs above your own?”

“I will,” Dean responded

“And so the binding is made. Crowley, please place your cord next to Garth’s. The red cord stands for strength, power and love,” Crowley smirked at both of them as he laid his cord over their hands, and Kat did a double take as she realized that she knew that smirking face. _State tax office, my ass…_

“Katherine, will you cherish Dean and love him more than you love yourself?”

She hesitated for the briefest of seconds, chest squeezing at the reminder that the love she had for him was the complete opposite of his for her, “I will.”

“Dean, will you cherish Katherine and love her more than you love yourself?”

“I will,” he said, vowing to himself to do anything to keep her safe and win back her friendship.

“And so the binding is made. Sam, please place your cord next to Crowley’s. The blue cord stands for calm, peace and knowledge.” Sam smiled warmly at them and laid his hands briefly over theirs after he placed his cord on them. 

“Katherine, will you work with Dean to leave this earth a better place than you found it?”

“I will.”

“Dean, will you work with Katherine to leave this earth a better place than you found it?”

“I will.”

“And so the binding is made. This purple cord that I lay on your joined hands stands for wisdom and magic. Now will our two witnesses come forward and make the knot to bind them together?" Rena and Eileen stepped forward and wove the cords together into an infinity knot around Kat and Dean’s hands, each woman gracing them with a happy smile.

“Know now that since your lives have crossed, you have formed ties between each other. The promises you make today and the ties that are bound here will cross the years and will greatly strengthen your union. With full awareness, know that you declare your intent to be handfasted before your friends and family. Do you still seek to enter this ceremony?” * Cas asked them.

“We do,” they said together.

“And so the binding is made. Now will you each place a ring on the other’s left ring finger to symbolize eternity and also the completion of the ritual?” 

Dean saw the panicked look on Kat’s face as she realized she didn’t have a ring for him. He whispered, “Don’t worry. I got you covered,” as Sam placed two simple silver bands in Dean’s hand.

As soon as they put on their rings, Cas pocketed the book and knife, and placed both of his hands on top of theirs and uttered in Enochian, _“Nonci chis allar”_ (You are bound.)

With those words, a clap of thunder shook the very ground beneath their feet. It was followed by a blinding flash of lightning, and a tremendous gust of wind whirled through the forest, trees bending and swaying from the force of it. Simultaneously Kat and Dean felt a searing pain on the inside of their bound wrists that ended almost as quickly as it started

They all stood there stunned for a minute before a shaken Cas said, “You may kiss your bride, Dean.”

Dean bent down and placed a gentle, chaste kiss on Kat’s lips, refusing to allow himself to linger more than a second on those petal soft, ruby lips. As he pulled away, he felt a slight throb on his right wrist again, but before he could inspect it, he glanced over the top of Kat’s head. There he caught sight of Irena’s face blanching a sickly shade of grey, as she crumpled to the grass in a dead faint. A second before she passed out though, she whimpered a single word: _“Clarence?”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All my apologies for my shoddy translation of Enochian. Any errors are mine and mine alone
> 
> Inspiration for Kat and Dean's vow were found here: https://apracticalwedding.com/sample-handfasting-ceremony/
> 
> Inspiration for the Stone that they used in their ceremony is found here: http://www.celticjewelry.com/celtic-culture/the-oathing-stone
> 
> *Quote source: http://www.nonreligiousweddings.com/handfasting.html


	15. Chapter 15

“Bloody hell!” Crowley shouted. “That’s not possible! She’s dead!” 

Castiel shoved the demon king aside and threw himself down next to Rena. He slid his hand under her neck and lifted her head into his lap. Cas’s tender, frantic expression was like nothing Dean had ever seen displayed on his friend’s face.

“ _Meg?_ Meg, is that you?” he whispered.

Kat and Dean, finally coming to their senses, tore their hands free from the ropes, letting the ties fall to the ground. They both knelt by Cas’ side. Kat reached out to feel for Rena’s pulse, only to have her hand roughly pushed away as Cas curled himself protectively around the woman in his arms.

He look at Dean desperately, “Dean. It’s Meg. I _know_ it’s her. She’s the only one who calls me that.”

“I know, but-”

“No! It’s her. _I feel it._ It’s her,” Cas repeated.

“Okay, buddy, okay, but how ‘bout we get up off the ground?”

“Yes, that would be good.” Cas carefully lifted Rena from where she lay, then looked around helplessly. 

Kat quickly piped up, “Maybe we should head back to my place like we planned? We’ll be more comfortable there.”

Cas nodded, then without another word marched to the Impala and slid into the backseat, Rena still cradled against his chest. The rest of the group made their way to their cars, but before Dean could walk away, Kat grabbed his sleeve. “Who’s Meg? Why does Castiel keep calling Rena that?”

“Uh-well…” How the hell was he gonna explain this one to her? “Meg was... someone Cas loved, but she died...or at least we thought she did...”

She squinted at him trying to sort out his vague explanation, “But why is he calling Rena, Meg? That doesn’t make any sense.”

“No, it sure as hell doesn’t.” How could that be Meg? He and Sam had watched Crowley kill her outside of that warehouse. He’d used a damned angel blade, and there was no way a demon could come back from that. “Let’s get everybody back to the house, and then we can try to work through this mess.”

“Okay. Uh-I guess I’ll take Rena’s car since she drove me here.” Kat hesitantly started towards the little blue Honda Accord parked behind Baby, stopping along the way to pick up the fallen handfasting cords.

_Fuck._ This was not how this day was supposed to go for her. They hadn’t even been married fifteen minutes, and he was already dragging her into his shit...well, deeper into it.

“Hey, wait a sec, Kat,” he called out as he jogged up to her. He reached out and grabbed her hand. “This-I-I know this isn’t how you were expecting today to go, and it sure as hell isn’t how I wanted it to go for you. I didn’t want to drag you into more of my shit than I had to.”

“Dean…” She sighed before continuing, “We’re married now, and yeah, it’s not a...conventional marriage, but it’s still a marriage. Marriage means that we help shoulder each others burdens. And right now, this burden, for some crazy reason I totally don’t get, involves both of our friends so we’re going to work through this together, okay? You’re not dragging me into anything.”

He stood there flabbergasted. There she was surprising the hell out of him again with that hidden core of strength. The fiercely stubborn look on her face almost rivaled the one he’d seen on Sammy’s face countless times. He really needed to stop underestimating her. “Okay. You’re right... You okay driving by yourself? I can ask Sam and Eileen ride with you.”

“No, no. I’ll be okay by myself. It’ll give me a few minutes to sort out my thoughts,” she smiled weakly at him. “See you in a few.”

“See you at the house...” he trailed off as he watched the woman who was now his wife get into the Accord and drive off.

“Dean, we should go. We need to get Meg into a bed.” Cas’ voice broke through his thoughts.

“Yeah. Yeah, let’s go.”

***

“Moose. Squirrel. A word.”

Dean and Sam were standing in the living room watching as Cas laid Rena-and/or Meg down on the couch, gently placing a quilt over her, when Crowley decided to stroll up to them. He glanced behind him into the kitchen where Kat and Eileen were working together to get dinner ready. Kat caught his eye and raised an eyebrow at him. He shook his head slightly, then turned to find Crowley smirking at him. 

“Would you look at that. Barely married, and already sharing cozy moments of domesticity with the missus.”

“Cut the shit, Crowley. What do you want?” said Sam, immediately coming to his brother’s defense.

“Drop your hackles, Moose. I simply want to chat with you two nitwits about the person currently occupying all of Castiel’s attention.”

“And?”

“Well, as you know, I was the one who did our dear Meg in, and if that really is her in there, it might be for the best if certain parties, meaning me, aren’t around when she comes to. Things could get a little... _messy_ for everyone involved; you may have to explain certain things to your wifey, Dean. Things you might not be quite ready to talk about. So it’s for the best that I take my leave right now.”

“Listen up, douche bag, Kat made this dinner for all of us, and she wants all of us here for it. So you’re not going anywhere, got it? After all she just did for us, she deserves a nice dinner, and damn it, she’s going to get it.” Dean growled. “Besides, you killed Meg with an angel blade. There’s no coming back from that one...right?”

“Normally, I would say no, but there are...tales told around demon and angel campfires of ways to come back when true love that is involved.” He spat out the word _love_ like it was a curse. “Hearsay of course, but as you well know, darling, things in our world never go as planned. It wouldn’t surprise me if your boyfriend tried to slip Meg something before she confronted me. So if that’s the case and it worked, I’m sure I’m the last person she wants to see if and when she wakes up.”

Dean grunted, “Fine. If we see Rena waking up, you can split, but until then you’re going to sit your ass down at that table, and act like you’re having a great time. As soon as the last person’s done with their dessert, then you’re free to get the hell out of here, but until then, you’re staying, puddin’.”

“All right,” Crowley hissed. “I’ll play nice, but one twitch from that she devil out there, and it’s bye bye, darling.”

“Fine. Now go help Kat set the table.”

***

Through a tense dinner Garth, Sam and Eileen tried everything they could to lighten the mood, but with Kat getting up every five minutes to check on Cas and Rena/Meg, and a snarky demon sulking in the corner, everyone had been more than ready to call it a night.

Crowley, the ass hat, bolted for the door as soon as the last person took their final bite of chocolate stout cake. He barely stopped along the way to thank Kat for the meal. Garth wasn’t too far behind him since he was anxious to get back to his wife. He gave them a trademark bone crushing Garth hug before leaving, and a promise to visit soon. Sam and Eileen lingered for a bit, but soon decided to take off as well. 

Kat and Dean walked them to the back door. Sam offered again to stay with them, but since there wasn’t anything anyone could do at this point, Dean simply told him to head next door. Sam had joined Dean in staying at their old place yesterday. Eileen then informed them that she’d decided to crash with Sam for the night before heading back to Wyoming the next morning where she was finishing up a case at a haunted library. He couldn’t resist throwing his brother a cheeky grin to which Sam muttered, “Shut up, Dean.”

Eileen and Kat hugged goodbye like they’d been friends for years, having bonded that evening over a mutual love of British comedy and chocolate. Then Eileen playfully punched Dean in the shoulder before signing to Kat, “Anytime you need to vent about these two just text me and I’ll be over ASAP with chocolate and wine.”

Sam threw Dean a slightly terrified look that said, _“Shit. We’re in trouble.”_

Sam hugged Kat then turned to Dean, “I’ll stop by in the morning before I head back to the bunker.”

“You better! I’ll have coffee and breakfast ready for you guys,” Kat promised.

“Aw thanks, Kat. Night, guys.”

“Night,” they echoed.

Kat and Dean watched the couple walk hand in hand across the yard and into the house next door. Seeing them together made a tiny tendril of hope unfurl in Dean’s chest that this whole thing had been the right decision. He hadn’t seen Sam so content since...well since they left Albany the first time.

“They kind of fit together like a couple puzzle pieces, don’t they?”

He looked down to see Kat’s face glowing with a tender smile as she watched Sam and Eileen. “Yeah, they kinda do.” 

_Wonder if that’ll ever be us?”_ He thought, but his thoughts were quickly steered into less dangerous territory when Kat interrupted them.

“This isn’t normal, Dean,” Kat said, abruptly changing the conversation. “Rena should be awake by now. We really should take her to the hospital. She’s needs to be looked at by a doctor… Should I call her parents? I should call her parents. Good lord, what am I going to tell them?” 

“We can’t. Not yet. Give Cas until at least tomorrow morning. If she isn’t awake by then, we’ll take her, I promise. She’s got an angel standing watch over her, and he’s not going to let anything happen. Just give it a little more time, please.”

“Okay...” she reluctantly agreed. “But we’re taking her to the hospital first thing tomorrow if she’s not awake by then. And tell Cas that if Rena wakes up in the middle of the night to come and get me right away, all right?”

“Course.”

“Good.” Kat’s eyes dropped to the ground and began to nervously fiddle with the lace on her dress. “Since I can’t do anything else right now...I-I guess I’ll go to bed.” Her eyes darted up to his face only to drop them as soon as they met his. “And I-uh-I made up the guest room across from my room for you, if that’s okay? You can have from now on if you want. I know you said you were fine with the couch, but there are three other bedrooms in this place that obviously aren’t in use, so it doesn’t make any sense for you to sleep on the couch. Plus, it's currently occupied.”

“Hey thanks.” He tried smiling at her reassuringly, but she still wouldn’t look at him for some weird reason. “I think I’ll call it a night, too," he said as he followed her up the stairs.

When they reached her doorway, Kat sighed and pressed her forehead into her palm. “Is this how it always feels?”

“What feels?” She rolled her shoulders in an effort to release some of the tension. Dean's fingers began to itch to turn her around and massage the stress out of them, but he suppressed the urge as quickly as it started.

“Saving the world. Exhausted, confused, feet screaming at you, and an insane craving for a piece of cheesecake?”

“Ha!” A bark of laughter escaped him. “Yeah. Yeah, it pretty much always feels this way.”

“I was afraid of that…” She turned towards him, those soft grey eyes searching his. Searching for what he didn’t know, but he wished to God he did. “Good night, Dean.”

He reached out and gently tugged on an escaped curl framing her face, “Night, Kat. I’ll see you in the morning.”

***

Kat closed the door behind her, and collapsed on her bed, face buried in her pillows and arms splayed above her head. _What a day._ Well, honestly what a three days, but today was the icing on the cake. Not only was she married, but her best friend was currently passed out on her couch, an angel playing guard dog at her side. On top of that she’d just served dinner to a werewolf (she still couldn’t believe that sweet little Garth was a werewolf) and the freaking King of Hell. If there was an award for strangest wedding, well then back down, losers because guess who’d just won it?

And then there was the whole conversation about sleeping arrangements with Dean. Could she have been any more awkward? 

_God, will this ever get easier? Will I ever feel halfway normal around him? Right now, every time I see him it’s like my whole body overheats. My hands shake. I start sweating, and my stomach decides to take up residence in my knees. Shit, this is awful. It's even worse than it was back in high school..._

Kat rolled off the bed and went to her closet to change into her favorite old t-shirt and raggedy yoga pants. As she was reaching into the laundry basket full of clean clothes, the glint of silver tissue paper caught her eye. She pulled it out, tentatively brushing the bit of lace peeking out from the paper and thought back to the scene that took place here this morning.

_She slumped against the closet door frame and scanned the rack for something...anything decent enough to wear. The few dresses she had would be fine, but the problem was they weren’t the ivory tea length gown of her dreams. Finally she settled on the dress she wore last year to her cousin’s wedding. She was just laying it out on the bed when she heard Rena call up the stairwell, “Kat? Are you up there?”_

_“I’m in my bedroom, Rena! C’mon up!”_

_“Hey! Did you find something to wear?” Rena wandered into the room, one hand behind her back._

_Kat sighed, “Yeah, I think so. Are you hiding something behind your back? And what’s with your face? You look like some kind of deranged Christmas elf.”_

_Rena sheepishly grinned and pressed a small sparkly gift bag into her hands. “It’s a little something for you. I know you didn’t have time to get the wedding dress you wanted so I had to get you at least one special thing to wear.”_

_“What is it?” she asked as she gingerly opened one of the two tissue paper wrapped packages in the bag. She froze as soon as she realized what it was._

_“Oh for god’s sake, Kat. It’s just a nightie, not a snake. It won’t bite you.”_

_“I think I would’ve rather had a snake,” she thought as she stared at the gift. A navy blue lace nightie shot with silver threads peeped out from the edges of the tissue paper. It was so sheer it looked like it would melt as soon as it touched her skin. She’d never worn anything like this in her entire life. Sure she’d stared wistfully at things like this in the lingerie department. Sometimes she would even let herself hesitantly trail her fingers over a dainty silk strap, but always quickly turned and walked back to industrial sized packages of Hanes Her Way where she belonged. Victoria’s secrets were never going to be hers so why even torture herself? Those ethereal outfits were made for fairy queens and sex goddesses, not fat girls like her._

_“Do you like it? You don’t, do you? I can always take it back…”_

_“No. No! It’s beautiful...really! I just wasn’t expecting to get anything like this…I didn’t even know they made fancy lingerie in hippo sizes.” As always whenever she felt uncomfortable, she resorted to self deprecating humor._

_Rena frowned at her, “You know I don’t like it when you bash yourself like that. And for your info, they make lingerie in all sizes. Now, keep going! There’s a couple other things in there!”_

_She opened the other package to find a pair of panties that were more a suggestion of fabric than actual fabric, and the panties were wrapped around- HOLY CRAP. Her entire head burned from the force of the blush flaring across her face and down her neck._

_“You really do like it?” Rena asked anxiously._

_“Yes, of course. I-I really do.Thank you so much. You didn’t have to get me anything, silly girl.”_

_“Of course, I did! What kind of friend would I be if I didn’t get her bestie a naughty present for her wedding night? Dean’s gonna love it, you know! Oh and that little tube? Trust me when I say, it spices things up veeery nicely for both of you.” Then with a knowing grin and wink, Rena bounced out of her bedroom, leaving Kat standing there flummoxed and feeling like an utter failure as a woman because she had no clue what to do with such a gift._

Blinking out of her thoughts, Kat carefully folded the tissue paper back around the nightie, pulled open her top dresser drawer, and proceeded to stuff it and the panties under a stack of rarely used sports bras and long underwear. The tube she guiltily tossed into the waste basket by her door, her cheeks flushing all over again as she touched it. Then she threw on her yoga pants and promptly buried herself in her covers, refusing to let herself wallow in confusion about her new life. Refused to feel anything but worry for Rena. Most importantly, she refused to think about that stupid nightie or the fact that she’d just had her first kiss in almost 20 years...


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaand there goes the rating change, but don't get your hopes up. It's for language, not for horizontal tango. Also my apologies for how long this chapter is! I tried breaking it up, but it simply wouldn't let me.

Dean plopped down on the edge of the bed, kicked off his shoes and pulled off his pants and shirt. “What a day,” he muttered.

He rubbed his hands down his arms, slightly startled when his right wrist twinged a bit. That’s weird. It had hurt a bit right at the end of the ceremony too. He peered at his wrist, trying to remember what he might’ve done- _what the hell?!_ A small white scar shaped like an infinity symbol stood out on the inside of his wrist. That had definitely not been there this morning.

A trickle of fear slithered down his spine as he was assaulted by memories of the last time he’d been marked by a scar on his arm. What had happened a year ago would not happen again. He’d make sure of it. Even if he had to go crawling on his hands and knees to Amara and Chuck and beg them to end him in order to keep him from ruining any more lives, then so be it.

_Okay. Don’t dwell on it right now. Just try to get a few hours of sleep. You’ve got a whole ‘nother mess of problems to deal with tomorrow._

But part of him dreaded falling asleep, because sleep is where his memories lived. They were always there. Always waiting for him to close his eyes and then they would pounce. Refusing to release him until he woke, sometimes a soundless scream still lingering on his lips. Only then would they retreat, though at times he swore that he could still feel the rasp of their claws pricking at his scalp.

Finally, unable to resist any longer, he started to...drift...off...

“Dean.”

Instantly he threw a punch toward the voice in his ear, narrowly missing the face of the man standing next to his head. “SHIT. CAS! How many damn times do I have to ask you to knock before coming into my room?”

“I’m sorry, but you asked me to get you as soon as Meg woke up.”

That woke him right up. He glanced out the window to see that the sky was just barely turning grey.

“She’s awake?! And…?”

“It’s her, Dean. It’s Meg. It’s really, truly her. I hardly dared to hope it would work, but it did.” Just like that, tears began to trail down Cas’ cheeks. 

Dean threw on his pants, and tore down the stairs, Cas on his heels. He slid into the living room doorway and stared at the forlorn figure curled up in a nest of quilts and throw pillows. The woman on the couch raised her head and peered at him from behind a veil of wavy jet black hair, “Hey, big boy.” 

Holy. Shit. The voice was Rena’s, but that inflection? There was no mistaking that snarky tone. Meg Masters was back.

“What? Wait. How? What?”

“Don’t use up all your words in one sentence there, Dean. You gotta pace yourself,” she laughed weakly then slumped back against the couch. Cas was next to her in an instant, propping a pillow behind her head and brushing her hair out of her eyes. “Meg- Are you-”

She reached up and wrapped her hand around his, “I’m fine, Clarence. I’ll be okay. Just a little woozy still.”

“Alright Lucy and Ricky, you got some ‘splaining to do.” He walked over to the couple and sat down on the coffee table. “Kat will be up soon so we need to get your story straight. Now, spill.”

“Why, whatever are you talking about-”

“Meg, cut the shit. Kat thinks her best friend is lying on this couch. So if there’s anything of Rena left in there that still cares for Kat then you need to tell me how you became Rena. Then we can figure out how to break the news as gently as possible that Rena ain’t no more.” 

Meg had the grace to look mollified, “Okay, okay. Cas, can you take some of this? Everything’s still a bit hazy to me.”

“Yes, of course. You’ll remember that during the time this all happened, Naomi had me under her complete control. There were times though, that she would loosen the reins. Either matters would come up in heaven that needed her absolute attention, or she would think that I was in a place where I couldn’t get into trouble. It was during one of these moments that I ran into a demon who began to mock me about the rumors they’d heard about Meg and I. Most of it was just juvenile teasing, but then he mentioned that I should give her the Amata Bene binding since we were so in love. He wasn’t serious, but it made me start thinking. I’d heard tales off and on about that particular spell, but always passed it off as foolishness. Demon and angel romantic relationships were taboo, and tales of them were told to titillate the more impressionable members in our ranks.”

“So this demon, did he tell you how to perform the spell?” Dean asked

“No, but his words were the impetus that I needed to start researching it. It took a while to find any concrete information on it because one: Naomi had such a tight hold on me the majority of the time, and two: it had only been performed successfully twice since the beginning of creation-”

 _“Twice?! It only worked twice?!”_ Meg hissed. “You never told me that!”

“Er- yes, I thought it best to leave that part out. I didn’t know if it would even work, but I had to try it, Meg. It was our only option. It was that or nothing. And nothing wasn’t an option.”

Meg’s eyes softened, “Alright, you idiotic unicorn. You’re off the hook for now.”

Cas pressed a kiss onto her temple then continued. “The spell itself was actually fairly brief as far as spells go. The two species must combine their essences-”

“Dude. Gross. I don’t need to hear about your sexcapades, okay?”

“Dean, not that type of essence. Part of my grace had to be combined with Meg’s blood. She would ingest it, then I would etch the spell’s words onto her vessel’s bones. When the time came that Meg’s life ended, the words would lift off her bones, combine with our essence and be expelled from her as a living spell. From there it would find the nearest available vessel and take root there, but it would lie dormant until a world altering event happened. Unlike normal demon or angel possession the vessel has no idea that they’ve been possessed. But-” Cas hesitated, staring at Meg as if to draw strength from her. “But the most difficult aspect of this spell was Meg would have to find someone who was on the verge of dying. She would have to enter the vessel the exact moment their soul was starting to leave their body.”

“Okay, so let me get this straight,” Dean said. “Rena was dying, but by entering her, Meg in a way saved her? But now Rena’s actually dead, and Meg’s just inhabiting her body?”

“Yes, that’s exactly it. The moment the handfasting ritual ended, Rena’s soul was untethered and passed on, and Meg’s awakened and took over.”

“Oooohh,” Dean groaned. “This is going to make breaking the news to Kat about you ten times worse than I expected. Instead of just telling her that her friend’s possessed, we now have to tell her that Rena’s actually _dead_.”

“I know, Dean, but we have to remember that Rena was dying. She would’ve been gone three years ago if not for Meg.”

“Still doesn’t make it any easier.”

“I had no idea when or if such an event would happen that would make Meg wake up, but I had to have faith it would,” Cas said returning to his story. “The only other two times the spell worked was at the fall of Rome and the end of the Black Plague. I knew if anyone could bring about such a world change it would be you Winchesters. I simply had to bide my time until Naomi loosened control again so I could perform the spell. Then came the afternoon before we confronted Crowley at the warehouse.”

“I remember this part,” Meg interrupted. “I was laid out on that god awful couch, all beat to hell when you slipped the essence into my bottle of whiskey and muttered some Enochian mumbo jumbo. By the way, you make one hell of a cocktail, Clarence, and don’t think I’ve forgotten that you and I have a date to move some furniture around, okay?”

Cas blushed, actually blushed at her comment, “Er-yes, I do believe we came to an agreement regarding that situation.”

“Really? We have to do this now?” The thought of the two of them together was definitely going to take some getting used to. “Meg, do you remember anything that happened after you confronted Crowley?” 

“I remember dying. I remember a white hot agony the moment the knife sliced through my skin and feeling this crippling terror… I was more terrified than I’d ever been before. Even more than when Alistair or Crowley tortured me or when I first became a demon. I remember this bottomless black hole opening up under me, and I couldn’t stop myself from falling into it. I remember screaming until my throat was raw and it felt like blood was pouring down it. Then...then it all stopped. And suddenly this lavender haze enveloped me, but there was no more screaming or a black hole or pain. Just stillness.”

“And after that?” Cas asked urgently. Both men were leaning in intently, hanging on Meg’s every word.

“The haze cleared and in front of me was this woman, Rena. She was collapsed outside of an abandoned apartment where it sounded like maybe a rave was going on. I think she might’ve OD’d on some bad Molly or something because as soon as I entered her it felt like I was burning up. Then there was a brief moment of being overrun with another person’s thoughts and feelings. After that...nothing until I saw Cas at your wedding.”

“Alright then. Awesome.” Dean said.

“Yeah…”

“And now? Are you just Meg? No more Rena?

“I-I-I’m me, but there’s still a bit of her in here. I have my memories, but I have Rena’s too. I know who her parents are. I remember her childhood. I remember Kat and working with her and-and hanging out. I know she, well me now I guess, cares for Kat deeply, but I also have these other feelings, _deep_ feelings.” She gave Cas a lingering look to which he ducked his head.

“So what do we tell Kat?”

“Maybe we should just try the truth. We don’t have to go into detail, but there’s no hiding that I’m not Rena.”

“Should we go wake her then?” Cas asked.

“Not we, me. We don’t need to go trooping into her room like a fucking conga line...but before I do, Cas I need to talk to you real quick.”

“Okay,” he glanced at Meg first. “Will you be okay alone for a few minutes?”

“I’ll be fine, you dork. Go.”

Cas followed Dean into the kitchen. “What, Dean?”

Dean thrust his wrist into Cas’s face. “What’s this, man? Have you ever seen anything like it before? I just noticed it last night. What do you think it is? You-you don’t think it’s another curse like the Mark of Can, do you?” He knew he sounded like a panicked teenager, but didn’t care. “Because it can’t be. I can’t do that again, Cas!”

“Calm down, Dean.” Cas peered at Dean’s wrist, “Yes, it appears to be a mark of some kind, but no, I don’t think it’s a curse like the Mark. I would say it was a result of yesterday’s ceremony. Anytime you perform or participate in a curse or spell, it always leaves a mark of some kind. Most of the time it manifests in an unnoticeable way. A new freckle or miniscule scar. But when you do something of yesterday’s magnitude there’s bound to be a more noticeable sign. My guess is Kat probably has something similar to your lemniscate.”

“We both have these things? So they’re like some kind of celestial tattoo? And how do you know they won’t affect us?”

“I didn’t say it wouldn’t affect you. I said I don’t think it’s a curse like the Mark of Cain. There may be some ramifications from it, but my guess is that they’ll be benign since the spell we performed was a holy one. You’re bound together now so it could just be a physical manifestation of that. You’re not feeling any murderous rages at the moment, right?” 

“No, just a mild irritation at cryptic angelic assholes.”

“Okay, that’s good. We’ll just have to wait and see then, but for now don’t dwell on it,” Cas reassured him. “Go upstairs and get Kat. Right now we need to focus on the here and now.”

“Okay fine.” He knew Cas was right. They had bigger things to tackle, but apprehension dogged at his footsteps all the way up to Kat’s’ door. He hesitated before knocking because once again he was going to trample on another constant in her world. Her friendship with Rena. It seemed like at every turn he was destroying something precious of hers. Her faith in him all those years ago. Then yesterday, her way of life and now one of her dearest friendships.

 _“Cursed. You’re cursed. Everything you touch dies,”_ an insidious whisper needled his mind. He gritted his teeth, and told himself to suck it up. 

He knocked, waited a beat then opened the door, “Kat?”

The mound under the creamy bedspread stirred slightly, and a sleepy voice mumbled something unintelligible. Dean walked across the polished ash hardwood floor taking in the collection of antique maps hanging on the walls and vibrant tapestries strewn across the floor as throw rugs. 

Just as he was reaching out to gently shake her shoulder, Kat’s head popped up, curls flying across her face. She threw back the covers with a cry of “Rena!” and scrambled out of the bed. She was so single minded at the moment that she didn’t notice him standing in her way until she collided right into him. 

He didn’t even hesitate. As if it was second nature, he simply folded himself around her. _God. She’s still all warm and sleep rumpled... I could stay like this for hours._ But all too soon, she was pulling away. 

“Oh jeez! Sorry!” she apologized. “Is-is she awake?”

He reluctantly let go of her, “It’s okay, yeah she is but-”

“How-how is she?”

“She seems okay, but uh- Rena is different now. She’s not really the same woman.”

“What do you mean? She’s Rena. Of course, she’s the same. Are you sure nothing’s wrong with her? I knew I should’ve taken her to the hospital.”

“No, no, physically she’s fine. I think. It just...she’s still Rena, except she’s not. She’s a whole different woman now. You need to prepare yourself.”

“Dean, whatever it is. Whatever’s wrong with her, she’s still my friend. I’ll always love her. No matter what.”

“Okay, just hang onto that thought,” he sighed. “Let’s-uh go downstairs. It’ll be easier to understand when you talk to her, and I want you to talk to her before Sam and Eileen come over.”

***

She almost tumbled down the stairs in her rush to get to Rena. Dean felt like he needed to hover at her heels just to keep her from going ass over teakettle. She flew into the living room only to skid to a halt when she saw the woman on the couch.

“Umm...hi, Kat,” Meg seemed to shrink in on herself as soon as she saw Kat.

Kat cocked her head and peered at the woman in front of her. It almost seemed like she could sense something was different by just that simple greeting. “Hey lady, how are you?”

"I’m-I’m okay except…” Meg visibly gulped. “I-uh-I have something to-to talk to you about… Here’s the thing...could you sit down? I think you’re going to want to. Okay. So-I-so you see… Oh fuck it all... Look, I’m not Rena anymore. I mean... I kinda am, but I’m not.”

Kat sunk wordlessly into the nearest chair. Dean went to stand behind her, silently letting Cas and Meg know who’s side he was on, and Meg started telling Kat her story.

Kat simply sat there, not saying a word. Not a single interruption, just a hand over her mouth and her eyes going wider with every sentence Meg uttered. Dean grabbed her free hand at one point, and she latched onto it like it was her only lifeline.

Finally Meg ended with, “And that’s about it. That’s how I came to be on this couch.” 

Kat finally said something. “So you’re this... Meg, but you’re also Rena? Am I getting that right?” She wrapped her arms around herself, looking so small and forlorn. All Dean wanted to do at that moment was simply take her in his arms and make everything right again.

“Yeah, yeah that’s kind of it. I have her memories, but Rena as you know her is...gone. ” Meg said.

“Okay...okay…” Abruptly she stood up, and stated, “I’m going to make breakfast. I promised Sam and Eileen breakfast before they left. Everyone okay with ham and biscuits? Okay, good.” Then she marched into the kitchen.

Meg and Cas stared at Dean, completely bewildered. “Uh...hold on. Let me go talk to her.”

Dean followed her into the kitchen, “Kat.” She opened the fridge and pulled out a carton of eggs and a paper wrapped package of country ham. “Kat.” She turned away and began taking biscuit ingredients out of a cupboard.

“Do you know how Sam likes his eggs? I wonder if Eileen likes red eye gravy.”

“ _Kat!_ Stop. We need to talk about this!”

She slammed down the cast iron skillet she had just taken out, and thrust her hands into her hair. “No! I can’t, Dean! I can’t do this right now. Not yet. It’s too much. Four days ago, you walk through my door after twenty years of radio silence. Now we’re married. Then-then last night, I made dinner for the flippin’ king of hell, and now! Now, my best friend is telling me she’s not my best friend anymore. She’s dead, but-not not really. She’s some kind of-of demon! I can’t handle another thing right now. But what I can do is make breakfast for all us. That’s what I can handle. Just give me one meal... _please._ ”

“Okay. If that’s what you want, we’ll make breakfast. How can I help?”

“You can go next door and ask Sam how he likes his damn eggs.” He already knew how Sammy liked his eggs, but he decided to just hold his tongue and do as he was ordered.

***

Dean ran up their house’s back stairs, pounded on the back door, and hollered, “You two better be decent in there because ready or not, I’m coming in!”

He threw open the door, and strode across the kitchen and into the living room. “Rise and shine, Sammy!” He leaned against the staircase and looked past the landing where he caught sight of a very nice pair of legs emerging from a familiar midnight blue flannel and a mane of disheveled brunette hair fleeing behind Sam’s old bedroom door.

A similarly disheveled, but bare chested Sam stalked out of his room and down the stairs, “Dean! What the hell are you doing here?”

“Kat wants to know how you like your eggs.”

“What?! Dude, you know that. Over medium. That’s why you came barging in here?!”

“Yep.”

“Are you shitting me? Really?! Don’t we have more important things to worry about? What’s happening on the Meg-Rena front?” Eileen, now fully dressed, crept down the stairs, and went to stand by Sam. Sam looped his arm around her waist and pulled her into his side where she nestled against him, placing a small hand on his stomach.

“About that...man, do I have something to tell you two. But first a warning: do not under any circumstances bring up any of this with Kat. At least for the time being. Meg already-”

Sam arched his eyebrows at that name, “So it is Meg-”

“Yeah, but just wait a second. Meg, yes Meg, spilled her guts to Kat, and Kat, in turn, had a mini melt down. Nothing Lindsey Lohan crazy. Just a bit of yelling and a plea for a little normalcy. Which is why I’m here asking about eggs.”

“That’s totally understandable,” Eileen chimed in. “She’s been put through the ringer. If I was her, I would probably be curled up in a corner screaming my head off. Screw making breakfast. Tell Kat, I like mine over easy.”

“Ew. You like runny yolks?” Sam fake gagged.

“You don’t? Pansy,” she shot back.

“Please. Let’s stop with the cutesy couple stuff for a sec. So for one meal, we’re not bringing up any of this, okay? That’s what she’s asked. So when we walk back over there, we keep it light. Maybe share funny stories...like that time I put itching powder in your shorts. Stuff like that. But before we go back, let me tell you the tale of our feathery Romeo and his demon Juliet.”

“Well. Shit.” Sam gaped at him after Dean finished his story. “That’s got to be one of the craziest things I’ve heard, and we’ve heard some stuff, man.”

“Damn straight.” Dean agreed.

‘Okay, my turn now,” Sam said reluctantly. “Garth called. He caught wind of a freaked out hive of vampires trying to break into the bunker. They didn’t get in, but I think it would be best if since we’re both retiring, we clean out our stuff and permanently seal that sucker up. I know it’s a dick move asking you to do this now, right after your wedding, but I think the sooner the better. We don’t need some some idiotic creature breaking in, and accidentally conjuring up the Wicked Witch of the West again.”

“Wait. Wicked Witch of- are you serious?” Eileen asked disbelievingly. 

“Yeah, but that’s another story for another time, baby.” Sam leaned to down to press a quick kiss onto Eileen’s lips. Dean felt an irrational rush of jealousy at that sweet scene, but quickly suffocated it.

Sam looked back at Dean, “What do you think, man?”

“Shit. I hate to do this to Kat. Especially now, but you’re right. We should take care of it. And then we’re both done. Deal?”

“Deal. Now let’s go get some breakfast.”


	17. Chapter 17

Kat was mindlessly sweeping the bakery floor when a soft voice came from the kitchen, “Kat? I’m done back here. Do you need any help up front?”

“No, Re-er-Meg,” _Lord, she was never going to get that right was she?_ “I’m about done here. You go on home.”

“Are you sure? I can stay if you want.”

She gave Meg a wry smile, “No, no, you get on home to Cas. I’m sure the poor man is pining away for you by now.”

“Alright then, I’ll see you tomorrow. Night.”

Over the past two weeks, the two of them were beginning to sort through their awkwardness. It was slow going though. Meg was still getting her feet under her after being basically comatose for three years, and Kat was mourning the loss of Rena. Finding out that the person you thought was your best friend had actually been dead the entire time you knew her, and that your entire friendship had been with some zombie version of her was a bit brutal to get past...and that was putting it mildly. But for all of that Meg was quickly growing on her. Plus, Kat got the sense that she hadn’t really ever had a true friend and was trying her hardest to be one. How could Kat not do the same in return?

After Dean had left to sort things out at the bunker, she’d called her parents and broken the news to them. They were naturally hurt and shocked at her news, but surprisingly understanding at the same time. Then they’d returned the hurt and shock by revealing that they’d known all about John and his real job. Talk about returning the favor. On one hand it made explaining the reason behind Dean and her marriage a lot easier. But on the other, knowing that she could’ve shared her pain about the boys’ secret life with someone else hurt like hell. Still, it was a relief to finally get it all off her chest, and her parents promised to come visit them in the autumn before the snow fell. 

She leaned against the broom and muttered to the empty room, “Whatever happened to my old life where all I had to worry about was burning a batch of scones? Now, I wouldn’t be surprised if old Lucifer himself walked through my door…”

Kat sighed to herself. Two freaking weeks already.

Two weeks since her wedding. 

Two weeks since finding out about Rena and Meg. 

Two weeks since Dean left.

Two weeks with only a handful of brief texts…

Two weeks of worrying and trying to suppress the nagging fear that he might not come back. 

She shook her head. _Look at me. I’m turning into an emotional wreck!_ Last night she almost caved and pulled out that old flannel Dean had given her years ago and slept with it. She hadn’t done that since her culinary school days. If only he would let her know when and if he was coming back for certain. Sure she could ask him, but she didn’t want to seem like a nag....

_Bzzzzz…_ As if on cue, her phone vibrated in her jeans back pocket. She pulled it out, her heart immediately skipping a beat, and a flood of relief washed over her as she read: _Hey Kat, we’re finally done. Should be home this evening._ Home. He said home. Try as she might, she couldn’t keep an entire flock of giddy butterflies from zooming around her stomach at that brief message.

She sucked in a deep breath, lecturing at the stupid butterflies to calm the hell down. _Chill out. Remember the whole roommate discussion we had earlier? You’re acting like you’ve never had a man in your house before._

_“Well. You haven’t. Not really.”_ Shot back one particularly idiotic butterfly.

Of course right in the middle of her arguing with herself, the bakery door opened, the antique brass bell above the door chiming cheerfully. Since her back was towards the door and she was currently tucked in the back corner of the dining room sweeping, she couldn’t see who it was right away. _“Crap, I thought I locked the door.”_ She turned around as she was typing out a reply to Dean, “I’m so sorry, but we’re close- Oh! Dean! You’re here! I wasn’t expecting you yet!” She squeaked out. 

“Hey. Yeah, is that okay? Didn’t you get my text?”

“Only just! And of course!” Her first thought was, _“Whoa. Chill out. You’re so chirpy you sound like Kitty Forman right now.”_ And, taking in the lines of exhaustion around his eyes, her second was, _“Oh...he looks completely worn out.”_ This was followed by an unshakable urge to simply wrap him up in her arms.

“Crap, I sent that text this morning. Sorry, didn’t mean to surprise you.”

“No, it’s totally fine. How-how are you? Did the trip go okay?”

“It took way longer than I wanted it to, but we finally got the bunker closed up. Unfortunately, I now have more books and ancient weapons in the backseat of Baby than is found in most museums. And that’s not even all of it. Sam’s coming back in a few weeks with an entire trailer full of crap.” Dean groaned.

Kat’s inner bookworm perked up at that comment, “Books? What kind of books?”

“My kind of books that you should stay far, far away from,” he teased.

“Okay, you know that’s going to make me want to look at them even more right? Remember that old quote about cats and curiosity? Well, for your information, buddy, it’s aaaall true.”

Dean raised his eyebrows and took a step closer, while giving her a slow grin. “Oh it is, huh? Well then, I guess I’ll just have to think of some ways to keep this curious cat from getting herself into trouble.”

_Pull back, pull back! You can’t win at this game. He’s a jedi master, and you’re not even a padawan!_

With a nervous laugh she said, “Well, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t understand even a tenth of what’s in those books so I’ll leave them alone…for now.”

Thankfully Dean, seeming to sense her sudden nervousness, took a step back and quickly changed the subject. “I really didn’t mean to show up unannounced. I can stay at the old place if it’s easier on you.”

“No, don’t be an idiot. I told you before you left that my place is yours now too. I’ll just have to make a quick grocery run. I’ve kind of been living on cereal, chips and salsa for the last two weeks.”

“Well then to make up for surprising you, why don’t I grab a pizza and then we can do a grocery run together later tonight? Is Second Time Around still in business? They used to have the best pizza back in the day. Sausage, mushrooms and olives for you, right?

_NOPE. Don’t you even start, butterflies!_ “Uh yeah they’re still in business, but... you still remember what I like on my pizza?”

“Kat.” Dean gave her a playful look, “How many pizzas did we share growing up? Of course, I remember. I’ll call it in and pick it up on the way back to the house. Then we can stock up on supplies after we eat. I’ll probably take a quick shower if that’s okay? It’s been a few days.”

“Yeah, of course. I just have a few things to finish up. Shouldn’t take me more than a half an hour.”

“Awesome. See you soon.”

Oh lord, their first public outing. Oh please, oh please let Mrs. Gunderson and her posse be home for the night. The last thing she needed was one of those old hens seeing Dean and her together. She knew it would happen sooner rather than later, but she needed a day or two to adjust before the whole town started flapping their jaws about them.

***

Kat walked into the house and heard the upstairs shower turn off as she closed the door. Crap. She was hoping he would already be out of the shower when she got home. She needed to run up and change her shirt before they went to the store. The last thing she always did before leaving for the night was fill up the cream pitchers, and of course, tonight she had to drop one of them, splashing an entire quart of cream all down the front of her. Yay. And now she would be feeling all kinds of awkward changing with him in the bathroom right next to her.

 _You’ve to get over this. You’re sharing a house with him. This stuff is going to happen all the time!_ She crept up the stairs and was just stepping into her room when she heard, “Kat? That you?”

“Hi! Yep! It’s just me!” _Kitty. Seriously, leave already. No one wants you here._

“Could you do me a huge favor and grab the jeans I left on the bed? Totally forgot to bring them in with me.”

Her mind completely shut down at that request. Had-had-he walked to the bathroom...naked?? 

“Kat? You still there?”

Shit. Wake up, wake up, wake up. “Yeah, uh... I’ll be right there.” Kat stumbled into his room, grabbed the jeans and lurched out again, gingerly holding them between her thumb and forefinger as if they were going to burn her. She knocked on the door, and Dean opened it to reveal another brain fryer. There perfectly framed by the doorway was... bare chest...tattoo, _whimper_...and arms... and- _meep!_ He only had towel strung low around his hips. She felt a blush to rival any dewy teen actress in a high school rom-com begin to creep up the back of her neck, and quickly ducked her head to keep herself from staring any further.

“Thanks, I’ll be right out. Don’t feel like you have to wait for me if you want to start eating,” he said.

“No problem,” she choked out and then fled into her bedroom, cheeks flaming, before Dean could even close the bathroom door. Oh sweet lord, this awkwardness isn’t going anywhere anytime soon.

***

Mercifully by the time they finished eating and drove to the grocery store, the place was almost deserted. Only a few tourists and employees were still wandering the aisles, and no Doris Gunderson to be found anywhere.

If she was honest, it was other people’s reaction to them that made her nervous. They were probably the most mismatched couple in the history of the world, and she really didn’t want to see the bewildered looks people would give them when they saw this gorgeous guy with their homely, local baker. 

But as nervous as she was to be out shopping with a veritable Greek god by her side, it was also downright hilarious to see that his food preferences hadn’t changed much over time. He still loved junk food and frozen burritos, and shunned pretty much anything that came out of the produce department. Except for potatoes and any fruit that could be made into a pie.

The highlight of the trip was the fake whimper he gave when she made him put back the store made cherry pie. But all it took was a reminder that he was married to a baker and could have freshly made pie every day if he wanted, to make him smile again. Which was all sorts of dangerous to Kat’s brain because a grinning Dean Winchester was lethal to one’s common sense.

By the time they got home and the groceries put away, both of them were ready to call it a night. Kat had been up since before five, and Dean was coming off a couple weeks of back breaking work followed by a long drive that day

Dean followed her up the stairs, and waited for her to go into her room, “Will I see you before you leave for work?”

“Only if you're up by 4:30. I’m usually out the door by 5:00 to get stuff baked in time for the morning rush, but you’re more than welcome to come by for a cup of coffee and a pastry. Wednesday’s special is always Orange Cherry Sticky Buns. That is if you want to? No pressure, of course.” 

“Sweetheart, a pack of werewolves couldn’t stop me from coming for one of those bad boys. It’s a damn good thing I’ve got a lot of work to do on the old house because I’m thinking you and your baked goods are going to be hell on this old waist of mine.” He chuckled

“Sorry.” Kat said sheepishly

“Don’t you even apologize. Having total access to a bakery is kind of a dream come true for me,” he winked at her.

She stepped in her doorway, then turned around before she could stop herself, “Dean?”

“Yeah?

“It’s really good to have you home,” she blurted out.

He walked over, smiling gently at her and gave her a quick side hug. “You know what? It’s good to be home.” Then he stepped back into his room saying as he closed the door. “Night, Kat.”

“Good night…” she trailed off before going into her room and closing the door softly behind her. She quickly changed then shuffled over to her bed and fell into it. Her last thought before falling asleep was, _“Welp...here we go.”_

***

That was the first night she woke up to the sound of him screaming in his sleep. 


	18. Chapter 18

“SAM! SAMMY!!”

Kat jerked awake out of a dead sleep, her heart racing and the scar on her wrist throbbing. What was that? Something or someone crying out had woken her...it almost sounded like...Dean, but-

“NO. NOOOO. CAS. PLEASE, CAS! PLEASE! HELP ME! ANYONE! PLEASE!!” 

_Dean!_

_“NO. NO. NO!!! SAMMY!!”_

She scrambled out of bed, threw open her door, and took a hesitant step into the hallway. _Should-should I go in there?_

“SAMMY!! NOT HIM! PLEASE! NO!” 

The sheer gut wrenching agony in his cries forced her across the hall as she shook her head at her stupidity. _You idiot. Get in there. What if he’s hurt?_ She opened his door as quietly as she could and quickly scanned the room, not seeing anyone else inside. She crept over to the side of his bed and her heart lurched. 

Kat clasped her hand over her mouth to muffle a moan as she saw Dean on his bed. He lay there writhing as if tortured, his face contorted in agony, and sheets tangled like ropes around his legs. Sweat dripped down his jaw and neck to pool in the hollow of his throat. He let out a broken groan and then whimpered as he thrashed against some unseen demon. 

She reached out to shake his shoulder to attempt to wake him, but quickly drew back as she remembered something her grandma had mentioned about her grandpa. When he had returned from Vietnam, he came back with violent night terrors from all the horrible things he had experienced over there. A few times Grandma had tried physically waking him up out of them, but she only got a punch thrown in her direction in response. She said the best thing she learned to do was call his name over and over, but even that would not always wake him from the horror. For those times, the only thing she could do was make sure he was safe and wait for him to wake on his own. It took several years for the terrors to ease to only once or twice a month, but it was only after Gramps finally broke down and saw a counselor that they went away completely. 

She stepped back, though she felt like doing the complete opposite. What she wanted to do was crawl into that bed and hold him until he woke up. Anything to comfort him. Doing nothing felt like the worst of sins. But she didn’t budge, because something told her that even the slightest touch right now could cause him to hurt himself or maybe even her. 

Kat turned around and silently walked out of Dean’s room, casting him one last tear filled glance before closing the door. She gave a ragged sigh and wiped off the tears trickling down her cheeks. What do you do when the man you love is being tortured by his own mind, and there isn’t a damn thing you could do about it? 

She sat on her bed, and the mark on her wrist throbbed slightly as if trying to catch her attention. What was this weird thing anyways? She’d first noticed it the night of the wedding, and normally she would’ve just chalked it up to another oven burn. But there had been that brief, but intense, jolt of pain that had vibrated through her arm at the close of the ceremony that made her think it was something else entirely. Since then, it had twinged a couple times while Dean was gone, but nothing like tonight’s pulsating pain. Maybe she should ask Cas or Meg about it. They’d probably seen weird stuff like it before... 

She lay back down, but her mind wouldn’t stop replaying what she’d just seen. A sob caught in her throat. What kind of terrors had he faced? What had he seen to make him cry out like that? His screams sounded almost...inhuman. Only someone who had experienced hell itself could make that kind of scream. 

She glanced over at the alarm clock glowing on her nightstand. _3:30am._ She had to be up in less than an hour. Since there was no way she was going back to sleep, she rolled out of bed and padded to the shower. _Might as well head to the shop and get an early start on things._ When she was dressed for the day, she stood by Dean’s door for a few minutes, but it was completely silent inside. So she crept down the stairs and out into the early morning darkness.

***

Dean walked into the bakery and observed a completely different sight than he’d seen the last two times he had been there. The place was buzzing with activity. Customers stood five deep at the counter, and all but two tables were full. He caught Kat’s eye and waved at her as he grabbed one of the last tables. She gave him a shy smile and then turned her attention back to the elderly couple she was helping at the counter. From what he could overhear they were taking their sweet time deciding on what pastry to share. They kept going back and forth with what they wanted and had questions about each baked good. Kat patiently answered each question and gave them her undivided attention, despite the growing line behind them.

He laughed under his breath. There’s no way in hell he could be that patient, but Kat...ah Kat. She was one of the saints with patience. 

“Dean, Dean, Dean. Look at what the apocalypse brought in. Finally decide to stop playing in your oversized fallout shelter and come home?” 

He looked up at the tall brunette looming over him, “Hey Meg.” His smile was probably more of a grimace, but Meg was a lot to handle under the best of circumstances. And Meg on a lack of sleep and zero caffeine? He’d rather listen to the entire Barbra Streisand catalogue. 

"How’s it hanging?” 

“It’s going. You? You and Cas working things out?” Small talk with Meg Masters...would wonders never cease? 

For a few seconds the mask dropped, and he caught a glimpse of what really lay under all that bluster as her eyes grew dreamy, and a tender smile played at her full lips, “Yeah, uh we’re good. It’s weird and hard and confusing as hell, but good.” 

“How about things with Kat? That going okay?” 

“I-I think so. We’re still trying to figure it all out, but Kat’s one of the good ones, you know? She’s like Cas. I don’t know what they see in me, but for some reason I don’t scare them off. Unlike most other people. I’ve never had a real friend. Guess I really didn’t know how much I needed one until she came along.” 

“Good. I’m glad. But you know… I think she needs you just as much as you need her. Just...don’t hurt her, okay? I’ve done enough of that for both of us already.” 

Meg shifted her feet uncomfortably, “I’ll-I’ll try…” Then obviously having met her vulnerability quota for the day she abruptly stalked back behind the counter, and said loudly enough for the entire damn shop to hear, “Hey Kat? Why don’t you go talk to lover boy over there. I have it under control here.” Aaand there was the Meg he was used to. Shit Meg, a little subtlety, for the love of god! 

He watched Kat grimace and go about six different shades of red as the entire line whipped their heads around to stare at him. Well, shit. As much as he knew she hated all eyes on her, he had to admit; she was utterly adorable when she was embarrassed, all pink and flustered. She apologized to the old couple and gave a hurried “one second” hand motion at him. She ducked into the kitchen for a moment before coming to his table. 

“Morning,” she said softly as she set a mug of steaming black coffee in front of him, along with a gigantic sticky roll with plump cherries peeking out from the center and buttery sheets of caramel rolling off the top. He gave an appreciative moan as he tried to keep himself from outright drooling at the sight of the sticky roll . 

Kat sat down across from him, darting nervous glances at the herd of customers currently staring at them. She self consciously began to fiddle with her wedding band. He grabbed her hand, “Just ignore them. We’ll be old news in a day or two.” 

She ducked her head and gave a quick nod before pulling her hand free and hiding it in her lap. He took a second to admire the way the gauzy sage scarf threaded through the coiled braid atop her head brought out the flecks of green in her grey eyes. A dusting of flour on the side of her neck made his fingers itch to brush it away. Diverting his attention from the delicious sight sitting across the table, he returned it to the plate. 

“Damn, woman…” he breathed before diving into the roll. A bizarre feeling of contentment came over him with that first bite. He stared at the woman in front of him as he realized that sometimes magic could be made from the most ordinary of things. “Fuck. Me. You know I love me some pie, but good god, this thing is ridiculous.” 

She gave him her first true smile of the morning at the compliment, “Whoa, that’s some high praise from you, sir. I better document this. Let’s see...” She pulled out the pen stuck in her braid and began to write on an imaginary piece of paper, “Time: 8:36am. Date: June 30, 2016. Location: Stairway To-” she broke off and give him another cheeky grin. 

His heart skipped a beat. He felt strangely proud that he could make her smile like that. If only he could always bring that smile to her face… Quickly he changed the subject, taking a sip of coffee as he did, “You guys are hopping! You always this busy?” 

“Yep, this is pretty normal. You actually missed the worst of it. We’re always crazy the first two hours of the day. Everyone wants their morning coffee and scone, you know.” She started fiddling with her ring again, “How-how did you sleep?” 

“Meh, alright. Too much going on in my head to get any good rest. What with the move and everything else that’s happened it’ll take me a few weeks to get settled.” There was no way he was going to mention his nightmares to her. No sense in her thinking he was even more of a freak. As long as the nightmares let him get a few hours of sleep each night, he could survive. 

In order to avoid potential awkwardness, he steered the conversation toward another topic. “I think I’m going to start working on the old house today, but before I do, is there anything you need done around here or at home?” 

“Oh! Thanks...umm, nothing I can think of right now. I have a few projects I’m hoping to tackle before winter, but they’re going to take some planning out.” She looked over at the counter where the line was starting to get a bit longer. “I better go help Meg. But I’ll see you tonight?” 

“Sure thing. Hey, why don’t you let me handle dinner. One less thing for you to worry about. I’ll finish up this masterpiece and then be out of your hair. Call me if you think of anything.” 

“K, I’ll see you later.” She quickly waved goodbye, not noticing that several curious sets of eyes were following her as she hurried back behind the counter. 

He sat there finishing his breakfast, and as he sipped his coffee, he watched Kat interact with her customers. She was a sight to behold, cooing over babies, gently teasing the older men, and laughing with the college kids as they commiserated together over favorite TV shows and movies. Every single person who walked through that door got her undivided attention. In this frantic world where every second counted, and no one had time for each other, Kat seemed to be the ultimate rebel by doling out her time like free candy. He chuckled to himself. Kindness as punk rock. 

_Well, I better quit stalling. Baby needs to be unloaded, and that ugly ass green shag in Dad’s old room isn't going to tear itself up._ With a smile and two fingered wave goodbye to Kat, he left the bakery and walked across the street to the small grocery store on the corner to grab a few things he had forgotten last night. Namely a bottle of whiskey and a six pack.

***

Dean spent the rest of the day puttering around both houses. Doing things like stowing boxes away and tearing up carpet would be boring as hell for most people, but he was kind of relishing the normalcy of it. He hadn’t had a chance to do something so gloriously mundane since that year he spent with Lisa and Ben. Sure the bunker had become a sort of home for them, but everything there was so self sustaining, so sterile. Nothing really had to be done there since it basically took care of itself.

Here it was completely different. Here he was needed, not to kill a banshee or exorcise a demon, but for simple reasons. Like repairing a window or mowing the lawn or grilling some burgers for dinner. To tell the truth, it was a damn relief. Part of him wondered if he was under some djinn’s thrall again, but honestly, at this point he really didn’t give a shit.

***

When Kat got home, he already had burgers on the grill and was washing up some russets to make fries. She pitched right in and together they prepared dinner. Since it was such a nice evening, they decided to eat on the back porch, another thing he hadn’t done in god knows how long.

“Thank you so much for making dinner. It looks awesome. A girl could get used to this kind of treatment, you know.” She said right before she took a bite. “Oh my stars and garters, this is the best burger I’ve had in probably forever. Seriously. It’s amazing. What did you do to it? Mine _never_ taste this good.” 

“Mmmm...old Winchester family secret.” He tried to play it cool, but inside he was practically purring from her praise. 

“Well thank you, Great Grandma Winchester,” she laughed. “Oh! Drinks! Can I get you something?” 

“Sure. One of those beers I bought earlier would be great.” She ran inside and came out holding two bottles. She handed him his and then showed him hers, “Do you like hard cider? One of the breweries around here makes a killer Apple and Chokecherry cider. You can try one if you-” 

Without even thinking he grabbed her bottle and took a sip, unconsciously placing his lips exactly where hers had been a second ago, while missing the startled, heated look Kat threw his way. “Wow. That’s actually really good. I usually don’t care for fruity drinks.” 

“We-well, help yourself anytime. So-uh-how was the rest of your day?” 

“Got Baby unloaded and most of that stuff stashed away for now. Started ripping up the carpet in Dad’s old room…” 

The conversation continued in this vein as they finished dinner and settled in for the night. Kat sat at the table going over some paperwork for the bakery, and Dean insisted on cleaning up the kitchen for her. Kat decided to go to bed a bit early so Dean flipped on the TV and sat down with another beer for a few hours of mindless entertainment, trying to delay the inevitable. Around 11:00, he couldn’t handle another episode of yet another reality show trying to pass off some normal job as a gritty, edgy drama. What was so harrowing about working in a pawn shop anyways? 

So up the stairs he went, grabbing the whiskey bottle on the way. He plunked himself on his bed and set the bottle on the nightstand. Tonight he was going to try an old technique and drink his demons into oblivion. Maybe he could finally drown them out...for at least one night anyways.

***

To say it failed spectacularly was a gross understatement. Within moments of passing out, he was once again in the nightmare’s talons. This time, it drug up the moment Sammy fell into the cage with Michael and Lucifer. It replayed that moment on an endless loop. Never stopping until he woke up in the gunmetal grey of pre-dawn.

Across the hall, Kat lay curled up in a ball, pillow over her ears, and silent sobs shaking her entire body as she helplessly listened to him scream over and over and over.

***

Over the next few weeks, Kat and Dean established a routine. Most mornings he would go to the bakery for breakfast, then he would work on the old house while she was at the shop. Cas would stop by a couple times a week to lend him a hand. When Kat got home they would share dinner together, sometimes with Cas and Meg, sometimes just the two of them. During those few hours together they would spend time chatting about all the years they had spent apart, but he always kept the tales of what he and Sam had done on the lighter side. It was bad enough dealing with his demons at night. He didn’t want to deal with them during the day, too. He had done enough of that in the past. This life of normalcy was already becoming his new addiction. He wasn’t ready to taint it with the horrors of his former life.

But even more than not wanting to give up this addictive new life, he wasn’t ready to see the look on Kat’s face when she realized the man she married was, in reality, a monster.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Sam proves he knows more about these two than they do about themselves.

She knelt outside his door, one hand pressed against the wood grain as she pleaded with God to give him even the smallest crumb of relief from the horror inside his head. This was the fourth time in a week that Dean’s night terrors had waken her. It had been over three weeks since the first one happened, and they’d been reoccurring four to five times a week ever since.

When his cries finally quieted, Kat crawled back to her room. Something had to give. He couldn’t continue like this. But-but what could she do? She could try talking to Sam or Cas...they were the two people who knew him best. They might know if this had happened before, and how to help him. As soon as she thought of calling them, her mind was made up. Tomorrow, as soon as the morning rush was over, she was calling Sam. 

It felt a bit like she was betraying Dean by asking them about something so personal, but after tonight, she was willing to do anything. He couldn’t go on like this...she couldn’t go on like this. If it meant dealing with an angry Dean, then she would cross that bridge when she came to it.

***

After the morning rush, Kat asked Meg to cover the front for a few minutes, and went into the back pantry. Plopping down on a fifty pound bag of flour, she dialed Sam’s number.

“Kat!” Sam answered. “How the hell are you?” 

“Hey, Sam. I’m doing alright. How are you and Eileen?”

“Pretty damn good. Hey, I was actually going to call you guys later tonight, but we’re headed back to Albany in a week or two! We’ve got the rest of the stuff from the bunker to bring up.”

“Oh nice. It’ll be great to see you guys. You know you’re always welcome to stay with us.” 

“Aw thanks. So... Something tells me you didn’t just call to make small talk. How are things... _really?_ ”

She gave a snort of humorless laughter, “Oh Sam, I forgot just how perceptive you could be. Um...well, we’re doing okay for the most part. It’s just-” _Might as well spit it out._ “Do-do you know if Dean has ever dealt with chronic night terrors? Not-not just an occasional bad dream, but way worse. Like we’re talking four or five times a week, he’s screaming for at least an hour at a time.”

“Shit.” Sam muttered. “Not again.”

“Not again?! So he has had them before?”

“Yeah, he has. About two years ago Dean had this... _curse_ placed on him that affected everything about him. He barely ate, he would go into these insane rages, and he hardly slept. What little sleep he did get was full of nightmares. Sometimes he would yell so loud, I could hear him through the bunker’s 12 inch thick cement walls. It killed me to listen to him screaming over and over, night after night. Needless to say, we both didn’t get much sleep during that time.” He pause to gather his thoughts. “ _Shit._ Dean is going to throttle me for telling you this, but I think it’s time you knew... My brother’s seen shit that would make the majority of people fall over dead from the shock of it. I mean we’ve both seen and been through shit. Both been to hell and back for that matter. But Dean’s had it worse. He’s been to purgatory too. Been possessed. Been shot and stabbed too many times to count. Been cursed I don’t know how many times. Basically anything bad that could happen to us, has happened to him. Do you-do you get what I’m saying?”

Her whole body froze at those words. “What? You mean-you don’t, do you? Re-really? Like the real Hell?” No. No. No. How was this even _possible_? How does a person come back from hell? Then it struck her like a bolt of lightning. He’d actually died, and she’d had no clue. As that thought hit her, her breath began to come in harsh gasps.

“Kat. Kat. You still there?”

“Yeah,” she gasped weakly. “I’m here. When-when did he go to h-h-hell?”

“Hell happened about eight years ago.” Sam said in a hushed voice. “Dean-Dean sold his soul to bring me back to life. The things he went through in that place? The torture? Here he was gone four months, but down there? It was forty _fucking_ years. Dean told me that everyday down there he would be torn to pieces, only to be put back together the next day. He-he was a play thing for demons, Kat. I don’t know how he’s even sane after that. And then he got sucked into Purgatory about four years ago along with Cas.”

“Wait. Dean told me that Purgatory is where most of the monsters are from. How did he and Cas even end up there?” Suddenly she remembered a dream that had haunted her for years. In the dream she had seen Dean in a stand of half dead trees, surrounded by monsters. She remembered crying out for him, but he couldn’t hear her no matter how much she’d screamed. She’d watched frozen, unable to move or help him as he slayed the monsters around him, but just as she was freed from whatever was holding her back, and could finally reach out to touch him, she woke up. Could-could that have been a glimpse of purgatory? Instead of a dream could it have been a vision? Unfortunately, now wasn’t the time for dream theory, so she shoved those thoughts aside into another compartment of her brain to be analyzed later.

“The backlash from a spell pulled them into Purgatory. When we killed Dick Roman-”

“Hold up. That was you guys?!” She yelled into the phone. “Well, of course it was. Who else could it possibly be, but the Winchester duo?! Seriously Sam, is there anything you guys weren’t involved in? No, actually don’t answer that. I can’t handle another “We Killed the Wealthiest Person In the World” confession from you.”

“But Kat...in our defense he wasn’t even human. He was one the most evil bastards we’ve ever had to deal with…”

“Not right now, Sam. _Not. Right. Now._ Back to Dean. Did you find anything that helped him with the night terrors?”

“Nothing that worked. The curse he was under wouldn’t let anything hurt him, but it also wouldn’t let anything help him either. Finally we figured out a way to get him free of it, but then we got all tangled up with Amara. She had Dean so wrapped up in that web of hers, I don’t even know if he had a chance to get more than two or three hours of sleep a night.”

_Only two to three hours a night? It’s a miracle he’s even able to function at this point._

“Then-then you happened.” Sam sighed, “I’ll be honest with you. When Cas told us it was you who was Dean’s match, I can’t even begin to tell you I relieved I was. Finally, he was going to get a chance to find some peace. Finally, he was going to have a chance for a normal life. And even better, it was with someone we knew and trusted. Kat, you’re one of the few people who truly know Dean like I do. Know who he really is under that cocky, tough guy exterior. If anyone can help him heal from all the trauma, pain, and hell he’s been through, it’s you.”

“But _how_ , Sam? Where do I even start? I-I don’t even know where to begin. What can I do to help him? Tell me. _Please._ ” She pleaded.

“By simply loving him,” he said gently. “By loving him like you have ever since we were kids.”

“S-s-sam...ho-how did…Ho-how did you know?” She stammered. She’d never told a single soul that she loved Dean. Sure she told Rena all about the cute guy from back in her school days. She even revealed that she still had a bit of a crush on him, but she’d never admitted that she was still in love with him after all these years. 

“Kat. I have eyes, you know.” He softly laughed. “After all, I hung out with you two way more than my own friends back in school. I saw the way you looked at him when you thought no one else was looking. I wasn’t sure you would still have the same feelings for him after all these years, but the look in your eyes when you crossed that meadow towards him? That was all I needed to confirm that nothing had changed. I was beyond thrilled to see it because Dean needs someone like you in life. He needs someone who loves him for who he is, and not for what he can do for them. And that’s you, sis.” 

Her heart crumbled at that endearment. He hadn’t called her _sis_ since he was in grade school. “Oh Sammy...but I’m just a-a measly baker. I’m not some badass hunter. What can I do for him? I mean, you’re right, I-I do love him. I’ve loved him for so damn long, but how is that going to heal him?”

“It’s going to take time, but it’ll happen by walking by his side. By being patient when he’s being a stubborn asshole, which knowing my brother, is probably every day. By holding him when he finally breaks down, because it will happen. Not if, but when. I know because I just went through it with Eileen. You-” His voice began to crack with emotion. “You don’t know what it means to guys like Dean and I to have someone be there for us, with no other expectations than that you simply love us. Just having someone who you know you can count on, who’ll always be there is priceless. Having that constant, loving presence in his life will heal him. I truly believe that.”

“Okay. If you think it’ll help, I can do it. I can be there for him.”

“Thanks, Kat.” He sighed with relief.

“For what?” She whispered.

“For being the one to love my brother. I’m so incredibly grateful to you. You’re going to heal him in ways my love never could.” The line went quiet for a few seconds and then Sam spoke up again. “Hey Kat? I’m really sorry, but I have to cut this short. Eileen just got here. We have a few things to finish up before we start heading your way. We’ll talk more when I get there. Take care of yourself. Bye.” He hung up before she had a chance to say anything else.

“Bye.” She mumbled as she leaned her head back against a shelf, her cheeks flaming. Well then. It made sense now why Dean was experiencing these terrors, yet she couldn’t help but doubt that it would be her love that healed him. _I mean that only happens in country songs, right?_

The beginnings of what promised to be a truly spectacular tension headache started to twinge in her temples. After all these years of thinking she’d hidden her feelings so well, she really hadn’t. Good lord. Who else knew...

***

“Kat? You okay? You seem kind of...out of it.” Dean peered at her with a bemused look.

“What? Oh. No. Just a little...tired is all. Long day at work.” _Long day at work? Finding out your husband had been to hell and back? Finding out your most closely guarded secret wasn’t really so secret? Same difference._

“You’ve been working too hard. What do you say to watching a movie tonight instead of working on those books? They’ll be there tomorrow, and besides it’s Saturday night. Time to take a little breather.”

Kat thought about it for a second. She really should finish up this week’s production report, but... to hell with it. He was right. She needed a night off, and it would give her the perfect excuse to avoid thinking about her earlier conversation with Sam, “Okay. Let’s watch a movie.”

Dean grinned, “All right! Now we’re gonna need snacks. Popcorn, of course, and we got any licorice around here?”

“Licorice? Ew. Not in this house, sir. We are a _decent_ candy household here. No weird grandpa candy allowed.” She wrinkled her nose at him.

“What the hell! What’s with you and Sam hating on licorice?! It’s like one of the top two traditional movie snacks! Everybody loves licorice!”

She snorted, “Yeah, as long as everybody is a grandpa.”

They continued bickering playfully as Dean popped some popcorn, and Kat grabbed a small bowl of peanut M&M’s. Then they sat down together on the couch. Kat took one side and curled her legs under her while Dean plopped himself right next to her, one long leg propped up on the hickory coffee table. Having him so near was both thrilling and nerve wracking. He was near enough to accidentally touch, but that also meant he might accidentally touch her. In which case, as always, there was a good chance she would spontaneously combust from even a simple arm brush. It hadn’t happen yet, but was bound to at some point.

“So what do you want to watch? Movie or TV show?” she asked as she cued up Netflix.

He laughed, “I haven’t had much of a chance to watch TV lately so I’m out of the loop with everything. You pick. As long as it’s Kardashian free, I’m game.”

“Well…” she paused to think of something he might like. _Kimmy Schmidt? Maybe. Probably a no on the Great British Baking Show...though he might like Mel and Sue. Hmmmm… Oh!_ “Have you heard of Stranger Things? It’s kind of like The Goonies met The X Files in 1983.” 

“Stranger Things? What - did they make a mockumentary on me and Sam’s life?” 

They both laughed at that. “If they did, then someone owes you some serious money because it’s insanely popular right now.”

“Alright, let’s try it. I’ve always been a sucker for The Goonies.”

She hit play and they settled in. The storyline instantly sucked Kat in all over again even though she’d just finished up this season a month before. Before she knew it, the episode was over. She hit pause and asked Dean, “So what’d you think?”

“Dude, I think I’m hooked,” he said, as he tried to sneak his hand into her bowl of candy.

“Hey now!” She batted his hand away. “I offered you some earlier, but you said no.”

“C’mon Kat,” he whined. “I just need a couple. I need a little something sweet to break up all the saltiness from the popcorn.”

“Fine. You can have a couple-hey! Whoa there, Hoss! That’s way more than a couple!” He threw her an unrepentant grin, his eyes crinkling at the corners and popped the entire handful he’d just grabbed into his mouth. Then with a smirk, he slowly edged his hand into the bowl again.

“NOPE. No more for you, mister. Get your own bowl.”

Dean slumped back down on the couch as he fake sulked. “Fine. Be like that.”

“Yeah, I’m going to be like that,” she teased as she innocently placed the bowl just out of his reach.

He scowled at her, grabbed the remote off her knee and started the next episode. “Girls and their chocolate…”

“You don’t get between them,” she finished for him with a giggle, before turning her attention back to the TV.

The scene where Joyce gets the first phone call from Will came on, and she glanced over at Dean to see his reaction. Her insides went all gooey as she realized he’d fallen asleep, head tilted to the side as he dozed. His sinfully soft lips were parted ever so slightly as his breathing deepened. Like a parched yard on a rainy day, her eyes soaked in every detail in front of her. At last she was able to do what she’d been aching to do since he walked through her door weeks ago. She simply sat there and looked at him.

Gradually his body began to tilt towards her, until finally with an almost silent thud, those broad shoulders pressed against hers, and his head rested upon her shoulder. She didn’t dare move. Was almost scared to breathe lest he woke up, and this blissful moment ended. 

But before too long she was unable to resist another temptation, the need to touch him. She slowly reached out a trembling hand, and gingerly brushed the hair at the nape of his neck. He shifted at her touch, and she instantly jerked her hand away. But instead of pulling away from her touch, he leaned into her hand, almost like the way a cat nuzzles a hand when it wants its head scratched. With that, she began to tenderly stroke the hair on the nape of his neck. As she did, a quiet rumble resonated from his chest. Heat immediately pooled in the pit of her stomach and that melting sensation in her insides shifted to lower, more intimate areas.

They stayed there as episode after episode played on unseen, and night began to settle. Outside a half moon crested over the fir trees standing guard around the house, and crickets began to chirp in the lavender bushes. Inside there was only a hushed stillness as Kat moved from stroking Dean’s hair to gently tracing circles along his shoulders and back, all the while luxuriating in the glorious sensation of being able to touch him. He kept sleeping through it all. The lines of stress and exhaustion bracketing his mouth and eyes eased, and for a little while she caught a glimpse of the boy she once knew.

Without warning, Dean’s phone began blaring the opening chords of _Rock You Like A Hurricane_ as a text message came in. He woke with a start, eyes scrunched up against the glaring light of the TV. Kat, not knowing what to do, froze. Her hand that had just a second before been caressing Dean’s shoulder now dangled awkwardly above the couch. He blinked at her, his green eyes all hazy and confused. 

“Kat?”

“Yeah?” She croaked.

“Was I asleep?” He asked as he lifted up his head, though he was still leaning into her side much to her delight.

“Yeah...you were.” This time her voice chose to squeak instead of croak. _Lovely._

Finally he woke completely and sat up straight, turning slightly to look directly at her. She quickly tucked her wandering hand under her thigh, hoping he hadn’t noticed it above his head. “How long was I out?” He pulled his phone out of his jeans pocket. “Shit. It’s 11:00.” He looked at her with bewilderment. “I was out for almost three hours? Wait. Did I sleep on your shoulder the whole time?”

“Umm...kind of, yeah…” She broke off, hoping against hope he wouldn’t ask her what she’d done while he slept.

He began to pat her shoulder, “Did I drool? God, that would be so humiliating.”

“I don’t think so…” _No, I actually know you didn’t drool because like a creeper I was staring at your beautiful, perfect face the ENTIRE damn time._

“So I was really out for three hours?”

“Yeah, yeah you were.”

Dean looked at her with what almost appeared to be wonder. “Really? Huh.” But he left it at that, leaving Kat to try to decipher what his look meant.

“I - I guess I better go to bed...it’s pretty late.” She awkwardly scooted off the couch. “Sleep good.” Then she dashed upstairs to her room, her whole body flushed with the onset of too many emotions at once.

***

Dean perched on the edge of the couch, rubbing his jaw as he mulled over what had just happened. For the first time in he couldn’t even remember how long, he’d slept without a single nightmare. Well, for that matter a single dream. The only thing he remembered was a soothing, stroking sensation up and down his back and the feeling of complete contentedness. No worries, no fear, no anger. Just contentment and a warm tingling in his wrist. If he believed in miracles, he would be tempted to call that nap he'd just had one, but he didn’t - so how had it happened? He glanced up the stairs. _I wonder… Nah, there’s no way…_ He quickly banished the thought.

Later that night though as he sat propped up in bed, sipping his third glass of whiskey, he couldn’t keep himself from wondering if there was a chance that Kat could've been the cause of his dreamless sleep.


	20. Chapter 20

The following week, Dean was installing a new faucet in the bakery kitchen sink for Kat, when he heard one of the vilest sounds in the universe: Elicia Carr’s unmistakable cackle. _Son of a bitch. That’s one sound I could’ve gone the rest of my life without hearing again._ And of course Meg was off today which meant Kat was running the shop solo. He was the only back up around. He hung back in the kitchen for a few minutes, listening intently to see if Kat would need him.

“Heeeeey, Kat! Thought I’d stop by for a coffee before I head down to Aspen to finish up _another_ sale on a million dollar condo. The buyer for this one is some big shot at Microsoft.” Three sentences in, and he already wanted to wipe the smugness right off her face.

“Oh. Well that’s nice…” came Kat’s mumbled reply. “What can I get started for you?”

“A triple skinny sugar free vanilla latte with almond milk.” The order was barely out of Elicia’s mouth, and Kat was already grinding the beans. Obviously, she wanted her out of here as quick as possible.

“Your little shop is just too precious!” She twittered over the dull roar of the steam wand. “You know... I could get you the names of a couple _amazing_ decorators who could help you spruce it up in here. Get rid of the little shabby edges.” Dean gritted his teeth. _The only thing shabby around here is you, bitch._

“So, Kat. A little birdy told me a rumor about you. Seems like you went and got yourself married! And you didn’t tell a single soul, you naughty girl! They also told me that you married Dean Winchester of all people, but I told them it couldn’t possibly be true. I mean you, all people, marrying _him_??” Disbelief dripped from her words, but behind that lay the real reason for her showing up today. She was dying to know if the news was true.

_Aaand there’s my cue._ Dean walked out of the kitchen, observing the rigid set of Kat’s shoulders as he stepped right behind her, the tips of his boots nudging the back of her sneakers. He slid one arm around her waist, and tugged her flush against his chest, while his other hand cupped her hip. She went completely still in his arms, shock coursing through her body. _C’mon sweetheart, play along. We’re gonna make this bitch so jealous she’ll wish she never set foot in here._ After a second, she relaxed into his arms. _Good girl._ He nuzzled her ear with his lips before murmuring just loud enough for Elicia to hear, “Hey love, I finished up that faucet for you. Anything else you want me to...take care of for you? You name it, and I’m on it.” 

He trailed his lips down the satiny length of her neck, inhaling the faint scent of her orchid oil body wash mixed with freshly baked shortbread and nutmeg. He pressed a lingering kiss on the bit of collar bone left exposed by her plum v-neck, then settled his chin on her shoulder. He could feel her rapid heartbeat and the fine trembling coursing through her frame as she inhaled sharply. He raised his eyes up to Elicia’s bulging ones, taking a good look at her for the first time. 

Time had definitely not been on her side. Any trace of softness she might of once had was gone, even her strawberry blonde curls had been replaced by a sleek bob. Sure, she was still what most guys would call hot, but it was all fake. From her eyelash extensions to the obvious boob job filling out her crisp white button down, nothing was real. It was all for show. Everything about her was trying to scream “Look at how successful I am!”, but underneath he could still see that desperate, attention craving little girl she’d alway been. 

“Sorry, love. Didn’t realize you were with a customer.”

Kat shifted, letting herself settle even further into his chest. That innocent move caused her plump bottom to nestle even closer to his groin, the subtle motion causing Little Dean to stir and take notice. “Dean honey, you remember Elicia, right? Well according to her, I guess the cat’s out of the bag. It’s already all around town that we got married.” God, give this woman an Oscar. For someone so sweet, she sure could lay it on thick when needed.

“Hi Dean. Nice to see you again after all these years.” She gritted out from behind a fake smile that was more of a grimace than anything else.

“Hey Elicia, it’s been awhile.” He gave her a brief smile before spinning Kat around in his arms. She grabbed his upper arms to catch her balance. He took her chin in his hand and traced her bottom lip with his thumb, the rough callouses on his thumb a stark contrast to her soft lip. _Stay with me, sweetheart. Time for the big finish._ Then he covered her lips with his. She started, but then melted into his arms. For a few brief seconds there was no Elicia, no bakery, no anything else. Just the two of them. Her lips were so silky that he couldn’t resist sliding the tip of his tongue between them. Kat let out a silent startled gasp, and squeezed his biceps in response causing a bolt of heat to shoot straight to his groin. _Okay, we have to stop. We’ve moved way past playing._

He pulled away, trying calm to his pounding heart so he could pull off his exit without stuttering, “I'll just be over in the corner drinking my coffee if you need me, sweetheart. Elicia, it’s been real.” He walked over to his table, feeling Elicia’s eyes burning holes into the back of his head. He didn’t give a damn though, because all he could think about was the taste and feel of Kat’s lips lingering on his, and how for a few minutes he’d felt whole. Already paying physically for the little show they’d put on, he quickly sat before he embarrassed himself.

Kat finished Elicia’s order, who tore the cup out of Kat’s hand and threw a crumpled bill in her direction. She stormed out of the shop, stiletto heels clicking out her irritation against the hardwood floor. Kat turned towards his table, her face adorably flushed and her hand pressed against her throat, thumb absently rubbing the exact spot where his lips had been not five minutes ago. 

“Well that was...something.” She laughed breathlessly. “Elicia’s going to be pissed when she realizes she just left a fifteen dollar tip. I-I don’t think we’ll be seeing her around here for awhile. Th-thanks for um- rescuing me.” 

“Anytime.” He tried to say casually, but the way she was helplessly staring at him with those dazed opal eyes and her petal soft lips still rosy from their kiss made his voice crack like teenager. She looked so delicious, so inviting that all he wanted to do was stride back over there, haul her into his arms and finish that kiss properly. He halfway out of his seat before he even realized it. 

The jarring clang of the bell over the door halted him in his tracks as Kat ripped her gaze away from his. “Oh! Mr. Evans! Hi!”

_Dammit. What is this? High school reunion day or something?_ But at least this was one reunion he could stand. Tom Evans had been one of only a handful of teachers to ever give a damn about him.

“Kat.” Tom Evans, their old high school principal chided her. “You’re out of high school, remember? You’re allowed to call me Tom now.”

“Right, of course. So what can I get you, Mr -er- Tom?”

“A cup of coffee and one of those Lemon Blueberry Crumble Muffins. Oh, and if you can keep that coffee coming that would be great. I’ve got Freshmen orientation next week and haven’t a clue what to write for my welcome speech.” He paid and walked towards a table by the window, but spun around as he noticed Dean in the corner. “Dean Winchester! Is that really you, son?” He hurried over to him and grasped his hand, shaking it enthusiastically. “It’s been too long! How the hell are you?” While he was greeting Dean, Kat quietly set his muffin and coffee on his table.

“I’m doin’ fine, Mr. Evans. How are you?” He asked the slender African American man currently wringing his hand. 

“Good, good. I don’t know if Kat told you or not, but I left the high school about five years ago, and now I’m the dean over at Boulder Community College.” His friendly voice took on a mischievous tone as he continued. “I heard a rumor the other day about you two. So. Is it true? You tied the knot?” 

Dean caught sight of Kat’s blushing face out of the corner of his eye.“Yeah, it’s true. I don’t know why, but this one agreed to marry my loser ass.” 

“Well then, you’re the smartest man in this damn town. It’s always baffled me that no one’s scooped her up! I mean if I was twenty years younger and straight, I would’ve beaten you to the punch years ago. But then men are idiots...just ask my husband.” Tom laughed, his warm brown eyes twinkling merrily.

“Yes, yes they are.” He’d been wondering the same thing for the last month and a half. Why hadn’t Kat gotten married sooner? Were the men in this town really that stupid?

“Hey! Are you two talking about me? I’m still in the room you know.” Kat piped up from behind the counter. Both men laughed, and Tom said, “It’s all good, my dear. I promise.”

“It better be!” She snorted before walking into the kitchen. “I’m going to the kitchen for few so don’t go talking about me behind my back.”

They watched her walk away. “She really is something.” Tom said.

“She definitely is. I sure as hell don’t deserve her.”

“We never do deserve our better half, Dean. All we can do is try our best to make ourselves worthy of them. So you’ve been gone an awfully long time. What’ve you been up to all these years? ” Tom asked.

“Working with my dad and brother for the most part. We wandered around the country for a long time...too long really, but now I’m back.”

“Well, it’s good to have you home. I’ll be honest with you, I’ve missed that uncanny talent you have with cars. Do you remember all the times you got that godforsaken ancient Datsun of mine up and running again?” Tom dropped himself into the seat across from him, any speech writing he was planning on doing seemingly forgotten.

Dean laughed, “I’d forgotten all about that! You don’t still have that rust bucket, do you?”

“No, no. Bryan finally forced me to give it up about ten years ago. I swear to you, I almost shed a tear when we finally dropped it off at the junkyard. That old car had been with me since before I started college.” He chuckled. “Say...that makes me think. What are you doing for work nowadays?”

“Funny you should ask. I just finished up doing a little remodel on my old house, and now I’m trying to find something that actually pays. Can’t mooch off Kat forever. She’ll throw me out if I don’t start bringing in some cash.” He laughed, but he was honestly starting to get worried. He needed to find something soon because too much free time had always been his enemy. That was when the ghosts in his head began to scream at him night _and_ day.

“Would you possibly be interested in a teaching gig in the technical arts department at my school? The instructor who taught all of our automotive classes up and left without even giving notice. I’ve been beating my brains out trying to find a long term substitute for him. I can’t promise it, but there’s a good chance it could turn into a permanent position.”

“Yeah? Well, huh…” He’d never thought of himself as a teacher. All he’d ever been good for was grunt work. “I don’t have any qualifications. All I got is my GED.”

“Dean, you have more practical know how in your pinkie than half of the instructors in that department. You’re a technical genius! Besides as the dean, I’m in charge of all hiring. If I say you have the qualifications, you have the qualifications.”

Dean could feel himself actually begin to blush over the unexpected compliment. “Uh thanks, I-I’ll have to think about it. Can I get back to you in a day or two?”

“Unfortunately, I’ll need an answer sooner than that. Like this afternoon soon. If I don’t get an instructor for these classes, I’ll have to cancel them. Not trying to pressure you, but I truly do think you’d be great at it. And since you’d just be filling in at first, we can waive all the usual procedures. Why don’t you stop by the school around 3, I’ll give you a tour, have you meet the other teachers, and then you can give me your answer.”

“Okay, well I guess I’ll be there at three then.” 

“Great!” Tom said enthusiastically as he stood up and went back to his original table. “I suppose I better get started on what I actually came here to do.”

Dean sat there mulling over things for a few minutes. While he felt completely inadequate for what he was being offered, it really would be a godsend. _But can I really be a - teacher? Me?_ Once, too many years ago to count, he had thought of maybe trying to teach other people how to fix cars, but that dream had long since died. _I should talk this over with Kat. Maybe she can help me decide what to do._

He got up, said goodbye to his old teacher, and headed back to the kitchen. He found Kat head first in the chest freezer, hips wiggling tantalizingly as she reached for something down in it's depths. His hands began to tingle as he remembered how good it felt to hold those hips.

“Hey, Kat?”

“Crap!” She popped up, nearly whacking her head on the freezer’s lid. “You scared me! I didn’t realize you were back here.”

“Sorry. Hey can I talk to you about something?”

A hesitant look came across her face, and he knew she was thinking about the events of just a little bit ago, “Sure…”

“So listen, um...so…old Tom out there just offered me a job at the college.”

Kat’s jaw dropped. “Really? Doing what?”

“Filling in at their technical arts department. They’re looking for substitute automotive repair instructor. I’ve got an interview this afternoon.”

She let out a little shriek and pulled him in for a brief, enthusiastic hug, “Are you serious?? Dean, this is fantastic!!”

“You think I should do it then?”

“Are you kidding me? Yes, you should do it! Remember all the times when we were growing up you talked about how much you liked working on cars, and how you wish you could teach other people how to fix them? This is it! This is your chance to make that dream happen! Oh, this is going to be so great for you!”

He smiled down at her happy little face. If Kat had faith in him, maybe he could do it. Besides it wouldn’t hurt to at least go and check things out. “Well if you think I should, I guess I better get home and clean up then.” 

He turned to leave but before he walked away, Kat reached out and gave his hand a quick squeeze. “You’re going to be a fantastic teacher, Dean. I know it.”

_"How can she have that much faith in me? God, I hope I don’t let her down…"_ He thought as he left the bakery and headed for home to prepare for his first job interview since he’d moved in with Lisa years ago.

***

Later that evening, Dean came home and found Kat waiting for him in the kitchen, an expectant grin creasing her face. “So?!”

But before he could answer, a whole chorus of voices echoed, “SO?!” He spun around to find four heads poking around the corner of the living room. “Sam! Eileen! What are you guys doing here already? We didn’t think you’d be here until next week. And Cas, why are you and Meg here?”

He turned back to Kat who give him a sheepish smile. “I invited Cas and Meg over for a ‘hopefully’ celebratory dinner, and Sam and Eileen just happened to show up in time for it too.”

_“So?”_ Sam said with a shit eating grin.

“So what?” He shot back.

“I don’t understand why we keep saying ‘so’.” Cas muttered. Meg patted his cheek, “It’s a human thing, babe. Just go with it.”

“Dean.” Sam said

“Alright, alright. Yes, I took the damn job! Go ahead. Get all those teacher jokes out of your system.” But instead of laughing, the five of them erupted in a round of cheers. Eileen gave him a quick hug, and Meg slugged his arm, while Cas slapped him on the back. Sam threw his arm around his shoulders and crowed, “You realize that my ringtone for you now is going to have to be _Hot For Teacher_ , right?”

“Shut up, bitch.” He said, rolling his eyes.

“Jerk.”

He turned to see Kat beaming at the two brothers so he decided to go to her. She slid her arm around him, and briefly laid her cheek on his arm. “I’m so proud of you. Just like I’ve always been.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” She smiled up at him, her eyes sparkling at him so proudly that his breath caught in his throat. But before he did something really stupid, like kiss her again, she pulled away, calling out to the foursome currently chattering around them. “I hope you’re all hungry because tonight we dine like men! Steak and beer all around!” They all let out a collective whoop, and Kat began to work on the steaks. He watched her for a few seconds, wondering how he’d survived so long without her in his life. He starting to realize that she just may have been what was missing in his life for so long. Sure he’d had Sam and Cas to keep him going, but this was different. She was different…

But before his thoughts took too dangerous a turn, he grabbed Sam and ruffled his hair just to annoy his little brother and distract himself. “Dude! I swear, this mop gets any longer, and Eileen is going to have to start giving you tips on how to wear your hair.”

Eileen rushed to her boyfriend’s defense. “I love it though. It feels so soft when I run my fingers through it...almost like I’m playing with my own hair,” she finished slyly.

“ _What?!_ Betrayed by my own girlfriend!” Sam signed indignantly while Dean erupted in guffaws. Sam grabbed Eileen and began to tickle her mercilessly.

Dean left the two of them to it, and went to stand by Cas who was observing Meg and Kat put together dinner. “Cas man, who would’ve ever thought it? We’re actually doing it. Living halfway normal lives.”

Cas smiled out him, “It really is something as you would say.”

“Cas… Can I ask you something?”

“Of course.”

Dean hesitated. He wanted so badly to ask Cas if he was struggling with all the same doubts that he was. Doubts and fears that this new normal of theirs was all going to come crashing down around them. That some new Big Bad was going to appear, and this dream world would be lost. But as he looked at the happy scene in front of them, he thought better of it. Now wasn’t the time. 

“What is it, Dean?” Cas peered at him intently.

“You know what? I-I forgot already. Must be getting old. Let’s go see if we can help Eileen with Sam.” There would be time enough down the road for that conversation. Tonight they just needed to be in the here and now.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAAAAND we finally have bed sharing... ;) Thank you all for reading this silly fic of mine and for all the lovely kudos comments! You're all amazing. Just a head's up about this chapter, there's a mild torture scene about halfway. So if that's not your thing, here's your friendly warning. Also, if you want to come yell with me about this two idiots, I'm on Tumblr. You can find me at thesassywallflower.

That night, Dean’s tortured screams woke Kat once again. She’d been hoping that with today’s good news that maybe, just maybe, the terrors would give him a night off, but no... No of course they couldn’t give him a break. _I’m sorry, Sam, but I don’t think this whole ‘love will heal’ thing is going to work._ She buried her head in her pillows, trying to drown out his cries of terror.

“KAAAAAAT!!!”

She didn’t even think. At the sound of her name, she tore across the hall and was beside his bed in an instant, the mark on her wrist searing into her skin.

“KAT!! NO! DON’T TOUCH HER!! GOD, NOT HER!! PLEASE!!!”

She grabbed his shoulders and started shaking him, past caring if he might hit her, “DEAN! Dean, wake up! WAKE UP!”

His screams turned into an almost inhuman wail, as his spine arched in agony, “NOT HER. PLEASE, LET HER GO! YOU CAN HAVE ME! DO WHATEVER YOU WANT TO ME! JUST LET HER GO! KAAAAT!”

“Dean, please wake up! You have to wake up! It’s just a nightmare! I’m okay! Please wake UP!” She screamed desperately at him. Suddenly she felt his hand on her wrist, and then the next thing she knew she was pinned to the mattress by a 180 pound male. He thrust his hands into her hair and pulled her head to his chest, as he continued to whimper, “Not her, not her, not her.”

Kat did the only thing she could do in that moment. She wrapped her arms around him and began to stroke his back, running her hand up and down his sweat drenched t-shirt. “It’s okay. I’m right here. It’s okay. We’re okay. We’re safe. Dean, we’re safe.” She crooned. Gradually he relaxed in her arms, his body melting into hers. The heartbeat that had been hammering against her chest calmed, and the labored gasps of air tearing from his throat quieted as his breathing evened out.

Minutes ticked by on the grandfather clock down the hall, and Kat began to realize she was in a bit of a pickle. She’d never ever been in the same bed with a man before, much less pinned underneath one. She waited a few more minutes before whispering, “Dean? Dean, I have to get up.” But he didn’t so much as twitch. _Well...shit. What am I going to do now? I don’t want to wake him, but I can’t stay here either._

She tried to squirm out from under him, but Dean just rolled off to his side. Instead of letting her go though, his arms wrapped themselves around her and pulled her whole body against his chest. Now she was the one gasping for air. 

This was all too-too intimate. Too new. Too foreign. What was she supposed to do with her hands or legs? How do you even share a bed with a man? Besides the kiss they’d shared at her graduation party, her interactions with men prior to Dean’s return had been relegated to hugs from relatives and the few dates she’d gone on eons ago.

It was all just so- different. Sharing a house with a man was one thing, but being in bed with him and-and then there was this morning’s episode? She was still shocked she even survived it without melting into a puddle. For a few brief minutes it’d felt like she’d been possessed by a bolder, freer version of herself. Her stomach turned to jelly as she relived how it felt to be in those strong arms. 

His hips pressing into hers... 

His hand lightly gripping her hip…

Being drawn back against his hard chest…

Those lips that she’d had a thousand dreams about trailing down her neck while the rasp of his unshaven chin sent the most delightful shivers across her skin... 

The aching tenderness of the moment practically undid her. Then there was that kiss. A heady rush of heat swept over her entire body as his tongue stroked her lips, and it was like nothing she’d ever experienced. It had awakened a hunger inside her that she was scared would never go away. 

Sure, Kat knew it had all been for show. Just something to get back at Elicia for all those years of abuse, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t hoarding the memory of this morning away forever. She would use it to warm herself on the cold lonely nights that would follow after this was all over. Because it would be over one day. There was no way he would want to stay with her forever. All she could do was savor every second she had with him while it lasted. 

Finally her thoughts quieted as Dean’s steady breathing, and the warmth of being cuddled against him, began to lull her to sleep. The pain in her wrist faded and slowly, inevitably her eyes drifted shut as she fell into a dreamless sleep.

***

_Kat lay strapped to Alastair’s rack while the master of torture carved his favorite scalpel into her pale skin. Tears mingled with blood dripped down her naked body to pool under the rack. Her anguished cries pierced Dean’s ears, but there wasn’t a damn thing he could do because he was also bound. He was chained to the very Star of David that Cas had once bound Alistair to._

_He begged Alistair over and over to take him and let Kat go, but Alistair only laughed at him. Laughed and said, “Wait your turn, my boy. We mustn’t be rude. Ladies always come first, and my, what a lady this is. I can see why you like her, boy. Skin so soft and plump and smooth. Why, it’s like carving into the perfect New York cheesecake. Maybe I should taste her? Think she would like that?”_

_Dean thrashed against his chains until they turned slick with his blood, hurling curses at Alistair. He pleaded and screamed at him until his throat was raw and bleeding, and he began to choke on his blood. He couldn’t even close his eyes to shut out the sight of Kat’s helpless body being torn apart because Alastair had his eyelids pinned back, keeping even that small mercy from him._

_Their torture session went on for what felt like years until suddenly he felt a gentle touch on his shoulder. He looked down to see the impossible sight of Kat standing next to him. No longer naked, she was wearing a simple floral sundress. His eyes flew to the rack to find it empty, leather restraints swaying in the stagnant breeze wafting around them. Kat took his hand, and miraculously he found that he too was free. The chains that had just seconds before bound him were now pooled underneath the Star._

_Kat led him him through the labyrinth of tunnels that made up Hell’s torture chambers, somehow knowing exactly which turns to make. Finally they walked out of a stone doorway and into the daylight. His eyes watered at the bright sunlight, and he gulped down the fresh air, trying to drive out the fetid stench of the dungeons from his lungs, as he took in their surroundings. They seemed to be standing in the same woodland meadow where they had gotten married. He spun around, half expecting to see a contingent of demons waiting behind them, but there was no one else there. He turned back to Kat who was smiling at him as she said, “It’s okay, Dean. We’re safe now.”_

_His eyes devoured her miraculously healed skin. Not a mark or blemish in sight. He looked down at their entwined hands, those small fingers wrapped so trustingly around his scarred ones. The feel of her other hand brushing his cheek drew his eyes back to hers, the tenderness of her touch making his heart twist inside him. He threw his arms around her and buried his face in her hair. A sob of relief escaped him. They really were safe. Slowly everything around them faded, and he slipped into nothingness._

Dean gradually woke up, feeling more rested than he had in years. A warm weight pressed against his chest. It almost felt like… His eyes flew open to find his arms full of a sleeping - _Kat?_ Her tangled blonde hair fanned across his pillows, and one hand rested on his chest. _How the fucking hell did this happen?_ It wasn’t like he’d never woken up next to a woman with only a foggy memory of how she’d gotten there, but that only happened when he’d had too much to drink. He’d been sober when he’d gone to bed, and knew for a fact it’d been empty when he’d gotten into it. Normally, he slept so lightly that most sounds woke him up. So when and how did she get here? 

There was no denying it though, it sure was nice to wake up with your arms full of your wife. There had been a few times on the road when he’d dreamed of her next to him, but he’d quickly smothered those dreams. At the time he’d thought he would never see her again so why even dwell on them? But now here she was in real life, and it was kind of awesome.

He lay there watching her sleep. She was always so open and unguarded while awake, but in sleep she was even more so. Kat was nothing like those sleeping beauties found in movies, but that made her all the more appealing. Instead of immaculately styled locks, her hair took on a life of its own and sprawled across every available surface including her own face. Instead of a satin negligee she wore an old _They Might Be Giants_ shirt with a grey sports bra strap peeking out of the worn neckline. Instead of a full face of makeup, hers was bare, long blonde lashes fluttering as she dreamed, and lips parted as tiny snores escaped between them. Instead of looking untouchable, she was real, and she was right here next to him.

As he was staring at her like the worst possible creeper, her eyes drifted open and met his. A sleepy smile crept across her face, but was quickly replaced first by confusion and then fear. She reared back, and before he could catch her, tumbled backwards off the bed. She leapt upright, arms crossed over her chest. “Oh no, no, no, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to! I’m so, so sorry. W-w-we didn’t do anything. I meant to get out, but then I-I fell asleep.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Kat sweetheart, calm down.” He crawled out of bed. She practically cowered as he got closer. He held up his hands to try to show her he wasn’t going to hurt her. “It’s okay. Just take a deep breath and talk to me. That’s all you have to do. Just talk to me. I’m a little confused right now.”

“We really didn’t do anything. _I promise._ I-I-I didn’t mean to fall asleep. It’s just you were- and I was- and then...” Her gaze fell on the alarm clock on his nightstand. “Shit! It’s 8:00?! _The shop!_ Oh lord, the _customers!_ I gotta go!”

“Kat. Please stop. The shop is going to be okay. We need to talk about this, though.”

“I can’t! I have to go!” She tried to brush by him, but he blocked her path. “Stop. Just hold on for a minute. Please. Let me call Meg. She should be there by now, right? Just stay right there.” He crept backwards to the nightstand where his phone was lying. Not taking his eyes off Kat, who stood there looking like a little girl who just got caught eating a cookie before dinner. He called Meg who answered on the first ring. 

“Where is she?!” Meg barked. “We’ve got pissed off customers who want their cinnamon rolls, dammit! I swear Dean, if something’s happened to her-”

“Chill, Meg. She’s fine. We’re just in the middle of something here at home. Kat’ll be in later.”

“When? And what do I tell people in the meantime?!”

“Later. She’ll be in later. Tell them the oven broke. Maybe offer them half off on their coffee or something.”

“Fine.” Meg then proceeded to hang up on him.

“Pleasure as always, Meg.” He muttered, then walked back to Kat. He took her hand in his. It was freezing so he grabbed her other hand and held them between his larger ones. He began to gently chafe them, trying to warm them up. Dean was tempted to pull her back into bed to try to warm her up, but after her earlier reaction, that probably wasn’t the best idea. Instead, he suggested softly, “Why don’t we go downstairs and talk. I’ll make some coffee.” 

She followed him down the stairs, chin tucked in her chest. As soon as they walked into the kitchen, she dropped into a chair, and buried her head in her arms on the table. As he made the coffee, Dean kept glancing back at her. Anxiousness bloomed in his chest. The way she was acting made him think something bad must’ve happened. But what? Had-had he done something to her? Why couldn’t he remember anything?

As soon as the coffee finished brewing, he sat the pot and two mugs on the table. This was pretty much guaranteed to be an entire pot kind of conversation. He settled next to Kat and tentatively touched her shoulder. “So-uh-are you up for telling me what happened? Whatever it is, you can tell me.”

So she did, her words tumbling over each other. At times her voice was barely above a whisper, but she told him everything. She started with the night he’d moved in and ended with him pulling her into bed with him. As she talked, guilt crept over him. Once again he’d hurt her. Once again, because of him, she’d been worried and scared. Why did he have to keep doing this? Couldn’t he for once help her, not hurt her? 

He shoved his fingers through his hair, clenching the strands so hard his scalp began to protest as the anger at himself began to burn. What could he do to fix this? The answer came to him instantly. He could move out. If he left, he couldn’t hurt her anymore. The thought of leaving instantly made him feel panicky though, like something precious was being torn from him. So this was it. This is what was going to screw up his new life. Not some Big Bad, but him. Of fucking course, it was him. It was _always_ him

“I’m sorry, I put you through this shit, Kat. I-I’ll leave. Today. You won’t have to put up with me or my stupid nightmares anymore, and then you’ll finally get some peace and quiet.”

“What?! _No._ ” She slid out of her chair, knelt next to him, and laid her hand on his knee, “There’s _nothing_ for you to be sorry for, Dean. I don’t want you to leave. I-I want to help you. We just have to figure out how.”

He looked down into her earnest face. How could she do this? Show him mercy he didn’t deserve. “Kat. I don’t think there’s anything we can do. I can’t keep putting you through this.”

“I absolutely refuse to believe that. We’ll just keep trying. When-when you asked me to marry you, you said that you wanted us to be friends again. And friends, true friends, help each other no matter the circumstances.”

“But Kat, I...I’m not-”

“No, Dean. No trying to come up with excuses. You would do anything to help me, right?”

“Well yeah-”

“Okay, so let me do the same for you. Maybe I’ll have to get better at taking naps, but I’m not giving up. And you’re not moving out...unless you want to.”

“No…” He paused trying not to sound too desperate. “No, I don’t wanna move out. I like it here. Okay, so we’ll try to figure out something. I’ll talk to Cas and see if he can think of anything to help. _But._ We’re only giving this another week or two. You can’t keep going without sleep. So if I start yelling, poke me with a long stick or something. Okay?”

“Okay.” She smiled shyly, and then got back into her chair. “And I’m sorry I surprised you this morning. Probably a big shock to find all of this next to you.” She motioned to herself. “My hair’s its own particular freakshow in the morning.”

Why did she have to do this all the time? Be so down on her looks? “Kat, you weren’t at your worst. You were at your cutest.” 

She blushed and then, trying to hide her embarrassment, smacked him in the arm. “Shut up. And now that the coffee’s probably cold, how about a cup?”

***

Dean called Cas as soon as Kat left. “Hey man, can you come over? I need to talk to you about something.”

“Did you finally remember what you wanted to talk to me about last night?”

“What? Oh yeah...sorta. So can you come over?”

“Of course. I’ll be over shortly.”

While he waited for Cas, he paced the kitchen floor. He shouldn’t feel so relieved that Kat wanted him to stay, but he was. He liked it here. He liked living in a real house again. Liked how comfortable it was compared to the bunker. As a kid, this kitchen, this house, had been his favorite place in the world. An island of stability in their screwed up world. And now as an adult, it was quickly becoming that again. 

As he sat at the old walnut table and stared at the sunny yellow walls, a thought struck him. He hadn’t done anything to protect Kat or the house. Shit. He needed to install some wardings and fast. Starting with all these windows. Thankfully, the house was encircled by a wrought iron fence so that would at least provide some protection against spirits. He knew Kat wouldn’t let him paint over the windows, but he could etch sigils on the window sills. And then there was Kat herself. She really should get tattooed, but until then he needed to get an anti-possession amulet for her to wear. Just because the gates of hell were supposed to be sealed didn’t mean there weren’t still stray demons floating around.

A sharp rap sounded at the back door. He let Cas in, sat him down and since there no sense in beating around the bush, launched right into it. He simply repeated everything that Kat had told him earlier this morning. Cas just sat there pensively looking at him.

“So what do you think?”

“Have your nightmares been worse lately or the same as usual?”

“Mostly they’ve been their standard shit show, but last night…” He hesitated, his mind rebelling at the thought of reliving the first part of the nightmare. “Last night’s dream was different. It included Kat. She-she was on the rack, and Alastair-” he stopped to collect his thoughts before continuing. Cas kept his eyes on Dean’s face as he revealed his dream, but as he told him about the second part of the dream, a look of understanding dawned on his face.

“What?” 

“Your mark. The mark you and Katherine share. You recall I thought it might be a bonding mark, right? I think it’s working to tie you together. You said that your dream changed abruptly, correct? I think the moment you pulled Kat into bed with you, that bond was activated. Having her next you calmed the nightmare. Tamed the beast, if you will. Is this the first time this has happened? Have the two of you shared a bed before?”

_No fucking way..._

“We haven’t slept in the same bed before, but last week while we were watching some TV, I fell asleep on her shoulder. And-and I slept for three hours straight without a single dream.”

“Ah, I think that’s your solution, Dean. If the two of you share a bed, it could be that your night terrors will stop.”

“Are you fucking kidding me, Cas? Do you know how ridiculous that sounds? Like what kind of rom com plot line solution is this? Sharing a bed. Shit.” _This couldn’t be the answer. Besides, Kat would never go for it...would she? No. Don’t even think about asking her._ “Cas, that can’t be the only answer. Just keep looking for something else. Please.”

“I’ll try, but I think you should try sharing a bed again. If nothing else, it could rule out whether or it would help you.”

“Fine, I’ll talk to Kat about it, but there’s no way I’m forcing her into it.”

“Of course. I’ll see if I can come up with another solution, but I’m highly doubtful.”

Cas left and Dean slumped down at the table. He hated to admit that Cas was probably right, and this was his only solution. But if he was honest, he felt safe with her. God help him, but this small, soft woman made him, the guy who’d gone rounds with angels, demons, and Lucifer himself, feel safe.

***

She hit the ground running at the shop, scrambling to get at least a few things into the bakery case and avoiding Meg’s attempts to get her to spill why she was late. Mercifully, Meg had to leave early to go renew her driver’s license, which meant Shayla was closing, and she would be spared any more questions.

Right as they were closing, Dean texted her to tell her that he, Sam and Cas were going out for the night. She heaved a sigh of relief. She wasn’t ready to face Dean yet, shuddering inwardly at the awkwardness that was going to be waiting for her at home. She still couldn’t believe that they’d actually shared a bed. _Yeah, but admit it. You liked it. You liked having him on top of you. Liked being held by the man you love. In fact, you loved it. Don’t deny it. You’ve totally been imagining what it would’ve been like if he’d been awake and all the things that might’ve happened._ Great. That stupid voice in her head was starting to get horny. So not helpful.

She went home and spent the evening buried in her Quickbooks. Finally she decided to call it a night and just as she was heading up the stairs, the Impala’s headlights flashed in the living room window. _“Nope! I can’t do this yet!”_ With that thought she darted up the stairs, slammed her bedroom door shut and threw herself into bed. She sat there, barely breathing, as she heard Dean come into the house.

A knock sounded on her door, and her stomach promptly sunk to her toes. “Kat? You still up?”

Shit! She’d left her light on. He probably thought she was reading in bed. “Yep.”

“Can I come in?”

“Uh...sure.” She pulled the covers up to her chin as she realized that she was still in her work clothes.

Her door swung open, and he walked in, the scent of rain clinging to his flannel, “Hey, can we talk?”

“Sure.”

He plopped himself on her bed without warning and licked his lips, seeming to struggle for words. _“Here it comes.”_ She thought. _“He’s going to tell me that what happened last night was just a fluke and will never happen again.”_

“What do you think about the two of us sleeping together?”

She gaped at him. So _this_ is what it felt like to be hit with a ton of bricks. “Pardon??” She squeaked.

“Shit, that came out wrong. I didn’t mean sleep together like sex. I just meant share the same bed, but only for sleeping. Not the other. Last night...last night....” he hopped off the bed and began pacing. “Fuck, I suck at this. So obviously I don’t get much sleep. And as you know when I do sleep, I-I have nightmares. But last night I had the first decent night’s sleep I’ve had in years. Cas thinks you being in bed with me was the reason why. He says it has to do with our whole being matched thing. And it’s not just last night either. Remember that night I fell asleep on your shoulder? I didn’t dream at all for three straight hours. That’s not normal for me, Kat.” 

“Oh.” 

“Yeah… Look, if you don’t want to, I get it. Just say the word, and I won’t ask again. Cas is trying to find a different solution, but he-uh thinks this is my best bet. So what do you think? If you agree, you have my word I won’t try anything.

 _Do it. Maybe eventually he will try something. You know you want to. You know you want what those other women had, but this will be better. Instead of one night, you get lots of them._ Horny Kat, shut the hell up. “Okay...we can try it.”

He raised his eyebrows, “You sure? I don’t want you to feel pressured.”

“Y-yeah, I’m sure…I did say I wanted to help you after all. It’s just... I’m not used to sharing a bed with anyone so-um-I might sprawl a little.”

“That’s fine, as long as you don’t mind me sleeping naked.” He winked.

She choked on her own spit and began to splutter and cough. Dean patted her back apologetically, “Shit. I’m sorry. I was only kidding. I’ll won’t be naked. Would you be okay-uh-starting tonight?” She nodded, trying to stop hacking up a lung. “Awesome. I’ll go change and be back in a few minutes.”

He left, and she flopped back into her pillows. _What the hell have you gotten yourself into now? Aren’t you tired of torturing yourself yet? She rolled over and groaned into her pillows. This is going to be a disaster. Now I really won’t get any sleep…_ She popped up, scrambling out of bed. _SHIT. I still need to change!_


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uff dah. For some reason, I really struggled with this chapter. It just didn't want to flow for me. I'm still not entirely happy with it, but I couldn't keep you all waiting any longer. Hope you like it!
> 
> P.S. I know there's a couple of you who will cheerfully strangle me for how I ended this chapter. All I can say is there's a reason it's tagged a slow burn. ;)

The last weeks of August slipped by and suddenly Dean was standing in the middle of a spartan classroom, fluorescent lights glaring above him and an ominously blank dry erase board looming behind, wondering why the hell he’d taken this job. Fifteen pairs of eyes were staring back at him. His first class was a mix of jocks looking for a few easy credits, middle aged divorcees wanting to be more independent, wannabe gear heads, and surprisingly Tom Evans himself.

At first he thought maybe the dean was simply observing, but as he was handing out the class syllabus, Tom grinned sheepishly at him and whispered, “Bryan told me to audit your class. He said he’s tired of being the only one working on our cars, and it’s high time that I actually learn something about the car I drive. So, here I am. Just treat me like any other student. In this room, I’m not your boss. I’m your student.”

 _Okay then…no pressure._ He could feel the start of a headache creeping into his temples. This was going to be one hell of a day.

“Alright everyone, welcome to Basic Auto Maintenance. I’m Dean Winchester, and I’ll be your instructor for this class. Fair warning we’re completely hands on in here. No ‘theoretical learning’. So if you don’t like getting up to your elbows in engine grease, better quit now while you can still get a refund. That clear? Okay then, to help me get a feel for what your skill levels are, who’s changed the oil in your car…”

***

Miraculously, Dean survived his first day of teaching, and next thing he knew, it was Friday afternoon. _Bzzzz_ He pulled his phone out to find a text from Kat: _Hey! Sam and Eileen want to go out to dinner tonight to celebrate your first week at the new job. They thought we could try out the new brewery?_ He replied: _Sounds good. I’ll swing by the house and pick you up in about 20 minutes. See you soon._

He’d been so busy prepping for this gig that he hadn’t seen Sam in over a week, even though he and Elaine were once again camping out next door. Hell, he’d barely seen Kat and they lived together. It’d be nice to sit down and have a few laughs over some brews. He quickly stuffed a stack of papers into his leather messenger bag, and locked the classroom door behind him. 

_“God, if Dad and Bobby could see me now. Carrying a fucking purse around and working on a college campus. From hunting demons to teaching. Life is fucking weird,”_ he thought as he jumped into the Impala. 

As he drove the twenty miles from Boulder to Albany, he pondered the events of the last two weeks, namely sharing a bed with Kat. They were still getting used to it, Kat especially seemed nervous at times, but it seemed to be working out for the most part. Occasionally he would have a nightmare, but thanks to Kat, they were nowhere near the intensity they were before. 

He pulled up to the house, and Kat hopped in, her subtle perfume drifting into the car with her. She looked like she’d just stepped out of a fashion magazine’s fall spread. Her slouchy russet sweater crept off one shoulder, and indigo skinny jeans hugged her legs and tucked into a pair of black ankle boots. Most of the time Kat wore her hair up to keep it out of her way while working, but tonight she’d chosen to leave it loose, the golden curls hanging down to the middle of her back. He itched to twirl a few of those curls around his fingers... 

Kat looked around the car. “Baby hasn’t changed a bit!” she said, pulling his thoughts back front and center.

“Wait. Is this the first time you’ve been in her since I got back?”

“Yeah. Dean, we don’t exactly go out much.” She laughed.

“Hmmm...maybe we need to fix that.” They really did need to fix it. It was high time they occasionally enjoyed life instead of keeping their noses to the grindstone all the damn time.

When they pulled up to the renovated tire shop that now housed the new brewery, Sam and Eileen were waiting out front for them. The hostess showed them to their table and took their drink orders, shandies for the girls, an oatmeal stout for Sam, and a Scotch ale for him.

Their waitress came over and introduced herself, perky brunette ponytail swaying as she looked around the table, “Hey guys, I’m Abby, and I’ll be taking care of you tonight.” Dean glanced at her,observing her tight body and that aura of being up to just about anything. Just the type of woman he’d picked up time after time in the past. Her eyes caught Dean’s, and she licked her crimson lips, blue eyes taking on a sultry gleam as she peered at him through long lashes. “You just let me know what you want, and I’ll do everything in my power to make it happen,” she practically purred. “I’ll give you a couple more minutes to decide.” She walked away, hips swaying in time with her hair. 

After a few minutes, Abby came back for their orders. She was cordial with Sam and Eileen, a little too handsy with him, but oddly almost rude to Kat. She even went so far as to point out the salads on the menu to Kat, which both confused and pissed him off. Just as he was opening his mouth to say something, Kat whispered at him to let it slide, so he did...for the time being. Then she commented, “It’s so nice seeing a brother and sister hanging out together!”

Kat fidgeted in her seat, but didn’t say anything so he replied, “Nope, not siblings. We’re married.”

“Really? You are?” She laughed incredulously. “Oh. Sorry. I got that vibe all wrong. I’ll go put your orders in before I insert my foot further into my mouth...which is actually pretty far.” She pursed her lips at Dean, followed by a flirty smile, as she sauntered off again.

As if sensing the impending awkwardness that was in store for them, Sam angled himself toward Eileen and burst out, “So Eileen and I have some news to share, and we wanted to tell you two first. We were going to wait until later, but what the hell!” 

Eileen gave him a double take and hastily signed, “Now?!” 

“Yeah, I can’t wait any longer!” He pulled Eileen’s hand out from under the table and thrust it into their faces. On her ring finger was a dainty platinum Claddagh ring.

Kat gave a small shriek and grabbed Eileen’s hand, “You guys! This is wonderful!! I’m so happy for you!”

His eyes flew to Sam’s, and his little brother gave him a sheepish grin, “What can I say? I gotta keep up with my big brother.”

“Congratulations, you two, but Eileen, are you sure you really want to marry this guy? I mean he drools and snores while he sleeps. He likes running. He thinks Vince Vincente can actually sing. I mean, he thinks quinoa is an acceptable substitute for meat! Like what the hell?” He said, ticking Sam’s faults off his fingers.

“And I love him in spite of all that.” Eileen laughed. “He makes me unbelievably happy, and we fit together. He fills that hole that’s been in my heart my whole life.”

“Aw, babe…” Sam blushed. “I feel exactly the same.”

He playfully rolled his eyes, “Ugh, cut it out, you two. You’re going to ruin Kat’s and my appetite with all this moony eyed crap.” The girls laughed, and Sam threw his napkin at Dean. “So when’s the big day?”

“We’re planning for the Friday right after Thanksgiving. We know that’s less than two months away, but we don’t want a big wedding so it shouldn’t be a problem planning it. Just you two, Cas, Meg, Jody, Donna and a few of my other friends. Kat, Sam mentioned that your folks might be coming for Thanksgiving so we would love to have them, too. We might even invite Mildred so you better watch yourself, Dean,” Eileen teased.

“Who’s Mildred?” Kat asked.

Dean chuckled as he thought back to the frisky senior citizen who lived in the retirement home where they first met Eileen while working that banshee case. “She’s an overly friendly lady who we helped out last year. Think Blanche Devereaux from the Golden Girls.”

“Aaaaww, gotcha,” she laughed.

“And Kat?” Eileen asked. “Would you possibly want to make our cake? Only if you have time, of course.”

“I would love nothing more. Consider it done. Come by the bakery next week, and we can start talking about flavors and ideas.”

“Yay!” Eileen clapped her hands with joy as Sam beamed at both women. Dean felt contentment slip over him for a moment as he watched his little family.

The evening progressed, but unfortunately Sam and Eileen’s announcement was the only bright spot to it. Throughout the night, Abby did everything she could to get his attention, but she also kept making little digs at Kat. Digs like how lucky Kat was to get a guy like him, and that opposites really do attract. He tried to ignore it like Kat asked, but he noticed Kat getting quieter and more withdrawn. Abby in turn kept getting more and more brazen. Laying her hand on his shoulder as she took their orders. Brushing his hand as she cleared away a water glass. The last straw came when Abby brought out their check and a last round for them.

As she set down his pint glass, she slid a fresh napkin under it, deliberately pressing her breasts against his shoulder as she passed Sam his beer. On the napkin was a phone number and the words, “For when you want something a little less fatty off the menu.” He began to seethe as he read the note. Then he looked over at Kat and caught her stricken eyes staring at the napkin. Shame mixed with anger, and he bolted out of the booth. He threw some cash on the table to cover the bill, deliberately leaving out a tip. “Hey Sammy, take the girls outside. I’ll meet you guys out there in a bit.”

“Dean, let it go.” Kat said in a strained voice, her hand catching at his sleeve.

“Not a snowballs chance in hell, sweetheart.” With that he marched up to the hostess desk, where Abby was chatting with the hostess. She tossed her hair and arched her back as soon as she saw him. “Hey there,” she purred. “You finally get rid of Fat Betty? I’m off in about 10 minutes if you wanna meet me out back. Then we can go have some real fun.”

“I need to speak to your manager. Now.”

“What!? Was something wrong with your food?”

“Now. Get them _now_.”

Abby left and came back trailing behind a no nonsense looking middle aged woman. “What seems to be the problem, sir?” The manager politely asked.

“Yeah, your waitress here was rude and completely inappropriate to my wife and me tonight. She insulted my wife multiple times, and she seemed to think I was her own personal plaything. We tried to ignore it, but the last straw came when she slid me this. If this kind of behavior is any indication of how your staff is going to treat guests here, then we’ll never be back. My wife is one of the kindest, most beautiful souls in this damn universe and to watch her be treated like this sickens me. In fact, she owns a bakery here in town, and she would never in a million years treat her customers like this.”

The manager blanched as she read the napkin, “Your wife doesn’t happen to own Stairway to Pie, does she?”

“She does.”

“Shit. I love her scones.” She mumbled under her breath as she turned to Abby, who finally had the grace to look somewhat ashamed. “You. Go get your things. You’re done here for good. No, don’t even try to make any excuses. You know that after that last incident I warned you that you were on your final warning here, and I told you when I hired you that just because you’re my niece doesn’t mean you get any special treatment. Abby, I’m so ashamed of you right now, I can’t even look at you.”

Abby slinked off, and the manager turned back to Dean, “Sir, I’m so sorry. Whatever I can do to make this better, I’ll do it. Your meal is of course on us. And please let us make it up to you by buying your next one too.”

He waved her off, “Don’t worry about the meal. The food wasn’t the problem.” Then he headed out to the car where Kat was waiting for him. Anything he wanted to say felt empty. So he chose not to say anything for a few seconds. He just started the car and headed out onto the highway.

“Sorry about that,” he said after a minute of silence.

Kat shrugged, keeping her eyes locked on the floorboard, “It’s okay. I’m used to it.”

He frowned at the defeated tone in her voice, “What do you mean it’s okay? That bitch was way out of line.”

She glanced up at him, then gave him a sad smile. “Dean, look at me. I’m not exactly the girl every guy wants. No one would ever expect the two us of to be married. It’s not a surprise to me that she thought you were with your sister or something. I mean, in the movies the fat guy gets the hot girl, but it’s never the opposite. The fat girl never gets…” She paused and pressed a hand over her eyes. “Guys like you.”

He started to protest, “Kat, that’s not-”

She quickly cut him off. “Dean, if you didn’t know me, and you saw that waitress and I sitting side by side in a bar, who would you hit on?”

By this time, they’d made it back home. He stayed silent, both of them knowing what his answer would be. She sighed quietly and gave him another sad smile, pain glinting in her eyes, “That’s what I thought, and that’s why I’m used to it.” She stepped out of the car and then leaned down to say, “I’m heading straight to bed. I have to be at the shop earlier than usual to work on that big cookie order I’m doing for the mayor’s retirement party.” She quietly shut the car door and walked inside.

He sat there for a few minutes mulling over what she’d said. He was still thinking about it when he climbed into bed next to her. He looked over at her still form. She was curled up into a ball almost like she was trying to protect herself, her brow furrowed as if in pain. 

He thought back to her comment about how he wouldn’t pick up girls like her, and she was right. But it wasn’t for the reason that she thought. It wasn’t because they weren’t stick thin. He didn’t really give a rat’s ass about the world’s messed up beauty ideals. If he was attracted to someone, he was attracted to them, and that was that. The reason why he didn’t pick up women like her was because they’d reminded him of her. But how could he explain that without making her uncomfortable? Telling her that he found her attractive would mess up the friendship that they were just getting back. 

After being on the road for so long, he’d developed a sixth sense about which women were more of the “one night of fun” type and which were more the “long term relationship” type. Except for Lisa, he’d steered clear of the long term types. At the time he’d thought it was going to end bloody for him, so he grabbed whatever fleeting moments of pleasure he could, but he sure as hell wasn’t going to drag some innocent into his shitty life. 

He thought back to when he first met Donna. She’d reminded him so much of Kat, it’d hurt. The blonde hair, the soft, curvy body, the kind heart and the infectious smile, for a few moments it was almos like being back with her. The ache he'd felt from the sudden reminder of his old friend almost stole his breath. 

Then there was those shy looks of interest that she had given him. They’d been so tempting, but he’d refused to let himself go there because he couldn’t risk hurting her. Because if he hurt her, it would almost be like hurting Kat all over again. Because all he had to offer any woman was a night of hot and heavy sex and an awkward goodbye in the morning. Girls like Donna and Kat were long term girls, not one night stand girls, and he couldn’t be a long term guy. So for his own sanity, he’d kept her at an arm’s length.

He looked over at Kat again. Life was changing though, and as impossible as it seemed he was beginning to hope that maybe, just maybe, he could become that long term guy for Kat.

***

She lay as still as possible as Dean settled in next to her, praying that he wouldn’t try talking to her. The old hurt and inadequacies were whispering their poison in her ear and there was no way she could hold a conversation without bawling. When she walked out of the door and into Baby, she’d actually felt kind of cute, but all it had taken was a sneer and a few words to wipe away any confidence she had about her looks. One shocked glance and she felt like that scared, awkward teenager she’d been once upon a time. Maybe one day she’d grow up and stop caring that she wasn’t pretty, but tonight wasn’t that night. Tonight all she wanted was to look like Meg or Eileen or-or even that waitress.

She hated seeing the look of surprise on people’s faces when they found out Dean was married to her. She knew that they were obviously mismatched, but why did people feel like they had to comment on it? She also knew that ultimately looks didn’t really matter, but that didn’t mean it hurt any less when people called her fat or ugly or wondered why he was with her. Oh sure, Rena and now Meg would tell her that she was pretty and her parents as well, but it would be ice if once and awhile it was a guy telling her that. _Oh hell, stop kidding yourself. It's Dean you want to tell you that you’re pretty, that you’re hot, that he wants you._

Kat pulled the covers up to her chin, lecturing herself to stop being so shallow and to stop caring about her appearance. But that didn’t stop the hurt she felt, and it didn’t keep her from stupidly hoping that maybe one day Dean would see her as desirable.

***

“Hey! Dean!” Meg stomped into her apartment’s living room and stood there glaring at him, arms crossed and looking uncannily like her old self. Dean had stopped by their apartment to help Cas hang some curtain rods for her and now for his reward, he was getting a staredown from a surly ex demon. “What the hell happened last night?”

“What are you talking about?”

“All day long, Kat’s been one sad little puppy around the shop. She puts up a pretty good front around the customers, but once they’re gone, it’s like someone kicked her favorite kitten. And since you were the last person she was with before this morning, I’m assuming you had something to do with it.

“Son of a bitch…” He ran his hand over his mouth. “Uh-we had a rough time at the brewery last night. Our waitress was rude to Kat, called her fat and stuff, and she kept hitting on me all night long.”

“And did you straighten out the bitch?”

“Of course, I did!”

“And did you tell Kat that she’s not any of those things the waitress called her?”

“Uh-”

Meg huffed and rolled her eyes, “Alright dumbass, there’s your problem right there.” 

Cas protested at Meg’s harsh words. “No Cas, he needs to hear this. Here’s some food for thought, Hoss. Kat’s the kind of girl people compliment on her baking, but not often on her looks. She obviously believes the things that bitch called her and assumes that you do, too. Have you ever tried telling Kat she’s pretty? She’s beautiful? She’s desirable? A girl likes to be told those things once in awhile. Especially girls like Kat who don’t fit into society’s stupid views of beauty. She breaks all the narrow minded molds that they want to cram people into. Oh, sure they claim that everyone should be their own kind of beautiful, but what they really want is people to look like cookie cutter versions of each other, only with maybe different colored hair. Heaven forbid, that someone have big hips and thick thighs, or be too tall, or have too much hair or not enough, or have skin that’s too dark. Look, I can tell her she’s beautiful until I’m blue in the face, but it only goes so far. A friend telling a friend she’s pretty is way different than her partner telling her she’s pretty. You need to fix this soon. I want my sunny Kat back ASAP.” Got it?

Dean thought back to the times he’d given her a compliment, but couldn’t remember once telling her that she was beautiful. He’d thought about it, but didn’t know if he’d ever told her. “You’re right Meg. I fucked up. I’ll fix it. I promise.”

***

Kat always had Mondays off from work, but usually she spent the day placing stock orders and planning out the week’s specials. Since last week had been unusually slow, she’d gotten that stuff out of the way early. Now today, miracle of all miracles, she actually had a chance to play in her own kitchen. So she cranked up some music and dived headfirst into cavorting with her two favorite mediums, butter and sugar. She was right in the middle of icing a loaf cake and wiggling her hips to Julia Nune’s _Makeout_ when she felt a pair of strong hands on her waist. “Mind if I cut in?”

She spun around to find Dean grinning down at her, “I-I-” but before she could finish, he had her in his arms and they were shuffling around the kitchen. “Oh. Okay then, but you know I’m a terrible dancer, right?”

“C’mon, you’re not that bad.”

“You obviously don’t remember the Macarena fiasco of 1994...” she mumbled, thinking back to the spring of their freshman year. She’d taken out seven other girls during gym class when she’d tripped and fallen while they were learning the dance. 

The song ended and the next one started, a new age Celtic number that she usually listened to while doing yoga. Dean spun them around the table to where her phone was lying. He leaned down and whispered, his warm breath caressing her ear, “Play that song again. I like it.”

She fumbled for her phone and hit repeat. The song’s bouncy rhythm filling the kitchen again as he took her hand back in his, and continued swaying with her around the room.

_Kiss me in the doorway_

_Always on the way out_

_I’m try'na to make you stay_

_So we can make out._

She felt herself go all flustery as she listened to the lyrics. Hopefully, he wouldn’t pay attention to them.

“Huh...well, would you look at that?” He said.

She glanced up from watching her feet. The late afternoon sunlight shimmering through the windows highlighted the freckles dusting the bridge of his nose. She got lost in trying to count them until she realized he was looking at her expectantly. “Look at what?”

“You.”

“Me?” She dropped her hand, and furiously brushed at her cheek. _Crap, I probably have powdered sugar all over my face._

He laughed softly and grabbed her hand, pressing it onto his chest, right over his heart. “Yes, you. Good god, woman, do you realize how beautiful you are? You’re literally glowing right now.”

“What?!” She squawked.

“Yeah, and I’ve been an asshole for not telling you before. But you are, Kat. You’re stunning. Every single inch of you.”

She dropped her eyes, as she struggled to come up with a suitable response. She never knew what to say when someone complimented her looks, and this time was no different. “Oh.” She laughed nervously. “Are you sure you don’t need to get your eyes checked? Because I’m really not.” Of course she had to ruin the moment with humor. _Can’t I for once just say thank you and not make a lame joke? And isn’t this what I was hoping for the other night?_

“Yeah. You _are_.”

The final notes of the song faded out, and the thrumming beat of The Kills _Doing It To Death_ started pulsing from the speaker, the torrid lyrics echoing through the room. They came to a halt by the table. Kat took a step back and leaned against it, and he followed her, their bodies flush against each other. He could feel her every curve pressing into him, and in that moment he never wanted to leave this kitchen. She nervously licked her lips, his eyes hungrily following the path of her tongue across her rosy lips. A bolt of heat shot straight to his groin as he realized how much he wanted to taste her. He wanted other things as well, but right now all he allowed himself to think about was how much he wanted to lick into her mouth, nip at her soft, damp lips and then sink his tongue between them. Knowing that it was probably a bad idea, but unable to resist, he slowly lowered his head until his mouth hovered over hers. He paused, waiting for some sign from Kat that she wanted this, too. Her rapid breath fluttered across his lips, and her eyelids drifted shut. That was all the sign he needed. Just as he was closing the distance between them, a shrill ring shattered the heated silence. Kat’s eyes darted to the phone’s display, eyes widening as she saw who was calling her.

“Ignore it,” he whispered hoarsely. 

“I can’t. It’s my mom. She’ll keep calling back until I answer.”

“Fuck.” He muttered under his breath. “Sorry. No, of course you need to answer.” He pulled away from her, his body already chilled from the loss of her warmth.

“Thanks.” She said softly and then picked up the phone, her hand shaking as she slid her finger across the screen to answer it. Part of him took a bit of sick pleasure in the fact that she was as affected as he was by their almost kiss. 

“Hey, mom. No, everything is okay. Dean and I were just... talking. How are you…” He eased out of the kitchen and headed upstairs, desperately in need of a cold shower.


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Welp. Herein lies some halfway smutty bits. You've been warned. ;)

“Hey Kat, what do you think about treating Eileen to a spa trip this weekend?” Meg asked, faint tendrils of steam curling around her face as she steamed pitcher after pitcher of milk for their weekly order for city hall. "After this huge ass order, I know I for one could use a deep tissue massage."

Kat looked up from the espresso shots she was pulling, “A spa weekend? Are you thinking of making it a bachelorette party or something?”

“Mmmm yeah. I mean I know it’s small and all with just the three of us, but I don’t think any of us want to put up with a bunch of screaming, horny women getting wasted on caramel apple shots and tossing their panties at a stripper who looks like a wannabe Channing Tatum.”

She gave a snort of laughter. “That’s for sure.”

“And besides, we’ll have way more fun with just the three of us. We can drink wine, get massages, eat and bitch about the guys.”

“That does sound like fun. I haven’t had a weekend away since, well, since you and I flew to Vegas to see Cold War Kids a few years ago...” Meg gave her a confused look, and Kat realized she’d just messed up. “Oh crap. I’m so sorry! That was Rena, not you. Ugh, I shouldn’t have brought it up. You don’t remember that stuff, and here I go making it awkward.”

Meg gave her a gentle smile. “Kat. It’s okay. You and Rena were friends. I get that, and I don’t want to take those memories away. I honestly like hearing what Rena was like. It actually helps me to know what happened in her life before me, but I do want to make new memories with you. I don’t have many good ones in my past. You and my unicorn are it, as far as the good ones go.”

Kat stopped pulling shots for a few seconds to give Meg a quick hug. “Thank you. I know it’s been hard. I’m still trying to adjust to all the changes this summer brought all of us, but I want you to know that I love having you as my friend. I’ve never met anyone like you, Meg. You’re fierce and brave and loyal. You’re a jewel and don’t forget it.”

Kat’s compliment flustered Meg to her core. She still didn’t know how to react to someone actually being nice to her. “HA! Jewel? You know most people would say ‘tool’, right? Okay, enough of this Ya Ya Sisterhood stuff, how about I set up the reservations, and you tell Eileen?”

“Sounds like a plan,” Kat chuckled.

***

Things quickly fell into place for them. The boys reassured them that they would be fine without them for two days. Meg and Eileen were content with that, but Kat was a little more concerned.

“So it’s alright if I leave? You’ll be okay?” Kat didn’t want to embarrass Dean by bringing up his sleep problems, but she couldn’t help asking.

Dean quickly caught her drift. “Kat, I’ll be fine. I’ve had more sleepless nights than I can count. I'm pretty sure I can survive another one. Besides, you could use a break,” Dean said as he set his Costco box on the kitchen table and began unloading it. Kat tried not to giggle too hard as she watched him place a massive can of nacho cheese and a canister of beef sticks on the counter. 

“Okay, okay, I’ll quit nagging,” she laughed. “Sooo is that what you have planned for dinner while I’m in Denver? You know there’s actual food in the freezer, right?”

“And while I appreciate that, Sam and I have decided to have a junk food fest and movie marathon while you girls are gone. Nothing but beer, beef and bro movies.”

“Good luck with your digestion,” she shuddered. “But since you’re taking that route, here’s your breakfast.” She threw open the refrigerator to reveal the apple and chocolate cream pies she’d made specifically for him. The sheer delight that came over his face at the sight of the pies warmed her heart, but even better was the peck on the cheek he gave her as thanks. It barely lasted a second, but her knees turned to melted butter regardless. The look he gave her after was almost heated, but then he blinked and it was gone. She wondered if he was thinking of their dance in this room a couple weeks ago and the near kiss that had followed. She knew that she was, because she hadn’t stopped thinking about it for the past few weeks. “Okay well, I better get to packing!” She laughed nervously, not knowing what else to do to break up the tension. 

“Have fun,” he called over his shoulder as he put the groceries into the fridge. 

The next morning, after a quick breakfast with Dean and Sam, Kat and Eileen swung by Meg’s apartment to pick her up. A slightly dazed and rumpled Cas answered the door, Meg emerging from the bathroom behind him. She gave Cas a lingering kiss goodbye and followed them out the door. Eileen burst out laughing, “Um, that must’ve been one hell of a goodbye you gave that man. He could barely speak!” Meg just tossed them a smug Cheshire grin before throwing her bag in the back of Kat’s car and settling into her seat. 

They laughed and teased each other the whole way to Mountain Meadows Resort which sat just outside of Denver. After they checked into the towering timber chalet, they were shown to their suite, a gorgeous room with a roughhewn lumber ceiling, carpets so thick you would swear you were walking on a cloud, and a stunning view of the Rocky Mountain front. Complimentary fluffy white robes lay across the beds and a basket of goodies, which included a bottle of champagne, sat on the bedside table. 

As soon as the door closed behind the bell boy, the three of them squealed and fell giggling into the gigantic king bed. “Meg, this place is incredible! How much did it cost though?” Kat asked. Meg had refused to let them pay her back for the room, saying it was her treat.

“You don’t even want to know. If I hadn’t called in a favor to an old associate, there’s no way we could’ve afforded it. Let’s just say one night’s stay is probably more than a week’s pay for all of us combined. Alright, first things first. Lunch and then facials, followed by massages.”

Lunch was amazing. The resort employed a world renowned chef who specialized in Japanese cuisine. Kat’s eyes almost rolled back into her head at the first bite of her ramen, the umami flavors exploding in her mouth.

“Wow. I didn’t know that someone could get off from eating a bowl of noodles,” Meg teased.

“Meg. This is not just a bowl of noodles. This is a _religious_ experience,” Kat lectured.

“Pretty sure I know an O-Face when I see one, but fine, you go ahead and call it a religious experience, Sister Katherine,” Meg said as she popped a piece of sashimi into her mouth, groaning with pleasure as the slice of salmon melted like butter on her tongue. “But I’m going with food orgasm.”

As soon as they finished eating, they went to get their facials. After laughing so hard tears streamed down their faces at the sight of each other in their mud masks, and earning more than one glare from their fellow guests, they headed to their massages.

They were ushered into the massage suite by an attendant who asked them to completely undress and then put their robes back on. Meg and Eileen started to strip without hesitation. Kat on the other hand began to have flashbacks of high school gym class. She knew that her friends wouldn’t harass her like The Lemmings used to, but that didn’t mean she was over her fear of being naked in front of others. 

“You guys go on ahead, I’ll be right there.”

Eileen tilted her head and looked like she wanted to say more, but instead replied, “Okay. See you in there.”

The two of them left her, and she whisked off her clothes, hurriedly cinching the robe around her waist. She took a deep breath and stepped into the massage room.

Three massage therapists were in attendance, two women and one man, and as her shitty luck would have it, the two female therapists were already working on her friends. That left the Zac Efron doppelganger looking at her expectantly. All her instincts immediately screamed, _“NOPE. NOT HAPPENING.”_ So without a word she turned tail, grabbed her clothes and ran back to their room, clutching the robe’s collar in a death grip as she jogged.

She slammed the door behind her and leaned against it, embarrassment and guilt creeping into her system. Embarrassment because she was too cowardly to go through with a simple massage with a certified professional, and guilt because Meg had booked the massages as a gift for all three of them, and here she’d gone and ditched her friends. 

She started pacing the room. The massages had been booked for an hour and a half to be followed by a seaweed wrap and a short meditation session. That left her with around two hours to fill before dinner, and two hours to come up with an excuse as to why she’d bailed on her friends. Holing up in the room wasn’t the best option because she’d probably just throw herself a massive pity party. So she changed into some workout clothes and grabbed her running shoes. _Might as well take a walk and clear my head._

She set out on one of the hiking trails that the concierge had pointed out when they’d checked in. The mellow fall sunlight warmed her shoulders and loosened the tense muscles in her neck a fraction. She wandered into a grove of fir and aspen trees, the striking contrast between emerald and gold making her wish she’d brought a camera to capture it. As she walked she thought of her knee jerk reaction and wondered for the millionth time what was wrong with her. Why did she have to be so self conscious about her body? Why couldn’t she just be comfortable with it? Sure it wasn’t much to look at, but it was strong and capable. No one was attracted to it, but it did everything she asked of it. She needed to learn how to be content with that.

She closed her eyes and stilled her frantic mind for a minute, the gently rustling leaves and bird song helping to soothe her restless thoughts. She tried to focus on what she did have, a thriving business, good friends and a roof over her head. Plus, she was married to the love of her life, even if it was in a purely platonic fashion. There were so many people in the world who had so little and here she was obsessing over the fact that she would never qualify as a Victoria's Secret model. _Get a grip, Kat._

Kat gave a deep sigh, knowing she couldn’t put off the inevitable forever, and turned around to head back and face the music. Walking into the room, she found Meg and Eileen waiting for her. “What the hell happened to you, Kat?! One second you were there and the next you were gone! We tried calling you like thirty times. I was prepping myself to have to call Dean and tell him that his wife was missing. That would not have been a pretty conversation, let me tell you what!” Meg exclaimed.

Crap. She’d forgotten to take her phone with her. “I’m so sorry, guys. I-I just needed some fresh air to relax.”

“We were getting a freakin’ massage! What more do you need to relax?”

“I-I-” her two friends stared at her expectantly before she began babbling. “I’m just really self conscious about my body, okay? Like maybe I would’ve been okay if one of the ladies had given me the massage, but when I saw it was going to be a guy doing it, and a really attractive one at that, I just freaked out and-and ran.” 

Meg started to argue more, but Eileen slapped her hand over her mouth, “It’s okay, Kat. We get it. We should’ve asked if you would be comfortable with a guy rather than just assuming. How about we forget all about it and go get some dinner?”

She breathed a sigh of relief. “That sounds great.”

“But I have an idea.” Eileen continued. “While today's lunch was insanely good, right now I could go for a greasy slice of pizza. What do you say we get some delivery? No time like the present to start putting back all those toxins that we had sucked out of us with that seaweed wrap.”

“Yes, please,” Kat said. “And maybe we can watch a movie?”

“I can go for that. And Kat?” Meg fidgeted with her robe's belt. “I’m sorry I yelled. When I’m scared I tend to yell. Please don’t be mad?” 

Kat’s heart went out to her friend. “Of course, I’m not mad. You were just worried about me. I should’ve told you guys that I was leaving. I’m the one who messed up, not you. Now as you would say, enough of this chick flick moment, what do you two like on your pizza?”

***

While they devoured their pizza, they piled together on the bed like a trio of teenagers and watched Pretty In Pink, a movie that both Eileen and Meg hadn’t seen. “What?! Neither one of you have watched Pretty In Pink? It was a sleepover staple when I was growing up!”

Meg raised her hand, “Uh, ex-demon here.”

“Hunter in training here,” Eileen said with a sheepish shrug.

They both ended up loving the movie, grinning like idiots over Ducky’s dance to _Try A Little Tenderness_ , sighing over Iona’s outfits, and yelling over the ending, both of them protesting that Andi should’ve left with Ducky not Blaine. After the movie, they popped open the champagne and dug into the goodie basket, pulling out a box of Godiva truffles and a bag of cocoa dusted almonds. Naturally, their conversation turned to the men in their lives, and as the champagne flowed, the talk turned to their sex lives. Kat was mortified to find out that she was so curious to hear about such an intimate topic, especially since Sam was her brother in law and Cas was the next thing to it.

“Okay so I have to tell you something, but you have to swear that you’ll never tell another living soul.” Meg started giggling. “Whenever Cas comes, he whispers _‘holy shit’_ in Enochian.” Kat choked on the truffle she’d just bitten into, and Eileen shrieked with laughter. “What??!!”

“Yes! Oh my god, the first time he did it, I about lost it. My first instinct was to duck because I thought he was cursing me or something. And then there was the first time we made love after I woke up in Rena’s body. He sat on the bed just staring at my naked body for what felt like hours. You guys, it’s the most ridiculously intense thing to have someone look at you like that, like they can see every part of you. It sounds crazy, but I almost came from just having him look at me like that. When I asked him why he was staring, he said it was because he wants to memorize every part of me. He’s also super curious. He’s literally up for trying anything...like _anything_.” Meg said meaningfully.

“Enough about Cas, what’s Sam like, Eileen? That’s one tall drink of water you’ve got there. Long reach if you know what I mean.” Meg wiggled her eyebrows at Eileen like some kind of vaudeville villain.

“He’s uh-he’s intense. Like his kisses?” Eileen flopped back into the pillows in a mock swoon. “I’ve never been kissed like that. He kisses like every single one is going to be our last. And those hands of his? Hnnngg, the things they can do. And he’s so strong. He picks me up like I weigh nothing!”

Kat went still inside. Crap. They were going to ask her about Dean next. It was only natural. They’d both shared, so of course they would expect her to do the same. What could she say though? The only things she had to share were a couple innocent kisses, one of which was from _high school_ for the love of god! Should she make something up? She began to furiously try to remember a love scene from the last romance she’d read. Maybe she could use that, and they’d let her off easy.

“How about Dean? I bet he’s the ‘take it slow’ type. He likes the buildup. Likes to work you up into a panting, moaning mess until BANG your brain nearly explodes with the force of your orgasm.”

 _Shit! Eileen you were supposed to talk longer...think, think!_ “I-I-I don’t really know what he’s like.” _Noooooo!!_ It slipped out before she could stop it.

Meg and Eileen’s heads whipped around. “What do you mean you don’t know?” They said almost in unison. Shit. Shit. Shit.

“You mean...You mean you guys haven’t-you know...” Eileen motioned helplessly, trying to be tactful, but Meg burst out, “Wait. _What!?_ You haven’t had sex yet? You’ve been married for over 4 months!”

Eileen glared at Meg. “Meg! It’s none of our business!”

Meg ignored her and barrelled ahead like a bulldozer, “Holy shit, no wonder you two are wound up like a couple of sailors who’ve been out to sea for too long. You both need to get laid! For fuck’s sake, why haven’t you done the deed yet?”

“It’s-it’s just not like that for us. We’re different than you guys. We got married because the world needed saving, not-not for love. Sex isn’t part of our relationship.” She finished with a half hearted shrug, keeping her eyes locked on the down comforter.

“But Kat...you obviously care for him. It’s written all over your face whenever you look him.” Eileen said quietly. Kat felt the burn of tears creep into her eyes, then two traitorous tears trickled down her cheeks. Eileen gave a soft cry and pulled her into her arms, “Oh you poor girl. You love him, don’t you?” Kat nodded wordlessly. “And you don’t know if he feels the same, right?” She nodded again.

Meg spoke up. “Why haven’t you said anything sooner?”

“Because our relationship isn’t normal, and I assumed you guys would think I was a freak or something if I told you.”

“Honey. First: no one has a ‘normal’ relationship. And second: you’re talking to two of the few people in this world and the next that would actually understand this sort of thing.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, of course.”

Meg’s words broke open the dam behind which Kat had been hiding away all her feelings and fears about Dean, and she found herself spilling her guts to the two of them. Everything from the first time she saw Dean in that tree in his backyard, to the fact that she’d never had sex or been in a relationship until now came bursting out. Once the words started flowing she couldn’t stop them, nor did she want to. It was a relief to finally confess it all.

“And that’s it. I’m a 37 year old virgin in a roommate relationship with the love of my life who only sees me as his friend.”

“You’ve seriously never had sex?” A bewildered Meg asked.

“No, I haven’t. I know. Pitiful, right? You’ve gotta be seriously pathetic to be my age and still a virgin. I mean, I guess if I really wanted to get laid I could’ve found some creepy chubby chaser, but that’s not me.”

“Kat, you’re a queen among women, and if you want to be a virgin then that’s your choice. To hell with anyone who thinks different. And if Dean is too blind to see what an amazing, gorgeous, sexy - yes, you are sexy so don’t argue with me- woman he has standing right in front of him then to hell with him too.”

“But Meg, I can’t expect him to have those kind of feelings for me. If I do, I’m no better than those idiots who think that just because they’re interested in a woman she has to feel the same. I know our situation is messed up, and-and I want a physical relationship with Dean more than anything. But, if my options are what we have now, or to go back to not knowing if he was dead or alive from year to year, then I’ll chose this option every time.”

“Yeah, but you could talk to him, and see what he says. Maybe he feels the same way?”

“I don’t think he does. Like I mentioned, we’ve kissed a few times, but they were always under extenuating circumstances. Plus, he’s said several times that he’s happy that we’re friends again. I don’t think that there’s much more to be taken from that. I can hope, but I don’t really think anything will change.”

“Okay fine. I still think you should talk to him because I bet he has more feelings for you than just an ‘old neighbor/school chum’, but I’ll drop it for now. One question, though,” Meg said, popping a truffle in her mouth. “How are you dealing with all this pent up sexual tension?” 

Eileen snorted and rolled her eyes, “Good god, Meg! Stop it.”

"Uh. Not well. I bake and um-” She gulped before muttering, “and other things, but nothing really helps.”

“Lady, I gotta hand it to you. I would go nuts if I were in your shoes. Just being that close to all that broody manliness, and not being able to jump his bones? Fuck, I would literally go postal. Hmm...” Meg mused. “Maybe I should buy you a vibrator for Christmas.”

“Meg!” Eileen and Kat cried in unison. “Stop!” Then they began to pelt her with pillows. This started an epic pillow fight that ended with the three of them in a pile on the floor. 

“Please. Can we change the subject now?” Kat begged. “How about we binge some Gilmore Girls or something?”

“Isn't Gilmore Girls the one with that actor Jared Pada-something? All my friends keep going on about how much he looks like Sam, but I don’t get it.” Eileen said.

“It is! Do you want to watch a couple episodes?”

“Sure, let’s see what’s all the fuss about this Jared.” Mercifully the conversation steered away from their sex lives for the rest of the evening, as they settled in for a mini binge session.

***

Since they didn’t finish up their movie marathon until after 2am, Sam decided to crash at their house. Dean gave him his old bedroom while he crawled into the empty bed in Kat’s room. It felt a little lonely to be in this bed without her, his only comfort the faint scent of her perfume. With a sneaking sense of embarrassment he rolled from his side of the bed to Kat’s, burying his face into her pillow and inhaling her fragrance. Gradually he fell into a restless sleep, only to keep waking up every half hour. It was like his brain was afraid to let him fall asleep too deep without Kat at his side.

After a few hours of sleep, Sam went back to the old house to get ready for a job interview at a local cabinet shop, and Dean left for work. He only had morning classes on Mondays, which left his afternoon wide open. This afternoon he decided to go home and finish up the protection wards and sigils he’d been carving into the window sills and door frames. So far, thank god, Kat hadn’t found them. When she did though, there was bound to be hell to pay for messing up her windows.

He quickly finished the last two windows downstairs and went to work on those upstairs, starting with Kat’s bedroom. He worked with practiced efficiency, the symbols he etched into the wood as second nature as breathing. He couldn’t count how many times he had made them in the past.

The house was quiet, the only sounds were the scratching of his knife across wood grain and the random creaks and groans that all old houses had. Gradually he realized that this was the first time he’d been in this room by himself. After he finished carving Kat’s windows, he wandered around the room, taking in the outward manifestations of Kat’s personality. One wall contained a trio of framed Jane Austen quotes done in swirling calligraphy and a framed replica antique map of North America. Pins of blue and green were scattered across the continent. A small handwritten legend was attached to the lower left corner. Blue pins were for places she’d been, and green were for places she wanted to go. He gave a small humorless smile. If this map was his, the whole damn thing would’ve been covered in blue, but Kat still had a lot of green left on her map. Unexpectedly, he was filled with an intense longing to show her all the places he’d been, and an equally strong desire to see the country again without being consumed with the urgent need to finish a job and keep more people from dying. He and Sam had criss-crossed America from coast to coast while doing their job, but they never really had the chance to soak up the cloud cloaked beauty of the Cascades, wander the ancient streets of New Orleans, or chase sunsets on the West Coast.

He stepped over to her antique maple dresser on the opposite wall. Scattered in between travel mementos and a small jewelry box were four picture frames. A slow smile flitted on his lips as he looked at them. One was a picture of Kat and her parents sitting on what looked like a crab shack. The three of them were pretending to faint over the huge mound of crab legs piled in front of them. The second one was Kat posing with a group of strangers, but since they were all dressed in chef’s whites, he assumed they were her classmates at culinary school. They were gathered in front of a small cafe with a sign in French above it. Kat had mentioned that she’d done an internship at a pastry shop outside of Paris so that must be where this picture was taken. Another picture was of her and Rena, pre-Meg. They were grinning at the camera from the middle of a crowded concert.

A fourth frame was lying face down behind the one of her and Rena. A few cloth headbands were throw over it, almost as if she’d hurriedly tried to hide it. He pulled it out and, as soon as he saw what was in the frame, a knife twisted in his gut.

It was a picture of he and Kat from their high school days. His arm was casually thrown across her shoulders, and he was laughing down at her while Kat was smiling at the person behind the camera, her round cheeks dimpled with happiness and curly hair a halo around her head. It must of been taken during their senior year since that’s when Dad had given him that old brown leather jacket. It would’ve been just a few months before he’d left. They were both so freaking young... What he wouldn’t give to be that innocent and carefree again. To think that the only evil in the world were vengeful spirits and the odd ghost here and there. Not to know what was really out there. At the time, he’d already thought he was tainted, but that had been nothing compared to finding out how messed up he really was. He carefully put the picture back how he’d found it, carefully laying the headbands across it again. He really should go finish up the rest of the windows in the other rooms, but curiosity needled at him to open her top dresser drawer.

Curiosity had always been one of his best and worst traits. It was why he was so good at his old job and fixing cars. He had to figure out how things worked. Had to poke and prod and touch. Which was why he found himself pulling open Kat’s underwear drawer. His damn curiosity was why he wanted to find out more about her. Curiosity was why he had to know what shielded her most intimate parts, even though he knew it was a god awful invasion of her privacy. 

Opening the drawer he saw a small pile of socks, most of them covered with silly sayings and animals, some jewel toned tights, three bras all in neutral colors, a row of neatly folded plain cotton panties, and that was it. He dug under the panties to see if she’d hidden any naughtier pairs under them, but there was nothing. No flirty thigh high sheer stockings, sexy thongs, or lacy see through bras. He pulled away with the most bizarre feeling of sadness. It was almost like...like Kat felt like she didn’t deserve pretty lingerie. He was just about to close the drawer when something tugged at him to look under a pair of long underwear sitting at the very back of the drawer. He pulled out the underwear and set it on top of the dresser. Under it was a small tissue paper wrapped package. He carefully unwrapped it and almost dropped what he found in there out of shock.

The package contained a navy blue lace babydoll with threads of silver woven into the lace. A pair of matching navy satin panties was hiding under the babydoll, along with a note that read _“For you and Dean.”_ Someone had given her this with the intent that they both would get some pleasure out of it.

An image of Kat wearing the satin and lace confection in his hands popped in his brain. Dean instantly went hard at the thought of her soft creamy breasts cradled by navy blue lace, pink nipples shyly peeking through, and the short skirt brushing at her hips while under it all a wisp of satin barely hid her sweet folds.

He groaned. This was going to be ten times harder to shut out of his brain than those images of her getting dressed in the high school locker room that had been haunting him for years. Hurriedly he put everything back where it belonged and slammed the drawer shut. He strode out of the room, wincing as he willed his cock down. He went to work on the bathroom windows, trying to block everything else out but the task at hand.

Around three, he got a text from Kat saying that they were headed home, but she wouldn’t be there right away. She was going to drop the girls off at Meg’s and then head to the bakery to work for a few hours. Since she would probably be ready to crash when she got home, he decided to run out and grab some supplies to make dinner. 

A few hours passed, and Kat still wasn’t home. He tried not to worry. She probably just got caught up in trying out some new recipe or something. Another hour passed. Now he was starting to get concerned. She was always good about letting him know if she was running late. Anxiety began to bloom in his chest. Maybe he should go up there and see if she needed help. Just as he was about to reach for his car keys, his phone rang. There she was. Relief washed over him, “Hey Kat-” A muffled sob cut him off. The relief drained away and was replaced with an icy sense of dread.

“Dean?” Her voice was barely a whisper. “I-I need help. There’s something in the shop with me. I-I locked myself in my office, but it’s trying to get in. Please I-I need you. _Please._ ”


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in less than two weeks?! What is this insanty? I know. I'm as shocked as you guys. Just don't get too used to it, okay? With the holidays rapidly approaching, I'll have even less time to write, but never fear. I'll be posting as much as I can. As always, thank you for reading my silly story. You guys are the best. Also if you ever want to talk about these precious dorks, you can find me and all my other loves on Tumblr at The Sassy Wallflower as well.

He heard a muffled thud in the background, and Kat gave a tiny cry. _“Please, hurry!”_

“Hold on, sweetheart. I’m on my way. Whatever you do, don’t open that door. Did you block it with anything?”

“I tried shoving my desk in front of it, but I don’t know how long it’ll hold. Whatever’s out there is really strong.”

“Good. You’re doing good, sweetheart. I’m on my way. Just keep hanging on for me.” He raced down the back steps and leapt into his car. He threw it in reverse and gravel flew behind him as he slammed the gas pedal into the floorboard. The mark on his wrist began to throb in time with his hammering heart.

He pushed down even harder on the gas pedal. Speed limits be damned. He had to save her. He _had_ to. If he didn’t...if he didn’t, he didn’t know if there would be any coming back from this one.

***

As he was flying around the block, he noticed that the front door of the bakery was standing wide open, which meant his best option was to go around back. The Impala screeched to a halt in the alley behind the shop, and he immediately killed Baby’s motor. Racing around to the trunk, he shoved an extra pistol loaded with silver bullets into his waistband, then grabbed a machete and his favorite pistol with the ivory grips. Kat’s comments about the monster’s strength meant it probably was either a vamp or a werewolf.

As he silently stepped into the shop, that feeling of cold calm slid over him just like it did before most every hunt. Some of the old timers called it the Hunter’s Fog and treated it with an almost reverential fear. To Dean, it was like a well worn jacket that he slipped on, as every sense went into overdrive and time seemed to slow down. All emotions faded away except for a driving need to protect his wife and take down his prey.

Gun drawn, he rounded the corner into the dimly lit kitchen, immediately flattening himself against the wall as he saw a hulking form hurling itself at Kat’s office door. The door burst open, and he heard a yelp of fear from Kat. 

“There’s my little snack. Why did you run off and hide from me, honey? I only wanted to gobble you up whole,” it crooned in a sickly sweet voice, rows of razor sharp fangs dripping saliva as it leered at Kat. 

Shit. This was one big, nasty vamp they had on their hands. He took advantage of the fact that it was facing away from him to sneak up behind the creature. He threw Kat a reassuring half smile before biting out, “Hey! Shit face! How about you snack on this?!” Rage at the creature in front of him boiled in his veins. How dare it even speak to his Kat, much less threaten her. This bastard was going down hard now.

The vamp spun around to face the voice coming from behind him. “ _Hunter_ ,” it hissed.

“Damn straight,” Dean barked.

“ _Tsk tsk_ , didn’t your mama teach you that it’s rude to interrupt? Wait your turn, pretty boy. As soon as I’m finished with this tender morsel, I’ll get to you.” The vamp’s eyes glowed with that peculiar flicker of insanity that only older vamps had, but something about this one seemed even more twisted than the others he’d tangled with.

“Naw, I don’t think so, asshole,” he taunted. “I’m an impatient bastard, and I don’t like waiting around.”

With a roar, the vamp lunged, catching Dean off guard. The two of them hit the ground as the vamp tackled him. He heard Kat cry out, but he had to ignore her. His hand scrambled at his hip for his machete, but it had fallen out of its scabbard and was now sitting just out of reach. The vamp grabbed his neck and twisted it to the side, spit and sweat splattering across his face as the vamp wheezed in laughter. He struggled to free himself, but the son of a bitch had too tight of a grip on him. This wasn’t how this was supposed to go. Damn it, why didn’t he think to grab Sam or Cas as back up. Now he was up shit’s creek without a paddle.

_BANG._

A shot reverberated above their heads, startling them both. The vamp leapt off him and whipped around to face the direction of the shot. Dean scrambled to his feet, sucking in ragged gasps of air into his burning lungs, as he swept the machete off the ground.

Kat stood behind her desk, clutching a small revolver. She was white as a sheet, but fire glinted in her eyes. “Take your filthy, fucking hands off my husband,” she said in a lethally calm voice. 

Dean didn’t know what shocked him more. Seeing Kat look like the embodiment of a bad ass hunter or hearing that particular word come out of her mouth. Kat’s actions, however, gave him the seconds he needed to take control of the situation again. With one practiced swing, he sliced the vamp’s head off. The head teetered in place for a moment before tumbling to the ground, blood spraying across the pristine tile floor as the body thudded alongside the severed head. 

Silence reigned for a few minutes, both of them staring at the body in front of them. He heard Kat draw in a ragged breath. He turned around to find her slumped over her desk. 

“Are you okay to drive?” Dean said abruptly. He had to get this mess cleaned up quickly, but he first needed to get her out of here. Now. She’d seen too much already. Watching him burn a corpse and scour blood off the kitchen floor was the last thing she needed. 

Everything within him strained to go to her. To hold her close and comfort her. To breathe in her sweet scent and drive out the stench of the vamp’s fetid body from his lungs. But first this mess had to be cleaned up, and he needed her out of here to do it. That gunshot might have captured the attention of the neighbors, and they sure as hell didn’t need the local PD involved.

“Yes...I think so.” 

“Okay, you go home and I’ll stay here and clean this shit up.”

“I can help-”

“No, you can’t. I need you to go home, understand? I don’t want you here for this.” He turned around to start rummaging under the sink for cleaning supplies before he saw the look of hurt flicker across her face. 

“But-”

“Kat. Please go home. I’ll be there as soon as I can. Just-just go.”

“Okay.” She whispered. He winced at the confused, hurt note in her voice. He knew he sounded like an ass, but there was no helping that right now. The back door quietly clicked closed behind her, and he immediately got to work.

***

Kat waited up for him in her bedroom, trying to read the book in her lap, but unable to focus on a single word. The only thing she could think about was wanting Dean to come home. At last, around ten, she heard him come through the back door and head straight for the shower.

Deciding that he’d probably want to go straight to sleep, she turned off her lamp and curled up into a ball on the edge of the bed. She couldn’t shake the feeling that Dean was upset with her for some reason. She frantically searched her brain, trying to think of why he might’ve been mad at her. All she could remember was the vampire’s face when he tore open the door to her office, as he leered at her with such terrifying glee. In that instant she knew without a shadow of a doubt, that this could be the moment she would die. She remembered too the look of savage intensity on Dean's face as he killed the vampire with brutal efficiency. One blow and the creature was dead. It was the same exact look she'd seen on his face in that dream she'd had a few years ago where she was with him in Purgatory. Sometimes she forgot what his old job was really about because she'd never experienced it first hand, but tonight drove that reminder home. Now, she could never forget that she was married to modern day warrior.

A chill crept over her and settled in her bones. She began to shake violently as the memory of that brief moment started to play on repeat in her head. It’d only lasted a few seconds, but she’d never felt that kind of pure, undiluted terror. Never known that kind of fear.

The door creaked open, and Dean quietly padded into the room. She’d tried clenching her muscles as tight as possible to stop the shaking, but it only made it worse. She felt the mattress dip as Dean lay down next to her. She lay there, muscles so tight they were almost spasming.

“C’mere.” Without warning, two arms were pulling her into Dean’s chest and snuggling her close, his legs tangling with hers. His hair was still wet from his shower and the fresh scent of his body wash lingered on his skin. He rubbed her back as he murmured, “It’s okay. I got you. I got you.” 

“I’m sorry to be such a baby,” she said quietly, as shame over her reaction crept over her. He’d been through situations a thousand times worse, and here she was shaking like a leaf and acting like a scared toddler.

“Darlin’, you’re not being a baby.” He tipped her chin up, his eyes locking with hers in the dim light filtering through the curtains. “You just came face to face with an evil son of a bitch. It’s normal that you would have a reaction to it. In fact, I would be worried if you didn’t.”

“I know...it’s just that I couldn’t really do anything. I couldn’t even fight back...I felt so-so _helpless_.”

“Helpless?! Katherine Fisher-Winchester, you obviously didn’t see what I saw. You were anything but helpless. Did you or did you not just shoot at a vampire?”

“Well, yeah…”

“And even more, you did everything right. You locked yourself in a safe place. You had your phone with you and called me right away. Then you let me do my job, but when I needed help you were there. You had my back, sweetheart.” He tenderly brushed her lips with his thumb causing her breath to catch in her throat. “Without you firing that shot, we both most likely would’ve been either dead or turned into vamps ourselves. You saved my ass, Kat. I owe you big time. Not many people in this world would’ve done what you just did for me, including some hunters I know. That was one messed up vamp we put down.” Her heart gave a little hiccup at the word ‘we’. “I haven’t seen one that bad in a long time.”

“But if I did everything right, why were you mad at me?” _Oh shit. Of course, that needy question had to pop out right now._

He frowned slightly at her words, “Mad? I wasn’t mad…” Then as if a lightbulb clicked on, his face cleared, and he sighed. “I’m not mad, but I did act like a jerk back there. I'm sorry, Kat. I just needed to get you out of there as fast as possible. I didn’t want you to be around that disgusting son of a bitch for a second longer, even if he was dead. You didn’t need to see me clean up the mess my job leaves behind. I _never_ want you to experience that. And I-I was scared out of my mind too. Ever since we were kids, all I’ve wanted to do was keep you safe from the creatures I hunt, and now one of those bastards came after you and-and I wasn’t there. I was scared you might’ve been hurt or _worse_. I was scared that I might lose you, and I-I couldn’t - can’t handle that thought.” He traced his fingertips across her cheeks.

That stupid flicker of hope that she could never seem to smother flared to life at those words, and she found herself snuggling closer to him. In response, he tightened his arms around her. Just as her eyelids grew heavy, Dean’s voice rumbled in her ear. “One question, though.”

“Mmm?” She mumbled in response.

“When the hell did you start carrying a gun? I never pegged you for the type.”

Oh…” She gave a quiet huff of laughter. “After I found out about you and Sam being hunters and started reading about the things that go bump in the night, I thought I should be prepared. So I found a gun that I could handle, and I’ve kept it at the shop with me ever since.”

A low chuckle resonated in his chest. “That’s my girl.”

“I also may or may not have imagined that I was the protector of Albany whenever I was practicing on the shooting range.” She confessed sheepishly.

Dean laughed softly again and brushed a gentle kiss on her forehead before tucking her head under his chin. “Kat?”

“Yeah?”

“You’re awesome.”

“Thanks,” she said as a little giddy smile crept on her face. Thank heavens, it was dark in here or else he would’ve seen her grinning like a fool. Slowly she drifted off to sleep, the warmth of hope and his strong arms banishing all her anxiousness and fear.

***

The next morning when she woke up, they were still wrapped in each other’s arms, but unlike the last time she woke up his arms, there was no panic or fear. Just a quiet contentment.

And that night, instead of hugging the edge of her mattress to give Dean as much room as possible and to keep from accidentally touching him, she moved a couple inches in from the edge. Instead of curling on her side facing away from him, she lay on her back. Instead of wrapping her arms around herself, she let one arm lay relaxed on the bed. 

Dean rolled over and his hand brushed hers. Normally she would’ve pulled away with a whispered apology. This time she didn’t move her hand and waited with a bated breath to see if he would pull away. He didn’t. Instead he did the opposite, he ran his thumb back and forth across her knuckles then gently wove his fingers through hers. Her resident Stomach Butterfly unfurled his wings and began to float around happily until she fell asleep, a sappy smile on her lips for the second night in a row.


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is just kind of a filler chapter between events, but in it, I think we see some important developments in Kat and Dean's relationship. No we're not there yet, but we're slowly getting to that point.

_Blech, I’ve already been at it for two hours, and I still have the entire upstairs to clean. You’d think with twenty guests coming in this weekend I would’ve started this cleaning business weeks ago but oh no, not me._ She muttered under her breath, half heartedly swiping at the window, when the rag caught on the edge of the sill. She tugged, thinking it was caught on a splinter but when she pulled it free, she noticed something weird on the sill. She ran her fingers across it. _Wait._ She bent over and peered at the wood. _It almost looked like...it was a carving! What the hell…_ She felt along the whole window as high as she could reach. _There! Another one!_ Every few inches, what looked like a small symbol was etched into the wood. A thought hit her, and she ran out to her desk in the kitchen. She threw open the drawer and pulled out a massive binder. It was filled to bursting with bits of paper poking out of the sides. 

When she’d first figured out what Sam and Dean really did for a living, she’d compiled everything she could find about hunters and the things they hunted, including any symbols and sigils they might use, into this binder. She’d been adding to it ever since that day, which explained why it was about ready to split at the seams.

Hauling the binder over to the windows, she squatted down to get a better look at the carvings. After squinting at them for a few seconds, she flipped through the pages until she finally found a matching symbol. It was an angelic warding, specifically designed to keep archangels out. The whole sill was covered with different variations of angel wards. The window next to this one was covered as well, along with the front door. Only they had demon wards on them. _Oh Dean..._

A light dawned. _I bet he’s done every window and door in the house._ A quick inspection confirmed it. Every single window and door trim had those symbols on them. “I wonder...” she thought, and the next thing she knew she was running out to the back yard. Laying flat on her belly and wriggling under the porch, she shined her phone’s flashlight up at the floorboards. The spray painted outline of a Devil’s Trap sprung to life under the blue white light. She didn’t even have to look under the front porch to know that there would be a matching one there, too. 

Like a soldier putting up a perimeter barrier, Dean was warding the house and doing all that he could to protect them. _Well, this explains the white circles I found along the front and back steps a few weeks ago. They’re probably salt stakes to keep out demons and spirits._

With a soft groan, she went back inside and plopped down on the couch. She was beginning to feel overwhelmed, and it wasn’t about her newly decorated windows. Honestly, since Dean was one half of the most famous hunting duo in the world, they were probably a necessity. Most likely there was more than one angel or demon still out there gunning for him. She just wished he would’ve told her he was doing it. No, she was overwhelmed with how he was treating her. 

Everyday since the night of the attack, Dean insisted on driving her to and from work. He would search the building, check the locks, and walk her in and out each time. On top of that he would text her every two hours to see if she was okay. It even extended beyond work. If she wanted to have dinner with the girls, he had to be the one to take her and pick her up. While she appreciated his concern, after all what woman wouldn’t want Dean’s undivided attention, Kat was nearly at her wit’s end. His hyper vigilance was feeding into her paranoia. She needed to move past this incident, but the only way she could is if he let her be on her own again. But first, she had to convince him that it was the best thing for both of them. She knew he was still beating himself up over the incident. He was convinced it was his fault, even though it was the exact opposite. If he hadn’t been home to save her from that creature, she would probably be six feet under right now. 

She sighed, knowing that there was no putting off this conversation any longer. For both of their sakes, they needed to work this out, and tonight was going to be the night. _“Yay, this is going to be so much fun,”_ she thought sarcastically. 

That evening after dinner, as she was putting away leftovers, she finally worked up the courage to ask, “Dean? Can we talk?”

He turned around from the sink and leaned against the counter, green eyes looking back at her curiously, “Yeah, sure.”

“Hey so, I found something this afternoon while I was cleaning. I-uh-I found your wards.”

His eyes flickered down in embarrassment, “Yeah about those…”

“Hey, I understand why you made them. I really do, and I appreciate that you want to protect us so much. It’s just...I wish you would’ve told me about them first.”

He raked his fingers through his hair. “Then I should probably tell you what’s under the porches.”

“I already found the Devil’s Traps, but the reason I wanted to talk to you isn’t about those. It’s not about the angel wards. It’s not about the holy water and the shotgun under the bed, yes, I know about those too, and not even about the salt line in the sidewalks. I get all those things. I truly do. I know they’re a necessity for us. It’s about...you know...that night. I think it’s time for me to start going to work alone. I’m ready. You need to let me do this, okay?”

His face took on a mulish cast as he crossed his arms over his chest, his forearms flexing and making her moan inwardly. _Ugh. Those stupid, gorgeous forearms...Focus! Don’t get distracted._ “Not gonna happen.”

“Dean, please. You have to let me do this. I’ve told you over and over that what happened that night wasn’t your fault. You bear the weight of this responsibility of protecting me and-and the rest of the world like it’s some kind of divine burden to bear. If somehow, someone gets hurt when you’re off duty then it’s your fault even if you had nothing to do with it or were too far away to help.”

“Damn straight, it was my fault and my burden to bear. You weren’t supposed to be exposed to that part of my life. I made a deal with myself before we were married to keep you out of it, and the other night I broke that deal. My dad raised me to protect the innocent, and I failed. I failed him, and I failed you, Kat.” His jaw clenched in frustration while his eyes seemed to bleed with pain and guilt.

“ _Dean!_ I’ve been doing this by myself for years. I’ve lived alone. I’ve worked alone. Who knows how many creatures and monsters have walked through my doors over the years? Literally hundreds of them could’ve sat down at one of my tables, ordered a coffee and a muffin, and I would’ve been none the wiser. If one of them had attacked me while you were in-in freaking Tuscaloosa or somewhere would that have been your fault? No! Because we were living separate lives!

“Look, I know you feel like you’re duty bound to protect me because of the vows we made, but I’m okay. I can watch out for myself. Please let me do this. I’ll be fine driving myself back and forth to work. You need to let me do this for your own sake. You’ll never begin to heal from the horror of your past life if you don’t start easing up on yourself a bit. You said it yourself. Your warrior days are over, so let them be over.” Her voice gentled, “You have to start showing yourself a little mercy...”

“Kat. You’re my wife, and I wasn’t there when I should’ve been. I’ll never forgive myself for that.”

Crimson splashed across her vision, and she threw up her hands. “Fine! Then just sit there wallowing in your guilt! Keep beating yourself up over things you have absolutely no reason to be sorry for! But I’m telling you right now, Dean Winchester, I’m a grown ass woman so stop mothering me! And I don’t care what you say. I’m driving myself to work tomorrow.” She stormed off, frustrated beyond words that he couldn’t see past his upbringing and misplaced guilt to help himself.

What she didn’t see was him taking a few steps to go to her, a pleading look in his eyes before stopping and going back to the sink full of dishes.

***

Kat absently rolled out a round of pie crust dough on the marble counter, her body in her bakery making pies for Thanksgiving orders, but her mind fixated on her husband's hands. When they went to bed last night, neither one of them were ready to admit the other might have had a point, and they’d fallen asleep, their backs to each other and a frigid silence looming between them. When she woke up this morning though, Dean was facing her with one hand stretched towards her, almost as if he’d been searching for her in his sleep. She’d instantly felt a prick of shame at the harsh words she’d hurled at him.

Thinking of that outstretched hand, all of her anger and frustration melted away as she remembered what Sam had shared about their past, and the hell Dean had been through. He was only acting this way because he was terrified of losing another friend. She could just shake herself right now. Instead of stopping for a second and looking at things from his perspective, she’d shrieked at him like some kind of deranged seagull. She heaved a sigh at her stupid temper, even as her thoughts returned to his hands. 

Truthfully, Kat was a little obsessed with them. She’d always had a thing for them, but it was different now because his hands were different. Back when they were teens, they’d been stronger than most boys his age, but still had a bit of childlike softness. Now they were covered with the evidence of his past. Silvery scars from knife wounds raced across the top of them. His knuckles were permanently cracked and calloused from countless fights. The space between his right thumb and forefinger was lightly stained from gunpowder, and one of his pinkies was crooked, probably from being broken one too many times. All these things were what made them more beautiful than the boyish hands she’d once loved. They were hard, tough hands capable of wielding powerful weapons, but also capable of setting her pulse racing with just a gentle brush of his fingers across her arm.

A breathy moan escaped her lips as she began to imagine them on the rest her body...caressing her shoulders...stroking her breasts...sliding down her back...gripping her hips...cupping her bottom with a subtle squeeze...trailing a single finger across her belly before dipping into the waistband of her jeans and slip-

_“KAT.”_

Her head jerked up, and her body flushed with embarrassment at her heated thoughts. Meg stared back at her with mild annoyance. “Jeez, what planet were you on? Your parents are here.” She stepped aside to reveal Alan and Tricia Fisher smiling and waving at her. 

“Mom! Dad! You’re here early!” She chirped a tad too brightly, feeling like a teenager trying to cover up the fact she was looking at pictures of naked men

“I know, honey,” her mom hustled into the kitchen and enveloped her in a lavender and vanilla scented embrace. “But we decided to come a day early and surprise you. I’m sure you have a lot of prep to do for the wedding and with Thanksgiving on top of that, so we wanted to be here to help you all out.”

Alan nudged his wife aside to pull Kat in for a bear hug. “How’s my Katydid?” 

She buried her nose in her dad’s shirt and let herself soak in the comforting scent of Old Spice and paperback books that always clung to him. “I’m doing good, Dad.” She pulled away. “Well, this is a surprise, but we can definitely use a couple extra pairs of hands on deck. We still need to decorate the cabin and get some of the food ready. Fortunately, the girls and I already made the lasagnas and froze them ahead of time. But we’ll need to heat them up, get all the sides put together, and I still have to make the cake.”

Sam and Eileen had rented a renovated cabin on the outskirts of town for the ceremony and reception. It had been built in the 1890’s, but it’d been completely remodeled to host events. With such a small guest list, they’d picked the cabin because they wanted to keep the feel of the wedding warm and intimate, and the cabin was a perfect fit because while it was fully equipped with modern amenities it still retained a rustic warmth. This way they didn’t have to trade convenience for charm.

“Count us in for anything and everything. We’ll even do the dreaded ‘dish duty’.”

“Aw thanks, guys. You’re the best. I know Sam and Eileen will totally appreciate the extra help.”

“Anything for our family. After all, we didn’t get to help with our own daughter’s wedding so at least we can help with one of our boys.” Trish said sternly, but the teasing twinkle in her blue eyes gave her away. 

That didn’t stop Kat’s conscience from nagging at her again. “I know. I’m still so sorry that I didn’t tell you sooner what was happening. It just all happened so fast I could barely think.”

“Honey, I’m teasing. I know your wedding was under a pretty extreme deadline. We’re not mad at you at all. Do we wish we could’ve been there? Of course, but we understand. Bob and Janet next door can brag all they want about their kid’s million dollar podiatry practice, but our kids saved the world. We’re both so proud of you two, okay?” Trish said as she pulled her daughter back into her arms. 

“Okay,” she mumbled into her mom’s fleece jacket.

“Okay. Now, we won’t keep you any longer,” her mom said briskly. “I know you’re already scrambling to come up with something for dinner, but don’t. I’ve got it covered so you just come straight home after work, and we’ll have a nice dinner with you and that new son in law of ours.”

***

Dean drove along the quiet streets toward his house, bone tired after a long day of dealing with students whose brains had already checked out for the holiday break, but even worse, he was weary at heart about last night’s argument. He’d hated going to bed with that strained silence between them. He knew that he was being unreasonably overprotective, but he couldn’t shake the crippling anxiety at the thought of her being vulnerable again.

He pulled into the driveway to find a tan Honda CR-V with Oregon plates sitting in Kat’s usual spot. _Who would be here from Ore- oh shit._ Kat’s parents were here a day early. Pulling out his phone, he found a text from Kat telling him that they were on their way to the house. He got out of his car, keeping his eyes locked on the house where he could see the Fishers silhouetted in the kitchen windows.

He groaned. He'd been preparing himself for weeks to see them again, but it looks like he hadn't psyched himself up enough. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to see Alan and Tricia, he just wasn’t sure if they wanted to see _him_. After all, he was the bastard who pulled Kat into what had to be the most absurd marriage arrangement ever. To top it all off he’d married her without even giving them a courtesy call letting them know his intentions. Honestly, he wouldn’t be surprised if they hated him at this point. 

He trudged up the back steps. A hard knot of apprehension settled into his chest as he pulled open the door, inwardly steeling himself for a hostile reception. The scent of caramelized onions and simmering spices flooded out, momentarily distracting his thoughts. He would know that smell anywhere. Tricia Fisher was making her famous chili. How many bowls of that stuff had he wolfed down as a teen? The knot loosened the tiniest bit as he inhaled the homey scent.

They both looked up as the door opened, Alan was grating cheese, and Tricia was pouring cornbread batter into a large cast iron skillet.

“Alan. Tricia. How-uh-how are you?” Talk about feeling like a punk ass kid again. Right about now a pack of bloodthirsty ghouls on his heels sounded like more fun than facing the two sets of eyes currently boring holes into him.

Screwing up his courage, he tentatively stuck his hand out to Tricia, but she batted it away. _Shit, she’s going to slap my face, isn’t she?_ Just as he was steeling himself for it, she shocked the hell out of him by reaching up and pulling him down for a tight hug instead. 

“Welcome home, Dean.” Tricia said. 

Unexpectedly, his eyes began to began burn as he leaned into the embrace of the closest thing he’d had to a mother growing up. As he returned her hug, he remembered that the knack Kat had of setting anyone at ease was gifted to her by her mother. God, he’d missed these two. 

Alan came up to him as soon as Trish let go of him and squeezed his shoulder, clasping his hand in a firm grip, “It’s so good to see you again, son.”

“It’s good to see you too, sir.”

“Hey. No more of that ‘sir’ nonsense. After all these years, we’re officially family now. So it’s Trish and Alan or Mom and Dad from here on out. ” Alan said as Trish nodded enthusiastically in agreement.

“Okay. I-I’d like that.” He said, trying and failing to keep an eager grin off his face. “So is that ridiculously awesome smell coming from that pot your famous chili, Trish?” He didn’t quite feel he’d earned the right yet to call them Mom and Dad, no matter what they claimed.

She smiled back at him, before shooting Alan meaningful look, “I remembered how much you liked it and thought it would be perfect for our reunion dinner.” She brushed off her hands, “Alright, I’ve still got a couple things to do, but I don’t need anymore help so why don’t you two go outside and do some manly grunting over cars or something. Dean, we’ll catch up over dinner.” 

“Yes, dear.” Alan teased as he snagged a couple beers from the fridge on the way out the door. Once outside, he whistled as he caught sight of the Impala, “Well well well,would you look at that? You’ve still got the old girl.”

“Yeah, I’ll never give her up. She’s the closest thing Sam and I’ve had to a home for years. She’s taken us across the country for our-uh-work.” Dean said, waiting expectantly for Alan to comment on said ‘work’.

“And that’s some kind of work, you boys do. I don’t know if Kat told you or not, but we’ve known what you Winchesters do for a long time.” Aland said, handing Dean a beer.

And there it is. Dean silently sighed with relief, glad to get The Life conversation out of the way. He cracked open his beer and took a bracing swig before replying, “She mentioned that. Before she filled me in, I’d always assumed that you’d turned a blind eye to all our comings and goings.”

“Trust me. When you see your neighbor and his kids packing a small arsenal out to their car night after night, even a clueless accountant can tell that something’s a little different about them. But it wasn’t until one early morning about six months after you guys moved in, when your dad came home covered in slime and someone else’s blood that I learned the truth. I’d finally had enough with his vague answers about where he went for days on end. I mean he was leaving two young boys home by themselves, for the love of god. So I literally cornered John and threatened him with calling the cops and social services before he finally admitted what he did for a living. You could’ve knocked me over with a feather when he told me that instead of killing cockroaches, he was taking out ghosts. I honestly didn’t believe him at first. I demanded that he show me proof, or else I was still going to the cops. That’s when he and I went on a little field trip to the Boulder Theater, and I had a face to face encounter with my very first ghost.” 

He laughed. “I was so scared that it’s a miracle I didn’t piss my pants! But after that I was a believer. So much so that when John told me that he was installing a wrought iron fence as a precaution against spirits, I didn’t hesitate to do the same, even though Trish pitched an unholy fit at the cost.”

They both chuckled at the mention of Trish’s temper. That was the thing about Fisher women. Most of the time they were the sweetest people on earth, but when they got riled up, watch out. The verbal lashings they were capable of were legendary. Last night’s argument with Kat was evidence enough of that. 

“And after that night, I made him promise to let us look after you boys anytime that he couldn’t take you with him.”

“You have no idea how much Sammy and I loved staying with you. Some of our happiest memories were with you three.”

“It was our pleasure. We loved having you boys around.” He took a deep breath before continuing. “Dean, I need to talk to you about something.” 

_Shit. Here comes the beatdown, I’ve been expecting._ “Alan, look about Kat. I-I know this isn’t what you wanted for her-”

Alan waved his hands, “No, no, not about Kat, it’s about something else. It’s about this guilt I’ve carried over you boys for years.”

Dean furrowed his brow in confusion. “Guilt? What guilt? I don’t know what-”

Alan cut him off. “Son, the night you guys left for good, Trish and I went over to try to talk your dad out of taking you and Sam with him. We offered to let you boys stay with us indefinitely. We told him this way you could graduate and then go to college or vo-tech school or just work if you wanted to, but our house would be your home for as long as you wanted to stay. We told him it would be better for Sam to finish high school here in Albany and then go off to some Ivy League school somewhere. Lord knows he wasn’t sticking around here.” He chuckled ruefully before continuing.

“We begged him to think of your futures. Tried to convince him that we would love to have you live with us, but you know how bull headed that old man of yours was. He refused to listen. He just kept insisting that his boys belonged with him, and family had to stay together. We talked until we were blue in the face, but it was like arguing with a goddamn boulder because there was no changing his mind. Finally we left, thinking that maybe you would be back in a few weeks, and we could try again, but that was the last time we ever saw Sam and John. Then two weeks after that you were gone for good too. I felt like I’d lost my chance to save you two, and ever since that night, I’ve carried this guilt that I should’ve pushed him harder. I should’ve found some way to convince him to let you boys stay. I-I felt like I betrayed you boys. Like I let you down.” 

“Alan, you didn’t betray-” Dean tried interrupting, his heart aching at the needless pain that Alan had carried for years. 

“I’ve been dying to ask for forgiveness from you two ever since you left Albany. Then when Kat told us about your marriage, I knew I was finally going to get my chance. The relief I felt...” Alan stopped, looking at Dean with tears in his eyes and his voice shaking with emotion. “Dean, I’m so sorry, son. I should’ve told you that day you came back for Kat’s graduation that you didn’t have to go back to John. I should’ve told you that I loved you like my own. That you could’ve lived with us forever if you wanted. But I knew you wouldn’t stay without your little brother, and John wouldn’t let Sam leave him, so I stayed silent even though I was standing in front of you choking on my guilt.”

Dean couldn’t form a complete thought, his emotions a chaotic whirlwind. Anger and resentment at his dad for being such a stubborn jackass that couldn’t even stand the thought of letting his boys have a shot at a better life. Sadness for what might’ve been, but mostly he felt an overwhelming love for this man who was a better father to him than his own. He looked over at Alan Fisher, who was standing there awkwardly shifting his weight from foot to foot, but the resolute look in his eyes saying that he was prepared for any judgment that Dean would dish out. 

He reached out and clasped Alan’s arm, “You’ve got nothing to feel sorry for. You did more than anyone else would in your position. It wasn’t up to you to change my dad’s mind. You said it yourself. He was a stubborn son of a bitch who refused to change his mind once it was made up. You and Trish were better parents to us than our own, and I’m forever grateful for that. If Sammy were here, he’d tell you the same.”

“Thanks, Dean,” Alan choked out, as he quickly brushed the tears from his eyes.

The glow of oncoming headlights distracted them. “That’ll be Kat. I’m going to go inside and get ahold of myself. Can you keep her busy for a few minutes? I don’t want her to see me crying.”

“Sure,” he said, the knot of dread in his chest tightening back up at the thought of facing his hurt wife. Alan went back inside, as Dean crossed his arms and leaned back against his car. Headlights flashed across his face as Kat pulled in behind her parents. She slowly got out of her Subaru and walked towards him, nervously jiggling her keys as she approached. 

“Hi.”

“Hey,” she said softly.

“How was your day?” He winced at his ridiculous attempt at benign small talk. 

“It was okay. Spent most of the day getting pie orders ready for pick up tomorrow.” She shyly glanced up at him before blurting out in break neck speed. “Listen, Dean, I’ve spent all day regretting what I said to you last night, and I’m really sorry. I was way out of line. You were only looking out for me, and in return, I was such a bitch to you.”

“Sweetheart, you definitely weren’t a bitch, and you’re right. You’re a grown woman, and I need to lighten up on the body guard act. I’m sorry, too. I can’t promise I’ll completely stop because you’re-you’re too important to me to not look out for you, understand? But I’m going to try my damndest to do better.”

“Okay.” With a sniffle she threw herself at him, his body screaming with relief at having her soft frame pressed against his once again. Resting his chin on her topknot, the stray hairs tickling at his chin, the lump in his chest finally dissolved as she wrapped her arms around him. Too soon though, she pulled away. He cleared his throat to cover up his disappointment at losing her warmth. “You mom made us chili,” he said, trying to distract himself.

“Oh lord, I hope she made two pots, otherwise Dad and I are going to starve tonight.” She laughed as they walked towards the house.

“Hey! What’s that supposed to mean?” He stopped in his tracks and placed his hands on his hips in mock indignation.

“Nothing. Just that you have the appetite of an elephant.”

“What?! Why you little…”

She squealed as he reached out to tickle her. She ducked under his arms and threw open the back door. “MOOOOOMMM!! Dean’s trying to tickle me!”

“I am not! I didn’t even touch you!”

“Ha! But you tried. That’s the advantage of being short, I can duck under those chimpanzee arms!”

“What?! Chimpanzee arms?? First an elephant and now you’re calling me a chimpanzee??”

“Okay, okay, that’s enough. Kat, you take the cornbread out of the oven, and Dean, you set the table.”

Kat stuck her tongue out at him. _Oh, the things I want to do with that little pink tongue..._

“Katherine Christine Fisher-Winchester, you put that tongue back in your mouth this instant,” Trish said without even turning around from the pan she was washing out in the sink. Her words immediately poured ice water on that particular train of thought.

“How did you-”

“Katydid, if you haven’t realized that your mother has the senses of a hunter by now, then there’s no hope for you, my girl.” Alan piped up from the corner where he was flipping through one of the multitude of cookbooks Kat had laying around. Dean felt ridiculously happy at the way Alan included his old profession into the conversation. The way he said it almost made it sound like being a hunter was a normal thing. It wasn’t, of course, but still… He quickly set the table, any lingering dread over this dinner completely gone.

Dinner was a light hearted affair that stretched out over a few hours as the four of them traipsed down memory lane. Finally after seeing Trish’s head begin to bob on her husband’s shoulder, Dean suggested, “Why don’t you two head to bed? You had a long drive and are probably beat. Kat and I can take care of the dishes. After all, it’s only fair since you made us supper.”

“Normally, I would argue, but as you can see I’m about to fall asleep in this chair,” Trish said, stretching as she walked over to them. She sleepily planted a kiss on both of their cheeks. “Goodnight, my dears. Dean, I’m so glad you’re finally home.”

“Night, night,” Alan echoed as he followed his wife up the stairs. He wrapped an arm around his wife’s waist, and she rested her head on his shoulder.

Dean turned around and caught the gentle smile on Kat’s face as she watched her parents. She got up and started clearing dishes off the table. Dean followed behind her and began loading the dishwasher. 

Looking over at Kat wiping down the table, he decided to ask her something that’d been on his mind for a while. “So what do you think about giving Sam and Eileen the old house as a wedding present? I don’t know if Eileen told you or not, but they’re going to stick around Albany after they’re married.” It was one of the few things he had to offer his brother at this point. Besides, he had a place to stay so why shouldn’t Sammy?

“She mentioned that the other morning when she stopped by the shop to grab a coffee before work.” Eileen had gotten a job at the same group home for at risk kids where Cas worked. Their calm natures were a perfect fit for working with kids whose lives were anything but calm. “Obviously, it’s your house to do what you want with, but I think it’s a wonderful idea. They’d be great neighbors, and it would be good for you and Sam to still be close to each other.”

“Good. I’m glad you agree. I’m off tomorrow so I’ll run down to city hall and do a title transfer. Well, I’m just going to let the dishwasher run and call it a night.”

“I’ll be up soon too. Just need to finish up a couple things before I do,” she said as she went to rinse out her wash rag.

As she was walking past him, he lightly grabbed her wrist and tugged her to his side. He pressed his lips against her ear. “Oh, don’t forget that I owe you one of our old fashioned tickle attacks for that crack about my appetite, and it’s going to happen when you least expect it, sweetheart,” he playfully growled, resisting the urge to nip her earlobe. He let her go, but not before giving her a slow wink full of promise. He then headed upstairs without saying another word, leaving a breathless Kat standing in the middle of the kitchen, dripping washcloth still clenched in her hand.


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam and Eileen's wedding is her at last! Hope you guys enjoy!

Heaving a sigh of relief, Kat flipped over the Closed sign at 2:00. _Oof, fifty pies out the door in five hours._ She felt like she’d just been hit by a semi-truck. All she wanted to do was fall face first into her bed, but unfortunately, a mountain of baking lay between her and her pillow. At least she’d decided to keep the bakery closed until Tuesday. She just had to stay strong until after the wedding on Friday then she could lay comatose all weekend if she wanted.

After locking the door, she turned around to head back into the kitchen but instead ran face first into what felt like a flannel covered wall.

“Whoa there,” Dean said, grabbing her waist to steady her.

She stood stock still for a moment, her face smashed against his chest a la Daffy Duck meeting a tree, before mumbling into his shirt, “Dean? What are you doing here? I thought you’d still be at city hall.”

“The title transfer went quicker than I expected, so I came by to see if I could lend a hand. I stopped by the house on my way here, but uh, did you know that your mom is downright terrifying in the kitchen? Celery was flying. Turkeys were being body slammed into roasting pans. Yams were screaming for their lives. It was a horror show, so I hightailed it out of there, leaving your poor dad to fend for himself.”

Kat giggled at the mental image. “Yeah, she gets like that around the holidays. Normally, she’s a very calm cook, but something about the holidays brings out her homicidal tendencies. Remember that time when we were in eighth grade and the Easter ham was sent airborne across the dining room?”

Dean let out a belly laugh. “Oh yeah! I’d forgotten about that!”

“So it’s probably for the best if we hide here, at least until dinner time. Are you hungry? I’m going to make a quick breakfast sandwich before I start baking.”

“You know I can always eat,” he said with a wink.

“Follow me then.”

He followed her into the kitchen. She turned on her favorite jazz station and quickly got to work, laying thick slices of hickory smoked bacon, tomatoes, and grated gouda on homemade English muffins then sliding them under the broiler. As soon as the cheese melted and turned golden brown, she pulled them out and plated them.

She handed Dean his sandwich, and he immediately took a huge bite, a low rumble of satisfaction coming from his chest as he chewed. “How do you do it every time? Take something so simple and make it awesome? This beats the ass off any Egg McMuffin I’ve ever eaten.”

“Oh, it’s nothing. Anyone could do it,” she said modestly, but still unable to keep from being ridiculously pleased that he liked even the simplest things she cooked.

“Nope, pretty sure they couldn’t.”

While they ate, Kat filled him in on what she needed to accomplish that afternoon. “I have to make sticky buns for our breakfast, the wedding cake, rolls for tomorrow’s dinner, french bread for the reception and shortbread wedding favors.”

Dean cocked his eyebrow at her. “Oh. Is that all?”

“Yep.”

“Sounds like you’re gonna be here all night. What can I help with?”

“You really want to help?,” she said doubtfully.

“I really do.”

“Alrighty then, want an apron?,” she offered.

“Naw, I should be fine.”

“Okay...well, don’t say I didn’t ask. What do you know about making bread?”

“I know you’re good at it, and it sometimes comes in bags, pre-sliced for your eating pleasure,” he said as he rolled up the sleeves of his flannel.

The corner of her mouth quirked as she watched him push up the sleeves of the black henley he had under the flannel. “Can I ask you a weird question?”

“Yeah?”

“What’s with the flannel and layers all the time?”

“Layers?”

“Yes, layers. I mean even in the middle of July, you and Sam are sporting roughly twenty shirts apiece.”

“It’s for protection. If a werewolf tears up your shirt, you want something else under it. Because if you don’t, well the next rip could be the end of you as a human.”

“I never thought of it that way, but don’t you get hot?”

“Mmm, you get used to it. Kinda like you get used to always having a knife in your boot and gun in your waistband.”

“If you say so...” she said skeptically. “Let’s get started on the bread. How are your kneading skills?”

“You show me what to do, and I’ll follow your lead.”

Kat made the dough and plopped it onto the wide marble bench, giving Dean a quick lesson on kneading. She then began mixing the batter for the cake. She glanced over at Dean to see how the kneading was coming and immediately grinned at what she saw. “What are you doing?” He was gingerly folding the dough over, treating it as if it were a newborn baby. 

“Don’t be afraid to be firm with it. It’s not going to fall apart. In fact, bread likes a little tough love to build up those glutens...here, let me show you.” Then without even thinking, she went behind him and wrapped her hands around his to demonstrate the proper technique.

Pressing, pushing, and turning, they fell into a hypnotic rhythm, hands flexing around each other. Kat tumbled into a breathless daydream about other things that involved similar motions. Things that involved hushed sighs and groans. She unconsciously molded herself against his back...

“You know what?,” he whispered. “This is kinda like reverse _Ghost_.”

“Wha-a-at?” She stuttered, jerking out of her reverie.

“You know, the movie _Ghost_. The scene where ghost Patrick Swayze is helping Demi Moore at the pottery wheel? Only I’m Demi in this scenario, and there’s no Whoopi Goldberg.”

She allowed herself to briefly press her cheek against his back as she let out a huff of embarrassed laughter, and then stepped away from him. “All right Demi, I think you’ve got this now. Knead that for another minute then put it in a bowl and cover it with a towel. It needs to rise for about an hour before we make rolls out of it.” 

She walked over to the sink under the guise of washing her hands, but really it was to gather her thoughts and get them back under control. She slapped off the water and pressed her wet hands to her face, trying to cool her flushed cheeks before facing Dean again. He obviously hadn’t been affected by that moment like she had.

However, if she’d turned around, she would’ve seen a different story. As soon as she was facing away from him, Dean’s hands let go of the bread dough, and he threw his head back, mouth gaping wide as he blew out a great gust of air. One hand went to the front of his jeans to adjust himself, and the other clenched the edge of the marble counter so hard his knuckles turned chalk white. But by the time she left the sink, Dean was back kneading the dough.

They worked together side by side, Dean proved a fast student and was soon pressing shortbread dough into pans without even being told. He was a natural cook, as was evidenced by his willingness to take over dinner at the house, but he also had the makings of a baker.

Time flew by, and to her amazement, Kat found herself looking around to find that they were done. “We-we did it. I think we’re actually done!” She beat off the flour on her apron, causing a small white cloud to billow out around her.

Dean looked up from the last pan of shortbread he was slicing and chuckled, the laugh lines around his eyes crinkling. “Here, let me help you,” he teased, reaching out to brush a smudge of flour off her cheek, his thumb leaving a streak of heat in its path.

She laughed back at him as she saw his shirt was completely covered in flour and bits of dried dough. “I think you have the worst of it, sir. Someone should’ve taken that apron I offered him,” she crowed. Then she hesitated before deciding resolutely. _“Well, when will I ever get the chance to feel up this chest again?”_ She gently brushed off his chest, trying not to notice how firm and warm it was. “We don’t want to get flour all over Baby.”

“Flour wouldn’t be the worst thing she’s had on her,” he said, placing a hand over hers on his chest and holding it there, effectively causing every nerve on her body to stand up and take notice. “Thanks for this afternoon. It was fun being the student for once. So you ‘bout ready to head home?”

“Almost. You go on. I’ll be right behind you,” she said.

As soon as Dean left, she slapped her hands on her knees and bent over, sucking in a few cleansing breathes. What in the world was wrong with her? You would think she would be used to being touched by him, but instead, it was the opposite. Like an addict, she craved his touch, and one touch was never enough. She needed more and more and more. What was she going to do when these innocent touches were no longer enough? How had she gone all these years without them? And more urgently, how was she going to survive when they were gone for good? _Keep it together. You can do this. You have to do this._ With that mantra ringing in her ears, she gathered up her baked goods and went home.

***

Thanksgiving dinner was a jovial affair except for a couple hiccups, one of them courtesy of Meg, of all people. Sam and Dean’s sheriff friends, Donna and Jody, arrived into town just in time for dinner. Jody’s two foster daughters also came along with her. After introductions were made, Kat quickly noticed an interesting dynamic between Cas and Claire. One that left her puzzled until Meg, who she caught trying to sneak out the door, explained their relationship.

“Meg! Does this mean you’re kind of, in a weird way, like Claire’s stepmom?,” Kat teased.

“ _Shut up._ I just realized that last night, and I’m freaking out about it. Why the hell do you think I was trying to sneak out? I’m not fit to be anyone’s maternal anything,” Meg squeaked. “What am I going to do?”

“Just talk to her. Find out what her interests and passions are. What bands she likes or what kinds of movies she watches. Find out her celebrity crush. What does she want to study in college? You were a teenage girl once. What did you like?” 

“Kat. I haven’t been a teenager for centuries. Pretty sure she doesn’t want to talk about what the Industrial Revolution did for my village. _And!_ And she’s not some normal teen. She thinks she’s a hunter for fuck’s sake. I’m an ex-demon. Oil and water, meet us!”

“Big deal. If I remember history right, there are a few other people here who’ve been possessed in addition to being turned into vampires. If she has a problem with your former state, you can very kindly remind her of those facts.”

“Yeah, but-”

“Meg, you were once one of the baddest demons of them all, how about you use a little of that bravado and go have a simple conversation with Claire. You two might end up having some common ground, after all, you both love Cas, right?”

“Ugh. Okay, okay, you’re right.” 

Kat watched as Meg squared her shoulders and went to stand beside Cas who was talking with Claire. Claire scowled as Meg asked her a question. Cas looped his arm around Meg’s waist, subtly telling Claire without words where he stood with Meg. _Good job, Cas._ Claire rolled her eyes in response, but she answered Meg’s question which was a good sign.

Jody came to stand next to her and watched the trio with Kat. “Well, that’s a relief. I was a little worried about how that meeting would go. My Claire’s a bit of a porcupine even when she’s in a good mood. Kid’s pretty rough around the edges, but then life hasn’t been too easy on her. On either of the girls, as a matter of fact…” She trailed off, lost in her thoughts for a second. “Hey, thanks for letting us crash your meal at the last minute. Donna and I were all prepared to take the girls to Burger King for dinner.” 

“Aw, well we’re thrilled to have you, and that you could be here for Sam and Eileen. I know Dean wishes you could’ve been at our wedding.”

“Yeah, me too. You know… You’re not at all the type of woman I would’ve imagined Dean settling down with.”

Kat felt her heart drop into the pit of her stomach. “Oh?” she managed to squeak out.

“But now that I’ve met you, I can see why. You’re exactly what he needs.” Jody reached out and squeezed her arm. “I’m glad you found each other.”

“We-well, thank you.”

“Oh good lord, it looks like Claire’s started interrogating Cas and Meg. Shit. She’s relentless when she gets going. I better go save them. We’ll talk more later, okay?”

Jody darted over to the trio and whisked Claire away to help serve dessert. Kat shook her head in silent laughter. This was going to be good for Meg. Definitely not easy, but good.

The only other hiccup to the night was just as everyone was leaving, Eileen received the news that no bride wants the night before her wedding. The flowers that were supposed to be delivered first thing in the morning were still currently sitting in San Francisco. That meant there would be no flowers for decorating or bouquets. Eileen burst into tears right in front of everyone and threw herself into Sam’s arms. He, in turn, looked about as helpless as a newborn kitten. Kat was at a complete loss. How were they going to find anything to replace them on such short notice? If it had been a cake emergency, she would’ve been able to save the day, but this? She had no clue. 

Fortunately, Trish came to the rescue. Putting on her mom hat, she took Eileen out of Sam’s arms, sat her down, and asked Eileen to show her what she’d planned for decorations. Kat looked over at her mom in confusion. How in the world was she going to pull this off? Every florist in town was closed for the holiday weekend. Trish caught her bewildered look and mouthed “Jerry” at her.

_Jerry! That’s right!_ Jerry was one of her mom’s former patients. Before he’d retired, he’d been a famous landscape architect, working with a multitude of celebrity clients. When the stress of working with such mercurial clients had become too much to handle, he retired to their town and become something of a hermit, creating showcase gardens for his own enjoyment instead of others. 

Fifteen years ago, he’d sustained a horrible spinal cord injury in a car accident, and had been told by several doctors that he would never walk again. He’d gone to Trish Fisher as a last ditch-effort, and something about the quiet, unassuming man made her take on his challenging case. Thanks to Trish’s patience and persistence, after nearly two years of physical therapy, he was once again able to walk and work in his beloved gardens. As a result, he considered himself forever in her debt and was willing to move heaven and earth for Trish and her family. This was why Kat’s yard still looked presentable even though she had so little time to spend on it. Jerry came by several times a year to mulch, replant, and fertilize her entire lot. Kat repaid the favor by supplying him with unlimited coffee and treats.

Jerry had several greenhouses on his property where he kept flowers of numerous varieties blooming all year long. If anyone could help them it would be him. Leaving Eileen in her mom’s capable hands, she began tackling Mount Dirty Dishes currently occupying her kitchen counters.

***

The next afternoon, Eileen, Kat, and Meg walked into the cabin and their jaws all dropped in sync. The entire place had been transformed into an autumnal fairy bower thanks to Jerry and Trish. Chrysanthemums, maple leaves and sprays of Chinese lantern covered every available surface. An aisle of verdant green moss led to an altar crafted out of birch and aspen logs. Small lanterns with flickering candles were placed between the chair rows to cast a warm glow around the room. In all honesty, it was more beautiful than anything they’d originally planned. Both Kat and Eileen had to blink back tears as they looked around.

“Trish. This is amazing. It’s-it’s better than anything I ever dreamed! How can we ever thank you?,” Eileen tearfully signed. 

Trish gave Eileen a peck on her cheek, “You’re welcome, sweetie. I’m just thankful we were able to pull it off in time.” 

“Mom, you’re the best,” Kat said, throwing her arms around her mother, while Meg patted her shoulder.

“It’s Jerry who you should be thanking. There’s no way I could’ve done it without him,” Trish said, nodding at the quiet man standing in the corner.

Kat, Meg, and Eileen squealed and ran over to him, pelting him with hugs and hand wringing. The poor man looked completely overwhelmed by the attention and looked at Trish pleadingly.

“Okay, okay, give the poor man some space. Don’t you three have to get dressed for a wedding or something?,” Trish said, coming to Jerry’s rescue. Giving him one last hug, the three women hurried off to get ready.

***

Sam was pacing around the cabin’s small bedroom, running his hands through his hair, while Dean looked on with an amused smirk as he buttoned his slate grey shirt and tucked it into his navy blue slacks. “Dean, I can’t do this. I thought I could, but I can’t. What if something happens to me? What if I get attacked by a shapeshifter, and it takes my place? What if Lucifer escapes again and comes after both of us? I can’t let that happen to Eileen. She’s already lost so many people in her life. What if-”

“Sammy. Dude. Chill.” Dean reached out and straightened his brother’s maroon tie. “What did you tell me when I was freaking out before my wedding? Life is an uncertainty. We just have to go for whatever happiness it offers us. Whether it lasts for five or fifty years, it’s worth it. Remember that?”

Sam grimaced, “I hate when you throw my words back at me, you know?” 

“I know. That’s why I love doing it.” He poured a shot of whiskey into a tumbler and handed it to Sam. “Here, you need this. I’m gonna go check on the girls. When I come back, it’ll be time to head down the aisle, alright?”

Sam looked like he was ready to puke, but he nodded and downed the alcohol in one gulp. Dean blew out a relieved breath. He used to think fighting ghosts was hard, but this wedding business beat that all to hell. He left Sam alone with the whiskey to go search for his wife.

First, he checked the living room and saw that all the guests were accounted for. They were visiting with each other as they enjoyed freshly pressed cider and pear martinis. He nodded to Cas, who was playing officiant once again, as he stood by the altar chatting with the Fishers, giving him the 10 minute signal. Then knowing that the first place to look for Kat was always a kitchen, he walked into it only to halt dead in his tracks, the wind literally knocked out of him

“Wow. You look incredible,” he said, gazing at the vision in front of him. Kat was standing at a small table putting the final touches on the wedding cake. She wore a goldenrod yellow column dress with long bell sleeves. The silky fabric flowed over her generous curves and made her skin look as if it was lit from within. Her hair was swept up into a loose milkmaid braid with scarlet chrysanthemums woven into the braids, a few tendrils left dangling to brush her neck. She looked like a burst of autumn sunshine, and he was dying to soak in her warmth. He pulled her away from the cake and spun her around under the pretense of getting a 360 view, but really it was just an excuse to touch her. He’d been making up those excuses a lot lately. He couldn’t seem to help himself anymore.

“Thanks,” she said, with a shy smile as she looked him over. “You look pretty nice yourself.”

He couldn’t help preening a bit at her words. “Fancy feathers. How’s Eileen holding up?”

“She’s hanging in there. Nervous, of course, but Meg brought her a pear martini to calm her nerves. How’s our man of the hour?”

“Had to give him a pep talk, but he’ll be okay.” He grinned down at her, thinking of how nervous he’d been before their wedding. “Feels a bit different being on this side of it, doesn’t it?”

“It does.” She said with a small laugh. “It’s rather nice not feeling like I’m going to fall on my face any second.”

Dean laughed along with her before saying, “So you girls ‘bout ready? We should probably get this show on the road before Sam faints on us.”

“I am now that I've _finally_ finished this cake. Let me just see if Meg’s done with Eileen’s hair and then we all should be ready.”

“Great. Cas is getting the guests settled. I’ll go get Sam.”

Kat hurried down the hall and poked her head in the bedroom where the girls were. After a few muffled words, she looked back at Dean and gave him a thumbs up. He went into Sam’s room where he found him with his head between his knees. _Shit, and here I was joking about him fainting._

“Alright, buddy, up and at ‘em. Eileen’s waiting on you, so let’s do this thing.” Sam groaned in reply. “No, no welching on this one. I’ll kick your ass all the way out to the living room if I have to. Now get moving.”

Sam lurched to his feet, sweat beading on his forehead. “That’s it.” Dean clasped his brother’s face and looked him dead in the eye. “I’m proud of us, Sammy, and you know Mom, Dad, and Bobby would be too. We’re doing it, man. We’re actually making a go at this normal life thing.”

Sam gazed down at his big brother with hazel eyes that were suspiciously wet. “You’re right, Dean. I’m proud of us too.” He then grabbed Dean in a bear hug. “Okay. I’m ready.”

The two of them left the room and walked side by side to the altar to the strains of a stripped down version of _Simple Man_. Cas gave them his characteristic half smile before whispering to Sam as he grasped his shoulder, “You’re going to be fine. Now turn around and behold what’s coming towards you.” _Sun_ by _Sleeping At Last_ started playing as the girls rounded the corner into the living room. The breath Sam had been holding up until then burst out, and a huge smile broke across his face as he caught sight of his bride.

***

Eileen walked down the aisle arm and arm with Kat and Meg. Kat glanced over at Eileen, feeling her chest tighten with pride over how gorgeous her friend looked. She wore an ecru lace Edwardian style gown with a slight train. Her long chestnut brown hair flowed down her back, and a wreath made of ruby red roses and ferns crowned her head. Eileen looked just like an elven queen on her way to meet her king. It was no wonder Sam only had eyes for her as they walked down the moss covered aisle. They stopped a few steps away from the altar, and Sam stepped forward for his bride. Eileen squeezed her friends’ hands before grasping Sam’s outstretched palm as they turned to face Cas.

Cas began, “Friends and family, we’ve come here today to celebrate the joining of Sam and Eileen’s lives. We’re here because they want to share their love with us…”

She stood there listening to her friends pledge their undying love to each other. Outwardly, a benevolent smile was plastered on her face, but inwardly she was drowning in a pool of envy. She wanted to be the one freely declaring her love for her husband for the entire room to hear. But she couldn’t. She had to shove her feelings back down and bury her love under layers of reason and excuses as to why she couldn’t tell anyone...especially not her beloved, who was standing just a few feet away from her. 

After what felt like an eternity, the ceremony ended, and she bolted for the kitchen under the excuse of getting the food ready for the reception. She hid in there until the photographer finally pried her out for wedding party photos, but she would’ve much rather hid out in there wallowing in her self pity until the night was over. Unfortunately, she couldn’t do that. Reminding herself why she was there, she put on her most convincing fake smile, all the while praying that her pretend happiness would become a reality.

***

All evening he watched her. He watched her and waited. Waited for her to be alone for one freakin’ minute, but every time he thought he would get that minute of her all to himself, someone pulled her away. People seemed to rely on her for everything, just like at the coffee shop. She was the only one who could fulfill their needs. The only one who could help them.

Everyone got her attention, but the one who wanted it the most, him. Except for the five minutes before the ceremony and the wedding photos after, he’d not had a single minute alone with her all day. He was about to give up on this waiting business and steal her away from the next needy person, even if it was the bride and groom themselves.

The only thing worse than the waiting was the wanting. He didn’t know if it was the sight of her in that damn dress or what, but he’d been aching to kiss her all evening. He couldn’t tear his eyes away from her inviting lips. Everything about her seemed to draw him in…

He finally got his chance after she finished cutting the wedding cake. Everyone at last settled into their seats and left her alone. He darted over to her before anyone else could cut in front of him. “Hi. Uh, so I don’t how you did it, but you made me love beer even more after eating that cake.” _Wow. Real smooth, genius._ But it was the truth. The chocolate stout cake with white chocolate ganache had been delicious. 

“I-I was hoping you would like it,” she confessed with a sheepish glance up at him. “I like making stuff you like.” She dropped her eyes and fiddled with the cake knife.

Something about her artless confession caused the desire that had been simmering in him all night to flare up, and he found himself grabbing her wrist and pulling her around the corner into the hallway that separated the kitchen and reception room. “Can I kiss you? I’ve been wanting to all night.” 

The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them. Her wide grey eyes met his, staring at him with such a look of shock that he was sure she was going to refuse him, but to his everlasting relief, she gave a small nod. He gradually lowered his head, taking his time to savor the scent and feel of her. Then he cupped her jaw in his hands, letting his thumbs trace her cheekbones. Her eyes fluttered closed, and she raised her parted lips to his. Suddenly he was drowning and hoping that he would never be rescued. 

His body was dying to deepen the kiss, but he was afraid of scaring Kat, of coming on too strong. So he held back and kept the kiss gentle, taking soft sips from her lips. But oh, how he wanted her. He wanted her in his arms forever. He wanted to back her up against the wall and slowly grind his hips into hers. He wanted her in his bed, and he wanted to be in her. But for now, this would be enough. It had to be.

Feeling himself begin to harden, he ended the kiss, even though it almost killed him to do so. He looked at her dazed eyes and damp lips and instantly regretted his decision. The mark on his wrist started tingling, and he unconsciously began rubbing it, until he realized Kat was doing the same thing...

They stared at each other in shock as they watched the other one rub their right wrist. “Does your wrist-” he started

“Hey, Dean! Get over here and tell Alan about the time those fairies kidnapped you,” Sam called out to him. As he turned towards Sam, Kat slipped back into the kitchen, leaving him alone with his thoughts once again.


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas! As a thank you to my wonderful readers, I thought I would surprise you with a little Christmas themed chapter. Three things about this chapter. One: it contains some smuttiness of the self love variety. If that's not your jam, no worries, just skip down to the second chapter break. Honestly, I'm still shocked that I actually wrote smut. Two: after this chapter, we'll officially be on the last leg of this fic. I'm not entirely sure how many chapters are left, but I'm thinking it'll probably be three or four. Three: it's completely unbeta'd so any and all errors are mine alone.
> 
> From the bottom of my heart, thank you all once again for reading.

Kat stared at the Christmas tree until the colorful lights faded into hazy orbs, the memory of the kiss she’d shared with Dean still haunting her three weeks later. It followed her around at work, peered over her shoulder as she did laundry and invaded her dreams every night. Before this kiss, she would have the occasional naughty dream, but now, every night was filled with dreams that could’ve come straight out of those erotic romance novels the Tuesdays With Morrie ladies read. The things Dean did to her, and she did to him in return in those dreams… She shivered at the memory of them.

Why _had_ Dean kissed her? It didn’t make any sense. Friends hugged. They patted shoulders. They occasionally gave each other a peck on the cheek. They didn’t kiss, not like that anyway. They didn’t kiss as if who they had in their arms was something delicate and precious. Like what they were holding would fly away if held too tightly. She wasn’t used to being treated like that. She was used to people commenting on how strong and sturdy she was. No one had ever made her feel dainty or delicate...until now. Confusion about the kiss lingered right along with the memory of it.

And then there was the constant feeling like her skin was on fire whenever Dean so much as glanced her way. Was this what desire felt like? This constant hunger for someone else’s touch? If his hand even brushed her, she felt like she was going to jump out of her skin. It didn’t help things that he was suddenly more touchy than usual. A hand on the small of her back as he slid around her on the way to the fridge. Running his thumb across her knuckles as she handed him the salt at the table. 

The ache in her body was relentless too. Any attempt she’d tried to relieve it was either unsuccessful or so insignificant that she was right back to where she’d started. Granted she had literally zero experience with anything sexual. Maybe she was doing something wrong? But this wasn’t the type of thing she could ask her friends about. If she did work up the courage to talk to them about it, she knew Meg would have no qualms about telling Kat in detail what worked for her. In fact, she’d probably end up pulling up diagrams and video examples on her phone. Hard pass. All she knew was she needed to figure out something soon otherwise she was going to explode. That or go completely out of her frickin’ mind and tackle Dean to the ground. 

The quiet ticking of the upstairs grandfather clock reminded her that she had the house to herself for a little longer. Tonight was Dean’s work Christmas party so she’d left the shop early to get ready for it. He wouldn’t be home for another hour… Should she try again? Maybe this time it would work?

Before Kat could talk herself out of it, she hurried up to her bedroom, leaving the door open a crack so she could hear if Dean came home early. She slipped off her jeans and sat down on the bed, propping herself up against the headboard with a couple pillows. She closed her eyes and sat still for a few minutes, taking a couple deep breaths and trying to drive out the thoughts of her busy day. Slipping her finger between her folds, she imagined it was Dean touching her, his calloused fingers fondling her swollen bud. She moaned softly as the fantasy took over. A warm tingling sensation spread out from her core and began to build in intensity. Another moan slipped from her lips. 

_Did I remember to order more parchment liners?_

The intrusive thought barged into her consciousness and poured ice water on her fantasy, killing the heat that’d been growing inside her. Frantically she rubbed herself, trying to get it back, but no matter how she tried, it was gone. She slapped the bed as tears of frustration burned behind her eyelids. _No, no, NO._ What was wrong with her? Everyone talked about how easy this shit was, but just like every date she’d been on, she failed at this too. 

_SLAM!_

That was the back door! _Shit, Dean’s home early!_ Feeling like a kid caught looking at her presents before Christmas morning, she scrambled out of the bed, threw on her jeans, and raced to the bathroom to wash her hands. She prayed that he wouldn’t come upstairs because if he caught sight of her crimson face, he would know something was up for sure. She ran back to the bedroom to start doing what she should’ve been doing all along, getting ready for tonight’s party.

***

Heart pounding, Dean scrambled down the stairs, narrowly avoiding the two creaky steps and tried not to get his hands tangled in the cedar garland looped around the banister. He silently ran across the kitchen and slammed the back door, tossing up pleas to Chuck that Kat hadn’t heard him on the stairs. Hopefully, she would think that he was just now coming inside. Locking himself in the downstairs bathroom, he braced his hands on the back of the door, chest heaving and dick throbbing. _Son of a bitch!_ His cock felt like it was about to burst. Nothing, not even porn or skin magazines could ever compare to what he’d just witnessed a minute ago. Nothing had ever gotten him this hard this fast as the sight of his wife pleasuring herself.

When he’d first walked in, the house was quiet and Kat was nowhere in sight. Just as he was thinking that she was probably next door with Eileen, a quiet moan echoed down the stairway. Immediately, his hunter senses roared to life. Soundlessly, he crept up the staircase, halting right before the landing as he caught a flash of movement through the cracked door of their bedroom. His shoulders dropped in relief. It was just Kat sitting on the bed. Then he froze as his brain actually processed what he was seeing. Kat was in her underwear. Her hand was- Holy FUCK.

He stood there staring at her through that sliver in the doorway like some kind of perverted peeping Tom. Just as he was pressing his hand to his crotch, she slapped the bed and threw back her head in frustration. Wait. No. No. She hadn’t come? A battle waged in him, and he almost strode into the room to join her on the bed. Without thinking he placed a foot on the next step, but her head snapped up, and he immediately turned tail.

Dean unzipped his jeans, fisting his hand around his length and began to imagine what would’ve happened if he had strode into their room. He would’ve slid behind her, letting her rest against his chest and cradling her hips between his thighs. Then slipping his hands under her sweater, he would unfasten her bra, letting her sweet breasts fall into his palms and caressing them until her breath caught in her throat. Finally, he would trail his fingers down her satiny belly before letting one finger slide over hers on her bud. He would show her how to slow down and enjoy every little sensation. Together they would stroke her until her back arched, and she cried out from the force of her orgasm. All the while he would be whispering in her ear how beautiful she was. How he loved watching her come. How hard she made him… 

His release hit him hard, and he bit the inside of his cheek until it bled just to keep from groaning Kat’s name out loud. He stumbled over to the sink to clean himself up, guilt washing over him at the fact that he got off while she was still sitting upstairs unsatisfied. He wanted to punch something over the unfairness of it all. Running wet hands over his face, he steadied himself and opened the door. 

“Hey Kat?” he called out, trying to sound as nonchalant as possible. “You ready to chat up some stiffs in suits?” He was going to have to try his damndest to bluff his way through this night, and it was going to have to start now.

***

_Christmas Day_

Dean threw himself on the couch, groaning as he stretched out. “Shit. Kat, why did you let me eat so much?”

“Hey, it’s not my fault that you decided to eat three sandwiches, enough salad to feed a family of four, and half a pie,” Kat said as she set two mugs of hot buttered rum on the coffee table, pushing aside his feet so she could sit down.

“Speaking of pie...got any left?” He said, plopping his feet on her lap. She sucked in her tummy to try to keep it from looking so pronounced even as it took a little dip at his proximity. 

“You can’t be serious!”

“Hey, I need something sweet to go with the rum. C’mon, Kat. Just a little bit more,” he said giving her his best shit-eating grin. 

“Oh, fine.” Lord knows she could never resist those green eyes. “There’s another Peppermint Mocha pie in the fridge.” He grinned down at her as he hopped up and bounded into the kitchen. “Bring back an extra fork for me,” she called after him.

He laughed over his shoulder, “I’ll bring the whole plate then.”

Kat leaned her head back on the couch and sighed with contentment, the glow of the Christmas lights washing over her. Today had been kind of perfect. She’d slept in until almost 8:00. _Heaven._ After breakfast, they’d exchanged gifts. Inspired by Dean’s love of _The Untouchables_ , she’d designed an Elliott Ness themed gift basket for him complete with an original poster from the movie and an authentic fedora. He’d just now taken off the fedora. Dean, in return, had given her a lovely necklace with a silver Tibetan protection charm on it. To her shock, he’d also somehow managed to get his hands on a first edition signed copy of Julia Child’s masterpiece _Mastering the Art of French Cooking_. When she’d asked him through tears of wonder how he’d found it, he just mumbled that a book dealer that he knew made good on a favor they’d owed him.

Around noon, Sam, Eileen, Meg, and Cas came over for Christmas lunch. Rather than do a traditional dinner they’d decide to have lunch together, leaving them free to do their own thing in the evening. Lunch included turkey cranberry paninis with brie, warm brussel sprout salad, homemade potato chips and five different pies. Kat willingly admitted she went overboard on the pies, but heck, it was Christmas so why the hell not? Also, Dean’s love of pie may have influenced her a bit too. After lunch, they played _Cards Against Humanity_. Dean and Sam egged each other on through the whole thing to see who could come up with the most twisted answers. When she’d come home from their girl’s weekend, Kat hadn’t thought it wasn’t possible to blush and laugh so much at the same time, but after one game with the Winchester brothers, she now knew different. While they were playing, Kat’s parents Facetimed her from Belize where they were spending the holidays. During their conversation, she kept having to shush her rowdy friends so she could hear her parents. Finally, with a laugh, they told her to call them tomorrow and go have fun with “the five year olds in the back”.

By early evening the other two couples decided to go home. Which left the two of them where they were now, Kat reclining on the couch, and Dean rummaging for pie in the kitchen. He sauntered back into the living room with a victorious grin holding the pie plate and two forks. “Pie has been acquired!” 

“Well done!” She laughed as she got up to go put in a movie. "Okay. So it’s my tradition to watch _While You Were Sleeping_ every Christmas. Are you okay with that? You better be because either way it’s going to get watched.”

“Sure, we can’t go breaking tradition,” he laughed. “I think the last time I watched it was the night of our senior prom. Didn’t we watch it together?”

“Yeah, yeah we did,” she said softly, as the memory slipped over her.

***

_Prom night, 1997_

_Here she was. The night of her senior prom and no date. Shocker. Secretly she’d been hoping Dean would ask her to go, even if it was just as friends. She knew in her head that it would never happen, but there was a tiny corner of her heart that still hoped he would ask her all the same. He hadn’t. Instead, he’d asked Cari Rice to go. And why wouldn’t he? She was tall, gorgeous, and packed the deadly combo of big boobs and a tiny waist. She was also rumored to be willing to go all the way to third base on the first date. Naturally, any guy would want to go out with her. But the worst part was Kat couldn’t even hate Cari because she was one of the few popular girls who were genuinely nice. She absolutely refused to put up with any of Elicia’s shit and actually defended Kat a few times when Elicia had been harassing her._

_Kat knew she should be happy for Dean, but she couldn’t. She couldn’t because everything within her wanted to be the one standing in his arms for the prom portrait. The one dancing with him on the gym floor to terrible pop songs. The one being kissed good night…_

_She wandered into the living room wrapped in her favorite quilt, a quart of ice cream in one hand and a copy of While You Were Sleeping in the other. Her parents were away for the night leaving her to fend for herself. She planned on doing nothing but watching movies and drowning her sorrows in Death By Chocolate._

_Cari and Dean were probably walking into the gym right now...Cari would be reaching up to straighten his bowtie while he gently pulled her translucent wrap back onto her bare shoulder…_ Ugh. Stop torturing yourself! _She shoved the tape into the VCR and was just curling up on the couch when there was a knock at the back door. She paused the movie and rolled her eyes. That better not be the Schwann’s guy again. When would he get a clue that they didn’t want his overpriced popsicles? Stomping into the kitchen, she yanked open the door._

_“DEAN?”_

_“Hey. Thought I would come over and see if you wanted to hang out,” he said as he squeezed past her and began to rummage through the kitchen cupboards for a snack._

_“What are you doing here? Aren’t you supposed at prom? You know doing the whole stereotypical American teen thing?”_

_“Naw, I got to thinking and decided why the hell would I do something so cliche? Besides, I couldn’t leave my best friend home alone, could I?”_

_Her insides melted, but she still had questions, “Wait. What about Cari?”_

_“Cari?” He asked, grabbing a bag of tortilla chips and pulling a can of soda and jar of salsa out of the fridge. Then he strolled into the living room, Kat following at his heels._

_“Your date? The girl you took to prom?” She sat down on the couch and pulled the quilt back up. Dean sank down next to her._

_“She’s fine. I called her and told her I wasn’t feeling up to it. She said it was cool. She would just go with some of her friends that didn’t have dates.” He scooted closer to her and tugged part of her quilt over his lap. “So what are we watching?”_

_“Uh, While You Were Sleeping,” she replied, marveling that he was actually here next to her. It wasn’t how she’d imagined, but still...she was spending prom night with the boy she loved just like she’d wished._

_“Is that one that new horror movie? I thought you hated horror movies.”_

_“That’s I Know What You Did Last Summer. This is a romance. Are you sure you’re up for it?”_

_“Sure. Why not? Anything’s got to be better than hanging out in a hot gym with a bunch of horndogs who reek of too much Aqua Velva and cheap booze.”_

_“Okay…” she said doubtfully. She pushed play and unfroze Sandra Bullock just as she was sending a pining gaze at the back of Peter Gallagher’s head._

_“Besides, this way I get to hang out with you and steal your ice cream,” he said as he stole the spoon out of her hand. They sat in silence passing the ice cream back and forth. The scene where Bill Pullman explained to Sandra the difference between hugging and leaning came on, and Dean started laughing. “He’s right, you know.”_

_“About what?”_

_“The whole leaning thing. Guys do it all the time.”_

_“Really?”_

_“What? You’ve never had a guy do “The Lean” to you?”_

_“No-o-o…”_

_“Here. I’ll show you.” Then without further ado, he pulled her up off the couch and dragged her over to a wall. “So my preferred method is to do it by a wall. As you’re talking to a girl, you casually brace your hand up against the wall. Then you slowly, no quick moves because you don’t want to crowd her out, lean down towards her. Don’t break eye contact. That’s really important. All your focus should be on her. See like this.”_

_He then proceeded to do just as he described, grinning down at her all the while. All she could do was helplessly stare back, her insides quivering like a bowl of jello. Suddenly, the air between them changed. It became heavier. Even though the movie was still playing, a charged silence surrounded them. Dean’s eyes searched hers. It almost seemed like he was wrestling with something. After a few seconds, his eyes darted to her mouth before returning to hers._

_“Kat?” He rasped._

_“Yes?” She whispered._

_“You’re shaking,” he said as he abruptly pulled away from her. “Don’t worry, I wasn’t going to try anything.”_

_“Oh! No. No, of course not. I know you wouldn’t,” she said with a nervous laugh, tucking an errant curl behind her ear. “Oh jeez, we forgot to pause. I’ll rewind it back a little.”_

_They both sat back down. For the rest of the movie, they traded comments about it, but there was an odd strained tension between them. Something had happened by that wall, but Kat didn’t have a clue as to what it was. Neither one of them brought up the whole “Leaning” episode again._

***

“Kat? Ka-a-at. Earth to Kat. Where are you?”

Kat blinked and snapped back to the present. “Sorry! Zoned out there. What were you saying?” 

“Sweetheart, you more than zoned out. You were on a whole different planet for a few minutes. I just wanted to know if you needed anything? Blanket? Popcorn?” 

“I’m fine. Thanks though.” She hit play before she could get distracted again. As the movie played, her nerves started to get the better of her as the “leaning” scene approached. She wondered if he still remembered it too. 

She sat as still as possible as the scene began to play out, eyes locked on the screen not even daring to peek at Dean. “Hey!” She almost jumped out of her skin at his exclamation. 

“I remember this scene...didn’t we act it out or something?”

“Uh-uh, I-I don’t know. Maybe?” _Liar!_

“We did! I remember it. I pulled you up and leaned you against that wall,” he pointed. “God, I was such a cocky little bastard. Didn’t I give you a rundown on my whole process? And then…” he trailed off. 

“Yes?” She asked breathlessly. 

He grabbed the remote and paused the movie. He turned to face her, peering at her with something like wonder. “That’s the moment I finally admitted to myself that you were beautiful, and I realized that you were no longer just my little sister. Things between us changed right then and there. I spent weeks after that night trying to figure out what was going on, but then whatever was happening between us was torn apart when I left town.” He reached out and brushed the back of his fingers across her cheek. All the air left her lungs at his confession. “You’d always been special to me, but it was at that moment I finally started to realize how special. But then everything got fucked up and stayed fucked up until...until six months ago.” 

She sat there frozen, staring at him like some kind of mute snail stuck on a log. She tried to think of something to say, but her brain refused to transmit the words to her mouth. He continued, his eyes pleading with her. “Do you ever wish we could go back? I know I do all the damn time.” 

Her stomach butterflies took flight, and the scar on her wrist began to warm as blood thundered in her ears. “I-I-I do too,” she whispered, the admission slipping out before she could halt it. 

The pleading look in his eyes faded and was replaced with something much hotter. It felt as if he was peering into her soul. “Maybe...maybe one day we’ll get whatever we had back.” With that, he leaned forward and brushed a tender kiss on her lips. “Merry Christmas, Kat.” He pulled her into his arms and leaned back against the couch. 

“Merry Christmas, Dean.” She closed her eyes, for once simply letting herself rest in his arms. She nestled against his chest while outside fluffy snowflakes fell and inside a hushed contentment filled the whole house. 


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for being so patient with me about getting this chapter up. One of the reasons that it took so long was because the holidays ate up a chunk of my time, plus work has been a bit bat shit crazy which sapped a lot of my desire to write. But the main reason it took so long to get this up was *takes deep breath* I WENT TO MY FIRST SUPERNATURAL CONVENTION!!! (actually my first fan convention ever) Oh my sweet lord, it was incredible. Like ridiculously awesome. Everyone was so sweet and friendly, including all of the cast that I met. And. YOU GUYS. I GOT TO HUG JARED AND JENSEN. WHAAAATTTT?! They both so gorgeous on the screen, but seeing them in person? Life changing. Plus, they both give phenomenal hugs. Sigh... Needless to say the convention and meeting the boys kick started my muse once again. So now, you guys finally get a new chapter. You can thank J2 and my SPNORL family for it. Hope you enjoy!

Something new had been growing between them. Something fragile and unnamed, but Dean was terrified that something would rear up once again to tear it all to shreds. That he would be that something. He’d told Kat that maybe they could get the past back, but what if it did happen, and he messed it up? Kat seemed to be okay with not doing anything yet so he let it simmer for the time being..

_BZZZZZ_

Saved from his own thoughts by the phone, “Yeah?”

“Is this Dean Winchester?”

“Who’s asking?”

“This is Cesar-uh Cesar Cuevas. You helped my husband Jesse and me on that Chitters in Gunnison case last year.”

Dean’s stomach clenched. He knew this day would come, the day when he was called upon to help another hunter on a case. He’d just been hoping it’d be further down the road. “Yeah. Yeah, I remember that case. What can I do for you, man?”

“It’s about Jesse-” Cesar’s voice cracked. “He’s gone.”

“Gone? Like our kind of gone? He’s disappeared?”

“No, I mean he-” This time he choked back a sob, and Dean caught the razor’s edge of sorrow in the other man’s mellow voice. “I mean he passed. Cancer. Two days ago.”

 _Shit._ Dean sunk into his desk chair. He’d only known Cesar and Jesse for a few days, but he’d genuinely liked them. Back when he and Sam were getting ready for the big showdown with Amara, he’d thought about asking them to join forces with them. Both men were good hunters and would’ve been handy in a fight. But before he could ask them to help, the couple shared that they were getting out of The Life. If he remembered right, they were planning on retiring to a ranch in New Mexico. So instead, he kept his mouth shut. Who was he to deny someone from getting out of this shit show of a life.

“Shit. I’m sorry.”

“Thank you. It-it happened fast. We only got the diagnosis three months ago... Look, the reason why I’m calling is Jesse asked to have an old fashioned hunter’s wake for his memorial. He gave me a list of hunters to invite, and you and your brother were on it. I know we don’t know you well, but you made an impression on us, especially Jesse. Said you and Sam reminded him of him and his brother. I know it’s a lot to ask, but I would really appreciate it if you guys could come.”

“Yeah, of course. We’ll do everything we can to make it. When is the service?”

“Day after tomorrow. I know it’s short notice, but we only have so long with Jesse’s body…” Cesar’s voice trailed off to a whisper.

“No, I get it. We’ll do our best. I’ll shoot you a text when we leave.”

“Thanks, Dean.”

Cesar hung up, and Dean slumped over his desk. Jesse and Cesar. They were supposed to have made it out. Supposed to have turned over a new leaf, and then life still gave them the shaft. Suddenly, all he wanted to do was be with his family. Locking up his classroom, he went to the administration office to inform them that he needed to take a short leave of absence. Fortunately, after he told the ladies in the office why he needed it, they told him to take as much time off as necessary. 

On the way to his car, a thought struck him. _Shit. Eileen._ Last week, Sam and Eileen had announced that Eileen was pregnant. His little brother was going to be a daddy. Unfortunately, a severe case of morning sickness was wreaking havoc on Eileen, which meant there was no way Sam would up and leave her. Nor would he want Sam to leave her alone. He could go by himself, but he honestly didn’t know if he could. This hit too close to home, and the thought of facing that funeral by himself made him nauseous. Maybe Cas could get some time off and come with him. There’s no way he’d ask Kat. A bunch of mourning hunters would be too much for most anyone to handle. 

Blindly he drove down the highway. Baby purred on autopilot until he found himself parking in front of _Stairway_. He headed straight inside, his only thought a burning desire to see his wife. Dean barged into the kitchen where he found Kat mixing up some frosting. She looked up at him with a happy smile and held out a spoonful of light pink buttercream to him. 

“Oh good, I needed someone to taste test this for me. It’s a pomegranate- Oof!” she squawked as he crushed her in his arms, the spatula caught between them. He closed his eyes and rested his cheek against hers, trying to absorb her warmth and drive out the chill enveloping him since Cesar’s call. The knowledge that no matter what he did, life would always be gunning for him shook him to his core. He just needed the reminder that Kat was still here. That she hadn’t been stolen away from him. 

“Hey, what was that for?” Kat said pulling away, her keen grey eyes searching his.

“I got some bad news,” he dropped his gaze to his boots, shuffling them in embarrassment over the intensity of his reaction. 

She dropped the spatula on the marble counter and wiped off the frosting smeared on his jacket with a damp rag, “Do you want to talk about it?”

“An old hunting buddy called. His husband passed away. They- they were supposed to have gotten out, Kat. They were supposed to have a good life. Be free from all the shit we have to deal with, but now all that’s over for them.” He glanced down at her soft sympathetic eyes, “Cesar wants Sam and me come to the memorial service, but with Eileen feeling the way she is right now, I don’t think Sam can leave. I-I’ll have to go by myself unless Cas can somehow get some time off. Anyways, I just stopped by to let you know that I’ll be heading out in an hour or two. I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

“I can go with you,” she said without hesitation. 

“What? Kat. You can’t. You have the shop to run. I’ll be fine. I’ve had to face worse than this.” The lie tripped so easily off his tongue, but the truth was the thought of facing Cesar alone was almost repulsive.

“Nope, I’m going. You don’t have to do this alone. That’s what I’m here for. We’ll tell the customers that there’s a family emergency. They’ll be fine without their muffins for a week or so. Besides Meg will enjoy the break. She works almost as much as I do, and Shayla could care less one way or another.”

“Kat. Really. I can go by myself.” He couldn’t let her do this.

“Dean. Really,” she said with a gentle twinkle warming her eyes. “Funerals are hard enough, but going to one solo would be absolutely awful. Let me come with you.”

“Okay, okay, you’re right.” He could’ve kissed her over the gratitude he felt right now.

“There’s a good husband. Let me tie up some loose ends here and give Meg a head’s up on what’s happening. Then I’ll go home to pack. Should take me less than an hour... Oops!” she dabbed a bit of frosting that she’d missed with her rag off his collar with her finger. “Missed a spot.”

Without even thinking he grabbed her hand before she could wipe it off and brought her finger to his mouth. He licked off the icing, swirling his tongue around her first knuckle. Kat’s eyes flew open in shock, and he realized his mistake. _Shit. Think of an excuse quick, idiot!_ “Uh, can’t let any of that deliciousness go to waste.”

“Um...okay?” Kat choked out.

“See you at home. Thanks again,” he threw over his shoulder as he scurried out of the shop. 

“Deliciousness?? That’s the best you can come up with? Who the hell even uses that word? Is it even a real word? God, you’re an idiot. Now she’s going to regret coming with you,” he railed at himself as he got back into his car and drove home.

***

Kat raced through the back door and headed straight for the bedroom where she pulled a suitcase out of the closet and began throwing clothes in it. Not knowing exactly how long they would be gone, she decided to pack enough for five days with an extra dress for the funeral. Just as she was zipping up the suitcase, something called her back to the closet. Oddly enough, it felt like the scar on her wrist was urging her towards whatever it was. It felt like- weird- it felt like it wanted her to open her grandpa’s old army footlocker where she stored her childhood keepsakes. Arguing with herself that she didn’t have time for a trip down memory lane, nevertheless, she opened it. The first thing she saw was Dean’s flannel that he’d left with her so many years before. Okay. Well, that was a bit spooky.

She pulled it out and cradled against her chest before laying it on the stack of clothes. She leaned back on her heels and stared at it for few minutes, thinking back to Christmas night. After that night, she’d thought- she’d _hoped_ that maybe just maybe things would change between them. She’d gone to bed with so many butterflies zooming around her stomach that she swore Dean could probably feel her vibrating with giddiness. But the next morning it was as if he hadn’t said anything at all. Kat was too much of a coward to bring it up, but she suspected he regretted what he said and wanted to ignore it. So she said nothing even though it felt like her heart might break all over again. Things went back to normal, well as normal as it could be for a former savior of the world and a baker. Dean was as kind and friendly as ever, but after the hope of that night, going back to simply being friends was no longer enough. Just like his touch, she craved more... 

Kat reached out and stroked the flannel’s collar with a sad sigh. She should’ve known better to get her hopes up. Gazing at the shirt, she wondered why every instinct within her was screaming at her to bring it with her. It wasn’t like she could even fit into it anymore... Oh well, it’s not like another shirt would take up that much room. She slipped it under a pair of jeans and zipped up the case. Shoving aside her mopey thoughts, she ran to the bathroom and put together a bag of toiletries. With that she was packed. Heading back through the kitchen, she grabbed the bag of sandwiches and coffees that she’d prepared for them. Dean wasn’t anywhere in the house so that meant he was next door at Sam’s. She went back outside, stowed the suitcase and food in Baby, and then made her way over to the house next door.

***

Before going inside to pack, Dean dropped by Sam’s to let him know what was going on. He rapped a quick warning knock on the back door before going inside. “Sam?” he called out as he walked through their kitchen.

“In the living room!” Sam called back.

“Hey man, we got some bad news,” he said as he walked into the room where Sam was working at his desk. “You remember Cesar and Jesse from that Bisaan case in Gunnison?”

Sam wrinkled his brow as he searched his memories, “Yeah...yeah, I do. Weren’t they retiring or something after that case?”

“They did, but Cesar called this afternoon. Jesse died. Cancer took him.”

“Well, fuck,” Sam sighed. “That’s a shitty hand.”

“It sure as fuck is. Cesar’s holding a hunter’s wake for him in two days, and Jesse specifically requested that we come.”

“Dean. I-I can’t,” Sam shoved his hands through his long hair. “Not right now. I mean, I want to. Jesse and Cesar are good men, but I just can’t. Eileen… It’s this damn morning sickness. She’s in no shape to travel, and I can’t leave her alone. You know I’d be there if I could, but-”

“Naw, it’s all good. I knew you wouldn’t be able to go. Actually, Kat offered to come with me. Exposing her to a bunch of hunters isn’t one of my better ideas, but I-uh-I don’t think I can do this one alone,” Dean cleared his throat. “So I’m taking her up on the offer.”

Sam was quiet for a few seconds before responding, “I think that’s a good idea. Might give you two a chance to talk things over.”

Dean frowned, “What things?”

“C’mon man, you know what I’m talking about. You need to come on out and tell her already. We all know. You just need to spit it out.”

“Son of a bitch, Sam. What the hell are you talking about? What do I need to tell Kat?”

Sam got that superior know-it-all look on his face that Dean hated, “Alright fine. Play dumb. You need to tell her that you love her. You two have been pussyfooting around it long enough. We all can see it. You’re in love with your wife! Just admit it!”

Sam rattled on, but Dean stood there deaf and blind to everything around him, feeling like the very walls of the living room were closing in on him at his brother’s statement. _“You love her. You’re in love with your wife.”_ No. No, it wasn’t true. It couldn’t be true. The last time he’d been even close to being in love was with Lisa and look where that had gotten both of them, not to mention Ben. Him heartsick and even more wrecked inside, and them with their memories wiped. 

Even as he was trying to deny Sam’s words, they burrowed into his brain, and he couldn’t shake free from them. Sure he liked Kat. Enjoyed spending time with her. Adored her big heart, found her sexy as hell and couldn’t seem to keep his hands off her, but in love with her? He couldn’t do that to her... Fucking hell, this complicated things.

“Sam, you don’t know what you’re talking about. Even if it was true, and I’m not saying that it is, she doesn’t want some broken, messed up hunter giving her heart eyes!”

“Mmm...I wouldn’t be so sure of that,” Sam said mysteriously.

Now it felt like the wind had been knocked out of him. _Could-could it be-_ “Why shouldn’t I be sure? Do you know-” A knock at the door cut him off, and Kat poked her head inside the door, “Sam? Dean? Are you guys in here?”

“Yeah! Be right out!” Dean hollered back.

“Look, whether you want to admit it or not, it’s true. It’s written all over your face every time you look at Kat. Tell yourself and tell her, dude. Just get it out. You’ll feel better. I’ll feel better, and we can finally get rid of all this unresolved sexual tension that’s been hanging around for way too long,” Sam said in a stage whisper.

“Fucking hell, Sam. Shut up. I swear to god, I’ll give you the biggest ass beating if you keep talking,” he hissed.

“You’re all talk, lover boy,” Sam grinned. “C’mon in, Kat. No sense in standing out in the cold. Dean was just letting me know about Cesar and Jesse.” 

Dean growled under his breath at his brother as he turned to face Kat. “Hey there, you got home faster than I thought. I’m gonna go pack right now. Shouldn’t take more than five minutes.” He looked back at Sam who was innocently blinking at him. “See you soon. Tell Eileen bye for us. You ready, Kat?”

“Yep, I’m already packed and loaded into the car. I even grabbed us some coffee and sandwiches for the road.”

“Thanks for going with Dean, Kat. I really appreciate it. There’s no way Eileen and I could go right now,” Sam said.

“Of course. You just take care of her and don’t give it another thought. We’ll be home soon,” she said as she gave Sam a goodbye hug. Sam shot Dean another meaningful look over Kat’s head.

_Smirky bastard..._

The two of them walked back to their house where Dean quickly packed. Then they jumped into Baby and pointed her nose down the highway towards Silver City, New Mexico.

***

As secretly exhilarating as it was to be on a road trip with Dean, she couldn’t quite shake the feeling that something was bothering him. Something besides the fact that an acquaintance had passed away. Every time she glanced over at him, his jaw was clenched and the muscles in his forearms were corded. She wished she could reach over and stroke his arms, to try to soothe some of the tension from them. He kept darting side glances at her and just when she thought he would say something, he would press his lips back together in an unyielding line.

“Have you and Sam ever been to New Mexico?” she asked, in an attempt to break the silence. “Maybe tangled with a chupacabra?”

“Yeah, we worked a couple hauntings in Albuquerque and Santa Fe, but no chupacabras. Bobby ran into one down in Arizona years ago, though.”

“They’re _real_? Jeez, I was just kidding.” Good lord, were there any creatures that weren’t real? Hopefully, Bigfoot wasn’t on the list. Harry and the Hendersons had scarred her for life on those buggers.

“Sure are and they’re nasty little sons of bitches too. Rows of wicked sharp teeth and poisonous saliva. 

Kat kept up a steady stream of questions about creatures from American folklore, trying to keep him distracted from whatever was weighing on his mind. Over the next couple hundred miles, she learned that while chupacabras, wendigos and Mothmen were real, mercifully, old Bigfoot wasn’t. The miles slipped by, and the scenery turned arid. Snow encrusted pine trees were replaced by mesquite and her mountains morphed into fiery red buttes. The sun sank into the horizon with a blaze of copper and crimson, and Kat found herself getting drowsy. This was the problem with being a baker. Anything past 8:00 felt like midnight.

The next thing she knew, Dean was gently shaking her shoulder. “Wake up, sweetheart. I got us a room for the night.”

“You didn’t have to…” she mumbled sleepily.

“Naw, you’re beat, and so am I. We only have a half day drive tomorrow anyways. We can afford to take a rest.” Dean shrugged their bags over one shoulder and placed a hand on the small of her back to guide her to their room. She barely registered the blinking neon _Casa Gordo_ sign above the front office and lurid fiesta themed room decor. Dean placed their bags on the floor and pulled a pair of pajamas out of her bag. He gently nudged her towards the bathroom, closing the door behind her. Feeling like she was wading through a pool of jello, she dragged on her pajamas. Stumbling out of the bathroom like some kind of B movie zombie, she tumbled into bed where she immediately fell into the welcoming arms of unconsciousness. Sometime around 1:00 she half woke to Dean thrashing next to her. Unable to shake completely free of the shackles of sleep, she reached behind her and pulled his arm around her waist, lacing her fingers through his while she groggily crooned that he was safe. She fell back to sleep as Dean tightened his arms around her. 

***

Dean woke up in the shadowy pre-dawn light to the weight of something soft and warm nestled in his hand. Still half asleep, he gently squeezed it, trying to figure out what he was holding. A barely audible moan came from Kat as he did. His eyes flew wide open. He lifted his head and saw that Kat was still sleeping. Then he looked further down, down to where his hand was wrapped around her... breast? Holy fuck. Her breast that was usually covered by a bra even while she was sleeping was now only protected by an old t-shirt. His normal morning half erection woke up too as it realized that it was nestled into the generous curves of her bottom. God, her breast felt so right in his hand, like it was made to be there... The last thing in the world that he wanted to do was move, but he didn’t think Kat would want to wake up to him fondling her. 

But before he could turn away, a brief fantasy of what might happen if she did wake up and wanted more seized him. In it they were kissing, tongues languidly tangling until they were both breathless. He trailed his lips across her throat and down to her breasts where he licked and sucked at their tips until her shirt was wet and clinging to her hard nipples, and she moaned softly beneath him. Then he dragged her shirt up and over her head so he could _finally_ at long last gaze at her naked. 

He shuddered slightly, and without warning his hips bucked up into her backside in response to his fantasy. Before the images of naked limbs and silky skin made him do something he would regret, he quickly rolled over, hoping he wouldn’t wake Kat. As he turned away from her, his wrist scar began to burn in response. The intensity of these cravings for Kat was starting to get out of hand, but he’d dealt with need like this before. Back when the Mark had branded him and the hunger for violence had gnawed at his soul day in and out. Back when Amara had been seducing him with her mind tricks. He’d survived all those, and he’d survive this. He had to. _“You love her…”_ Now if only Sam’s words would stop haunting him like some kind of vengeful spirit. 

Finally, Dean fell back into a restless sleep until Kat woke up and padded to the bathroom for a shower. The thought of water trickling down her chest over her belly and pooling between her thighs made his cock harden all over again. He began to mentally field dress his shotgun in a futile attempt to distract himself. 

Kat came out, the lingering scent of her body wash wafting behind her. He rumbled out a good morning and hopped into the bathroom himself. As the beads of water beat on his head, he took his cock in hand and quickly beat one out, the image of her small but strong hands around him spurring his release. As his orgasm tore through him, he rested his forehead on the shower wall and shoved his fist into his mouth to keep from roaring out her name.

***

While Dean was in the shower, Kat took her bag out to the car and walked over to the diner next door to grab breakfast for them. That had been some dream she’d been having right before she woke up. She flushed as she thought about it. She’d dreamed that Dean had been caressing her breasts, squeezing and stroking them until he bent down and began to lave her nipples with his teasing tongue. She’d woken up with a start to find her breasts throbbing and her panties damp with her body’s hunger. That’s when she discovered that in her state of exhaustion last night, she’d forgotten to put on the sports bra that she’d worn every night since she and Dean had started sharing a bed. The thought of only a thin layer of cotton separating him and her boobs made heat pool between her legs all over again. Needless to say, her shower had been arctic cold in an effort to calm herself down.

After ordering breakfast burritos and coffee to go, she made her way back to the room, taking in the scenery around her. From what she could gather, they were staying outside of Antonito which was just north of the border between Colorado and New Mexico. Stands of pinyon pines covered the surrounding hills, and a skiff of snow blanketed the ground. She opened the door to their room expecting to find Dean still in the shower. Setting their food on the table, she turned towards the bathroom to tell Dean that she had breakfast when he walked out and effectively killed any ability to speak. Hair still wet from his shower, jeans slung low on his hips with the waistband of his black boxer briefs peeking above his belt, and to top it off, he was shirtless. The last time she’d seen him shirtless, her brain had barely let her process what she was looking at, but this time it felt like she was seeing it in HD. Broad shoulders tapered down to a lean waist, and while he wasn’t as cut as Sam, there was no denying the muscles rippling under that velvety skin. She reached out and grabbed the edge of the table behind her to steady herself. He was so beautiful...

“Hey, thanks for grabbing breakfast.”

“Yep,” she managed to croak out, her mouth bone dry. Any semblance of rational thought fled her body as she straight up ogled her husband. Finally, some sense of awareness seeped back into her brain, and that’s when she noticed for the first time all his scars. Her heart lurched, and her scar began to ache in sympathy. They were everywhere. Jagged scars covered every inch of him. Old knife wounds crisscrossed his ribs. Several sets of crescent-shaped scars from what could only be fangs lay on one bicep. Phantom claw marks raked across his belly. These were just on his chest, arms, and stomach. She could only imagine what lay on his back. “Oh…” she gasped. Unbidden she darted forward and reached out a trembling hand to tenderly brush the round puckered scar under his collarbone. Dean flinched at her touch, and she snatched her hand back. “I’m so sorry...I didn’t mean to touch you. It’s just-” 

“It’s okay. You just startled me...people don’t usually want to touch my scars. They kinda repulse them.” Dean pulled her hand back and place it back on the scar. “But you can touch them if you want.” He let go of her hand and rested his lightly on her hip.

As if she was being pulled forward by an invisible cord, she moved closer, so close her chest almost brushed his. “There’s _so many_. Dean, these are from serious injuries. I knew your life was rough, but this-this is something else entirely.”

“Go big or go home, right?” He gave a strained laugh.

“What’s this from?” She asked as she stroked the raised flesh.

“That one?” He asked. “That’s actually from a human. Poor bastard was under the influence of a succubus and decided I needed to be skewered with a piece of rebar in return for trying to free him.”

“This one?” She asked about the long jagged scar that ran diagonally across his pecs.

“Demon threw me and Sam through a plate glass window. Sam’s are actually worse if you can imagine that.”

“And all of these?” Kat ran her hands up and down the rows of fine silvery scars racing along his upper forearms. No wonder why he always wore long sleeves. He didn't want people gawking at him and asking questions.

“You’d be surprised how many spells require blood.”

His broad shoulders shuddered slightly as she ran her fingers along each line, before bending down and pressing a soft kiss on the inside of his wrist. Instantly, her eyes flew to his as she realized what she just did. “Kat…” he groaned as his scorching emerald green eyes met hers. 

“Sorry,” she whispered. “It’s just-it kills me to see how much you went through, and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do to help you.”

“Sweetheart, I’m glad you weren’t there because that means you would've had these same scars or worse.”

She let go of his arms and placed her hand over the maroon handprint on his shoulder. “Is this where Cas-”

“Yep, that’s where ‘he grasped me tight and raised me from perdition’ as he likes to put it.”

The reminder that of the time he'd spent made tears well up in her eyes, “Hey, hey now. None of that. That’s all in my past. Don’t waste your tears on me.” Dean gently brushed the tears from the ends of her eyelashes.

“I’m sorry. Ugh. Didn’t mean to cry. Really.”

“It’s okay. Trust me. I cried after I got a few of these,” he quietly laughed as he brushed a strand of hair off her cheek. “How about I put a shirt on, and we dig into that grub on the table?”

She drew in a ragged breath and nodded. Going back to the table, she laid out the food. Two burritos for Dean and one for her, along with a container of home fries. 

“Shit woman, you do know the way to a man’s heart,” he said as he ran a hand across her back as he sat down. He’d put on a plain white t-shirt. Something so simple, but on him, it made him look good enough to eat...and she knew just where to start. That bit of collarbone peeking out from his v-neck was begging to be nibbled.

“Uh, Kat? You gonna eat?”

“What?! Yes! Sorry, daydreaming.” 

“You want some of these homefries?” 

“Have you seen the size of this burrito? They’re all yours.”

“Good. I was hoping that I wouldn’t have to share.”

They both laughed and dug into their food. The air between them calmed. Once breakfast was over, they checked out of the hotel and headed back out onto the road. As they drove towards Silver City, that old feeling crept over Kat that once again something big was waiting for them on the horizon.


	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters only one week apart?? I know! I'm just as shocked as y'all are. Hope you guys like it! As always thank you for all the lovely comments and kudos! You guys are the best!

Cesar’s ranch lay about 20 miles outside of Silver City right on the outskirts of the Gila National Forest. As they neared the ranch road turn off, waves of anxiety began to roll over Dean. He couldn’t shake the feeling like there was an anvil sitting on his chest. If he could just take a deep breath, he knew he would feel better. He’d been to over a dozen hunter funerals and never experienced this feeling before, but those...those didn’t hit quite so close to home. Those funerals had never been for someone who was supposed to have gotten out of the Life. Someone like him. 

As if sensing his inner struggle, Kat took his hand between hers. She didn’t say a word, just squeezed his hand tight and ran her thumbs across his knuckles. Her silent support made the weight in his chest ease a bit. 

Sooner than he would’ve liked, they were turning into the driveway of the main house. Spanning the entrance to the sprawling Spanish style ranch house was a wrought iron archway made up of seven devil’s traps. Baby rattled over an iron cattle guard as she passed under the arch. Obviously going civilian still came with its precautions. A motley collection of vehicles already lined the driveway. A humorless smirk crossed his face as he parked behind a beat up Rambler. Offer them free booze and food, and you had a herd of hunters on your hands no matter the occasion. He looked over at Kat. Good god, this was going to be interesting to say the least.

“Kat, before we go in there, let me tell you something about hunters. They’re a suspicious lot who ain’t too keen on civilians crashing their parties. Don’t be surprised if they’re not too friendly when we walk through those doors. Give them some time, and they’ll eventually warm up to you. Just don’t be shocked if one of them asks you to hold a silver blade or tries to slip some holy water into your drink.”

Getting out of the car, they made their way to the house where Dean knocked on the massive oak entry door. It was opened by a woman with long silver hair. She had Cesar’s piercing amber eyes, so he assumed that she must be his sister. 

“Hi. We’re here to see Cesar?”

The woman gave him a once over, “Great. Another hunter.” She turned to Kat, looking her over with the same intense gaze. Dean was willing to bet his favorite machete that she was a psychic of some kind. “But not you... You’re something else entirely. Follow me. Cesar’s in the study.” Kat threw him a bewildered look, and all he could do was shrug. He didn’t have a clue either.

They walked into the living room, where all sound ceased as fifteen sets of eyeballs zeroed in on them. Dean Winchester was a legend and everyone knew him by sight, even if they’d never met him. As soon as they got a good look at him, all eyes went straight to the woman by his side. Her wide eyes and easy smile made her stick out like a sore thumb among this group of world weary men and women. Kat’s friendly smile quickly withered under the intense scrutiny of the group. He curled his arm around her waist and pulled her against him, silently telling the whole room who’s protection she was under. He knew he’d warned her about this, but that didn’t mean that he had to like the way they were looking at her. Just as he was about to bark at the bastards staring at her, Cesar appeared.

“Dean, thank you for coming. And who is this lovely lady?” Cesar smiled gently down at Kat.

“This is my wife, Kat. Kat, this is Cesar Cuevas.” Dean made damn sure to say that Kat was his wife loud enough for everyone in the whole room to hear. He wanted them all to know that Kat was taken. She didn’t need any other burned out hunters sniffing around her.

“Kat, it’s nice to meet you. Though how such an ugly son of a bitch ended up with such a beautiful woman is a mystery to me.” He grinned at Dean as he clasped Kat’s hand in a firm handshake.

Kat beamed up at him, her bright smile restored. “It’s lovely to meet you, Cesar. I just wish it was under easier circumstances. We’re so sorry for your loss.”

“Me too,” he sighed, a hollow look replacing his smile for a split second. “Why don’t I show you where you’re staying?”

Cesar led them through the living room, as soon as they passed through the doorway into the kitchen, the buzz of curious voices started up. Dean knew they were the topic of conversation. Word was bound to get out now that Dean Winchester was a married man since hunters were worse than a bunch of old Baptist church ladies when it came to gossip. What he wanted to do was tell them all to fuck off, but kept his tongue and followed Cesar. 

He led them through the kitchen and out onto the enormous back patio. At first, Dean thought Cesar was going to inform them that they were camping out on the porch, but instead of stopping, he continued through the dusty yard and up to a small cottage.

“The previous owners had pretty lofty dreams of turning this place into some kind of New Age resort complete with complimentary chakra alignments and guest cottages. What they didn’t bargain on was that the road you came in on washes out several times of year, and for all their talk of getting back to nature, elitist earth mamas really want five star comfort and a strong wifi connection with only a hint of rusticness. The risk of stumbling onto a rattlesnake on their way to the dining room was too much for them to handle. Unfortunately we’ve got a little too much rustic and not enough comfort here to make something like that work. All that to say, I cleaned out one of the cottages for you two to stay in. You don’t need that bunch of hooligans breathing down your door.”

Dean breathed a sigh of relief. Knowing that they had a refuge from prying eyes was going to make this whole thing a lot easier. “Thanks man, this is perfect.”

“You guys settle in, and then come on up for supper. My sister Esme, she’s the grumpy psychic who met you at the door, and I are patching together dinner. Can’t promise it’ll be any good, but there’ll be a lot of it. Jesse- Jesse was the cook around here…so we’re just trying to make do.”

Out of the corner of his eye Dean watched Kat perk up and stifled a laugh. Cesar’s cooking woes were soon to be solved because she was about to go into Kitchen Savior mode. Poor sap didn’t know what was about to hit his pantry.

“Sounds good. We’ll unpack and be in soon. Thanks again for the private quarters.” Cesar gave them a wave and nod before heading back across the wide yard.

Dean turned to Kat. “Don’t say a word. I know that look. Go rescue them, Wonder Woman. I’ll grab our bags and see you in a few.”

Kat grinned sheepishly and lightly squeezed his arm in gratitude before bounding out the cottage door. Dean stood in the doorway shaking his head in amused wonder. _“You love her…”_ Sam’s voice rattled around in his head again. “Sam. No.” He muttered savagely under his breath. “I can’t. I can’t do that to her.” 

As a distraction, he took in their surroundings. Pretty plush digs compared to the majority of motels he’d stayed at. A queen bed covered in a Hudson Bay wool blanket took up one corner. A couple leather overstuffed chairs sat in front of a small potbelly stove by the window. They even had their own tiny bathroom complete with shower. Not bad, not bad at all. After looking around for a few minutes, he ran out to the car to grab their stuff, narrowly avoiding the knot of people smoking on the front porch. He wanted to put off the necessary small talk as long as possible. 

After dropping their stuff off at the cottage, he went back in the house in search of Kat. She was right where he knew she would be, chopping up a mound of onions and gently bossing around Esme and Cesar. They in return looked back at her with a combination of gratitude and adoration. He just stood in the doorway and enjoyed the show. In no time Kat had an enormous platter of fajitas ready for dinner.

That dinner was all it took to turn all those prying, suspicious looks into admiring ones. One home cooked meal, and she had the toughest sons of bitches in the world ready to eat out of her hand. No doubt she reminded them of all they’d left behind, whether by choice or force. She was a little taste of home in the middle of a war zone. 

When she finally sat down next to him, he put his arm around her shoulders and drew her into his side. Pressing his lips against her ear, he murmured, “Thanks.”

“For what?” 

“For being amazing.”

“It’s just dinner,” she whispered

“Not to them it isn’t. To them it’s a piece of something most of them haven’t had in a long time and you gave it to them freely.”

“It’s nothing, really. I-I just helped out Esme and Cesar. I’m not amazing-”

He brushed a kiss on her temple, “Yes sweetheart, you are. Now stop arguing and eat your dinner.” He gave her a teasing smile, then piled as much fajita toppings as he could into his tortilla. He grinned again at her frustrated sigh. Maybe one day, she would finally see herself in the way he did.

***

After dinner, everyone filed into the living room. Soon, the stories and alcohol started flowing. Kat quickly found a corner to tuck herself into and nursed a glass of reisling while she observed the people around her. The first thing she noticed was that more alcohol was being consumed in a shorter amount of time than she’d ever seen in her life, and she’d studied in freakin’ Europe for an entire year. She shuddered slightly as she thought, _“Their poor livers.”_

The stories they bandied back and forth were bone chilling to say the least, but to them it was nothing, just another Tuesday on the job. Dean and Sam didn’t tell too many stories about creatures they’d faced in the past. Anything they did share, they kept pretty sanitized. She was now realizing just how much they’d sanitized. She honestly didn’t know if she was more relieved or annoyed that they thought she couldn’t have handled more. 

Dean meanwhile, kept trying to make his way over to her, but every time he made two steps of progress, someone grabbed him and pulled him back to them. A little bubble of amusement welled up in her. They treated him with borderline reverence. It was almost like they were a bunch of little kids meeting their favorite superhero. Everyone wanted his attention. Everyone wanted to impress him with one of their exploits. Finally he gave up and plopped down on the river rock hearth in front of the fireplace. He flashed her an apologetic look, and she smiled back at him and mouthed _“It’s okay.”_ It wasn’t every day these people got to meet one of their heroes. Besides, she enjoyed being able to watch this. This was part of his life she’d only ever glimpsed, the legendary warrior. She’d gotten a taste of it when he saved her from that vampire, but this was different. This time she was seeing it through the eyes of his people, his brothers in arms.

“So Kat, enough of all the ball busting and tall tales, tell us what we really want to know. How did you two meet?,” Esme asked abruptly, startling Kat.

Kat nearly choked on her wine and shot Dean a frantic look. “Oh. Um...it’s not that exciting. Nothing like all your stories.” Shit. Every single person here was gawking at her again. Talk about feeling self conscious. What could she possibly tell them that would even begin to compare with their feats of bravery? Seriously, it would be like Corporal Klinger trying to outdo a unit of Green Berets. 

“Kat, this is what we do at a hunter’s wake. We gather and tell stories about our lives as a way to honor the life of the hunter who lost his. We all take a turn, including you. No story is more important than another,” Esme said. “Just tell us your story.”

“Honey, we’re dying to know. Ol’ Dean here was quite the ladies man, but we never thought we’d hear tale of him settling down, and certainly not with someone as nice and normal as you,” a hunter named Fred hooted. 

She desperately glanced at Dean. He unfolded himself from the hearth, came over and balanced himself on the arm of her chair. “And that’s where my wife is wrong, guys. Her-our story is one of the best of them. I heard a few of you wondering why we’re seeing fewer creatures out there. Well, it’s all because of Kat here.” 

Just like that the room went completely silent, so silent you could’ve heard an ant crawling across the tile floor. “That was you?” Cesar asked quietly, while Esme nodded, “Now your aura makes sense.”

“Um...yeah? Kind of?,” she managed to mumble, staring frantically at Dean. She didn’t know what all to tell them. “I mean it was mostly Dean and-and Cas. I still don’t quite understand it all myself.”

“Go on!” Another voice called out. “Tell us!”

“Well you see...Dean and I have known it other for a long time…” She glanced up at Dean and he squeezed her wrist reassuringly. “We met when his dad moved them into the house next door to mine. We were only ten at the time, and we became inseparable. Growing up I wasn’t one of the cool kids, but with Dean by my side it didn’t matter. No one ever pays much attention to the chubby nerds of the world, but he did. He saw me when no one else did. We were best friends until they left right before our high school graduation. That was the last I saw of him until he walked into my bakery seven months ago.”

“Dean! Shit man, you got yourself your very own baker? You lucky son of a bitch!” Someone yelled from the doorway.

“Harvey! For the love of holy water, don’t interrupt her!” Esme yelled back with an eye roll. “Kat, please continue.”

“O-okay. So like I said, I hadn’t seen him for years up until that day, and the first thing he does is try to downplay the fact that he went all radio silence on me for almost twenty years. Tried to give me some lame excuse about why he couldn’t even drop by for a quick hello,” she laughed quietly. “Well, what he didn’t know was that I had figured out that he was a hunter years ago. It wasn’t too hard. You should’ve seen what they left lying around their house for all the world to see. They had pallets of rock salt stacked two deep in the garage. A devil’s trap in both the entryway and basement. Two cases of lighter fluid in the pantry. Books about demons! And then there was all the ‘hunting and camping trips’ they went on while we were growing up. All the times their dad left them in my parents’ care. You combine all that, and I didn’t know if the Winchesters were arsonists or-or Satanists!”

The group laughed appreciatively. They’d all been on the receiving end of that line of thought.

“But after listening to my gut and doing a ton of research, I found out the truth. They were hunters. Which meant all those creatures I’d heard stories about were real. That was almost more terrifying than thinking they were Satanists,” she said with a rueful laugh as she remembered her shock at that revelation. Sometimes she still struggled with reconciling the truth with her childhood impressions. Sometimes she looked at Dean and still saw the little boy she’d fallen in love with and never stopped loving. “Anyway, I kind of let him have it after that excuse.”

“She sure as fuck did! Don’t let this innocent face fool you. She can set anyone back on their heels with just a few sentences,” Dean chuckled. 

“Good for you, sweetie,” another voice called out.

“But then, I deserved it for what I did to her,” Dean said as he looked deep in her eyes. “Hurting her is one of my biggest regrets.” Kat’s breath caught and for a split second it was just the two of them. 

“What happened after that?” Cesar asked, breaking through their moment.

“He asked me to marry him in order to save the world,” she replied, trying to quickly recover after what Dean had just revealed.

“What?!” Cries of shock went up all over the room.

“Yes! The only thing he prefaced it with was telling me that I was the only one who could help him save the world. Then, as if that wasn’t a bombshell enough, he goes on to ask how I feel about us getting married!”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold up. Let me explain why.” Dean then launched into telling them all why they had to get married. Much to Kat’s relief, he stepped in and helped her tell the rest of their story. They both chose to leave out their more intimate, or lack of, moments.

“And there you go. That’s our story so far,” Kat leaned back, taking a deep breath. This was the first time she’d ever told anyone besides her parents and friends her version of their tale. 

“Well now. That’s a story,” Esme said with an approving smile.

“It sure as shit is. Dean, you lucked out with this one. There’s not many who could put up with a hunter much less a Winchester. Don’t let go of this girl whatever you do,” Fred said.

“I hope I never have to,” he said quietly, but those words made her heart feel anything but quiet. _Go away, Hope. All he’s saying is that he doesn’t want to go back to us never seeing each other again. He doesn’t mean anything more by it._

Kat ducked her head, trying to hide the raw emotions she knew must be emblazoned across her face. “All right, someone else can talk now. I’ve rambled on way too long.”

She looked back up to catch Dean watching her with an indecipherable look in his eyes. Unbeknownst to them Esme was observing them with a small knowing smile. She took her gaze off of them to address her brother, love and sorrow now shining in her eyes. “Hermanito, it’s time. Tell us about your love. Tell us so we’ll always remember the man he was. Tell us so we can end tonight and begin tomorrow remembering who we’re here to honor.”

Kat’s heart went out to Cesar. Tears streamed down his cheeks, but not once did his voice waver as he told them all about his husband. What would she do if that was her in Cesar’s place? How was he even upright right now? She thought back to that god awful year she’d spent thinking Dean was dead. The feeling of ever present, never ending grief shadowing every move you made. The feeling of being completely hollow inside. All there was in front of you was a yawning void. There had been times she’d thought she might as well end it, but something held her back. Something kept telling her to hang on, even though it was the last thing she wanted to do. Then she found out he was still alive. Thank god, Bobby showed up when he had otherwise she didn't know for sure if she would still be here. Cesar would never get that, though. No one would ever walk through his door to tell him that there was still hope. His love would never come back to him. It was everything she could do not to start weeping right alongside him.

After Cesar finished his story, everyone collectively turned in for the night. A heaviness invaded the house as they all began to mentally prepare themselves for tomorrow, the day that they would put Jesse to rest. 

Dean and Kat said goodnight to Cesar and Esme and made their way outside. As they stepped onto the patio, without a word Dean took her hand and held it all the way to the cottage, only letting go of it when she went into the bathroom to change. 

As she stepped out of the cottage’s tiny bathroom, Dean was pulling off his henley to change into a t-shirt. Quietly she crawled into bed. For a few seconds, she let herself drool over the way his back muscles rolled under his taut skin. A sigh escaped her as she did. What would it be like to run her hands all over that back? To stroke his stomach before slipping her hand into his jeans. To do what she only had a general idea, but oh buddy, did she ever want to learn more.

“Kat, I need to tell you something.”

 _Oh lord, abort abort! Come back! You’re in too deep!_ She’d been so lost in her daydream that she didn’t even notice that Dean had joined her in bed. 

“It’s-it’s something I should’ve told you a long time ago, but I didn’t because I didn’t want to freak you out. You know how back in there, you said that I saw you? But what you don’t know is that I saw you in more than one way,” he said, the words rushing out in a single breath.

“I don’t know what you mean. Saw me in more than one way?” she asked, almost scared to know what he meant.

“Yeah. Um, remember back in high school when I found you in the locker room? After Elicia stole your clothes? I-I saw you getting dressed.”

A chill swept over Kat. What? Wait. No. Nononono. This wasn’t possible. A wave of nausea swept over her. _Oh god. No._ She was going to be sick. He’d seen her. He’d seen what no one was supposed to see. Even worse, now he was going to tell her oh so nicely that it hadn’t been that bad, when in reality he’d been disgusted. She knew he’d gotten some sort of view of her, her thighs and the side of her stomach, but to know that he’d seen more? Had he seen her stretch marks? Oh god, had he seen more than that? Stars began to sparkle at the edge of her vision, and she started to feel like she was going to hyperventilate. She was so out of it that she barely caught what he said next.

“I saw you in the mirror across from your shower stall. You were so gorgeous, all curves and soft skin.” His voice dropped to a raspy whisper, and his face took on a dreamy cast that she’d never seen before. “You already had your panties on and were in the middle of fastening your bra. Just pulling up the straps. I didn’t see anything else, just that. You looked so innocent and pure. Kat, you were and are everything I never was or ever will be. I couldn’t help but try to soak you in.”

“That memory of you? For a while, it got me through hell... It was one of the few things I could escape to. The things I saw… The things that were done to me...the things I did down there? I live with them every single day. They’re always there. Still waiting for me whenever I close my eyes. I-I’ll never be free from them. But that picture of you? The one that I’ve carried around in my head since that day? That was the only beauty I saw for decades. For a time, no matter what he did, even Alastair himself couldn’t erase that memory.”

Dean began to babble, the words tumbling out of his mouth faster than she could process them. It was like he couldn’t be contained any longer. “Then there came the days, weeks, months where I wouldn’t see you again, and I would almost give up and give in to Alastair. Kat...he-he wanted me to join him in torturing souls. I would be _torturing_ my fellow humans. Then there you were again. I would dream of you. I could see your face and almost touch you. Just a few brief seconds was all I would get, but it was enough. Enough to keep me going for a little longer. Enough to tell him no and spit in his face. But then more months would go by without seeing you again. Then the months turned into years, and I couldn’t pull up your face anymore. I couldn’t hold out any longer. I gave in… Alastair had me. Years passed, and during that time I was completely under Alistair’s power. I did everything he told me, and-and I _liked it_ , Kat. I liked torturing those souls because it meant I wasn’t the one being tortured. Then one day- night- I don’t even know, time is so screwed up down there, I saw you again.” He reached out and cupped her jaw, his hand trembling. Kat melted. Any residual queasiness was instantly replaced with an overwhelming love and grief for the man pouring out his heart to her. For the literal hell he’d gone through. “I saw your gorgeous face, the face I thought I would never see again. Then I woke up, and I was in a coffin, trying to claw free from six feet of dirt. But you were there next to me giving me the strength to pull myself out of that hole. That-that was the day Cas pulled me from hell. So while I'm sorry for looking at you when I had no right, I'll never be sorry for how much you helped me.” He dropped his hand and sat there with his head bowed, almost collapsing in on himself, ready to take whatever punishment she would dole out for infringing on her privacy.

Any words she might’ve said felt empty and trite, so instead she gathered up her courage and did the only thing that seemed right. She leaned over and breathed a kiss onto his lips. His head jerked up, and he looked at her with something akin to wonder. 

“Thank you,” she said.

“For what?” he whispered.

A watery, tear-choked chuckle escaped her. Didn’t they just have this conversation a few hours ago? “For being so amazing. Dean, you survived hell. _Hell._ There’s only what, like two people in the entire universe that say that? You and Sam? And if somehow, some way, I helped you survive, then how can I be mad at you for that?”

A grin, completely free from any worry or shame, creased his face. The last time she’d seen this grin was when they were kids. It was the most beautiful, joyful grin she’d ever seen.. 

“While we’re confessing here...I dreamed about you too.” Whoa. Where the hell had that come from? Not what she’d been intending to say at all, but there was no going back now that she started. 

Dean’s jaw dropped a little. “Wait. What?!”

Now it was her turn to drop her head. “Yeah. I-I think I somehow dreamed about you in purgatory… Except I didn’t know it was purgatory. I thought it was just another nightmare. I’ll never forget the light in that place. It was like looking through a smoke-stained window…” she shook her head, trying to collect herself. “I was crouched in a tree. I could see you, but you couldn’t see me. You were fighting off a group of these creatures- vampires, I think. You killed them all, all except one. I saw him sneaking up behind you. I tried screaming at you to warn you, but nothing came out. I thought he was going to kill you, but then-”

“Hold on,” he interrupted her. “Was this tree old and rotted? No leaves, just bare limbs?”

“Yeah, it was.”

“Kat, that was purgatory. That was real. It really happened. I was there. I killed that pack of vamps, and that big bastard that tried to jump me. I killed so many creatures there, I lost count, but I remember this one because afterwards, I leaned against that dead tree to catch my breath. For a few seconds instead of rotting entrails, I smelled that lotion you used to wear all the time-Juniper Berry, I think? It was so intense that I swear it was like you were standing right next to me. But when I opened my eyes, I was still in that shit hole, standing in a pile of dead bodies. I couldn’t let myself think about it any longer, but for a split second, I got a reprieve and-”

“Dean. I was standing right next you- I almost touched you, but as soon as you opened your eyes, I woke up. Dean-I-I- what does this mean? I mean, so, I was in Purgatory with you? How?” Kat began to frantically think back to all the other times she dreamt about him.

“Honestly, I don’t know. Maybe, not to sound like a burned out hippie, astral projection? We did that once, but it required a spell…” Dean trailed off, lost in his thoughts. 

“Do you think-do you think it’s because of our whole matched souls thing?,” she asked hesitantly, half afraid he would scoff at her suggestion.

Dean peered at her for a long moment, the expression on his face unreadable. Kat began to feel an uneasy prickle at the back of her neck. Good lord. Why did she have to ask such a stupid question? Now he was going to think that she was an idiot. She opened her mouth to tell him to forget what she said, but before she could get the words out, he responded, “You know. You might be onto something there. Can you think of any other times you-uh-felt my presence?”

That question started them down a path that lasted far into the night, both of them hesitantly revealing memories they’d never shared with another soul. With each shared memory it became clear that they had been linked for far longer than either of them would ever have guessed. While neither of them were quite ready to face the implications of what that could mean, they couldn’t deny that something more was there, and it was going to have to be faced sooner rather than later.


	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well guys, only three more chapters to go after this one. It's crazy to me that we're getting so close to the end. A head's up though, there is a bit of violence in this chapter and a mention of attempted rape. Just wanted to give a little trigger warning to you all. Also, my apologies for playing fast and loose with the points of view at the end of this chapter.

Dean didn’t know what fucking possessed him to spill his guts to Kat last night. One minute he was getting ready for bed, and the next he was spewing words faster than Linda Blair threw up pea soup in _The Exorcist_. He’d never intended to reveal all of that to her. Sam was the one who shared his feelings, not him. But, as soon as she mentioned that he saw her when no one else did, he knew that he needed to come clean with her. Part of him wanted to blame it on too much whiskey, but even he had to admit that was a weak excuse. He told her because something within him had to tell her what she meant to him. It was like his feelings were trying to claw their way out. Whatever it was, he couldn’t keep quiet anymore, and it scared the ever lovin’ hell out of him. 

Could it be that his stupid brother might be right? But how could he even think that a real relationship was possible for them? Someone with a soul as tattered and filthy as his had no business even considering that. No business loving someone as sweet as Kat. Besides, he wasn’t even sure if she wanted him in that way. Sure, she’d let him kiss her a few times, and they seemed to share some kind of bond that went beyond this world. This was a hell of a lot more than all of that though. This was committing yourself to someone heart, body and soul. 

He gave a frustrated grunt and did what he always did when he didn’t want to deal with his feelings: focused his attention back to the task at hand. He and a few other guys were out in the ranch’s big pasture working on Jesse’s funeral pyre. According to Cesar, this massive pasture was Jesse’s favorite place on the property. Before he’d gotten sick, he’d spent hours riding among the pinyon pines and rolling hills, and now it was his wish to be put to rest among these hills. Cesar had tried to help them with the pyre, but after observing his sweating brow and shaking hands, Dean quietly told him to go back inside. The man didn’t need to be building his spouse’s grave. 

They quickly assembled the mountain of brush and wood that would be Jesse’s final resting place. With that done, the ranch foreman went in to inform Esme that things were ready on their end, and Dean went back to their cottage to let Kat know that the service would be starting soon. He walked in just as she was stepping out of the bathroom. He stopped in the doorway and drank in the view for a few seconds. A deep plum dress embraced her decadent curves and stopped right above her knees. His eyes hungrily traced over the gentle swell of her breasts, generous hips, shapely calves, and dainty ankles. He loved catching these glimpses of what lay under her standard uniform of t-shirts and jeans. He so rarely got to see them that it made the times he did all the sweeter. 

Kat caught his admiring gaze and blushed, the pink spreading down her neck and disappearing under her neckline. God. He was dying to find out just how far down that blush went so he could press open-mouthed kisses all over it. 

“Is this dress okay? I wasn’t really sure what to wear for this kind of funeral,” she asked as she reached into her makeup bag and pulled out a necklace. It was the same one he’d given her for Christmas.   
“Sweetheart, it’s more than okay. You look perfect.” He took the necklace out of her hand, brushing the hair off her neck and letting his fingers trace the delicate skin at her nape. Touching her made the anxious beast pacing in his chest quiet for a little bit. He fastened the necklace and moved her hair back into place, winding a few curls around his fingers before dropping a kiss on the top of her head. “I’m going to clean up, and then we can head over there.”

After scrubbing his hands and applying some deodorant, he quickly pulled on a pair of grey slacks and a black dress shirt. He glanced in the mirror and looked away just as fast. The lines of stress and anxiety he saw reflected back reminded him how much he didn’t want to be here. _Get a hold of yourself. Stop being a weak ass bitch and man up._

He strode out of the bathroom and found Kat perched on one of the easy chairs. He nodded at her as he suddenly found himself almost afraid to speak. Afraid that if he opened his mouth the churning whirlpool of emotions would come spewing out, and he would start babbling all over again. Only this time, he actually might say something more dangerous than what he’d confessed last night. So he stayed silent, mentally begging Kat not to ask him anything. Seeming to read his mind, she got up without a word, took his hand, and together they headed out into the harsh winter sun.

***

Even after they reached the ceremony site, Kat still held tightly onto Dean’s hand. She couldn’t force herself to let go. Initially, she’d grabbed his hand as a sign of support, to show him that she was going to stay right by his side. Now though, it felt as natural as breathing to be holding his hand; his rough, calloused fingers entwined with hers. So natural it felt wrong to let go. Thankfully, Dean didn’t show any signs of letting go either. So until he did, she was just going to keep hanging on as long as possible.

This morning she’d finally realized why Dean was so upset about this funeral. It was because it involved someone who left hunting behind for good. They’d done the same thing he was trying to do, and look where it had gotten them? She couldn’t believe it’d taken her so long to figure that out. He was comparing himself to Jesse and was worried that the same thing might happen to him. It was one thing to die doing something that you knew could actually kill you. It was another to die when you were finally trying to live. Good lord, she was so dense sometimes. _“No wonder he was having such a tough time,”_ she thought as they approached the pasture.

They were the first ones to arrive, but soon, other people began to join them around the pyre. It was a small crowd made up of hunters, ranch employees and their families.They stood in silence waiting for Cesar and Esme to bring Jesse’s body. At first, the only sound was the wind rustling through the trees and sagebrush, but then the faint sound of a woman’s rich alto voice drifted up to them on the breeze. The words gradually became clearer with each passing second. Esme’s lithe form appeared at the crest of the small hill that led into the pasture, her silver hair floating behind her as she continued her achingly beautiful song. Clad in a simple ecru lace dress with silver and turquoise jewelry encircling her throat and wrists, she carried a white candle and red rose. She continued singing as she walked towards them. If Kat recalled what little she remembered of her high school Spanish, Esme was singing _Las Golondrinas_.

Cesar came behind her, the tall brown grasses whispering as he brushed through them. He wore all black and carried his husband’s body in his arms. The weight he was holding must have been overwhelming, but not once did Cesar’s steps waver. Not once did he stumble even though tears rolled down his face, and lines of agony and sorrow carved themselves around his eyes and bracketed his mouth.

As they watched Cesar approach the pyre, Dean dropped her hand and wrapped his arm around her. Feeling the fine tremor coursing through him, Kat slipped her arms around his waist and held onto him as tightly as she could, trying to comfort him. Trying to tell him that she loved him even though she couldn’t say it out loud.

Esme finished her song as Cesar gently laid Jesse on the wooden mound. Four of the ranch hands placed a lit candle at each corner of the funeral pyre. Esme placed her rose on Jesse’s chest and handed Cesar the candle she was holding. Cesar lit it on one of the other candles, then began walking around the pyre as he held the candle’s flame to the pockets of straw tucked between the layers of wood. Soon flames began to devour the dry timber and lick at the sheet wrapped form, and the glow from the fire reflected off of Cesar’s grief-stricken face. 

Kat closed her eyes and buried her face into Dean’s shirt, consumed with the sheer heart wrenching anguish of the moment. Dean had explained to her on the drive down that it was their custom to burn their dead, thereby hopefully preventing the deceased from coming back as a ghost. Even though he’d told her this, it still didn’t prepare her for seeing it in person. Nothing could prepare you for the sight of someone watching their loved one burn in front of them. Dean’s arm tightened around her, and they stayed just like this for the rest of the ceremony, drawing strength from each other.

A few people came forward to share memories about Jesse, but Kat barely heard them. She kept seeing herself in Cesar’s place and instead of Jesse, it was Dean wrapped in that sheet. The horrifying thought that she could lose him tormented her through the rest of the ceremony, and lingered with her through the reception. Fear’s sticky black fingers had wound themselves around her mind and wouldn’t let go, but with that fear came a resolve that she had to change something between them.

After the reception, Cesar finally reached his breaking point and escaped the crowd with Esme to go on a long horseback ride in the hills surrounding the ranch. Everyone dispersed soon after that. Some went home. Others went into town to hit a bar or two in an effort to numb the day’s events. The few remaining went to take care of the funeral pyre. Her husband, bless his honorable heart, was among these few. Kat stayed behind to prepare pastries and casseroles for tomorrow’s breakfast. As she stood over a pan of frying bacon, she realized how tired she was. Not physically, but emotionally.

She was tired of trying to keep her feelings at bay. Tired of pretending she only wanted friendship from him. Seeing Cesar weeping over his spouse’s burning body reminded her how life could turn on a dime. Seeing Jesse’s lifeless body made it all too real how truly brief the times with your loved ones were. Right there over a pan of breakfast casserole, she decided that if Dean ever gave her the hint that he wanted more, she would be ready. Even if it meant he didn’t love her, she would take it, and it would be enough. Better a few moments with the one you loved followed by heartbreak then never having those moments at all. 

“Alone at last.” 

A rough voice wrenched her from her thoughts. Kat spun around to find a grizzled bear of a man leering at her from the kitchen doorway, “I’m sorry? Can I help you with something?” He looked vaguely familiar, but she couldn’t place him. She didn’t recall seeing him last night or at the service.

“Baby, you can help me with all sorts of problems. First and foremost is getting that big ol’ ass over here and giving me a little ‘I’m sorry’ kiss for what you did to me the last time we were together.” He grinned at the puzzled look on her face. “Don’t tell me you don’t remember your old buddy Mort? After what you did to me?”

A clammy sweat broke out across her body as, to her horror, she finally recognized him. He’d been clean shaven and about fifty pounds lighter the last time she’d seen him. He was one person she’d hoped to never, ever see again. She reached behind her for the knife she’d been using to slice the bacon.

A few years back, she’d had a nasty run-in with this man. It had all started out when he’d walked into her shop during the last hour of the day and ordered a coffee and a piece of pie. 

_Rena had already gone home for the day, and there were no other customers around. As soon as she handed him his coffee, he started hitting on her, obviously thinking that the single fat girl would be an easy target. He kept trying to get her to go out with him for a drink. Over and over, she’d politely declined. Something about him had immediately set off all her internal alarms. He kept badgering her until she finally asked him to leave, something she’d never had to do with a customer before. That instantly threw him into a towering rage and he tried to grab her, yelling threats at her all the while. Somehow she dodged his reach and managed to get behind the espresso machine. He’d cornered her there, but just as he reached out for her again, she flipped on the steam wand and aimed it right at his face. The blast of boiling water hit him square in the eyes, blinding him for a few seconds and giving Kat enough time to empty an entire pump pot of coffee over his head. She grabbed a bread knife from the bakery case as Mort fell to the ground and pulled her phone out of her pant’s pocket to dial for help, her fingers shaking so badly she could barely press the buttons._

_All too soon he recovered and began sneering at her. “What’s your fucking problem anyway?! A fat whore like you should be grateful I even gave you the time of day!” He began to laugh as he caught sight of the knife in her hand. “Whatcha gonna do with that? Cut some brownies? You don’t stand a chance against someone like-” In a blur, Kat slashed at his face, the serrated blade leaving a deep, ragged gash across his cheek._

_“ARRRRRR!! YOU FUCKING BITCH! I’m gonna kill you!!” he howled as he held a hand to his face, blood rolling across his fingers._

_“No, you aren’t. While you were on the floor, I dialed 9-1-1. I’ve had us on speaker the whole time, and for your information, the station is only three blocks away. So I would suggest that you either leave now and never come back or stay and be charged with attempted rape and manslaughter.” How she’d kept her voice from shaking like a leaf, she would never know._

_Mort took a threatening step towards her, but before he could move any closer, blue and red flashing lights rounded the corner. With a snarl, he took off running. The police were just a minute behind him. One officer took off after him, while the other checked on her. By that time, Mort was already long gone. Kat gave them a description and a statement, but there was nothing more they could do at that point. After that afternoon she spent several months looking over her shoulder and sleeping with her pistol under her pillow and every light on in the house. He never showed his face around town again, and like a bad dream, Kat forgot him as he’d faded into distant memory._

Until now.

In a flash he was on her, the chef knife she’d managed to grasp clattering to the ground as he slammed her into the counter next to the stove. He twisted her arms behind her back and wrapped one meaty paw around her wrists. “No cops around to save you this time. It’s just you and me, baby. No one’s even gonna hear you scream. Maybe if you’re nice to me this time, I won’t hurt you too bad. You know, I’d heard on the wire that Dean Winchester was here with his little wifey, but you can imagine my surprise when I walked up to that burning pile of bones and saw just who she was. The same bitch who sliced open my face, and the very one I’d been waiting years to get back at. And now here she is without anyone around to defend her. Is it my lucky day or what?” 

His rotgut soaked breath oozed into her lungs, and she choked back the vomit filling her throat. She opened her mouth to scream, but he slapped her across the face before she could take a breath. Her head flew backward from the force of the blow and slammed into the cupboard. Stars burst in her vision. He grabbed her waist, fingers squeezing so hard, Kat knew she would have bruises from where they’d dug into her skin. 

“Oh baby, we are gonna have some fun,” he said as he ground his hips into hers and wheezed with laughter as she shuddered in revulsion. 

_Please god, don’t let this happen. Please-please don’t let him rape me._

A roar so primal and savage that the hairs on the back of her neck stood up cut through her prayer. Mort and Kat both looked up to see an enraged Dean charging at them. The next thing she knew, she was free from Mort’s grasp and hanging onto the counter for dear life as Dean tackled Mort to the ground. 

He only managed one half-hearted punch across Dean’s jaw before Dean began to pummel him, the blows from his impossibly hard fists landing across Mort’s face and torso with fleshy thuds. 

“You fucking piece of trash!! You think you can touch my wife and get away with it?! You're dead!!” He grunted out between blows, each one landing with lethal precision. Mort’s face turned into a crimson mask as blood sprayed from his nose and mouth.

Kat stood frozen, barely recognizing this berserker of a man. Part of her was so relieved to see him, but the other part of her was almost afraid of the violence he was capable of. 

Several people poured into the kitchen and barely managed to pull the two men apart. Dean thrashed at the arms holding him back, his chest heaving and eyes wild with murder. Mort sneered back at him, completely unaware of just what kind of damage Dean was capable of doing. Kat rushed to him. She clasped his face and forced him to look at her. She’d never seen this look of utter fury on his face before.

“Dean, I’m okay. No, no don’t look at him. Look at me, love. I’m okay. He’s not worth it. He’s trash like you said. He doesn’t deserve another second of our attention.”

He let out an inhuman growl causing goosebumps to scatter across her skin. “He hurt you, Kat,” he said gazing down at her with wounded rage. “I can’t let that go. He has to pay.”

He shook free of her hands. “You hurt my wife and now you’re a dead man,” he said with such blood-curdling certainty that Mort, at last, had the sense to look afraid. Something in Dean’s eyes finally broke through that tiny sick and twisted brain of his and now he was terrified. Dean Winchester was nothing if not a man of his word. 

The three hunters holding him back exchanged a look. Who were they to get in the way of a Winchester? In unison, they dropped their hands. A deadly grin creased Dean’s face, but before he could do any more damage to Mort, Cesar stormed into the house with his foreman trailing after him. 

“Get out of here, Mort! Get off my property. Get out of my state. Hell, get out the whole western US. After what you just did to my friend, if Dean doesn’t kill you then I will if I ever see your sorry ass again.” 

Mort shook off the hands restraining him and stalked out the door, muttering over his shoulder, “No bitch is worth this trouble.”

Kat and Cesar both had to leap in front of Dean to keep him from running after Mort. “Good god, that bastard has a death wish,” Cesar muttered under his breath as he pushed Dean back. Then he murmured, “Look after your wife, Dean. She needs you more than that bag of dicks needs a beating. That asshole isn’t worth a murder charge so calm down.”

Dean glanced down at Kat, and a bit of the rage in his eyes cooled. A shudder ran through his body as he visibly tamped down his anger. “Okay. Okay, you’re right. Kat, let’s get you out of here,” he grunted.

He placed his hand on the small of her back and carefully guided her from the room. As soon as they stepped outside, his strides lengthened, and Kat almost had to run to keep pace with him. She stumbled over a dip in the lawn. Dean caught her arm to keep her from falling, but instead of stopping, he dragged her along until they reached the cottage where he almost shoved her through the door and slammed it shut behind them.

“Did he hurt you?” 

She tried to answer, but then he was gingerly cradling her jaw in his hands. His careful touch killing any attempt at speech. He saw the angry red handprint on her cheek and whispered, “he did. I should’ve killed him. Ripped him apart with my bare hands. Where else?”

He yanked off her cardigan and quickly scanned her arms. The chafed skin on her wrists from where Mort had twisted them stood out on her pale skin. A groan that was more animal than human came from deep within his chest as he saw the marks. Before she could stop him, he was grabbing the hem of her shirt and frantically shoving it up over her belly. 

Kat pushed his hands away, not ready for him to see her muffin top and stretch marks. “No, no, no. Dean, stop. It’s only a couple bruises. I’ll be alright in the morning. Let’s-let’s just settle down, okay? How about we sit down or something?” She motioned towards the chairs by the wood stove, but Dean didn’t move. Just stood there, head bowed and nostrils flared as his hands clenched into fists at his sides.

“Dean?” She said hesitantly, hating the way her voice started to tremble all over again. Why wouldn’t he say anything...

***

She had bruises on her stomach. She’d tried to keep him from seeing them, but Dean caught a glimpse of them right before she pulled her shirt back down. Five ugly purple marks marred her creamy skin. Blind rage rushed over him all over again. How could anybody think that they had the to right to abuse someone as sweet and kind as his Kat this way? He should’ve killed that shit bag when he had the chance.

Realizing the he’d been quiet for too long, he reached out to touch her arm reassuringly, but she flinched away from him, nearly breaking his heart. Did she think he was going to hurt her now? “Don’t be scared of me, Kat. I would never hurt you. Please, don’t be scared.”

He needed to touch her again. To reassure himself that she was alive. After the funeral and seeing what that bastard just did to her, he just needed to know she was still here with him. Slowly he reached out to her again and laid his hand on her shoulder. Just a simple touch, something to let her know that he was here. At his touch, her face crumpled, and she buried her face in her hands. Then she was in his arms. He tucked her face into his chest and simply held her. Let her sob until the gut-wrenching sounds made him want to cry with her. He wished he could make it all better for her. Wash away what that bastard had done to her like it had never happened. But first, he had to know exactly what had taken place. “Can you tell me what he did to you?”

Through hiccups she managed to tell him the entire story starting with how she knew Mort. Shame and anger washed over him again. If only he’d come inside sooner. Not only that, he should’ve been there for her the first time she’d been attacked by that creepy son of a bitch. He tucked her in closer to him, since it was the only thing he could do for her right now.

Gradually her sobs quieted, but there was no way on earth he was ready to let her go yet. He continued to stroke her hair and back and murmur nonsense in her ear. The way she nestled deeper against his chest told him she wasn’t ready yet either, which suited him perfectly. 

_I want to stay like this forever. I don’t ever want to let her go. I-I don’t think I ever can go back to the way life was before her…_

That thought slipped out of his subconscious and plowed into him like a freight train. But he had to admit it was true. He couldn’t go back. For months he’d been telling himself that he’d left the Life for Kat. That he was trying to turn over a new leaf for her. He told himself time after time that if the day came that their relationship ended then he would simply fall back into his old life. But now, he didn’t think he could go back...

Being around these people, he remembered it all. The metallic tang of blood. The scent of sulfur. The fear. The exhaustion. The isolation of only having one person in the world you could rely on. The constant lies and con games. He remembered and realized he didn’t want any part of it anymore. He’d always be a hunter, but living the life of one wasn’t an option anymore. 

Without warning, he began crying. It felt like his chest was being torn apart. He couldn’t breathe from the sheer force of the emotions trying to escape him, and he dropped to his knees

Kat knelt beside him and then she was the one comforting him. She cradled his head against her breasts and rocked him back and forth. She crooned, “Let it out, love. Whatever it is, just let it out. I’ve got you.”

Long minutes crept by, and he let himself rest in her arms. He felt so safe right here. This small, vulnerable woman made him, who had seen the worst this world and the next had to offer and stood up to it all, feel safe. He pulled away and looked at her, feeling more than a little embarrassed at his reaction. “Sorry. It’s just being here. Seeing these people. I used to be just like them, and all of a sudden I realized that I-uh-I can’t go back to my old life, and it -uh- hit me hard. It scares me, Kat. It’s all I’ve known my entire life… Now-now it’s gone. Sorry, didn’t mean to cry all over you. I-”

“You don’t have to apologize. I know, Dean. I know..”

“You do?”

“I do,” she smiled at him, her gentle beauty making him catch his breath. The next thing he knew he was leaning down, searching her eyes and bracing himself for the inevitable interruption that always came whenever he tried to kiss her. Her eyes widened before drifting closed, those rosy lips parting slightly, inviting him to taste her. Then his lips were on hers, and the scar on his wrist almost hummed with happiness. He kept the kiss chaste, letting himself savor the petal softness of her lips. He pulled away, and she quietly whimpered, her lips moving as if they were trying to find his again. That was it. He was done for. He fell back against the easy chair and hauled her against chest, burying his hands in her hair like he’d been dying to do for ages and began kissing her like she was the only thing that mattered in the world. Because to him, she was.

Kat was drowning. Drowning in a haze of pleasure and sensation. This couldn’t be real, could it? Was she really kissing the very same sinfully soft lips she’d had a thousand fantasies about? If it was just a dream, she never wanted to wake up…

She was sprawled across his chest, hands braced on his shoulders, and straddling his hips while his hand tangled in her hair. Normally she would be mortified by this, but right now, it simply felt too good to even care. His other arm kept pulling her tighter against him until she could feel every line of his hard body pressing into hers. He angled his mouth, and his tongue slipped into her mouth and grazed hers. She didn’t quite know what to do so she tentatively slid her tongue against his, the slippery, glassy touch making her shiver and a sudden burst of heat to pool in her core. Dean groaned, the sound vibrating against her chest and making her nipples ache while her wrist scar began to tingle. The hand gripping her head tightened, and he swirled his tongue deeper into her mouth, making her desperate for more of him and these addicting kisses. All thought fled and all she could do was rely on instinct at this point.

Devouring her.

That’s what he was doing. He was devouring her like he hadn’t eaten in years The moment she shyly touched her tongue to his made him nearly explode with desire. He wanted to be under her, over her and behind her all at once. He’d kissed so many women over the years, but this kiss made all those other ones pale in comparison. Her shy responses and quiet moans were killing him. 

Kissing her made him feel whole. 

Kissing her made him feel like he was home.

Kissing her was nearly a sex act in itself.

Kissing her was both the purest and most erotic thing he’d ever experienced. 

If this is what kissing Kat is like, what would it be like if we ever make love? That thought made him realize they were rapidly nearing dangerous territory that he wasn’t sure she was quite ready to handle. They had to stop. So he slowly, achingly pulled away, but not before he stole several more sips from her plump lips.

Those long charcoal lashes fluttered, and she finally opened her opalescent eyes. They were dazed with passion. It was all he could do not to pull her under him and show her just how passionate they could get. He brushed the hair off her cheeks and caught sight again of the angry hand print seared into her cheek. Unable to resist, he trailed kisses across the mark trying to heal her marked flesh with his lips.

“We-we-well then,” she stuttered. “Th-that was-“ 

“It sure was,” he said unable to keep the lazy grin off his face. She blushed but returned his grin with a bashful one of her own as she rolled off him. Instantly, he felt cold at the loss of her soft weight. She nervously twisted the ends of her tousled hair. Between her hair, damp swollen lips and hazy eyes, she looked like she’d just been thoroughly made love to. His cock ached at the thought. 

He looked around the room trying to find anything to distract himself. That’s when he saw it. “Why is there a pie on the end table? And candles? Wait. Is it that a cherry pie?!”

“Dean, really?” She laughed breathlessly. Was he just teasing her?

“What?”

“Uumm, it’s your birthday.”

“Oh. Ha. I guess it is,” he said in surprise.

“You seriously forgot your own birthday?”

“I guess with everything going on, I totally spaced it.”

Kat began to giggle helplessly, “It has been a hell of a day, hasn’t it?”

Dean began to laugh with her, his chuckles turning into full body guffaws, as the relief that they could still do this even after all that had transpired hit him. “It sure as shit has been,” he managed to choke out.

They laughed for almost ten minutes straight. Just when one of them thought they were winding down the other would start all over again, sending them bothback into peals of laughter. Finally, Kat managed to get ahold of herself long enough to say, “So about that pie. I made it this morning. I knew it was going to be a rough day, though I never imagined it was going to be this rough. I wanted to make sure you had at least a little something to celebrate. I have a present for you too, but I left it at home.”

“Sweetheart, you’re the best. Thank you. Though, you already gave me the only present I need. Nothing else is going to ever compare to that kiss, you know?”

Kat felt her entire body flush at that. She didn’t know if she should be proud or hide under the bed in embarrassment. Mercifully, Dean continued as he got up off the ground. “But that doesn’t mean I’m not gonna eat it. Wanna help me?” 

He held his hand out to her. She took it, and he pulled her up, giving her an extra little tug so that she collided into him. He gave her a heated look, licking his bottom lip in that way that’d been driving her crazy since high school. She nodded mutely since she was scared that if she opened her mouth all that would come out would be a high pitched screech. 

“Awesome. Now, do you think they have any plates around here or should we eat straight out of the pan?”

“Already got that covered,” she said as she pulled paper plates and plastic forks out of her purse.

They spent the rest of the evening eating pie and laughing over birthdays past. While they were eating, a strange thing happened, but it went unnoticed by either of them. It had happened before, but they hadn’t seen it then either. It had appeared the day they’d bested Elicia, the night after the vampire attack and during the kiss they’d shared at Sam’s wedding. As they talked, a faint shimmer enveloped them and the marks on their wrists began to glow with a pale, silvery light. It, of course, went unseen once again. All they knew was that they were more at ease with each other than they’d been in a long time.


	31. Chapter 31

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well lovelies, this is one beast of a chapter. I thought about splitting it up, but I think I might have put a couple of you over the edge if I gave you yet another cliffhanger after this one. So instead you get just one. You're welcome. After this chapter, there's only two left, and both are full of fluffy (possibly smutty) goodness.

Morning sunlight crept under the curtains and feathered across Dean’s face. He burrowed deeper into the pillow to escape it, not quite ready to leave sleep’s warm cocoon, but it followed him no matter where he moved his head. Gradually, consciousness seeped into his brain. His first thought was one of contentment. Kat was all snuggled up next to him, their legs tangled together, and her warm, generous hips rested against his. Second was a sleepy, satisfied grin as he remembered last night’s kiss. Third was the realization that once again his hand was holding Kat’s breast. His eyes flew open, and to his horror, he found Kat staring back at him. Her eyes were round with shock and something else...something heated. 

He jerked his hand away, but in his hurry ended up brushing her nipple. “Shit. Sorry,” he mumbled. He mentally tore into himself. _What kind of sicko feels up a woman in her sleep?_ Then, on that thought, came the earth shattering realization that Kat hadn’t moved away when he accidentally touched her. Wait. She still wasn’t moving...

No doubt he was going straight back to hell for this, but he brushed her nipple again. This time he dragged his thumb across her thick sports bra, pressing down ever so slightly. Just enough so that he could feel her hardened peak. She didn’t move, just drew in a shuddering breath. Her eyes were staring into his with a hungry, pleading look...like she wanted more but didn’t know how to ask. His heart began to pound. Deciding to test his luck further, he lowered his head. His lips were millimeters from meeting hers, and his cock stiffened at the thought of what might be happening for them. His pulse went into overdrive as he cupped-

_Pound, pound, pound!_

Kat gasped and tore herself out of his arms. _For fuck’s sake, can’t we ever catch a break?_ She stumbled out of bed and wrenched open the door. After a few seconds of hushed conversation, Kat quietly closed the door and shuffled over to stand at the foot of the bed, nervously twisting her shirt in her hands. “So, I guess someone thought they would help me out and tried to bake some of the scones I prepared yesterday but ended up starting the oven on fire. I-I should probably go help them...unless…”

“No, no, go ahead. I need to get moving and see if Cesar needs help with anything,” he lied through a thin smile.

“Oh. Okay. Right. I’ll just go wash up then,” she said meekly.

He should’ve got up right then and pulled her back into bed. Should’ve kissed every inch of her until they were both breathless. Should’ve shown her how much he wanted nothing more than to spend the whole day with her in bed, but he did none of those things because he was a coward. Instead, he let her go into the bathroom while he punched the pillows in frustration, cursing both the fucking twats who couldn’t do a thing for themselves and himself for not being brave enough to show her that the person who needed her the most was right here in this bed.

***

Her heart was still racing. Kat couldn’t believe what she just did, but she’d done it. Just like she’d resolved to yesterday. He’d touched her and she let him. Sure, she’d done her best deer in the headlights impression, but she hadn’t pulled away, and for that, she couldn’t help but feel a teensy bit proud of herself. She bit her lip to keep from moaning at the thought of the jolt that had gone straight from her nipple to her core as he had brushed his thumb across her breast. And then there was last night’s kiss. Lordy. The most delicious shiver shot down her spine. Even she with her limited knowledge knew that was definitely not a “we’re just friends” kiss.

 _“I might still be a virgin, but my mouth certainly isn’t,”_ she thought with a happy little grin, while the ever practical side of her brain chastened her. _“Okay, that’s enough acting like a smitten teenager. Get inside and save breakfast. You can daydream later.”_

She hurried inside and salvaged what she could of the scones and quickly mixed up another batch. She was just setting that batch on the counter when a pair of strong arms wrapped themselves around her waist. One sharp inhale was all it took for her to know that she had nothing to fear from these arms. She would know the cedar and fresh rain scent of her husband anywhere.

“Hey,” his rough, deep voice rumbled in her ear. “You know we have some unfinished business to take care of later, right?” 

He pressed an open mouthed kiss right below her ear, the combined heat of his breath and tongue sliding across her skin turned her knees to butter. The mangled whimper that came out of her mouth didn’t even sound like her. It sounded- oh lord- like a woman who was being pleasured by her lover.

He let go of her before she had a chance to react and walked out of the room as nonchalantly as he hadn’t just set her panties on fire. Okay. Well, that was completely unfair. Like Barney Fife fighting Chuck Norris unfair. She might not be able to win at this game, but she’d be damned if she didn’t figure out some way to get back at him.

***

Dean had two options at this point. Either hoist her up on the counter and begin devouring her mouth while rocking his hips into hers or flee the scene. Unfortunately, because people would be coming in for breakfast any minute, he had to choose the latter. He poured himself a cup of coffee from one of the carafes on the buffet and took a seat at the empty dining table.

_Son of a bitch. That sound she’d made when I kissed her neck… I wonder if she would make the same sound if I was in her…_

The thought of being surrounded by the wet slick heat of his wife made him grip his coffee mug so hard the handle almost snapped off in his hand. He knew he shouldn’t think about that stuff. He was only playing with fire, but he’d had enough of holding back. He was tired of not touching her. Tired of not being with his angel.

For years the word angel had been one the ugliest words in his vocabulary. Except for Cas, angels were no better than demons, worse in some cases, but now… Now he knew what it felt like to hold a true angel. Because that’s what Kat was. She was everything an angel should be, warm and kind and so beautiful it made you catch your breath.

He ran his hands over his face. Shit. Life used to be so much simpler when the only thing on the agenda was taking out disgruntled ghosts and preventing the apocalypse. 

Though if he was being honest, it’d been complicated way before he’d come back to Colorado. Thinking of all the horrendous things he and Sam had been through: hell, purgatory, and Crowley calling him his bestie, life just felt more complicated now because he was finally allowing himself to feel things again. The whole range of emotions instead of just anger and responsibility. Sure, it was hard, but it was better... 

To his shock he realized that it really was better. Before he could dwell on that revelation, Esme dropped into the seat next to him. _Seriously. Out of the sixteen chairs at this huge table, she has to sit next to me. Can’t a guy have two seconds alone with his thoughts?_

He gave Esme a sidelong glance and found her staring back at him with a knowing look on her face. “Is there something I can do for you? Does Cesar need something?”

“It’ll happen soon,” she stated as cryptically as only a psychic could do.

“Alright, I’ll bite. What’ll happen soon?”

“Mmmm...the thing in your heart that you’ve been hiding from for too long.”

Dean felt his stomach drop to his knees. “What thing are-”

Esme dismissed his question with a wave of her beringed hand, “Not now. The reason I'm here is to tell you that I got a phone call this morning you should know about. Mort was found dead on the side of Hwy 15 by state troopers. They think he was drunk, ran his truck off the road, and headlong into a telephone pole.”

“Really? Well, I can’t say that I’m heartbroken. Bastard deserved it after what he did to Kat. Besides, I bet he had warrants for assault and battery out on him in every state. No one’s gonna be crying at his funeral.”

“You’re probably right. Anyways, I wanted to let you know. I’m sure it’ll be a relief to Kat as well.” She got up. “Don’t hide for too long, hunter.” Then she strode away in a swirl of fuschia skirts.

Dean nearly ground his teeth into a fine powder as he watched Esme walk away. Why did psychics always have to be so fucking cryptic? It’s like it was part of their job description: “Must act like Zoltar at all times.”

The rest of the guests still hanging around had all wandered into the dining room by now. They sat together in groups of two or three, but no one sat close to him. They were obviously giving him a wide berth after last night. Kat and Cesar brought in the food and set it out on the buffet, and like a horde of locusts, everyone swarmed it. Normally, he would’ve been right up there with them, but he’d lost most of his appetite after Esme’s unsettling announcement. 

_It’ll happen soon...the thing you’re hiding from. Damn psychics…_

A plate full of food appeared in front of him, startling him out of his grousing. “Saved you a plate,” Kat said softly. “Are you okay? You look kind of lost in your thoughts.”

Shaking off his thoughts, he replied, “Naw, I’m good. I mean, I just got served breakfast by the prettiest girl here. How could I be bad?”

Kat smiled shyly as she sat next time with a plate of her own, all his unease fleeing as soon as she was beside him. “So, when do you think we should go back home?” she asked.

“I’m ready to head out first thing tomorrow morning if you’re okay with that? That way we’ll be home by the evening.”

“That’s fine with me. I’m going to put some meals in the freezer for Cesar and Esme. Sounds like she’s going to be staying awhile, and I don’t want them to have to worry about cooking for a little while. Some of the hands are going into town this morning and offered to let me tag along with them so I can stock up on groceries. I know you said that you had some things you wanted to help Cesar with so this way, I won’t interrupt you.”

“I don’t mind going into town with you, or hell, you can take the car if you want.”

“Whoa, write this down! You volunteered your precious Baby without even being asked. My goodness, sir. You do know how to make a lady feel all special!” She laughed with a fake Southern accent. “Thank you for the offer, but I’ll just ride with the crew. You help Cesar, and Baby can stay safe here.”

Before he could comment, his phone starting ringing. Pulling it out, he saw that it was his brother. “Shit, it’s Sam. I should take this. I haven’t checked in with him at all.”

“Tell him hi for me. I’m going to clean up the kitchen and then we’re heading out. I’ll be back in a few hours.” Then surprising the hell out of him, she leaned over and brushed a kiss on his lips before getting up. He sat there stunned until the vibrating phone in his hand finally reminded him that he was supposed to be doing something.

He got up from the table and carried his plate to the kitchen sink, earning a smile from Kat, before waving goodbye to her and making his way outside. He wandered over to the backside of their cottage and answered the phone. “Hey Sam, what’s up?” 

“Nothing much. Just checking in. How are things?”

“Uh, well it’s been interesting…” As briefly as he could, he filled Sam in on all that had happened. 

“Shit, that’s-uh-that’s quite interesting, but it just confirms what I’ve been telling you. You’re in love. Why else would you react that way? C’mon, man. Just admit it. You always do this. You try to cover up what you’re really feeling. It’s like you feel guilty that you might actually be human and have feelings like the rest of us.”

“Sam. I told you before I can’t be in love with her. I _can’t_ love Kat. For her sake, I can’t…” He was leaning against the siding when he heard what sounded like a muffled thud from inside the cottage. Walking around the corner, he didn’t see anything coming out of the building. So he just shrugged and walked back. Maybe a bag fell over or something. 

“Dean. Stop. Just stop. Listen to what you’re saying for one damn second. Have you even tried asking Kat how she feels yet? No, you-” Suddenly he heard muffled voices on the other end. “Whoa. No. Wait just a sec. Okay, okay! It’s yours!” 

“Hey, look at your phone and listen up, you fucking idiot.” For a split second, he thought it was Meg bellowing at him, but when he looked at his phone to his shock it was Eileen. He’d never seen her this mad before. “Kat’s going to kill me for saying this, but I’ve kept quiet long enough. So here it is. She’s in love with you as much as you’re in love with her. Actually wait, no, more.”

His blood started pounding in his ears as his entire world shifted on its axis. “How do you know?” he croaked. Kat was in love with him? _Him? Why?_

“Because she told me, asshat.”

“She told you?” He whispered, scarcely daring to even hope that it could be true.

“Yes, she told Meg and me during our girls weekend, but she swore us to secrecy. You know why?”

“Wh-why?”

Because she thinks you don’t love her! She sees herself as completely undesirable. She thinks she’s not worthy of you, and that she’s sparing you from embarrassment by keeping her feelings to herself. She’s been in love with you for years, Dean. Since you were kids, in fact. You and only you. Why else do you think she’s an untouched virgin? She saved herself for you even though she thinks you don’t want her.”

Wait. He couldn’t even process the first bombshell Eileen had dropped, and now she kept hitting him with more. Kat didn’t think she was worthy of him? How could she even think that? It was he that wasn’t worthy of her, not the other way around. And she was still a virgin?

 _Virgin, virgin, virgin…_

Dean slumped to the frozen ground as shock knocked the wind out of him. He knew she was inexperienced, but a virgin? Holy hell… _She loves me...after all this time, after all our lost years._ That’s when the ironclad door behind where he hid his true feelings flew open, and love like he’d like never felt washed over him. It overwhelmed his whole system and tears rolled down his face. His heart was filled to bursting with pure unadulterated love for his wife. _I-I love her. I love Kat. I always have. Oh god oh god oh god, I love her so much._ As he finally admitted it to himself, the weight he’d been carrying for decades lifted, and he could finally breathe again.

“You can’t do this to her anymore. You think you’re protecting her by lying to yourself about your feelings, but you’re not. You’re doing more damage to her by not being honest.” Eileen’s voice gentled. “I’m telling you this because I love you both, and I’m tired of seeing my family hurting.”

Eileen’s face disappeared, and was replaced by Sam’s. “There you have it, dude.”

“Sam.” The tears kept sliding down his cheeks, and he roughly brushed them away. Now that he was being honest with himself, how could he have ever thought anything different? “You’re right. You’re both right. I-I love her. I love her so damn much it hurts. I’ve always loved her,” he said helplessly. “But what do I do? I-I-I don’t know what to do?”

“I know, man. Hell, I’ve known since we were kids. You two were meant for each other. You start by telling her. That’s all. And from there, it’ll just flow.”

As soon as Sam said that, it became the only thing he could focus on. “You’re right. I’ve gotta tell her. Now. I can’t wait any longer,” he said frantically. He felt like he was going to explode if he didn’t tell Kat soon. When did she say she would be back?

“Go on, lover boy. I’ve done my job here. I’ll see you when you get home,” Sam said with a relieved chuckle. “Oh, and thanks for finally getting Eileen off my case. She’s been nagging me for months about you guys.”

He hung up and held up his hands. They were shaking. When was the last time his hands had shaken like this? He felt almost giddy with excitement, but the excitement soon faded as his old buddy Doubt came slithering into his head. _What if you screw this up? Can you really ruin an innocent woman’s life by weighing her down with your love?_

_You know what? You can go screw yourself, Doubt. I’m gonna be happy for once in my damn life._

He needed to see Kat now before he got too stuck in his head and chickened out. Unfortunately, he still had to wait at least a couple more hours until she came back. Not knowing what else to do, he wandered into the cottage. Right away he noticed that Kat’s suitcase was toppled over, and a few shirts had fallen out onto the floor. So that’s where that thud had come from. _Wait. I’ve never seen her wear a flannel before._

He walked over to her suitcase and pulled the shirt out, and almost dropped it. He knew this shirt. Knew it because it was his. He’d given it to Kat that awful day he found her in the showers nearly twenty years ago. Kat still had it after all this time. This told him more than anything else Sam or Eileen could’ve said that Kat really did love him. The fact that she’d held onto this ratty old shirt was all the proof he needed. He almost wanted to weep from the relief and wonder that Kat was in love with him. Him, broken, burned out husk of a man that he was.

_Finally._

Finally, they were going to get their chance. 

Finally, after decades of secret longing, she was going to be his, and he would be hers.

***

“Kat? The boys and I are ready to go if you are?” Bernie the ranch foreman stuck his head in the kitchen.

“I’ll meet you up front in five seconds. Just gotta grab my purse,” Kat said as she pulled off the kitchen towel she had slung over her shoulder.

Bernie nodded and went back outside. She grabbed the grocery list she’d scribbled down, then hurried across the lawn. As she stepped onto the cottage’s tiny porch, she heard Dean’s low voice coming from the back of the building. She couldn’t keep the sappy smile off her face as just the sound of his rumbling tones sent the most delicious shimmers across her skin. Kat quietly stepped into the cottage, not wanting to interrupt his conversation. She picked her purse up off the end table and turned to leave, before remembering that she wanted to bring her portable charger with her. She walked over to her suitcase, where the charger was tucked into the front pocket. Pulling it out, she heard Dean say, “Sam.” 

She grinned at Dean’s exasperated voice. No matter how old you were, your siblings always knew how to get under your skin. 

“I can’t be in love with her.” The smile fell off her face as time screeched to a halt, and the icy fist of disbelief clenched her heart. _No. No, I didn’t hear that right._

“I can’t love Kat,” as she heard those words come from her husband’s mouth, she almost collapsed on the floor from force of the sheer agony that gripped her.

_I have to leave. Now. I-I need to go home. I can’t face him right now._

She turned to rush out, but her foot caught the corner of her suitcase, and it toppled over, the entire contents spilling out onto the floor with a booming crash. She froze. There’s no way Dean didn’t hear that. His footsteps crunched on the dead lawn, but thankfully, he didn’t come inside. She heard him walk back around the corner, and let out her breath. Without wasting a second she grabbed her purse, not daring to grab anything else. Dean would immediately notice if her bag was gone and come after her. No, it was best to travel as lightly as possible. Her heart feeling like it had just been sliced open, she ran out to meet Bernie at his truck.

All the way into Silver City, Kat ruthlessly slammed all her emotions down deep inside. She forced herself to go numb. She couldn’t afford to feel anything else. If she opened that hatch behind which she’d shoved her feelings, there was no way she could close it again. She just needed to get home and then everything could come out. 

As they traveled, she searched for the nearest bus station. Someone must have been listening to her frantic prayers for help because the bus station was only two blocks away from the supermarket they were going to. 

She quickly purchased a ticket for Denver since this particular line didn’t go to Boulder or Albany. She’d have to catch another bus to Boulder and from Boulder, she knew Meg would come pick her up. She just prayed that one of the hands next to her hadn’t noticed what she was doing on her phone. The last thing she needed was one of them tipping off Dean.

Just as they were approaching the outskirts of town, she pretended like she’d received a text from Dean telling her that he suddenly needed to run into town to pick up a part for the car and that he would pick her up. Bernie, of course, had no way of knowing that this was a bald-faced lie and told her that worked for them. He even cracked a joke about classic cars being money pits. Kat forced a laugh as they pulled into the grocery store’s parking lot. She gave the guys a hurried wave as she hopped out of the truck. Without looking back, she tried to walk inside as nonchalantly as possible. As soon as she was through the doors, she stood by the store bulletin board pretending to read the weekly specials. The seconds crawled by, but she wanted to make sure Bernie was out of eyesight before she made her way to the bus station. Finally, two minutes passed and with her heart in her throat, she ran to the station.

The bus was pulling into the parking lot when she reached the rundown, bleached blue cinder block building that made up the station. She showed her ticket to the agent, who, with a cursory glance at it and her, informed her that the bus would be leaving in ten minutes and waved her out the door.

Kat climbed aboard the bus and beelined it for the back row, which was right by the pitiful excuse for a toilet. There was no way in hell she was up for small talk of any kind, and since no one wanted to sit near the toilet she should be safe from a seatmate. 

The pain ransacking her was agonizing. Every pore ached, and she couldn’t stop trembling. The scar on her wrist was on fire. It was almost like it was grieving right alongside her. 

Even though her hands were shaking so bad that she could barely pull her phone out of her pocket, she knew she had to let someone know what was happening. She sent Meg a brief text even though she knew she would tell Cas, who in turn would tell Dean. 

_"I’m on my way home by myself. Dean is fine. Something just happened, and I’ll need you to pick me up in Boulder. I’ll text you when I get there."_

Without waiting for Meg to answer, she turned off her phone, pulled the hood of her coat over her head, and at last, allowed the tears to fall. 

She’d told herself time after time that he didn’t love her. That he didn’t share her feelings. She thought she’d prepared her heart for that, but somehow hope had still found its way into her heart and burrowed in without her knowing it. And now, hearing him say those words out loud? 

It felt like someone had plunged a corkscrew into her chest and was slowly twisting it through the tendons and tissues until it pierced her heart.

It felt like all the warmth and light in the world was gone and replaced with cold and darkness.

It felt like she would never be able to smile again.

The tears turned into sobs which turned into silent spasms of grief. She had to stuff her fist into her mouth to keep from screaming out her pain. Why had she allowed herself to hope? Every time it crashed and burned, leaving her with shattered pieces of herself to try to clean up. How was she supposed to face Dean now that she knew he would never love her?

Gradually her sobs quieted, and she was left feeling as barren as the desert outside her window even though the tears refused to stop running down her cheeks. The miles and hours ticked by, and the bus, at last, crossed the border into Colorado. The sun was hanging low in the horizon when they passed a sign that stated Antonito was only ten miles away. Grief struck her all over again. Had it really only been three days since Dean had allowed her to touch his scars?

Without warning the bus’ engine began to whine, and the driver’s voice came over the speaker. “Sorry folks, we’re gonna need to make a pitstop in Antonito. We seem to be having a little problem with our engine. Hopefully, we can get a replacement bus here quickly and get you back on your way.”

They pulled off the highway into a parking lot, and Kat found herself staring with disbelief up at a blinking Casa Gordo sign. 

_Really, God? Really? It’s not enough that my heart just got ripped out of my chest, but now you have to tromp all over it?_

She and her fellow passengers made their way over to the diner next to the motel. She found an empty booth and ordered a cup of coffee, the thought of food making her sick. Any time they weren’t moving made her nervous. It gave Dean the advantage. She wasn’t stupid. She knew he would come looking for her as soon as Bernie got back to the ranch without her. Guilt flooded her as she thought about what she was putting him through. He would be frantic and worried to death by now. If she were stronger, she would’ve stayed and put on a brave face...well, at least until they got home. But she wasn’t strong so all she could do was run. She couldn’t be around him. See that smile. Feel his touch when every breath she took around him was torture. It wasn’t his fault she ran. It was hers for daring to hope. 

She nursed her cup of coffee, trying to calm her nerves. Every time someone came into the diner, her stomach took a nosedive. She kept expecting the next person to walk through that damn door to be Dean. 

The bell over the door jingled, and once again Kat darted a look at the door, both terrified and secretly wishing it was her husband. Instead, it was their driver. Every head in the place shot up, listening intently for what he had to say.

“Well folks, I’m afraid that I don’t have good news for you. They can’t get another bus out to us until tomorrow morning.” A chorus of groans rose at his statement. “I know. I know. It’s not the news you wanted to hear, but the bus line is comping everyone a room at the motel next door. A wrecker’s gonna cart this bus off so we’ll need to get everyone’s luggage off it and then you all can get settled in for the night. Oh, and breakfast tomorrow is on the bus line, too.”

Kat’s heart started to race. This was not good. Her only saving grace would be if Dean assumed she would be closer to home by now and passed right through town. It was a slim chance, but maybe just maybe, he wouldn’t stop...though that meant he would be home waiting for her...which would almost be worse. Shit.

After her fourth cup of coffee, her nerves felt like they were about ready to jump out of her skin so she got up to find out if a room was ready for her. Better to be a basket case alone rather than in public. On the way to the motel, she helped two elderly ladies with their luggage. The two old dears were so grateful they invited her over for some takeout pie, but just the mention of pie made her want to burst into tears all over again. She politely declined and went to her room, not realizing until she got to the door that it was the same one that she and Dean had shared a few days before. As soon as the door shut behind her, she sank into the bed as the tears started all over again. She curled up into a ball on the hideous orange and magenta sombrero strewn bedspread and let her heart bleed out. Tomorrow it would be time to be strong again, but right now the only effort she could handle was to keep breathing through her tears.

***

After what felt like an eternity, the ranch truck rumbled up the drive, and Dean jumped up from the chair he’d placed by the window, butterflies swooping around his stomach like a flock of seagulls swarming spilled french fries. He couldn’t keep the nervous grin off his face. He felt like a pimple faced kid waiting for his prom date to come downstairs.

_Dude. Calm down. You’re gonna freak her out. You screaming I LOVE YOU as soon as you see her isn’t going to help your case. You gotta play it cool. Bring her dinner at the cottage and tell her over dessert. Ease into it and see what happens from there. She’s a virgin after all. There’s not going to be any rushing into this._

Just the reminder that Kat was completely innocent when it came to sex had him almost with his head between his knees. The last time he’d made love to a virgin was...well...never. He’d been a freshman when he’d lost his virginity to a much more skilled junior. Since then he’d had sex with a fair amount of partners with differing levels of experience, but never a virgin. While he wasn’t ashamed about that part of his past, sex was one of the few things that made his miserable life worth living, he couldn’t help but wish he had a little more experience being with virgins. God, he prayed he didn’t screw up Kat’s first time. That is, if she let him be her first time. 

He took in a few more deep breaths and as he was taking in his third breath, a searing pain shot through his wrist and arm and had him almost doubled over in pain. He shoved his sleeve up and saw that his scar had turned almost burgundy. 

What the hell... KAT.

The last time his scar had hurt like this was when that vamp had almost attacked Kat. Only this time the pain was ten times worse than that had been. He scrambled out the door and sprinted for the truck. He counted three heads: Bernie, the two hands, but no Kat.

“Bernie! Where’s Kat?!” he shouted.

At the same time, Bernie squinted at him. “Why are you still here? Your wife said that you were picking her up in town.”

“What? Why would she tell you that? She’s supposed to be with you!” Fear bloomed in his chest.

“I don’t know, man. We were almost to town when she told me she got a text from you saying you had to come into town for a car part and would pick her up from the store.”

Fuck. What was going on? 

He pulled out his phone and tried calling her, but it went straight to voicemail. He sent her a text. _"Sweetheart, where are you? Why didn’t you come home with Bernie? Tell me where you are so I can come get you."_

Paralyzed with fear and confusion, he helplessly shoved his hands through his hair. Why? Why didn’t she come back? Did someone-something threaten her? Did it take her?

He frantically checked his phone again, but there was still no reply from her. He started pacing circles in the driveway as the ranch hands looked on with bewilderment. A hand on his elbow stopped him in his tracks. He looked down to see Esme next to him. “Let’s take a walk, Dean.”

“But Kat-”

“I know. We’ll walk, and I’ll tell you what I saw,” Esme said as she led Dean out of the driveway.

“I don’t have time for this. I have to find Kat.”

“You do have time for this. From what I can tell, Kat is physically safe.”

“What you can tell or you’re sure? Because I’m gonna need an ‘I’m sure’ or I’m out of here.”

“I’ve seen nothing to imply that she isn’t safe. Now, listen to what I say before you go flying off half-cocked,” she said with quiet authority. “I’m sure you’ve guessed it or Cesar’s told you by now, but I’m a psychic. I don’t see visions though, I read auras and emotions. You and your wife have two of the most interesting auras I’ve ever seen.” Esme led him around the big house and towards his cottage. Dean followed her blindly inside, not knowing what else to do.

“Do you know that you have the strongest hunter aura I’ve ever seen? The first time I saw it, it almost blinded me with how brilliant a red it is. It’s different than most hunters, too. There’s streaks of silver running through it which isn’t normal for a hunter. You have the aura of a powerful warrior, not just a simple soldier. Now, Kat’s baffled me at first. I knew she wasn’t a hunter, but she didn’t have the pale yellow aura of most civilians. Her aura is a dusty rose with silver in it, the same silver as yours. It took me until she told us her story to figure it out.” 

Esme righted Kat’s bag and placed the shirts back into it as well as Kat’s toiletry bag. “She’s a healer, Dean. Now, I’ve never seen a healer aura myself, but I’ve heard stories of them. Back in ancient times, she would’ve been revered for her powers of healing and been highly sought after for her magic. Kings and queens would have paid her homage. Oh, get that disgusted look off your face. She’s not a witch, but she does have magic. It’s in her touch and her voice. Have you ever noticed how you feel better after talking with her? After a single conversation and cookie with her, Cesar had the first night of sleep he’s had since Jesse got sick. I know you’ve experienced her magic, too.”

Dean thought of how just her very presence next to him in bed chased away his nightmares and the howling emptiness inside him. How a simple kiss set his entire body on fire with longing. _Shit. She is a healer. She's been healing me the entire time I've been with her._

“I know you’ve had doubts, but you two were meant to be together. The warrior and the healer. The warrior to fight for the world, and the healer to make it whole. The opposite sides of the same coin. The silver in your auras doesn’t lie. That’s the final proof that you belong together. You only see that shade of silver when soulmates are near each other. When you two touch, your auras combine and turn into the most vibrant shade of scarlet.” Esme zipped Kat’s case and moved on to his. 

“I can read your aura to see that you’ve finally accepted what your hiding from. Good. Now it’s time for you to get your wife back.” She dropped his bag onto the floor with a loud thud waking Dean out of the near trance he’d been in as he listened to Esme. 

“But where is she? Why did she run off?” he asked hoarsely.

Esme tapped Kat’s suitcase with her boot. “Can you think of anything she might’ve heard to make her run?”

The thud he’d heard while talking to Sam… Oh. Fuck. He’d heard it right after he’d told Sam that he couldn’t love Kat. That meant she was in here and overheard him say that. She thought he didn’t love her. _Fuckfuckfuckfuck._ That’s why she ran. He would’ve done the same thing in her shoes.

“There’s the light bulb I’ve been waiting for. I was talking to Bernie by the truck when Kat came out. Her aura was all muddy with pain and misunderstanding. The only time I’ve seen that kind of pain is when one lover is hurt by the other, whether intentional or not.”

“She-I-I didn’t mean those things she heard. I was still trying to deny my feelings for her to my brother, but it was right after I said them that I realized how wrong I was. I love her more than anything in this world, and I’ll do anything to prove it to her.”

“Then go. Find your love.” Esme handed him their bags and that’s when he realized she’d been packing him up all while talking. Dean shook his head. Maybe psychics weren’t so bad.

“You might try the bus station first.”

“I...thanks, Esme.”

“Get out of here, hunter. Your wife is waiting for you. She’s more than ready, by the way. It’s way past time for you two to finish that binding of yours,” Esme gave him a knowing look and playful tap on his wrist scar.

Without a backward glance, Dean raced out the door, his thundering footsteps kicking up small clouds of dust as he ran down the drive. He leapt into the Impala and jammed the key into the ignition. Baby roared to life and Dean shoved the gas pedal down to the floorboard. He was through wasting any more time. He had a wife to win back.

_Hurry, hurry. Hurry, hurry._


	32. Chapter 32

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well my lovelies, this is it...well not it, but the next chapter is just going to be all fluffy smutty goodness. This one though, is the one that all the cliffhangers and angst has been leading up to. I just hope I did it, my two precious idiots, and my readers justice. 
> 
> P.S. This chapter hasn't been beta-ed so any grammatical mistakes, brain farts and shameful misuses of commas are mine and mine alone.
> 
> P.S.S. There's pretty smutty scene in this chapter, but it's at the very end and doesn't involve much of the plot. So if that's not your thing, you'll be totally fine skipping it.

Dean drove like a man possessed, single-minded in his pursuit to find the woman he loved. He had to make things right with Kat. He had to. If he didn't… Just the thought of living life without her made him break out in a cold sweat. He’d been on a million life or death missions, but this one was without a doubt the most important one of his life. 

It felt like he was in the middle of a fever dream reliving the same scene over and over again. No matter how hard he pushed Baby, she couldn’t gobble up the miles quick enough for him. Every second seemed to last an hour. If there was ever a time that he wished for Cas’ teleportation powers it was now. 

The problem was he didn’t know exactly where to find Kat. The asshat at the bus station claimed at first that he couldn’t give him any info. But all it took was a little creative persuasion, and he was singing like Bon Jovi at Madison Square. Unfortunately, what he did spill wasn’t much to go on. The only info he had was that the bus was currently en route to Denver. There Kat would have to catch a different bus to Boulder and Albany. Not exactly a lot to go on. He’d called Sam and Eileen to see if Kat had called them, but they were both clueless where she was. Cas was little more helpful. From what he could make out over Meg screaming at him in the background, Kat had sent Meg a text asking for a ride from the Boulder station. If he couldn’t catch up with her before Denver then his best bet was Boulder. He just needed to find her soon.

The thought that right now she was sitting on a bus completely alone, probably crying her eyes out, and believing that he didn’t love her devastated him to his core. If only he’d gone inside when he heard that stupid suitcase fall over, none of this would’ve happened. Instead they could be wrapped in each other’s arms, basking in the afterglow of love making, but now, she thought she was unloved when nothing could be farther from the truth. 

Kat was his everything. Not only was she the most gorgeous woman he’d ever known, but she also possessed the most beautiful soul he’d ever seen. It was only now that he realized she was the driving force behind why he’d fought so hard for the world’s safety. She was the reason he’d kept fighting through every hell life threw at him. If you’d asked him why he kept going before June, he would’ve given some lame ass answer about it being his duty, but in reality, keeping the world safe for Kat was the reason behind it all. But beyond everything else, she was his touchstone. His center. His home. Wherever she was, that’s where he wanted to be. 

The fact that someone as sweet and gentle as Kat could love his broken soul filled him with awe. It blew his fucking mind that after so many years she still chose daily to love him. For years she waited for him never wavering in her love him. Waited for him when everyone else would’ve moved on. No one besides Sam had ever shown him that kind of love and devotion. That’s why he had to find her and tell her all this. Then he could spend the rest of their lives proving it to her. If she would let him...

***

Dean raced through Albuquerque and Santa Fe. Kat had about a three hour jump on him, but since the bus was required to stop in both cities, that narrowed the gap between them. Also to his advantage was the fact he could go 100mph where the bus wasn’t allowed to go over 70.

He kept his eyes trained on the horizon as he let Baby eat up the miles. Ten miles outside of Antonito, the scar on his wrist began to throb with a staccato rhythm. Weird. Up until now, after the excruciating pain of this afternoon, it’d only ached. Now, it felt like Lars Ulrich was currently taking up residence in his wrist.

After all these months of wondering about his scar, he was finally tuning into the fact that it acted like some kind of emotional barometer between he and Kat. Every time something highly emotional was happening to her or between them, it acted up. He was guessing that it had to be the same for her. 

The closer he got to the tiny town, the more his scar throbbed. Deciding to follow it, he eased up on the gas. As soon as the blinking Casa Gordo sign appeared, the scar began to burn. _Okay, okay, I get it. I’ll stop._ The sun was setting as he pulled off the highway and into the motel parking lot. As he shifted the car into park, he scanned the area. There wasn't a bus in sight so why was he supposed to stop here? Shrugging he got out of the car and made his way to the front office. It wouldn’t hurt to ask even if it did cost him a few minutes. An older woman dressed in a violent fluorescent green muumuu met him at the desk. She was already talking a mile a minute before he even opened his mouth.

“Oh! You didn’t get a room? I thought we’d gotten all the passengers settled in, but looks like we missed one. I only have one room left, and it’s a double. Will that work? You poor dears, to have your bus break down on your way home. I’m just glad we had space for all of you.” 

_The bus broke down? Okay, so that’s why I’m here._

Deciding to play along, he said, “Actually, my wife already got a room for us, but I was on the phone when she checked in. And wouldn’t you know it, her phone is dead so she can’t text me the room number. Could you give it to me? I don’t think our fellow passengers would care much for me beating on their doors until I found the right room. The last name is Winchester.” He gave her his most charming grin complete with a flirty wink for good measure.

The woman giggled like a teenager, “Of course we can’t have that. Though if I was younger, and you were single, you could beat on my door any day.” She scanned the guest list, “There you are. Room 124. It’s at the very end of our building.”

“Thanks. Have a good night.” 

“You too, hon! You just keep it down for the other guests. I know how you young couples get,” she said with an impish wave.

_I can only hope…_

He walked out the office door and towards Kat’s room. As he walked, he did something he hadn’t done in years, he prayed to God that she was willing to talk to him. That she would give him a chance to make it right. That she would let him prove his love to her, and that he could hold her next to his heart once again. Squaring his shoulders and taking a deep breath, he raised his fist to knock on the door...

***

Kat lay huddled on the bed, her tears dried up for now. She reached out a hand to the side of the bed where Dean should be. Funny how quickly you got used to sharing a bed with someone. Until a few months ago, she’d only ever slept by herself. Sleeping in a bed alone was never really an issue, but now? She was completely miserable without him next to her. She missed his warm body, that solid presence to turn to when you needed it. She’d never realized how lonely a bed could be until now.

The minutes crawled by as she lay there and watched the sun sink low over the barren hills in the distance. The whistling drone of the occasional semi-truck passing on the highway outside her window and muffled conversations from the people in the next room were her only company. That and the resolute beating of her broken heart. It felt like she was dying on the inside yet her heart, traitor that is was, refused to stop pumping.

A few more minutes passed until finally, the four cups of coffee prodding her bladder refused to be ignored any longer. She dragged herself out of the bed and to the bathroom, her muscles protesting even those simple movements. It felt like she’d aged forty years in half a day. 

Washing her hands afterward, Kat peeked into the mirror, taking in her blotchy complexion and swollen eyes. Her eyes felt like she’d been swimming through a sea of sand, every blink was like hot sandpaper rubbing under her eyelids. Turning the water to cold, she splashed her face and pressed her cool fingers to her eyes, the temporary relief soothing her spirits for a few seconds. Those seconds were short-lived, and regret over her rash behavior set in.

She sat back down on the edge of the bed, contemplating the day. _What are you even doing? This isn’t you. You don’t fly off the handle like this. You’re the responsible one who comes up with a pros and con list and does extensive research. Yet, here you are acting like you’re Jane Eyre and just found out your husband has another wife locked in the attic._ She flopped backward on the bed with a groan. What was she going to do once she got home, and more importantly, how was she going to explain this all to Dean? He deserved an explanation. She owed him that at the very least.

_“Hey Dean, about yesterday...hahaha, you know women and PMS. Makes us do crazy shit. So anywhosit, how we just forget my Great Escape routine and get back to normal. Want a cookie?”_

Yeah, that would go over about as well as a plate of bacon at a vegan restaurant. But as much as she berated herself for leaving like she did, how was she supposed to stay and pretend like nothing had happened? Stay and smile while her emotions were raw as an open wound. Stay and let his sweet caresses break her heart over and over again. Stay while the touches he meant for pleasure only brought pain. Yes, what she did was stupid and irrational, but honestly, there was no option. She simply couldn’t face him right now. 

Dean liked facts plain and simple. Kat was going to have to tell him the truth, lay it out and then step back. She wouldn’t allow herself any excuses. It was going to make things unbearably awkward. So awkward she was cringing just thinking about it, but it had to be done. The chances of him staying with her after she told him why she ran were going to be slim. After all who would want to stay after someone sprung an unwanted declaration of love on them? A sob caught in her throat at the thought of him leaving, but she would have to let him go. That’s what you did when you loved someone. You put their needs above your own. 

What if he did leave? What if he left and found someone else? Someone younger, thinner and prettier. Someone who looked like they belonged with him, not a shapeless, frumpy blob. Someone that made other guys burn with jealousy to trade places with him, and who knew how to respond when he touched them, not a fumbling nervous wreck. 

If he left, she wouldn’t stop him. She would wish him every happiness in the world because her warrior love deserved it at any cost, even if it was in the arms of another woman. It would be enough knowing that for a few fleeting months, she had the chance to live with the man she loved. It was more than she’d ever imagined she’d get this time last year. If he did leave, she would keep loving him like she always had, until the end of this world and into the next. 

Her chest started to constrict once again, and tears welled up in her aching eyes. How was she still able to cry? She should be completely dehydrated right now. 

_Pound, pound, pound!_

Kat’s insides iced over. Who would be knocking on her door? There’s no way Dean could’ve caught up with her, right? The scar on her wrist started throbbing in denial to that thought. Crawling off the bed, she crept to her door mourning the fact that there wasn’t a peephole in it. What kind of two-bit hotel didn’t have a peephole in their damn door?

“Who is it?” she whispered.

The deep voice on the other side almost made her jump away from the door and out the bathroom window, “It’s me, Kat. Can I please come in?”

 _No. Nononono. He can’t be here already!_ She wasn’t ready to face him yet. It wasn’t supposed to happen this way. She hadn’t even prepared her speech yet! That was what tomorrow’s bus ride was for. She would carefully craft out exactly what she wanted to say, and then when he got home, she would recite it to him very calmly and rationally. But now, all that was off the table.

“Please go away, Dean. I-I’ll see you at home tomorrow,” she winced at that feeble greeting, but it was the only thing she could come up with.

Silence. She almost wondered if he’d walked away, but just as she thought about peeking out to see if he’d actually left, she heard, “Kat, let me in otherwise I’ll kick down this door.”

Shit. He would too. Trying to settle her nerves, she opened the door. Keeping her eyes locked on the ground, she backed away as he slipped inside. The scent of him filled her nostrils and made her ache with bittersweet longing. She turned away, needing some space between them. Before she could take a step though, his large warm hand curled around her wrist, and she was hauled against his chest. Then his lips were on hers, and every other thought fled. 

Frantically he kissed her. It almost felt like he was trying to absorb her as he molded her to him. His tongue danced with hers until she moaned with need. He responded with a groan of his own as he walked her backward until he pinned her against the wall. One hand tunneled through her curls to cradle the back of her head as the other coasted down her side until he gripped her hip, his fingers softly pressing into her ample flesh.

Kat was falling. Falling just like Alice into Wonderland, all thoughts of this emotional hellscape of a day fleeing as she was once again safe in her love’s arms. She slipped her hands through the short hairs at the back of his neck and let her short nails graze the fine skin there. Dean’s hips subtly bucked into hers and a soft rumble came from his throat. So he liked that... She mentally filed that little piece of information away even as her core turned liquid. Finally, the need for air became too great, and she pulled back. Dean trailed his lips across her jawline and down her neck before returning to press a soft kiss at the corners of her mouth.

He pressed his forehead to hers as he whispered hoarsely, his breath tickling her lips, “Don’t leave me again, Kat. You can’t do that to me. You can’t go off without telling me where you are. I was going crazy without you. I need you, sweetheart. I need you in my life. In my bed. In my arms.”

With a cry, Kat twisted away from him as his tender words cut her like a knife, and reality came crashing in like a cascade of ice water, “I can’t do this. I can’t let you touch me. I thought I could, but I can’t. It hurts too damn much.” Dean tried to interrupt her, but Kat kept going. “Please, let me just- I need to explain why I left. Dean... I-I love you.”

After so many years of keeping those words to herself, they were finally free, and with a sob, she darted to the other side of the room, needing some space from his heated body. She closed her eyes so she didn’t have to look at his beautiful face. One look from those kind eyes and she would be bawling like a two year old. “I’ve been in love with you since, oh hell, since we were ten years old. I knew after that time you turned me down for pie, and then came running after me to apologize that you were the only one for me. But-but I know you don’t feel the same. I-I heard you talking to Sam...I heard what you told him.”

“Kat, please-”

“Please just let me finish. I never expected you to feel the same. I know I’m not the kind of girl that guys want. I don’t really have anything going for me physically. Guys don’t look at me and go, ‘Whoa, there’s a girl I wanna bang’. Honestly, I think I remind most guys of their mom or grandma. That’s why I’ve never expected more from you, and for a while, I was okay with us living like roommates. I was okay with whatever you wanted between us. Just sharing the same space as you was more than I’d ever imagined I’d get. But then things started changing between us. You kissed me in front of Elicia and then at the wedding and then again and again. In my inexperience, I thought maybe you wanted more. I told myself again that whatever you wanted was enough. It was enough for me that you were living with me. That those kisses and caresses that you gave me were enough. I didn’t need anything more.” 

She stared at the ceiling, willing the tears back into her eyes. “But then I heard you...I heard you tell Sam that you could never love me, and I found out how wrong I was. So I left. I know it was a cowardly move, but I just needed a little space until I could get myself back under control. It’s not your fault, Dean. I don’t blame you at all. I could never blame you. This is all on me. I was the one who put too many expectations on our relationship. I know our marriage is too important to the safety of the world to break up, so I’m not asking you to leave, but if you want to, I completely understand. The only thing I’m asking is that you don’t touch me for a little while, at least not until I can get my emotions back under control. Everything else can be exactly how it was, okay? We can do this, right?”

Dean came over to her and placed an arm around her, pulling her back to the bed. He sat her down and knelt in front of her, lifting her chin so her eyes met his. “No. No, we can’t do that.” Kat felt she’d been run through with a knife. This was it. He was going to tell her that he was leaving for good.

“Kat, I know what you heard, but you didn’t hear everything. I’ve been in denial about my true feelings for you for way too long. I’ve been telling myself that what I felt for you was the same thing you would feel for a sister or friend, but I’ve been lying to myself for years. I just didn’t realize it until Eileen, of all people, forced me to open my eyes. While Sam and I were talking, she grabbed the phone away from him and proceeded to give me the tongue lashing to end all tongue lashings. She told me everything, Kat. _Everything._ I couldn’t-can’t believe it. Why me, Kat? I sure as hell don’t deserve you. I don’t deserve you waiting for me and loving me for all these years. You gave up the chance for a family of your own for me. You’re too good for me, but what Eileen said forced me to face my feelings. Feelings I’ve been running from for way too long.” 

Kat felt hope raise its bruised and battered head, and her heart began to race as she braced herself for whatever he was going to say next. Dean kept his eyes locked on hers even as tears began to well up in them, “So here it goes, I-I-I love you.”

At those three simple words, Kat gave a strangled cry of disbelief as the tears streamed down her face. Another gurgling cry escaped before she could stop it, and she buried her face in her hands to keep more from coming out. _“Good lord, stop it. You sound just like Emma Thompson in Sense and Sensibility,”_ was the only halfway coherent thing she could think of as she reeled from the shock of what Dean’s words. She’d been waiting so long, hoping against hope, to hear them that she honestly couldn’t believe that she was actually hearing them. 

“Are you joking?” she managed to gasp. “Please tell me if you are.”

Dean softly laughed through his tears, “I’m dead serious. Kat, I love you so much it hurts, and I’ve finally realized that I’ve been in love with you for years. You’re everything I’ve ever wanted. I love every ounce of you, inside and out. You’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met, and if you let me, I’ll spend whatever time I have left trying to become the husband you deserve.”

She buried her face deeper into her hands and shook her head, “But why me? I’m not your type at all. You want someone who’s brave and-and pretty and actually knows what to do when a guy touches her. I’m not that, Dean. I’m so far from that kind of girl it’s not even funny...I mean, I-I’m still a virgin. Any experience I have is what you gave me. How pathetic is that? Still a virgin at my age…” she finished with a whisper, too ashamed to even look at him. Surely he would change his mind after she revealed that fact.

“Kat, generally you’re always right in my book, but this time you’re dead wrong. You and only you are my type. Do you know why I always went for the stereotypical bad girl? It was because I running from you, and your sweetness and gentleness. I told myself because I was bad, then that’s the only type of woman I could be with. There were two other women that I thought maybe I could love, but even though they were both amazing, they weren’t you. No one can replace you. You are the one I need. I need your softness to soothe my hard edges. Your warmth to chase away the coldness that’s been living in me for too long. I-I know it sounds like the cheesiest line from the corniest romance, but you’re my other half. You’re the love of my life, sweetheart. There’s never gonna be anyone else.”

Dean got up from the floor and sat beside her, his weight on the ancient mattress tilting her into him. “And as for you not being pretty, well sweetheart, I’m afraid you’ve been believing that lie for way too long. You’re not just pretty, you’re gorgeous. So gorgeous in fact, I literally feel like I’m dying from how much I want you. Those kisses we shared? They’re just the tip of the iceberg of what I want to share with you. You remember this morning when you let me touch your breast?” Kat nodded mutely, trying to keep her mouth from gaping open. “If we hadn’t been interrupted, I was going to ask you if I could make love to you.”

“Get the fuck out.” Kat burst out then instantly mortified, clapped her hand over her mouth as Dean threw back his head and laughed. “Really?!”

“Yes, really. I want you so much, sweetheart. More than I’ve ever wanted anyone else. If I was a different man, I could tell you what you do to me in pretty, flowery words, but I’m just a grunt so I can’t. All I can say to convince you is this. I’ve pretty much had a partial boner around you since June. To me, you’re the sexiest woman in the world. Good god, your curves alone make a man want to do every dirty deed in the book. Your mouth...holy shit, the dreams I’ve had about it. I can’t even count the number of times I’ve woke up, sweating and with my hand around cock after the dreams I’ve had about those lips. Your whole body is made for loving.” He reached out and trailed his over the sensitive skin of her inner wrist, right over her scar. Kat shivered as a bolt of pleasure coursed through her body. “I know you, and I know that you still don’t believe me, but if you let me, just like I’m going to spend the rest of my life loving you, I’m going to spend it proving to you how much I want you too.”

Kat sat there, staring at her hands trying to think of something, anything to say. Finally, she forced herself to look at Dean. When she met his eyes, any lingering doubt fled. What she found in those green eyes could only be love. _It’s true. He really does love me. Dean Winchester loves me...me of all people._ With wonder and trembling fingers, she traced his strong jawline, and Dean closed his eyes and leaned his cheek into her hand. 

With a sigh, he breathed, “Kat, you gotta believe me. _Please._ ”

“I do.” With those words, it felt like she was saying her wedding vows all over again, only this time the sting of unrequited love was nowhere to be found. There was only love, pure and whole.

His head snapped up, “You do?!”

“Yes, I do,” she smiled, feeling her heart about to burst from happiness.

He gave her the biggest grin she’d ever seen and pounced on her, the two of them tumbling back on the bed in a squealing, laughing pile. She bounced back up, and he followed, brushing the hair out of her eyes and giving her a lingering kiss, “God, I was so scared after Esme told me why you left that I wouldn’t ever get to the chance to tell you how I feel.

“Esme?” How did Esme know?

“Yeah, so she’s an empath psychic, and I guess she was able to read your emotions and find out what had happened. Oh, and she told me the craziest thing about our auras. Normally I brush that kind of shit off and leave it to the hippies, but this actually kinda makes sense.” Quickly he told her everything thing Esme had told him about their auras.

“So I’m a...healer?” she asked.

“According to Esme, yes. I know it probably doesn’t make sense to you, but I can tell you this. You healed me. I was a mess when I walked into the bakery, but now, I’m more whole than I’ve ever been in my life. The fact that I can actually sleep at night and hold down a legit job is proof enough of that.”

Kat flushed, “I’m still a little confused, but I’ll take your word for it. Auras or not, I’m just can’t believe that you’re here and that you really love me.”

He gave her a scorching look and placed a soft kiss right under her ear, “Believe it. I'm here and not going anywhere. Oh sweetheart, you don’t know how happy you just made me.”

‘Probably as happy as you just made me,” she laughed quietly. “Oh Dean, I love you so much.” Now that she’d said it once, she didn't ever want to stop saying it.

“And I love you.” Then he was kissing her slowly, languidly running his hands over her back. Kat felt her body began to heat. Gradually she grew restless and strained against him. She needed something but didn’t know what. It was almost like she had an itch she couldn’t reach only this was ten times more intense than any itch. All she knew was she needed something to relieve it. Dean sensed her turmoil and laid her back on the bed, partially covering her with his body, gently placing his leg between hers. 

_“This feels so good, but I need more,”_ her body seemed to moan as she found, to her mortification, that she was dying to grind herself against his thigh. Dean slid his hands out from under her, and suddenly there they were cupping her breasts. Then his thumbs were circling her covered nipples, and she almost bolted off the bed at that simple touch.

“Easy, easy. I got you,” he murmured against her lips as he continued to stroke her hardened nipples. It felt as if there was a cord running from them straight to her core and each stroke sent vibrations all along that cord. After a few long minutes, Dean pressed a kiss to each tip, his hot breath seeping through the layers of cotton and effectively turning her into a squirming mess. If this is what it felt like to be completely clothed with him touching her what would it be like when they were naked?

He ran his thumbs along her burning cheeks, looking at her with such adoration that she melted even further. What had she done to deserve such a man like this? “You ready for a bit more?” he quietly asked.

“Umm...I think so?” 

“First, I-uh-I have another confession to make. Do you remember the day of my work Christmas party?”

“Yeah?” she asked, puzzled. Why was he bringing that up?

“Well, I actually got home earlier than you realized. When I got home, it was so quiet that I thought you were next door at Eileen’s.” He slid his hand down to her belly. She sucked it in without thinking. 

Dean, in return, rubbed teasing patterns over her t-shirt as he whispered, “Breathe, love. Let yourself relax.” 

Then he started running the tips of his fingers just under the waistband of her jeans. “Then I heard a noise from upstairs. I, of course, thought some creature was in the house. But as I went up the stairs, I saw you through the crack in your door.”

Her heart stopped in her chest. Oh shit. She knew what he saw. “I-I-I’m sorry,” she stuttered. “I thought I was alone. You weren’t supposed to see _that_.”

“Don’t you ever apologize for that. What I saw was even more beautiful than what I saw in the showers in high school.” He flicked open the button of jeans and with aching slowness pulled down her zipper. Kat’s breath froze as he slipped his hand into her panties. Now she could barely concentrate on what he was saying, because her husband had his hand in her pants, and her fantasy from that day was coming true.

“I saw you touching yourself.” His husky voice crooned in her ear as he slid one long, calloused finger into her damp folds and rested it on her bud. She had to bite the inside of her cheek to keep from screaming.

He began to stroke her swollen nubbin, and her thighs went slack as a whimper escaped. “I wanted to join you in that bed so bad. I wanted it so much I had to physically hold myself back.”

“I wanted to be the one touching you, and it killed me when I saw you weren’t able to come.” All the sensation in her body seemed to be centered where his finger was, and it kept building and building. “But this time, I’m here and I’m not going to let that happen again.” Dean kept stroking and stroking, his fingers slippery from the moisture seeping from her core and the most delicious tension coiled tighter and tighter in her belly. “This time… Oh, this time you’re going to get what you need. This time you’re going to... _come_.”

Kat’s eyes snapped shut, and her back arched she cried out from the force of the orgasm exploding through her body at those words, “DEAN.”

Dean continued to stroke her gently as a few mild aftershocks rippled through her, “That’s it. You did so good, sweetheart.”

Kat collapsed back on the bed panting, trying to slow her racing heart. Okay, now she got why people craved this. That was so far beyond anything she’d ever experienced by herself that it wasn’t funny. Her eyes finally fluttered open to find Dean looking down at her with mild concern. “Wow.” was the only thing she could say.

A grin split his face, “Yeah?”

“Yeah. That was...incredible. That..I...just wow.”

“Good. You know it just gets better from here right?”

Her eyes widened, “Not sure that’s possible, but I’ll take your word for it.”

“I promise it does.” 

She raised herself up on her elbows and kissed him, trying to thank him with her lips for what he’d given her. He let her set the pace for this kiss. The glorious tightness began to slowly build in her again until she shifted slightly and her hip bumped his crotch. Dean winced and pulled back with a soft hiss.

“Sorry!”

“No, it’s okay. I’m just a little-uh-sensitive there right now.”

“Can I do anything to help?” she asked tentatively, secretly longing to find out what he felt like.

He stared back at her, searching her eyes intently before saying, “Uh, I’m not sure if you’re ready for that.”

“Maybe, but I could try,” she said leaning up to kiss him again, shocked at her boldness. She let her hand settle on the bulge in his jeans and began gently rubbing it. A garbled groan came from him, and he arched into her hand for a split second before tearing himself away from her, “We can’t do this.” 

All the feelings of euphoria and satisfaction iced over as that sneaky, insidious voice in her head hissed, “See? You knew this couldn’t be true. You know your touch would disgust him, and you haven’t even had sex.”

Kat rolled away from Dean, the sting of rejection burning in her. Just as quickly he was pulling her back against him. “No, no, not that. Never that. It’s just if we go down this path any further, it’s going to end with me in you. That's how much I want you, but we can’t do this here. I’m not going let your first time be in some run down motel in the middle of nowhere on a bedspread covered in sombreros. We need to be home for this. I want the first time we make love to be in our bed not someone else’s.”

Kat almost passed out from relief, “Oh! Okay. So you still want...to?” she motioned vaguely to both of them. _Oh my lord, what are you? Thirteen? You can say sex like a grown adult._

“Shit, yes. More than anything, but I know you’re already nervous so I want you to at least be in familiar surroundings. Plus, this way we can finally christen our bed properly,” he said with a sly wink which caused her belly to dip in response. “The question is do we stay here tonight and get a few hours of sleep while we try to keep our hands off each other, or do we head out right now? It’s only 7:00 you know. I can have us home in under four hours,” he said as his hand reached around to squeeze her butt.

“Ah!” she squealed. “Home. Now.” There was no way she would be able to last all night like this. Half of her was still terrified of the unknown, but the other half was practically panting for more. And right now, that was the loudest voice.

Dean chuckled, the deep sultry sound making the muscles deep in her clench in response, and ran his hand up and down her thigh, “God, I’m so glad that’s your decision. Let’s go home, sweetheart.”


	33. Chapter 33

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *sheepishly pokes out head* Hey guys, I'm so sorry for the long wait on this chapter. Life has been bat shit busy for me the past month, and I've had precious little time to write. Thank you so much for waiting so patiently for me. Y'all are seriously the best readers EVER. Three quick notes. First, this chapter has not been beta-ed so any mistakes, missed words and rampant comma abuse are mine alone. Second, and please don't kill me for this, I know that I told you that this was going to be the last chapter. Welp. I lied. It was supposed to be, but it got so long that for editing purposes, I had no choice but to break it up. Please, don't throw too many tomatoes of frustration my way. Never fear though, that chapter is written. I just have to edit it, and it'll be up a day or two after this one. Third, this bad boy is pretty much all fluffy smut as is the next and final (really, I promise) chapter. You've been warned.

Hand in hand, Dean led Kat out to the car, feeling slightly drunk from the cocktail of emotions coursing through his veins. Pure happiness mixed with nerves, swirled with contentment and all topped with aching desire. He let Kat into the passenger side, tossed her purse and coat into the back, and then practically sprinted to his side of the car, not wanting to waste another second getting them back home. He slid into his seat and looked over at Kat sitting on her side. Um, yeah. That wasn’t going to work for him. “Hey, you wanna to scoot over here?” He barely had the words out of his mouth, and she was next to him, shyly pressing her thigh against his. He rested his palm on her upper thigh. An overwhelming sense of rightness settled over him. This is what had been missing all those lonely nights on the road. It was her next to him. 

Kat looped her arm through his, setting her hand on top of his, her fingers absently caressing his knuckles. He almost shivered from that simple touch. He’d been starving for her for so long that it felt like he was a stray dog that had suddenly been invited into a banquet. Her touch made him feel like he was soaking in the warmth of a roaring fire after being lost for days in a snowy wasteland.

An hour passed as he drove, and while he did they talked about nonsense things until suddenly Kat gave a soft laugh, “If Teenage Me could see me right now, she would be so jealous.”

“What?”

“From the time your dad gave you this car until you left, I fantasized about riding in her with you just like this. I would watch all those other girls drive off with you after school and almost choke on my jealousy. I would’ve done almost anything to switch places with them.”

“Kat-” he swallowed hard, thinking of what an idiot he’d been back then. Here was just another item to add to the long list of ways he’d hurt her. “I’m sorry. I-I wish I could change the past. I was an immature asshole who thought the only thing I needed from you was friendship.”

“Hey now, I won’t stand for anyone calling my husband an asshole,” she said with a quiet chuckle as she laced her fingers through his. “I didn’t tell you that to make you feel guilty. Yes, I would’ve died to be one of those girls, but thinking back on everything that’s happened between now and then, Teenage Kat wasn’t ready to be one of those girls. Our time is now. We can’t go forward while living in regret. I’m just so incredibly thrilled that after all these years, we finally get to have our time, and that I finally get to ride next to you.” 

How the hell did he get so lucky to have her? With only a few words, she wiped away decades of guilt. An overwhelming urge to kiss her perfect lips consumed him so completely that he had no choice but to swerve into the next available pullout.

“Why are we pulling over? Is the car okay?” A concerned frown creased Kat’s face.

“The car’s fine, but we do have a problem.”

Kat shot him a curious look, “We do?”

“The problem is, I can’t go another second without kissing you.”

“Oh!”

“Is that okay?”

Kat nodded with bashful eagerness as she turned to face him, “Always. I always want to kiss you.”

“God. Me too.” He cradled her jaw with his hands and lowered his mouth to hers marveling that he could kiss her freely now. As soon as their lips met, time stopped. Kissing Kat was like drinking a tumbler of fine scotch. It made you lightheaded, but you always craved more. She reached up and traced his jaw before running her hands down to his chest, placing one hand right over his tattoo. It felt like she was wiping away that brand and marking him with her own. This one marked him as hers and hers alone. 

Kat tentatively ran her tongue along the seam of his lips, and he immediately opened to her. She moved closer, pressing her soft breasts against him. He nearly groaned at how quickly his cock hardened at that little move. God, all she had to do was breathe, and his body was immediately ready action. How was he going to survive when he actually got her home?

Minutes slipped by as their kiss deepened, both of them hungrily running their hands across each other like a pair of teenagers making up for lost time. He grunted with pleasure as Kat kneaded his back with her strong fingers. Her physical strength always caught him off guard, but then what else do you expect from someone who kneaded hundreds of batches of bread dough a year and hefted fifty pound bags of flour for a living? An unbidden image of those small, strong fingers around his bare cock made nearly explode right in his pants. 

He couldn’t stop touching her and soon his hands crept under her shirt. She gave a start as he caressed her stomach. Sensing her hesitation he took his mouth from hers and whispered against her cheek how beautiful she was and how much he wanted her. Dean breathed heated kisses across the delicate skin of her neck, tasting her skin. Skating his hands up to her covered breasts he stroked them. How he wanted to rip away the bra keeping him from touching her naked skin, but he knew if he did, it would be over. If they went any further, he would be laying her down on the front seat and giving her a taste with his thumb and two fingers what was waiting for them at home. 

Tiny mewls came from Kat at each slide of his tongue across her throat. Those sounds had to be the most erotic things he’d ever heard. He forced himself to stop touching her and tore his mouth from her throat, “Kat, we-”

As he pulled away, Kat dove for his neck and pressed an open mouthed kiss right in the hollow of his throat. A groan tore from his chest and he clenched the steering to keep himself from grabbing her hips and hauling her across his lap. 

“I’ve wanted to kiss you there forever. The few times you wore a v-neck, it about drove me insane the way the collar perfectly framed your that spot on your neck,” she murmured against his throat.

That settled it. From now on, he was only wearing v-necks under his shirts. Maybe that’s why Sammy wore them... “Kat honey, we need to stop. When we get home, we can do this all night long. In fact, I’m going to start by kissing you all over... including here,” he rasped as he slid a hand between her thighs and grazed her heated core. To his shock, the material from her jeans was slightly damp...that meant her panties must be soaked. His cock twitched as his eyes darted to the inviting back seat. _NO. We can’t make love in Baby’s backseat...not yet anyway._ “But we need to get home first. Just a few more hours, sweetheart.”

“But-” she panted, the glow of the full moon highlighting the desire shimmering in her eyes. “We could use the back seat. I-I don’t mind at all.”

The knowledge that she wanted this so much she was willing to let her first time be in the back seat of a car sent another shaft of undiluted desire through him, rocking him to his core, “Darlin’, I’m sure we’ll be using that backseat more than once. Hell, I’m planning on it, but not tonight. Not your first time.”

Kat licked her lips as her eyes darted to his crotch, “Okay, but can I at least return the favor you gave me back at the motel? I-I want to. I want to touch you so much...Please, Dean, I know I don’t really know what to do, but please... show me how to help you.”

The memory of a fantasy he would have during those first days after leaving Albany hit him. He’d imagined a scene just like this where he and Kat had pleasured each other for hours in the back of the Impala. As soon as he realized he would have to forget everything about Kat for her safety, he’d quickly buried all those fantasies about his old life, but now… Now all those old dreams were coming true, and this one could too.

She reached over and brushed his erection, nearly making him fly out the window, “ _Please._ ”

“I’m going back to hell for this,” he groaned as he unzipped his pants and guided her small hand inside. Where else could he go after letting his virgin wife give him a handjob in the front seat of his car? He hissed as her cool fingers settled on his sensitive skin. She hadn’t even moved, and he already felt half blissed out from pleasure. Instinctively Kat wrapped her fingers around him and tentatively slid her hand along his rigid length. 

“Like this?” she asked as she grasped him a little firmer and slid her hand up and down again, her brow furrowed adorably in concentration. If he hadn’t been biting his cheek to keep from screaming out in pleasure, he would’ve smothered her sweet face in kisses. 

“Fuck. Yes.” He barely managed to grunt. She ran her thumb over his tip, and he swore a galaxy of stars burst behind his eyes. Shit. This wasn’t going to last long at all. She’d barely touched him and he was ready to burst. “So good… Sweetheart. Don’t stop.”

He caught the pleased smile that flashed across her face as her hand began to move with more confident strokes. His generous girl… It only took a few more strokes and he was frantically brushing her hand aside as he covered himself with the tail of his shirt to keep from spilling all over her hand. 

“Sorry,” he mumbled as he tugged off his shirt. He quickly wiped off his cock and tossed the flannel on the back floorboard. He hadn’t come that fast since he was a twelve year old sneaking a peek at his dad’s Playboys. “Thought I could stop myself, but good god, Kat...those fingers of yours...

Even in the dark, he could tell she was blushing. “Thank you. Do you feel better?”

“Kat, if I felt any better, I would be passed out in this seat. You got magic hands, darlin’.”

She laughed breathlessly even as she hungrily watched him zip his jeans back up. _“She’s gonna be the death of me,”_ he thought for the hundredth time tonight. She was such a heady combination of innocence and sexiness. Curiosity and shyness. He leaned over and gave her another lingering kiss before turning the key in the ignition.

“We better get going if we ever want to make it home,” he gave her a quick wink. “If we don’t, I’m afraid I really will take you up on that offer of trying out the backseat.”

“I agree,” Kat said with a breathless grin as she laid her head on his shoulder and snuggled into his side. Dean wrapped an arm around her, letting his free hand play with the ends of hair while the other guided Baby back onto the asphalt. A contented silence settled over them. Words weren’t necessary right now. 

This. This quiet intimacy is what he craved with her more than anything, even more than sex. He knew that he always gave the impression that he was all about babes and beer, but it was all a front. All he wanted was to be with someone he loved. Simple as that. 

After another hour on the road, they stopped briefly to fuel up and take a bathroom break. Coming out of the men’s room, he was greeted by the sight of Kat’s delectable ass in the air as she leaned down in the beverage cooler to grab a bottle of water. Unable to resist, he gave it a quick squeeze causing her to squawk with embarrassment as she bounced up, nearly bashing her head against his chin.

“Dean!” she hissed. “The kid at the counter is watching us.”

“Couldn’t give a damn. The heart wants what the heart wants,” he purred as he nipped her earlobe. “Need anything else besides the water?”

“Mmmm... maybe these Peanut Butter M&M’s? But only if you don’t eat them all. I don’t want a repeat of Stranger Things night, mister.”

He chuckled as he spun her around and swooped down for a kiss right in the middle of the fluorescent light illuminated aisle, “I’ll try, but I’ve never been able to deny my sweet tooth.”

With that, he guided his beet red bride to the scowling stoner kid behind the counter. He paid for their snacks, and as they walked out of the door, Dean could’ve sworn he heard the kid muttering about old people acting like teenagers. Normally he would’ve flipped off the asshat, but he was too preoccupied admiring the hypnotizing sway of Kat’s generous hips to care.

Back on the road, he noticed Kat fidgeting with her seatbelt the closer they got to home. Her nerves must be getting the better of her. To distract her, he grabbed the bag of candy out of her lap, making her try to wrangle out of his hands. Finally, he let her win and then began to ply her with stories about the shenanigans he and Sam got up to while they crisscrossed the country on cases.

Bypassing the sprawling snarl of freeways that made up the roads around Denver, they cut over to Boulder and before too long they were passing into Albany. Somewhere between Boulder and Denver, he officially joined Kat on the nerves train. So between stories, he tossed up pleas to both Amara and Chuck that tonight would be good for Kat. 

Around 11:00, they pulled into their driveway, the tires crunching on the snow packed drive and headlights of the car painting the garage door white before Dean turned off the engine. Silence reigned for a few heartbeats. He knew they were both reflecting on how quickly life had flipped an 180 on them since they’d left here a week ago. They’d left as pining roommates and now after finally admitting their feelings, were about to become lovers. It was both mind boggling and all kinds of awesome.

Thinking that they could both use a few minutes alone, he murmured, “If you want to go on inside, I’m gonna run over to Sam’s and let him know we’re home.”

Kat nodded, but before she got out of the car, he grasped her wrist, “I love you, and I can’t wait for tonight. Whatever it brings us, it’s going to be amazing. _You’re_ going to be amazing. Got that?”

She gazed at him, the anxious look in her eyes fading, “I love you too...so much. I’m sorry for being a Nervous Nelly. I know you’re going to be amazing. Me, I’m not too sure about.

He leaned over, murmured against her lips, “Hey now, don’t talk about my wife that way,” then let his tongue dance with hers as he tried to pour all his love for her into one kiss. When he pulled away, they were both breathless, and Kat’s eyes were glazed with arousal once again.

“Wow.” Her eyes fluttered open, and she cleared her throat, “Alrighty then, I’m going to get ready.”

_Ready?_ Oh please, oh please let it be that lacy navy number he’d found a couple months back. Though if it was that number, he didn’t know if he’d be able to survive the sight of her in it. “I’ll be up in about 15 or 20 minutes.” She got out of the car, and as he waited for her to go inside, he prayed once again that he didn’t screw up tonight for her.


	34. Chapter 34

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Holy crap, you guys, this is it! We're finally at the end of this part of Kat and Dean's story. I can't believe it. I've been writing this thing for over a year, and "dream" writing it for almost two. Thank you for all the support and encouragement. I couldn't have made it thirty-four chapters (!!!) without you. When I posted that first chapter last January, I had no clue how it would be received, but the response was beyond anything I could've ever imaged. Like I say it with every chapter, I truly do have the best readers in the world. I love each of you. 
> 
> While this is it for now (Sorry my dearest Darkness Evernight, no Daddy Dean and Mommy Kat.), I can't imagine that I won't return to this world again. It may be a one shot here or there, or it might be to write Eileen and Sam's side of the story. We'll see what happens. ;) As for what I'm working on next, it's probably going to be a Dean and Donna fic because Donna Hanscum is my baby, and I love her very much. Plus, those two are totally my crack!ship.
> 
> Just a head's up, this chapter is un-beta-ed, and I play pretty fast and loose with the POV. As promised, this chapter is pretty much smutty smut. Our two idiots FINALLY get it on. Enjoy!!

_Home._

Kat dropped her belongings on the kitchen counter. They were back home, and though nothing had changed physically, emotionally everything was different. She looked at her familiar surroundings with wonder. Everything about this old house seemed ten times more beautiful. Even the outdated country geese wallpaper peeking out from the hallway looked like priceless works of art. A bubble of giddy excitement burst in her chest, and she began to dance around in place, looking just like a member of the Peanuts gang. 

Dean was in love with her! She’d finally revealed what she’d been hiding forever, and miracle of all miracles, he felt the same! A squeal of happiness echoed through the empty kitchen. For an eternity, she’d been living with half a heart and now, it was whole. She spun around until she was dizzy, collapsing against the refrigerator.

_Okay. Get a hold of yourself. You’re about to make love to Dean Winchester. Finally. So you need to go get ready...whatever that means. Wait How do I even get ready? I mean, what do other people do? I-I guess I could wear that lingerie Meg gave me before the wedding. Dean might like it…_

On her way upstairs, she sent a quick message to the group chat she and the girls shared, wincing when she saw that she had 45 unread messages from her friends. Most of them were from Meg threatening bodily harm if she didn’t respond, and the others were from Eileen begging her to give them any info. Guilt licking at her, she quickly typed out: _I’m so sorry I worried you guys. We’re home now. Everything is good. Like really, really good. Meg, I think I'm finally going to use your wedding present. Love you both. I’ll talk to you tomorrow, I promise._

Making her way to the bedroom, she went straight to her dresser and dug through the top drawer until tissue paper crinkled under fingers. Her stomach lurched and plummeted to her toes. Shit suddenly got very, very real. What if this wasn’t what Dean wanted? What if he saw her in this outfit, or, even worse, saw her naked and was absolutely repulsed? There would be no coming back from that. Her skin grew chilled and she broke out in an icy sweat. Maybe she should ask him if they could wait a little longer.

_Whatifwhatifwhatif…_

_STOP. You’re spiraling. You can do this. Be brave. Your body is your body. There’s nothing you can do to change it. Dean loves you...all of you. For once in your life, at least give yourself the same courtesy._

Gathering up her courage, she grabbed the underwear and raced to the bathroom, snatching up a bottle of perfume on the way. After sitting on both a bus and a car for hours on end and zero time to shower, a girl had to make do.

Setting everything on the bathroom counter, she pulled the baby doll out of its paper wrapping. She eyed the satin lattice straps above the navy blue lace cups. So. Many. Straps. She’d never felt more like Jessica Day in her life. _I’m a smart woman. I can totally figure out how to put this thing on._ Setting the top back down, she quickly undressed, avoiding her reflection in the mirror and thanking her stars that for some unknown reason she’d decided to shave this morning. Her entire legs too, ankles to thighs, not just halfway up her calves as was her usual MO during the winter. Now. There was a certain matter of her-er-lady bits. _Good lord, you idiot. You’re about to have sex. How about you start using proper terminology?_ Besides keeping things trim and tidy, she’d never seen a reason to go any further. It didn’t matter to her, there had never been anyone to impress, and it wasn’t like she was parading around in string bikinis either so why waste time on that kind of grooming? She glanced down at herself and gave a halfhearted shrug. If stretch marks, stomach rolls, and cellulite didn’t send Dean running, then surely a little extra hair wouldn’t...right? 

Slipping on the lace panties felt like putting on…well, nothing really. She’d never worn anything with so little material. Good ol’ Hanes they certainly were not. She literally had to check to see if they were even on, and when she did, she saw that Meg had given her hipster cheeky panties. Her butt cheeks were literally hanging out in the breeze. And as far as the front view? Well, let’s just say nothing was left to the imagination. Lord help her. Okay, now time to face Ms. Strappy there.

Surprisingly, it was easier to put on than she expected. She only caught herself putting her head an armhole once. As the whisper soft folds of the baby doll settled on her hips, she turned around and finally met her eyes in the mirror. What she saw almost made her gasp. It was like she was looking at a stranger. It was her, but not her. Her cheeks were flushed, and her eyes still glowed with the lingering effects of the orgasm she’d experienced hours ago. Her lips were still red and full from their passionate kisses. Faint pink streaked her neck from where Dean’s unshaven cheek had grazed her skin, and her hair was tousled from his fingers. So this is what she looked like when she knew that she was loved by the man she loved. She kind of liked this version of herself. 

Footsteps sounded on the stairs, and Kat felt her stomach start quivering like an underbaked cheesecake all over again. Almost show time. The bedroom door quietly thudded against the wall. Oh hell. Was she really ready for this? The only alternative was running out on Dean, and she wasn’t about to do that to him again. Not after everything she’d just put him through and certainly not after he bared his soul to her. Smearing some lotion on her arms and legs and spritzing herself with perfume, she looked at herself one last time. She took a steadying breath and squared her shoulders. _You can do this._

Little did she know in the other room, Dean was holding his head in his hands and giving himself the same pep almost talk word for word.

Kat padded toward the bedroom, the cool air on her exposed skin making goosebumps spread across her arms. As soon as she crossed the threshold into their room, Dean’s head popped up, and she was treated to the confidence-boosting sight of his mouth dropping open in shock as she stepped into the softly illuminated room.

Dean almost swallowed his tongue as he watched Kat emerge from the shadows, the lemony light from the bedside lamps revealing her luscious curves. The midnight blue lace babydoll both flirtily revealing and concealing swaths of creamy skin as she walked towards him. His body went hard as even his breath was taken away by how stunningly beautiful his wife was. One second he was sitting on the bed and the next he was hauling her into his arms and burying his tongue into her mouth, kissing her, consuming her until they were both gasping for air, “Holy shit. I was praying you’d wear that,” he croaked against her lips.

“Wait. What?!” she yelped as she jumped backward out of his arms, her nerves temporarily shoved aside to make room for shock. “How did you know about... _this_?” She gestured wildly at her lace clad body.

Dean ruffled his hair sheepishly, looking for all the world like a guilty little boy, “Oh yeah. So I may have been snooping through your underwear drawer one day and found that sexy number buried underneath a stack of long johns. But! In my defense, there was a tag with it addressed to both of us. So in a way, it’s really a gift for both of us.”

He half expected her to scowl at him, but instead, a breathless giggle escaped her, “You really are the worst peeping Tom, aren’t you? First, you rummage through my underwear drawer and then you watch me-um-well you know…” 

At the reminder of the time he witnessed her pleasuring herself, he began prowling around her, taking his time to observe every inch of her, his chest brushing against her shoulder blades, lighting her nerves on fire before pressing his hardened cock against her round bottom, “For you, yes. I want to know everything about you, my Kat. How you liked to be touched.” He slid his fingers under the satin straps over her shoulder and ran the pads along the skin underneath until he reached the set of straps crossing her chest. Then slipped his fingertips just inside the cups holding her breasts. Kat’s breath caught. “What you like to wear against your most secret skin.” He nestled his face into her curls and breathed in the intoxicating scent of her, “What makes you hot. What makes you come.”

He ran his hands down the sheer fabric covering her hips, fisting them around the hem of the skirt and dragging upwards until he touched the bare flesh of her stomach, “You’re so fucking beautiful, Kat. I need you so much, but we’re going to take this slow okay? I’m dying to make love to you, but I want to make sure your first time is amazing. So I need you to talk to me. If there’s something you like or don’t like or just aren’t ready for, tell me. Or if you’re not ready at all, that’s okay too.”

“I want to,” Kat felt her face heat as the boldest words she’d ever spoken spilled out of her mouth. “But I don’t even know where to start. I mean I’m not a complete idiot. I know how sex works. I’ve-uh-watched a couple things, but I’m just uncertain about it all.”

“Wait. Katherine Winchester, have you been watching... _porn?_ ” Dean gently laughed.

Kat flushed scarlet. “Just a couple times! I was curious,” she said defensively.

“My curious Kat,” his low teasing laugh sent shivers racing down her spine. “So did you see anything that uh- piqued your interest?”

“Honestly? It gave me more questions than answers, and then, there was the fact that none of those thrashing and moaning women looked like me at all. It all looked so cold and impersonal... I-I-It’s nothing like what we did at the motel.”

“That’s because the people in pornos are just actors. Actors having sex with each other, but still actors. They don’t have what we have, sweetheart.”

“What’s that?” She barely managed to squeak because Dean’s hand back on her breast and was now drifting perilously close to her nipple.

“Love. We have love,” he whispered as he grazed that velvety soft tip for the first time. Kat whimpered his name and he groaned, “This thing needs to come off. I need to see you. _All_ of you.”

“Yes,” she moaned all fear fleeing. “But first, can-can you take off your shirt. I’m feeling a bit lonely here.” Dean whipped off his shirt and flung it across the room, hitting the wall and sliding to the floor. 

Kat ran her hands over his bare chest and began kissing the multitude of scars littering his torso. After a few moments of those butterfly soft kisses, he gently set her back so he could tug the baby doll over her head. Then he stood there in silence just staring at her, the lace and satin top clenched in one fist. She was completely bare before him, stretch marks, rolls and cottage cheese skin on display. The only thing covering her was a translucent piece of lace concealing her pussy. Finally, the lingerie tumbled from his lifeless fingers, but he still stood mute. 

_Oh no. Why isn’t he talking? He’s completely disgusted, isn’t he? He can’t even find the words to be nice about it. You knew this would happen. Why did you ever think anyone would ever want to see you naked?_

She frantically tried to cover herself with her hands, but she knew it was pointless. It was like trying to cover a whale with a tea cozy. “S-s-sorry, I’ll get dressed right away. You don’t have to look at me anymore,” she stuttered.

Dean blinked as waking up, “What? _No._ God, no. Please don’t cover yourself.”

“S-so you’re not disgusted with my body? I-I know it’s far from perfect.” She hated how needy she sounded, but she couldn’t help it. 

“The exact opposite, sweetheart. I knew you would be gorgeous, but nothing could’ve prepared me for how gorgeous. Kat. Shit. You? This body of yours? It-you were made for pleasure.” He reached out a trembling hand to cup her breast, “I mean just look at how pretty you are, all strawberry and cream skin. Gods above, I want to eat you whole.”

“ Dean…” With a gasp, she grabbed his arms to hold herself up. His fingers began to stroke and pluck her nipples, and her knees turned to melted butter. Pleasure licked through her system from those two sensitive points and spread through her body. 

He couldn’t believe how soft she was. Every inch of her was silk and cashmere. He rained kisses across her chest and collar bones as his greedy fingers caressed and teased the tender globes nestled in his hands.

Slowly he backed her towards the bed. The mattress hit the back of her knees, and she sat down, legs unable to hold her anymore. She gazed up at him, eyes filled with wonder and arousal. Dean quickly unzipped his pants and pulled off his jeans. 

Kat’s eyes grew as big as saucers as she got her first glimpse of him in his underwear. The black boxer briefs clung to him like a second skin, leaving nothing to the imagination. Every voice in her head seemed to whimper all at once. _Okay. Chill. You literally just gave him a hand job a few hours ago so what’s the big deal?_ The big deal was she could see everything now. And what she saw was both spectacular and terrifying. Her eyes skittered around, trying to absorb the glorious body in front of her. The broad shoulders, strong, scarred arms, and big calloused hands. Powerful thighs and A perfectly rounded butt that made her want to weep. And then there was the bulge staring right at her and making her lady bits stand up and take notice. 

Dean caressed Kat’s thighs and gently spread them, making room for him to kneel between them. The heat coming from her core warmed his body. He took her breasts in his hands again, and bent his head, letting his breath whisper across her skin. Then his tongue laved her nipple. Kat gave a small gasp. He waited for a beat and then took her nipple into his mouth and began to suckle. 

Kat shrieked and her hips bucked involuntarily at the intense pulling sensation. Before she knew it, her hands were around the back of his head and pulling him towards her chest. Dean gave a soft huff of laughter around her nipple. After making sure that nipple got proper attention, he switched to the other. Kat began chanting his name under her breath.

Dean moved on from her breasts and began kissing his way down her body. She grew slightly uneasy again as he approached her bare stomach, but he soothed her anxiety with words of love and admiration. He swirled his tongue around her belly button, and she made a noise somewhere between a moan and a giggle. Running his tongue along a stretch mark, he whispered, “Tiger stripes...proof that my Kat is a fearsome little creature.”

She’d always been so ashamed, so embarrassed by those marks ever since they’d started showing up when she was eleven. She hadn’t worn a swimming suit in decades because of them, but now her husband was praising them. Telling her that they were a badge of honor. She bent down and caught his mouth with hers, trying to tell him with a kiss how grateful she was. 

Mouths still locked together, Dean laid Kat back on the mattress. He rocked back on his heels, breathless at his wife’s beauty. Once on an odd day off, he and Sam had ventured into art museum where a traveling selection of Rubens had been featured. The goddesses portrayed in those paintings bore an uncanny resemblance to the living breathing work of art displayed in front of him, all plump curves and smooth skin. Then he could only admire them from afar, but now he got to hold his very own goddess in his arms and worship her with his body. Her blonde curls streamed across the pillows like rays of sunlight, and kiss swollen lips parted as she lightly panted. A fine sheen of sweat glimmered across her body. He hooked his fingers around her panties and with aching slowness pulled them down her thighs, torturing them both. Delicate curls covered her mound while the rosy lips they protected pouted for attention. Oh, the attention he was about to give them. 

He drew one finger up and down her slit, delighting in the moisture seeping from it, “Remember how I promised to kiss you here?”

“Yes,” Kat whispered, eyes wide with desire. 

“I think it’s time I made good on that promise, okay?”

Kat nodded again as she shivered slightly, “Hold on, sweetheart. I’m gonna make this so good for you.” He spread those lips and admired the swollen nub peeking up at him. He circled it with a finger, working up her pleasure. Kat groaned and one hand fisted in the sheet. Seeing that she was ready, he pulled up her thighs and lay down between them. Then spreading her lips again with his thumbs and breathing in her musky sweetness, he swept his tongue across her bud. Then he gave her the most unholy of kisses as he pulled her bud into his mouth and began to suckle. With a start, Kat screamed his name. He kept licking and sucking until her entire body tightened like a drawn bow, stars spun behind her eyelids and then she fell apart in a panting, moaning mess, one hand fisted into Dean’s hair and hips bucking towards that tortuous mouth. 

He pulled away and bent down to give her a gentle kiss, then carefully lowering his hips between her thighs, began to rub his rigid cock against her. “Feel that, sweetheart? That’s how much I want you.”

Suddenly she was consumed with an overwhelming desire to touch him, and she pushed sharply on his shoulders. Off balance, Dean leaned away from her, giving her the advantage for a second, but that’s all it took for her to reverse their positions. She rolled out from under him and was on top of him before he even realized what had happened. Startled he speechlessly stared up at her. “My turn, love,” she said, the throaty purr sounding nothing like her usual self.

The confusion in his green eyes flashed to eagerness, “I’m all yours, sweetheart.” 

Kat decided to mimic the same path his lips had taken across her body, starting with his delicious collar bones. Working her way across his upper chest, she took time to kiss each scar and muscle. Reaching his tattoo, she traced each flame and star point with the tip of her tongue. Dean shivered and groaned in reaction with each touch. Kat felt almost powerful having this warrior of a man completely at her mercy. It was a heady privilege she never imagined she’d have. Out of curiosity, she delicately nibbled on one of his flat nipples. He gave a hoarse cry and fisted his hand in her curls. She hummed in response, delighting in the fact that he was as sensitive as she was there. After a while, she moved on to even more intriguing territory.

Holy shit, that hot little mouth of hers was tearing him apart in the best possible way. Biting his lips as her tongue licked across his ribs, he craned his head up to watch her move her way down his torso. She was so eager, so curious that it was killing him, making him harder than he’d ever thought possible. Closing his eyes and letting his head fall back into the pillow, he let her do whatever she wanted with him. All he knew was he was drowning in the pleasure of her touch, and it was the best way to die. Without warning, he felt the slide of cotton and elastic over his hips. His eyes popped open, but before he could stop her, she’d whisked off his underwear.

“Oh!” She softly squeaked, her opalescent eyes wide with shock. He glanced down at his body, knowing he must look obscene with how much his body was clamoring for her. 

“So that’s what he looks like,” Kat said with breathless wonder. “Can I touch him?”

“Fuck, please do,” he said as he started to guide her hand to him, but she beat him by placing a lingering kiss on his sensitive tip. Shocked and aroused beyond all reason, he howled, “Kat!”

He flipped her back over, knowing if she followed her current path, tonight would be over way too soon. And even though he was dying to feel those soft satin lips around him, not making love to her wasn’t an option tonight.

“But I wasn’t finished,” she pouted. “Why did you stop me?”

“Because even though I would kill to feel your lips around me, tonight’s ending only has one option, and that’s me in you.” As gently as he could he slid a finger into her heated channel to test her readiness. She started at the sudden intrusion, but there was no denying she was ready. He groaned how wet and warm she was. He moved his finger in and out a few times before adding another one and rubbing his thumb across her plumb nubbin. Her eyelids fluttered closed, as her hips began to move in time with his fingers. Just as he felt her passage begin to tighten, he stopped and withdrew his fingers. Kat groaned frustrated desire. “Dean! Please don’t stop…” 

“I’ll make it all better soon,” he crooned into her ear. “I think it’s time. Are you ready?” 

“Yeeeess…” Kat panted, too far gone to feel even a hint of the fear that had almost stopped her earlier. She felt him ease apart her thighs again, “I love you, my Kat. So much.”

“Oh my love, I love you too,” The last word came out in a squeak as she felt him slip just the tip of his cock inside her. Oh sweet mercy, it was happening.

Arms braced above her, at that squeak, Dean froze. Had he hurt her? “Sweetheart?” He groaned, feeling his back muscles cord with the need to keep thrusting forward. He held himself in check though, needing to make sure she was not in pain, “You okay? Are you hurt?”

“I’m fine,” she breathed. “It just feels different than I imagined.”

“Different good? Or bad?” He knew he sounded like a grunting caveman, but the warm little channel snuggling his tip felt so good it was a miracle he could even form words.

“Different good…” 

Dean cautiously slid another inch into her and then another. “How about that?” He gritted.

“More. Dean, more.” She wrapped her arms around him and buried his face into his neck. 

Her walls tightened further as he slid completely inside her sweet body. “Sweetheart. I’m in you. I’m in you. Finally,” he babbled as tears pricked behind his eyelids. At long last, they were where they should be, and holy hell, she felt even more amazing than he could’ve ever imagined, warm and wet and tight.

Kat was full to the bursting, but it was a good fullness. It felt right. After that first moment or two of surprise, all she wanted was more of him. Then he began to move, his shaft grazing her hypersensitive bud with each stroke. In and out, just like his fingers had minutes ago, but this was different. This was the most elemental part of him in the most essential part of her. This was more than two physical bodies moving together. This was two halves becoming a whole. This was ecstasy and bliss bound together. Finding her rhythm, she rocked up in time with him. As she did, Dean began to murmur her name like some kind of lusty incantation. 

Dean reached out and grasped her hand threading their fingers together while the other played with her bud, needing to make sure she was feeling as much pleasure as he was right now. Needing something to hold onto as he felt the dirty slate of his past begin to be wiped clean by her pure love. And the way her tight little channel was clinging to his cock, he wasn’t going to last much longer, and there was no way he was coming without her. 

Pleasure built and built until she felt a change come over her. It felt similar yet completely different to the orgasm she’d experienced from Dean’s mouth. She felt her entire being center on where Dean was thrusting. Every muscle tensed. It felt like she couldn’t take anymore. Her back arched, and she pleaded, “Dean, please. Love, please. Help me!”

“I got you. Just let go sweetheart. I’m right here with you. Please. Come now. Now, sweetheart. NOW.”

They both shattered. First Kat, her body bearing down on his shaft as she exploded in sheer rapture. Dean was right on her heels, his body slamming one last time into her as he poured his release into her, and crying out her name. Nothing had ever felt so right and good.

Together it felt like they’d ascended to a different plane. Dean collapsed onto Kat’s lush body, her tender breasts cushioning his head. Bodies slick with sweat, they lay entangled and completely spent.

Minutes passed before Kat mustered up enough strength to turn her head and press a gentle kiss on Dean’s bicep. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw a faint light. Craning her neck even further, her eyes flew open. His wrist was glowing. Her eyes shot up to his, where she saw they were staring at her arm thrown above her head with the same perplexed look on his face. That’s when she realized the entire room was glowing. 

“Is that...us?” She asked. 

“I-I think so. I think it’s because of the scars we got at the wedding and binding ritual.” He gazed down at her silver washed face. “Maybe our lovemaking is the final step to it…I’ll have to call Cas later and ask him, but not now. Right now, the only thing I’m doing is staying in this bed with you.”

Gradually the silver glow faded from the room and their wrists. The bedside lamps were the only illumination once again. 

“Here, I should get off you. Let you breathe again.” 

Kat tightened her arms back around him, “I don’t mind. I like it.”

He rolled off her anyways and got out of the bed. “Wait right there. I’ll be right back.”

Feeling slightly confused, she watched him walk out of the room, but not so confused that she didn’t take the opportunity to ogle the gorgeous view his butt and bow legs provided. 

He quickly returned holding a washcloth in his hands, “This will help a bit with the soreness. I know you said it didn’t hurt, but you still used some muscles in a brand new way, and there’s bound to be some stiffness...in fact, we should get you a hot bath in the morning.”

He pressed the warm cloth between her legs and gently wiped her most private parts. The damp warmth soothed her tender skin. After it cooled, he dropped the little square on the floor. “So...was it worth the wait?” Dean asked hesitantly, almost shyly, as he climbed back into bed, his eyes darting to hers before dropping to the sheet.

Kat’s heart melted, realizing he wasn’t just talking about their lovemaking. Even after giving her the greatest pleasure of her life, he was still so unsure of himself, and so worried about her. “Dean my love, didn’t you just see that little celestial fireworks show we created?” She brushed his beloved face with her fingertips. “Our lovemaking was beyond worth the wait, but beyond that, _you_ were worth the wait. You make me feel like the most beautiful, cherished woman in the world, and that’s something I’ve never felt before. Add that to the fact if I felt any more pleasure, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t be breathing right now.”

“You are the most beautiful woman in the world,” he whispered with ardent fierceness. “And I’m going to spend the rest of my life proving it and my love to you.”

“Sweetheart,” she said using his favorite endearment for the first time. “You don’t have to prove your love for me. I know I have it. Even though I’ve only known that you love me for a single evening, I can feel that love etched on to my very soul. I hope you know I love you just as deeply.”

“I do. I’ll carry your love with me forever. From this life to the next. All my life I’ve been trying to find a place to call home, and it was right here all along. You’re my home, sweetheart, and I never want to be anywhere else, but by your side.” Dean kissed her fervently, tenderly pulling her back into his arms and against his heart. Then her tucked Kat’s head under his chin and breathed a contented sigh. After decades of inner turmoil and nowhere to lay his head, he felt whole, and it was all because of the love of this astounding woman. Kat’s breathing deepened and an incredible sense of peace lapped over him. Eyelids growing heavy, he murmured a prayer of thanks to whatever higher power might be listening as the sense of homecoming enveloped him for the first time ever.

As they drifted off into a deep, contented sleep, a stately figure appeared in shadows cloaking the corners of the bedroom. It was a tall woman clad in a flowing black gown. Long chestnut hair cascaded over her shoulders, and her normally stern wide mouth was softened by a benevolent smile. 

“Sleep and be at peace, my dears. Your work is finally done. Because of your incredible love for each other, Earth will be at rest as much as this tumultuous creation will ever allow itself to be. At last, as your marks prove, you’re bound for eternity and neither of you will ever know loneliness again.”

The air shimmered next to her, and a short, wooly haired man morphed out of the shadows. “They did good, didn’t they, sis? I told you they would. You can always count on a Winchester.”

The woman smiled benevolently down at him and laid her hand on his shoulder, “They did, brother. They truly did."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you ever want to come say hi, you can find me on Tumblr at The Sassy Wallflower. I love hearing from you all! Also if you're curious about what Kat wore in this chapter, I'm providing a link to it on the Tumblr post I'm making for this chapter. Thank you once again for reading!!


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